these days have opened up my eyes; [Open Post]

[miseris_socios]

Who: Ken and whomever wants to encounter him.
Where: Kitchen, training gym, games car. (And wildcard option.)
When: Between February platform and the healing/time reversal plot.
What: Ken's getting used to train life... and also makes A Mistake.
Warnings: Training prompt has suicidal imagery (thanks Persona 3) and the closed prompt has severe depression warnings.


[Kitchen Duty]

Ken is on red team, despite the orange hoodie he's wearing, and that means apparently one of his chores is to make food for other people. It might not be the prettiest, but he'll do what he can. He doesn't bother much with the avocado though, instead serving up a couple of plates of omurice to set out for whoever drifts past. It takes him a little bit to start working on some of the other things - the pasta is boiling away and he's wandering around trying to familiarize himself with where everything is.

Sometimes he's poking around looking for storage containers or having to climb up onto the counter to reach things, but he's always careful to clean off the counter afterwards.


[Training] (cw: suicidal imagery)

Ken is no slouch when it comes to training, and he's found the climbing ropes. He scales the large structure easily, rolling off of it onto a mat and springing up, miming stabbing a spear into something. He can easily be found doing handstands or practicing rolling or doing all manner of gymnastic-like exercises.

When no one's looking, he takes out his Evoker and presses it to his head, pulling the trigger and letting Nemesis take some shots at a training dummy with lightning. He presses a hand to his chest when she manifests a spear and stabs the dummy herself. It hurts, but it's the only spear he has right now.


[Games]

He can't practice forever. Once he settles down a little bit he heads into the game car on occasion. He's not all that hard to find - occasionally he's on one of the VR games, but more often he's playing solitaire or looking at the Duel Monster cards. He's studied the notes left nearby carefully, so all that remains is to try to build a deck.

... Somehow.


[Wildcard]

While he's found a few cars to frequent, he's still exploring. It's easy to find him in practically any car.


[Field Trip to the Darkness] (closed to Vexen) (cw: severe depression)

Vexen is not a hard person to find. He's very tall and the black cloak makes it easy to pick him out, even from behind. He's about to call out to the man to say hello, but suddenly a dark-colored portal opens up and the man disappears into it. Frowning, Ken runs in after him.

That was a mistake.

It's dark, so dark, everything is dark. He can feel something cold gripping onto him, Nemesis' whirring getting louder and louder, somehow sinister. What is he doing here? What is he trying to prove? There's nothing he can do to make anything right. There's no point in him continuing to pretend like he's innocent at all - he hasn't been for a long time. He can't rely on anyone here.

Better to just be alone, or just be nothing at all.

He suddenly stumbles out into brightness, a black-coated individual in front of him, but he's not really seeing Vexen. He's trembling, suddenly freezing and pale. His knees hit the floor, followed by his arms and head right after.

Comments

[miseris_socios]

"I think... that's part of how it works. I don't really know the details. And it doesn't hurt me physically. ... Mine doesn't, anyway." The others... he's heard stories.

He tucks his Evoker into his traded orange hoodie pocket, watching the older guy as he approaches. There's still a slightly distant look in Ken's eyes. "... Why do you care if it hurts me?"

[firewalled]

"Yeah, but it sounds like it could? Jesus, dude. No one should have to point a gun to their head just for some powers. That's just dangerous."

He looks faintly disturbed at the look in Ken's gaze, only for him to sputter in complete panic at the question. "Why wouldn't I care? You're a human fucking being!" Shit, he shouldn't be swearing in front of the kid. "It's not right for you to hurt yourself for anyone. Hell, if someone asked you to, that's abusive!"

[miseris_socios]

"Less dangerous than getting devoured by Shadows."

The outburst gets another strange look. "... No one asked me to. It doesn't hurt me." Well, mostly. But he's not going to mention that. "Adults sure don't care about the well-being of people like me. Outside of the system, where we have to struggle and steal and do horrible things just to survive." His voice is calm as his look darkens.

"They definitely don't believe people like me. Cops are some of the worst of all with that."

[firewalled]

"Listen, I don't know what Shadows are, but fighting them isn't your fucking job."

Rich snaps for a moment, before Ken continues on, and Rich's expression turns just a bit more sympathetic. He exhales slowly, a knowing smile appearing on his face. "Yeah, most adults are completely shitty. They're really good at pretending like they care, but not bothering to do the bare minimum to make sure we're okay. If you don't have the cash or a nuclear family, good luck getting any help. Especially from fucking pigs."

He meets Ken's eyes then, though he doesn't bend to make sure they're at the same eye level. Knowing how he would have reacted, Ken would just think he's being condescending.

"That doesn't mean that I can't care about you, though. I don't really have a horse in this race, but I just don't want you to get hurt. No one should. Especially not kids like us."

[miseris_socios]

"They're monsters, attracted to people. If they eat part of someone that person either gets Apathy Syndrome where they won't sleep or eat or drink and will just sit there staring at nothing or they'll become Shadows themselves. They only come out during the Dark Hour, which is a time where things turn green and bloody and creepy... most people aren't able to be awake during it. People with Persona or the potential to have them are." He takes a deep breath and looks up at Rich.

"I know what I told the cops sounded crazy, even when I was nine. But they completely dismissed me, brushed me off, and the company that basically controls the whole city covered it up. No one wanted me - I had relatives, but I knew they didn't want to take care of me. So I ran."

He shrugs and looks down at his Evoker. "I met my group a few months ago and they helped me fight those things better. I do what I have to in order to survive. Even if it's scary... even if I don't like some of the things that they do... it's better to survive with them than be a part of the group trying to end the only time we can get food or do what we need to in order to get money or other supplies. ... The group that's under the thumb of the group who owns the city and did such horrible shit to my friends... who covered up my mother's murder... I'll never forgive them, and I'll never join them!" His voice raises to a near yell near the end before he looks down, a little embarrassed at his outburst.

[firewalled]

...This is a lot to take in. Rich had just wanted the kid to know someone out there worried about him a little bit. He wasn't expecting his response to be an infodump on this kid's bizarrely dark world. He tries his best to parse all of it, but Rich doesn't have a great memory.

"Hey, woah, hold on. There's no need to shout at me. I don't think you're crazy. You're just from... a really crazy world." A world with magical hidden hours and sentient shadow monsters.

"I'm not surprised one company has a fucking monopoly over it all. Even other worlds have 1% assholes, huh?" He smirks a bit. "But fighting back against them... even if it's for your mom... I think you need to be able to slow down a little. You shouldn't have to fight so hard to survive when you're this young. I think... this train might turn out to be a blessing in that way, at least."

cw: explicit discussion of murder and suicide

[miseris_socios]

'From a crazy world'... he's not wrong. Ken takes a few deep breaths, half hiding in his hoodie. "... I..." 'Fight hard to survive', huh?

He looks down at his hands without a weapon. At the hands that were supposed to kill Aragaki.

At the hands that had been too shaky to do it, and then do what came next. He'd failed. He'd failed to take revenge. Failed to do the right thing... but it wouldn't have mattered. Not with Aragaki already dying.

"I wasn't supposed to survive that night..." He doesn't realize he's said it, his throat suddenly rough as he tries to keep his emotions in check.

cw continues

[firewalled]

"H-Hey..." Rich can't help it. He bends down just slightly to make sure they're at the same height, hesitantly reaching out to take Ken's shoulder.

"I... get it, okay? There've been a lot of nights I wasn't supposed to survive either. I mean, look at me." He gestures to the scar on his face with a sad little smile. "It sucks, when you expect you're going to die young. But... maybe this can be a second chance? Somewhere you can think about the possibility of living on. That's what it's been for me."

cws just forever

[miseris_socios]

He jerks slightly but doesn't jerk away. He looks into Rich's face, trying to figure out how to put this. "... I... was supposed to kill him, and then me. That way no one would have to take revenge for him like I was taking revenge for Mom." But he didn't. He didn't manage to. "... Someone else got to him first. And he was dying anyway. And then he took a bullet for me."

Ken's dealing with a lot of complex emotions that would be hell for an adult, much less a child. "... I don't know what to do. I wasted two years of my life. That's..." He frowns and tries to do math. "I'm eleven, so two years would be... mmm, I'm not good with division..."

[firewalled]

Rich listens quietly, making sure no judgement shows on his face. He wouldn't want to judge him anyways, considering how much Rich himself could be judged for. It sounds like hell, and honestly, Rich knows what that's like.

"That's a little different from my situation... but I did try something similar. Killing yourself and trying to drag someone down with you. Sounds like that guy was... better than the thing I was against." He squeezes Ken's shoulder again. "Two years when you're this young is a long time, too. That's how long it's been since I was in control of myself too. But... if I can make it out and still have a life to live, then you're the same as me, right? You just have more time to fix things."

[miseris_socios]

"... I don't know. I don't know if I can fix it... and the rest of my group doesn't... have a lot of time left. I can't fix all of this. I can't fix all of the things we're facing and I -"

He's spiraling, and he knows he's spiraling, and he's not sure how to stop.

[firewalled]

"Woah! Hey, hey, shh, don't panic." Rich reaches out to take his shoulders. "Just focus on right now for a second, okay? Focus on your breathing. You can follow me, okay? In for three, out for three."

He starts demonstrating for the other boy, the motions a bit exaggerated so Ken can hear and see through his tears.

[miseris_socios]

He jerks at the touch but doesn't pull away, trying to follow Rich's instructions. It's hard, but he eventually manages to breathe in sync with Rich. He's suddenly very tired, and his whole body sags into Rich's hands.

[firewalled]

"There we go..." Rich gently supports the other boy, not quite pulling him into a full on hug yet, but still making sure Ken realizes he can lean on him. "Just keep breathing, okay? Take it easy for a bit."

[miseris_socios]

He tries to keep breathing. He looks at this hands, tries to ignore the phantom weight of a spear in his hand. “I’m... I don’t know what to do...” He can’t fight here, he can’t look after the others, and the guy he was supposed to kill is dead.

So what now?

[firewalled]

"You don't have to know right away. You're going through a lot right now, which means the most important thing to do is look after yourself. Rest a little while you're here. As much as you can. Take time to think about things, when you're ready to.

"But just don't beat yourself up in the meantime, okay? No human should be dealing with that. Especially not someone your age, okay?" And he doesn't say that to be insulting. He doesn't even think he would be the right age to handle that.

[miseris_socios]

"I can handle it. I have to handle it. It's not like anyone else is going to." He laughs a little weakly. "I'm... here. What other choice do I have?"

He glances at the charred dummy. "... Other than that one."

[firewalled]

"Maybe. But it's still okay to ask if someone can help you handle it. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that, while you're here."

He gives a wry smile. "And yeah, maybe letting out your feelings on the dummies isn't the best idea. Might need something sturdier."

[miseris_socios]

Not what he meant, but he can roll with it. "I don't think most people would agree to that. I already shocked the shit out of a robot guy. ... Healed him after, but he deserved it."

[firewalled]

"A robot guy...? Let me guess. Went by the name of Jack? Thinks he's hot shit? Actually needs to learn to be less than half the asshole he is at least?" Don't worry, Ken, Rich has experience with that one.

[miseris_socios]

"I didn't really ask his name, but he was blue and that sounds about right."

[firewalled]

"Yeah, he is kind of glowing blue. I have no idea why." Rich had even brought it up on his document, but Jack never offered an answer.

[miseris_socios]

"Yeah, that one. He glitched out and everything."

[firewalled]

"I'd recommend trying to keep your distance, at least. He's kind of a creep, and he tried to... get into my body. He keeps saying he was just messing with me, but I don't really trust him."

[miseris_socios]

"I mean I could just shock him and not heal him. That's an option."