She looked down at the cup of tea and then, once Sanzo had sat down next to Devero, sits herself. She looked at the tea for a moment as she gathered her thoughts.
"In my world there do be being six gods. But only five do be being publicly worshipped. They do be being the Bright gods. The sixth do be being the shadow god, the god of chaos. That do be being who I do be serving."
All her life, from her earliest memory this had been her biggest secret. Something she could not tell, never tell to anyone who did not also serve. Many things were forgivable in the eyes of those who followed the Bright god but they would not spare a servant of chaos. Not ever a child.
And yet here she was, spilling it out of her mouth to two people who were undeniably good. Maybe not in all their actions. But in their hearts, their souls belonged to the good of their world. And at least one of them held power enough to kill her where she sat.
Yet now the first truth has tumbled from her the rest can only follow. Because there is no half measures in this. She is not ashamed of who she is, of what she is, of what she has done. She's scared. But she was not brought up to be a coward. "I did be serving Chaos all my life. Me and my sister. We did be training all our lives, we did be learning to be sneaking, to be spying and to be killing."
Her voice is still even, purposefully so. As if she were talking about breakfast. "We did be bringing chaos and fear, we did be swearing an oath to do so." And it was not one she could break, even if truthfully she has not been a good servant of chaos this last year. She barely even prays any more. It feels almost useless, when she's on a train hurtling through a void. When she doesn't know when she might be able to go home.
She almost stops there. She's still looking at her tea cup. She can't see their faces. But all of that doesn't really... It doesn't say truly why she is hesitant. Why she finds it so hard to make this choice, to voice what she feels.
"My sister did be being just like me. The word do be being twins, we did be looking the same but she did be being cooler I do be thinking. We did be learning together and we did be working together but she... I do no even be knowing what did be happening but she did be failing. She did be disobeying."
No. She can't do this. Not like this. She closed her eyes and drew the emptiness around her. The feelings locked out. Armour against the world, against herself and the feelings that bubbled up even thinking about this.
She was very still, almost unnaturally so and her voice was devoid of any emotion at all when she spoke. "They did be telling me to be ending her. So I did be. Because I do be obeying."
And if it came down to it she would kill anyone on this train, if it was a case of them and her god, her beliefs, her purpose.
This was where they differed, Sanzo and her. He had died for his family she had killed her own.
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"In my world there do be being six gods. But only five do be being publicly worshipped. They do be being the Bright gods. The sixth do be being the shadow god, the god of chaos. That do be being who I do be serving."
All her life, from her earliest memory this had been her biggest secret. Something she could not tell, never tell to anyone who did not also serve. Many things were forgivable in the eyes of those who followed the Bright god but they would not spare a servant of chaos. Not ever a child.
And yet here she was, spilling it out of her mouth to two people who were undeniably good. Maybe not in all their actions. But in their hearts, their souls belonged to the good of their world. And at least one of them held power enough to kill her where she sat.
Yet now the first truth has tumbled from her the rest can only follow. Because there is no half measures in this. She is not ashamed of who she is, of what she is, of what she has done. She's scared. But she was not brought up to be a coward. "I did be serving Chaos all my life. Me and my sister. We did be training all our lives, we did be learning to be sneaking, to be spying and to be killing."
Her voice is still even, purposefully so. As if she were talking about breakfast. "We did be bringing chaos and fear, we did be swearing an oath to do so." And it was not one she could break, even if truthfully she has not been a good servant of chaos this last year. She barely even prays any more. It feels almost useless, when she's on a train hurtling through a void. When she doesn't know when she might be able to go home.
She almost stops there. She's still looking at her tea cup. She can't see their faces. But all of that doesn't really... It doesn't say truly why she is hesitant. Why she finds it so hard to make this choice, to voice what she feels.
"My sister did be being just like me. The word do be being twins, we did be looking the same but she did be being cooler I do be thinking. We did be learning together and we did be working together but she... I do no even be knowing what did be happening but she did be failing. She did be disobeying."
No. She can't do this. Not like this. She closed her eyes and drew the emptiness around her. The feelings locked out. Armour against the world, against herself and the feelings that bubbled up even thinking about this.
She was very still, almost unnaturally so and her voice was devoid of any emotion at all when she spoke. "They did be telling me to be ending her. So I did be. Because I do be obeying."
And if it came down to it she would kill anyone on this train, if it was a case of them and her god, her beliefs, her purpose.
This was where they differed, Sanzo and her. He had died for his family she had killed her own.