A New Platform [Intro Post October]

[voidtreckermods]

On the Train

The train continues its journey

"Good morning Voidtreckers, it is day sixteen of the month of Nebula. Points have been updated on the system."

With points updated, everyone can spend the morning shopping. Most people will be expecting the second announcement that comes a few hours later.

"Shortly arriving into a designated void platform. Exit from void in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." A lurch and a jolt and the windows fill with the fog that means they are at a platform.

The doors open. As usual, those who leave first notice nothing, walking silently, rucksacks on their backs, towards the barriers. Asch, Ayumi Uoshida, Cleopatra Selene, Della Duck, Ghost, Hanuel Min, Jaisyn Solo, Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood, Nie Huaisang, Vermouth; all pass across the platform, not looking back. And then they're gone, disappeared through the barriers and into the fog beyond.

But on the platform itself there are four new faces. Wearing hoodies, three in purple one orange, in various states of confusion.

For New Passengers

At first all they can see is steam billowing around them as they come to their senses. As their eyes adjust, they find themselves on a platform. The platform is relatively small, a brick wall behind them and cracked flagstones on the floor. It is cold, icy cold but the wall at least shelters them a little.

They are standing, in clothes that are not their own and a style they might not even recognise. They are carrying a rucksack on their back. For a moment it seems to just be them, alone on the foggy, freezing platform; then the fog begins to fade and they realise they aren’t alone.

The platform isn't large, but it is enough to hold the four figures scattered around, all facing the tracks, all dressed in cargo trousers and hoodies. Then there is a roaring sound and out of the fog arrives a train. Jet black with gold writing on the side. The Voidtrecker Express. There is a hiss as the doors slide open and out pours a strange assortment of people, over a hundred at least. Some are human, some are less so. Most are wearing the same hoodie in one of the four colours, red, orange, blue and purple, though some are sporting different clothes in a variety of styles.

Behind them, the doors close, and the train is cloaked in the same fog that hides the world beyond the platform.

The Train

After a short time, perhaps ten minutes or so, the fog clears and the doors hiss open again. Those from the train may encourage those on the platform to board. It’s not like there's anywhere else to go and even if there was, you feel a pull. A need to board, a feeling that staying on the platform would lead to something terrible. If that is not enough, there are plenty of people on the platform now, to encourage them onto the train.

Each ICP shows the same message and next to the screens there are stacks of leaflets written by those on the train, with further information (see
'Publications'). The store rooms have been restocked with fresh ingredients, including yadon tail, as well as all sundries.

For passengers that have bought items, these are also scattered around the luggage carriage in various suitcases and bags.

New passengers will find their ticket allows them into their cabins. In most rooms, the occupied beds are obvious, leaving the spotless, empty spaces for the newcomers. Room is tight but there are storage cubbies at the head of each bed, beds fold up and the bottom bunks double as benches for the small table. There is storage under those benches full of spare blankets and pillows.

Departure

A second horn sounds to encourage any stragglers taking advantage of the fresh air, and the doors slide shut. Veteran passengers know what will happen next, but they may wish to brief their new companions.

The train sets off, the fog obscuring the view again as it picks up speed.

"Welcome aboard, passengers of the Voidtrecker Express." A female-coded artificial sounding voice echoes throughout the train. "Please take the time to read the passenger information displayed on the Information and Communication points and familiarise yourself with the layout and emergency exits."

The train begins to tilt, leaving the ground and rising up into the fog-filled sky.

"Entrance into Voidspace imminent. New passengers are advised to remain seated. Entry into Voidspace in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

A shudder, a jolt, a lurch to the left. A flash of light, colourful and blinding. As quick as it happens it is done. The train seems to steady itself. The fog from the windows is gone now, replaced with a kaleidoscope of ever-changing colours.

Welcome to the Void!

Comments

2, Last Words

[controlsthedie]

Thanatos works on a few keepsakes and prepare to make another Chthonic Companion... whenever he thinks of what form it will take. One wing is folded behind him while he works on pulling feather from the other. One by one, the feather pile on the table grows.

Ryo is lightly speaking to a closed door to a quiet booth. That's why Thanatos is in there, to give his senses a break from all the activity of the train. Not hearing as much noise is the point. But luckily not all the flowers and leaves block the light from the window, and Thanatos sees a shift. Something or someone is at the door.

With a small sigh, he gets up and sees who it is. "Ryo?" his voice is calm and even. He opens the door further to let Ryo inside if he chooses to.

[fivemilesdeep]

He moves as the door opens, pulling his head away from the door and looking up at Thanatos. He answered. He's giving Ryo the chance he'd wanted to apologize.

And yet, for a moment, he still almost leaves. There's a part of him that doesn't want to face this at all, doesn't want to risk adding more pain on top of the grief that's already drowning him, but he pushes that part down and enters anyway.

He doesn't take time to let his eyes adjust to the gloom, doesn't look around to see why Thanatos is in the quiet car in the first place, doesn't even sit - just closes the door behind him and turns to face Thanatos. "I'm sorry." It's out before he thinks about it - before he second-guesses himself again. "I'm sorry I got mad at you, and I'm sorry I yelled." He's trying to keep the tremor out of his voice, and he's not succeeding. "You- you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I just needed you to know."

[controlsthedie]

If Ryo had left him after opening the door, Thanatos wouldn't have followed. He wouldn't have even questioned it. Ryo was mad at him because Thanatos didn't understand what bothered him. Thanatos thought that maybe he had been making progress in believing that he could be more than Death and what he can do. Even if he didn't know what he could be or how, he was at least attempting to be something else.

Because that had been the issue, wasn't it? Ryo didn't have access to something important to his identity and was doing something dangerous in an attempt to get it back. As a friend, it was up to Thanatos to help him... until it was clear he wasn't. Even trying to end the conversation to avoid making things worse had made things worse.

"Is this really something you need to apologize for? I'm Death Incarnate. I'm used to people being mad and yelling at me. It comes with the role and working with Lord Hades." Thanatos wasn't always on the receiving end of Hades's anger, but he wasn't excluded, especially after his betrayal was discovered.

He continues speaking in that calm, quiet tone. Thanatos isn't completely closed off like he had been after Jinnjar, but he's definitely numbed and resigned. A part of him has given up. "All I've been doing, lately, is making you upset one way or another. I am beginning to reconsider that the best thing I can do as your friend is to stay away. Even if that's against your wishes."

[fivemilesdeep]

Well, Thanatos is right about one thing: three sentences into Thanatos's part of this conversation, Ryo gets upset.

Admittedly, Ryo had come in here upset, but it pivots hard as Thanatos talks. He knows Thanatos's world is cruel, but that doesn't make the reminders any easier. And after everything, Thanatos still isn't listening - he still thinks that the best thing he can do is leave. And he sounds so resigned...

"Just because you're used to it doesn't mean it's okay." His voice is still wavering, but his tone is as firm as he can manage. They're words that were said to him years ago; he can't hope they'll have the same effect on Thanatos as they had on him, but it's better than nothing.

He sighs and shakes his head, trying to figure out the best way to handle this. He comes up empty and just goes for the truth. "Do you know why I was angry at you?" If Thanatos is still thinking he should leave, then Ryo is betting the answer is no.

[controlsthedie]

And even Thanatos can see that he's once again done it, upset Ryo. His posture sags a bit more. His voice loses even more life in its tone. Another lecture, another moment of someone telling him how he should think and feel. Della didn't pressure him as he tried to figure himself out, but Della is also gone.

"The advice or sentiment you've tried to instill on me or the concern you've shown doesn't apply to yourself." Thanatos sounds so clinical, like he's giving a report on a matter he's reported on many times before. He looks at Ryo, but there's no challenge.

"And because I tried to suggest otherwise, I only made things worse. By continuing the conversation, I only made things worse." He fully expects this to be another situation like with Zagreus. He's waiting to be told he's completely wrong, and then after saying his piece... he expects to be left alone, avoided. And wouldn't that be best for Ryo in the end?

[fivemilesdeep]

Oh.

Oh that's worse.

'The advice or sentiment you've tried to instill on me or the concern you've shown doesn't apply to yourself,' feels like getting stabbed, even if Thanatos's tone is so terribly neutral, and it doesn't get better from there. He stands, and listens, and fights to keep his expression from crumpling. This is what he was afraid of, when Thanatos opened the door, and now here they are.

He breathes, and turns, and crosses the booth to sit on the opposite bench, pulling his legs up and sitting cross-legged. It's all measured, steady movements, in an attempt to get himself back under control, to keep the grief still eating at his insides from rising up and overwhelming him. It doesn't quite work - he's still trembling, and he knows his voice will shake again when he speaks - but it's going to have to be good enough. He needs to fix this.

But hasn't him trying to fix things only made them worse?

The thought damn near floors him, and he has to struggle not to completely lose his grip on himself. He tries to fix things, and- what? Now Thanatos thinks he can't argue with him? Gods. Gods.

But if he shouldn't try to fix things, then-

...then maybe he should just be honest.

"You weren't wrong, on the mission," he says, voice quiet and shaky, like he'd known it would be. "When you were- worried about me. When you pointed out that I was being a hypocrite. Just because I'm arguing with you doesn't mean I'm right." He doesn't like saying it, but it still needs to be said. He hates being wrong, hates leaving the door open for argument - because if people don't listen to him, don't accept what he says, then he can't help them - but that doesn't always apply. There's a difference between acting as a healer and acting as a stubborn teenager, and...he hadn't made that clear. At all. And here they are.

And he needs to fix it- no, gods damn it all, he needs to be honest. Somehow, so far, that's been harder.

"And...you didn't make it worse. We both did. You weren't yelling at me - we were arguing. It's my fault too. And-" His breath catches, and he shakes his head, and something - likely his self-control - slides sideways and breaks. "And fighting with your friends sucks." It's emphatic, and louder than he's been all conversation, and above all, deeply honest. "It-it does. It sucks. Nobody likes doing it." He takes a breath and lets it out slowly, looking down, quieter again. "But it happens. And...if you don't talk about it afterwards, it doesn't get better. You can't fix it if you don't try." Another breath. "And you can't try if you're gone."

He gathers his courage and looks back up at Thanatos. "I don't like it when you leave - that's why I got mad. But...I get it." He gets being overwhelmed and not knowing what to do - if he could disappear the way Thanatos can, he probably would've done it more than once himself. "If you have to go - if it's too much, if you need time or space or-or just to get out - I won't stop you. I mean- I couldn't stop you if I tried, but- but I won't try. Just...tell me, okay? Tell me before you go, so I know. So it's not just- slamming the door on things, and leaving them broken." His courage falters, and he looks down again "Please."

Please, please gods don't let him have made this worse.

[controlsthedie]

Ryo has all the time to gather himself back to some semblance of stability. Thanatos takes a seat on the other bench and waits. Waits for Ryo to start. Waits for Ryo to leave. Thanatos doesn't know. The answer doesn't present itself when Ryo does speak, but it does give him something to silently think on for a moment.

"... Talking about it after doesn't fix things. Not always. Maybe it's just with me. Being avoided after trying to explain things, after being honest and open, and after hearing him out. Or they leave completely because the Fates wove it so." While it would be hard to see in the dark, Thanatos looks to the side of the train that meets each platform. It makes Thanatos wonder why he keeps trying and gave him the motivation to work on these Keepsakes before any more of them disappear.

For whatever good they do. Thanatos has never heard them be of any use, and one of them had been outright rejected. He doesn't even have anything to give Ryo now. He could get some of that ambrosia he ordered, but truthfully, he's not sure about giving that away and applying a lot of worth to it. Not when it's so easily obtained now. Does that change the sentiment? Thanatos gave it to Zagreus in a desperate attempt to make some kind of amends, hoping that if Zagreus felt it valuable to give to him others that he would feel similar receiving one himself. It still seems impersonal, and Thanatos is still debating on leaving the rest of his order in the kitchen for the cooks to experiment with.

"I don't see how saying something first would make it any better." The result seems the same to him whether he says something or not. "I can't promise I won't shift away again. I don't always mean to." He did when he left Ryo, but he doesn't always do so on purpose. "But I could try. To say something first."

[fivemilesdeep]

That's...not worse. Ryo doesn't know if it's better just yet, but it's also not markedly worse just yet either, and he will take it. At least they're both trying.

"Thank you," he says quietly. "I don't know how else to explain it, but when you disappear like that, it feels like a smaller version of leaving without saying goodbye." Thanatos should know how that feels. They both do. "So...thank you for trying. Even if it doesn't always work, it still means a lot to me." That Thanatos is willing to try, even if he doesn't understand why Ryo is asking what he's asking. That Thanatos is willing to listen to him at all. It speaks to the strength of their friendship, even after it's been battered by arguments and misunderstandings, and it's still reassuring, even though Ryo is still scared he's going to mess it up completely.

"And...I'm sorry that someone you tried to talk to is avoiding you." He doesn't think Thanatos would've brought it up if it wasn't on his mind. "If you want to talk about it, I can listen; if you don't, that's okay too." He wants to fix it, and he has to fight back that urge - to pry, to find the problem, to do what he can to put things back together. Pushing hasn't worked - pushing has made things worse - and he's not about to risk what little progress they've just made.

[controlsthedie]

Thanatos's face darkens at the reminder of leaving without saying goodbye. He didn't think it similar; he's not leaving forever or even a length of time. Now the guilt weighs heavily on him, and he turns away. Is that what people think?

A small voice asks why Thanatos is still trying to live anything but a solitary life. It's his fate.

He reaches for Mort and holds him in his lap. Mort gives a soft squeak and wiggles his nose against Thanatos's finger when he goes to boop it. "I think... I feel like he doesn't see me as I am now. He's in love with someone who doesn't exist or maybe some future me that I'll never be."

Thanatos is tired and frustrated, and he wants his friend back more than anything at this point. "I don't know if I want to talk anymore about it or not. I feel like when Zagreus is involved, things get complicated, and what people say... doesn't exactly work. Either for me or for Zagreus." One of them messes it up. Mostly Thanatos.

[fivemilesdeep]

Thanatos turns away and it's worse again, he made it worse again, why does he keep making things worse-

It takes an effort - it takes so much more than he thought it would - but he manages to turn that line of thought, swallowing it back to deal with later. This isn't about his guilt - it was, to start, but they're past that. He takes a breath and lets it out slowly, doing his best to find his calm. He's still shaky, but he's been shaky all day. It'll have to do.

"Well...no one has your perspective. We do the best we can, but sometimes things don't match up. Different worlds, I guess." And the fact that very few other people on the train are gods, which makes more of a difference than Ryo initially realized.

He hesitates, considering his words before speaking again. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but...why do you think he doesn't see you?" It's prying - he knows it's prying - but he feels like there's something important there, even though he can't quite put his finger on what, and he's made it clear Thanatos doesn't have to say anything. Hopefully that's enough.

[controlsthedie]

Thanatos is confused enough about his emotions, and he knows he can't always trust them. However, Della told him that no one could tell him how to feel. She related her guilt to his and how they both have trouble accepting others' love and trust. As he tried to understand himself, her words seemed to make the most sense, things no one else managed to convey. It also complicates matters with Zagreus more.

Death Incarnate's gaze never leaves Mort. "Right before Jinnjar... the one thing I thought I could still do on the train was taken away from me. After that, I... haven't had anything to really stabilize me. Even though I'm trying to build some new purpose for my existence. I... I stopped trying to act strong in front of Zagreus. I let him know the truth of how I've been doing and... he left me alone for a while after."

When Zagreus had cried upon Thanatos, Thanatos stayed with him and continued to check on him. When Thanatos cried on Zagreus... he gave distance. Zagreus said it was to give him time to think, but that wasn't what Thanatos needed. All he has is time. All he does is think. It hasn't helped anything relating to how Thanatos is. And he doesn't know what this is between them, what they've become. It's uncomfortable and stressful. It can vanish like everything else.

"I approached him with ambrosia earlier to try and make amends, but I--" Thanatos sighs. It's been nearly two months since things have become like this. He wants his friend back. Can't he at least still have that when he's lost everything else? "I'm not the same Thanatos. I've changed, but I don't think he understands. Not really."