There's a balance neither one of them knows, not fully, when it comes to each other. The explanations that Wei Wuxian spills like water to the people he cares about for each other, how he tries, repeatedly, to make apologies for Jiang Cheng that Jiang Cheng will never hear. Or has heard, in part, in passing; but can he know just how sincere that is?
None of them were raised in any kindness beyond Jiang Yanli's strength of heart, and the softened attempts Jiang Fengmian made, but always favoured, always looking toward what he thought he could indulge at the cost of the rest of those he loved. Pain was so wrapped up in how they knew to love anyone, pain inflicted both ways, pain of the heart and pain of the body, and it doesn't occur to Wei Wuxian at least that pain isn't a normal part of every transaction. Right now, it's the heart; Zidian snaps, and it may well be body and soul again, no complaint made except in whining, jesting distress.
Zidian's always had a taste for him. He doesn't mind, really, because blood is blood, bruises heal, bodies either fail or they don't, and so far his hasn't failed even when he's given it no reason not to.
So he lets go. He lets go, hands at his sides, empty.
Time isn't the balm, really. Time is the distance for perspective, and focus is the aim of one's preoccupations. He reflects more these days than he did when younger. Once one has hit rock bottom, perspectives shift. He can't get any lower than when he'd wanted to die and acted on it.
"Please bear with me being like this, wanting to apologise even when you don't need it. And... thank you, Jiang Cheng." Glancing up, meeting the gaze of someone who's been his brother for longer to him than he's not been. For things he doesn't know how to say, and for the ones he could, if his tongue didn't feel as heavy. "I, ah... when the train opens up again, make sure to get on. I was told if you're stubborn enough to stay behind it kills you, then revives you on train. It's not something I recommend any of us testing." A pause. "Or at least, none of the people I care about."
Meng Yao and Xue Yang are welcome to try it as many times as they like.
He takes this as his own not so graceful exit, or at least offers it as a way forward for them both. He feels aching and hollow and also light headed, not so much grounded as newly tired in an ill-defined manner. Maybe he'll go lay down. Or run laps. Or do anything other than be right here, failing to handle his (little brother) (shidi) (leader of his former sect) Jiang Cheng.
no subject
None of them were raised in any kindness beyond Jiang Yanli's strength of heart, and the softened attempts Jiang Fengmian made, but always favoured, always looking toward what he thought he could indulge at the cost of the rest of those he loved. Pain was so wrapped up in how they knew to love anyone, pain inflicted both ways, pain of the heart and pain of the body, and it doesn't occur to Wei Wuxian at least that pain isn't a normal part of every transaction. Right now, it's the heart; Zidian snaps, and it may well be body and soul again, no complaint made except in whining, jesting distress.
Zidian's always had a taste for him. He doesn't mind, really, because blood is blood, bruises heal, bodies either fail or they don't, and so far his hasn't failed even when he's given it no reason not to.
So he lets go. He lets go, hands at his sides, empty.
Time isn't the balm, really. Time is the distance for perspective, and focus is the aim of one's preoccupations. He reflects more these days than he did when younger. Once one has hit rock bottom, perspectives shift. He can't get any lower than when he'd wanted to die and acted on it.
"Please bear with me being like this, wanting to apologise even when you don't need it. And... thank you, Jiang Cheng." Glancing up, meeting the gaze of someone who's been his brother for longer to him than he's not been. For things he doesn't know how to say, and for the ones he could, if his tongue didn't feel as heavy. "I, ah... when the train opens up again, make sure to get on. I was told if you're stubborn enough to stay behind it kills you, then revives you on train. It's not something I recommend any of us testing." A pause. "Or at least, none of the people I care about."
Meng Yao and Xue Yang are welcome to try it as many times as they like.
He takes this as his own not so graceful exit, or at least offers it as a way forward for them both. He feels aching and hollow and also light headed, not so much grounded as newly tired in an ill-defined manner. Maybe he'll go lay down. Or run laps. Or do anything other than be right here, failing to handle his (little brother) (shidi) (leader of his former sect) Jiang Cheng.