"Most monks are not very... um..." this is getting awfully close to speaking ill of his elders, and Houmei tries too hard to be too good to do that. "I m-mean, they're very devout, but. But that doesn't mean they're..."

Seated on the floor like he is, Houmei sets the cooled tea aside and brings his knees up to wrap his arms around his legs, miserable.

"...T-that doesn't mean they're... good."

Unless they are, and he's the problem. Which is what he's been taught, thus far. So: "I-I know I'm not."