voidtreckerexpress | Death Just Needs A Little Conversation [Open]

Entry tags:

Death Just Needs A Little Conversation [Open]

Who: Ryo and Open (angled towards those with death powers/connections)
Where: ICP/Garden Car
When: Nebula 3
What: Ryo is coming to terms with the fact that he's kept his death-related Diagad powers, so now he's asking for help with them. (They're not what he's afraid they are, but he doesn't know that yet.)
Warnings: Probably a lot of death talk, but we'll go from there.
Notes: It starts as an ICP post, but he won't be replying on the network, only in person. Anyone is welcome to join in; he's just angling for people with Insight Into Death. (I'll also match prose or brackets.)

[Ryo looks...uncertain at best, but much closer to 'worried but trying not to show it' as the ICP flickers on.]

If anyone is connected to death, or has death-related powers, I could use your help.

[-wait that sounds bad-]

It's nothing crazy - I just have...questions.

[He can't quite bring himself to say what he's actually worried about, so instead it's just:]

I'll be in the garden car, if you wouldn't mind coming to see me.

[And the ICP flickers off. He's not planning on having this conversation in front of the train and everyone, so in-person it is. True to his word, he's sitting on one of the benches in the garden car with Lagos in his lap, holding the plush bird and trying not to let his fears run away with him. He may not be entirely succeeding. It may be obvious.]

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[Ryo is just trying to catch his breath and settle down, and he's having a hell of a time doing it. It doesn't help that nothing Murphy says is reassuring. He sounds like a revenant? And-]

I don't have the power to control dead people - I'm worried I have the power to kill them!

[He isn't exactly right, but he doesn't know that yet. What he is is terrified he's going to kill someone - in this instance, Murphy. He doesn't know if he can kill a revenant, and given that he likes this one, he doesn't want to find out.]

[Lagos - a small, stuffed, and very angry plush bird - continues to scold Murphy at top volume. Stop it! You're making it worse!]

Look, everyone has pissy little versions of their abilities from Diagad. There's no way you could kill someone. Hush, bird. Just flat out, logically, you can't.

[Not yet, anyway.]

But what you're putting off isn't a kill feeling it's like... I don't know. It's like wifi. A radio signal. A connection. It's not exactly on my bandwidth but I'm picking it up enough to tell you that.

You're not putting off a I'm gonna swallow your soul thing.

[He's trying to stave off panic by latching on to Murphy's words, despite the fact that they haven't been helpful so far, because anything is better than a panic spiral-]

[And they're actually helping now. Oddly enough, it's his Diagad memories that provide context for wifi and radio, but connection he gets. He knew Murphy could communicate with the revenants on his world, but the fact that he's connecting to Ryo the same way...]

[Well, Ryo has started picking up odd things in his Sense that he didn't before, and they're all pertaining to people connected to death. He can't deny what Murphy's saying when he's getting the same thing from his end.]

["Hush, bird," had not gone over well, and while Ryo tries to remember how to breathe, Lagos just ratchets up his yelling. You don't talk to him like that, and you definitely don't talk to Ryo like that! Quit making it worse, you-]

[Which is about when Ryo gets a handle on himself well enough to react and places a hand gently on Lagos's head, effectively quieting him down.]

Lagos, enough.

[He takes a shaky breath and looks up at Murphy.]

What exactly are you getting from me?

[He's nervous - hell, he's scared - but he's not running away. He needs to figure this out, and if he's not going to test his powers on living people - which is not in the plan, regardless of Murphy's particular relation to living - then this is the next best thing.]

[People would be so lucky to have a bird mildly annoy Murphy like that. Were it to persist a bunch, he would have left, because he's that kind of guy. Sometimes a thing is only worth so much trouble. But the thing is, Murphy cares a lot for the dead, much more than the living, and any kind of bond to them is worth it and worth cultivating in his opinion.]

[Not all dead are cognizant, but all dead were once alive. That's the reverse side of the inevitability of death, that you can't give something that label without it having breathed and functioned and maybe even believed once. Why Roberta said, 'I give you mercy'.]

[Murphy isn't a good guy but this topic he very much cares about in an altruistic way that's practically absurd from him.]

[He takes a drink from his summery beverage, puts it aside, and holds his hands up loosely in Ryo's direction with his palms out. It's just a gesture that helps him focus his 'aim' more than anything that actually helps, but he does it.]

Okay, first, tell me if you hear me.

[And he does the equivalent of a psychic yell. Hollering for any zombies nearby, despite knowing there are none, to pay attention to him. It's a nonspecific 'over here' sort of vibe. But he just wants to see if Ryo is picking up what he's putting out.]

Edited 2021-11-04 22:48 (UTC)

[Lagos isn't here to make Murphy's life difficult; he's here to protect Ryo. He's loud and judgmental and overprotective, but he takes his job seriously, and he's not about to make things worse on purpose.]

[Ryo watches the gesture but doesn't move. It might be a Murphy thing, and he's not about to question it.]

[And he waits. And listens. And waits a bit more, for good measure. He closes his eyes at one point to try to concentrate, but he's still not picking up on anything. After a bit, he shakes his head.]

No. What am I supposed to be hearing?

Hmm. Just seeing if it went both ways. I was just calling out.

[Well, that answered that question at least. But despite the disappointment there are two people around that can still hear him.]

Alright, now. Now. I mean it. Go ahead and try it with me. I really don't think you're going to hurt me. If you healed me you'd hurt me.

My body recovers from damage pretty quick, anyway. At least this shit came with a few big bonuses. [He huffs a little. He's always torn between hating it and liking it.]

[Sorry, Murphy, he's not dead and not psychic; his tuner is picking up on a different wavelength.]

[And then Murphy challenges him again, and his expression drops as he looks at Murphy's outstretched hands. On the one hand, he needs to know - he needs to be prepared if he has to put aside death powers in order to heal someone. On the other hand, he is still deeply terrified - of hurting Murphy, of going dark, of having the power to kill in the first place. The terror wins, and his expression crumples.]

I can't.

[It was worth a shot. Murphy just sighs one of those, 'What is this kid gonna do with himself' sighs. At least he's not like 10K and stands some chance of seeing what he does in the other side.]

[Anyway.]

Even with permission? Even with someone telling you they're not scared of you messing up? ...Hold on, I'll go get you a dandelion or something. Pretty sure there are weeds somewhere in the greenhouse car you can try.

[He gets up then, intending to go find one.]

It doesn't work that way.

[His fear. His magic. The death powers he may or may not have kept. Any of it. The words would have come across as bitter if they hadn't been so abjectly miserable instead.]

It doesn't affect plants - just people. It's like someone took my healing and flipped it on its head.

[Real life had blamed him for deaths, and the illusion had given him the power to actually kill people, and he'd been hated either way. It's a particularly cruel aspect of his time on the fake Diagad, and it weighs on his chest like a block of ice.]

Edited 2021-11-05 01:30 (UTC)

[He stops then, when he says it's useless, and sits down sidesaddle on the bench.]

I think if you want to keep from accidentally using it, you gotta try to purposefully use it at least once. And I'm absolutely confident that anything Diagad gave us is absolute trash until you practice with it.

So, if or when you try? You're not going to kill anyone. Alright? And right now, all I'm getting off you is noise. No other weird vibe. Just noise.

[And that's really if he listens closely.]

[He's right, and Ryo can't argue with that - if he does have this power, he needs to be prepared, so it doesn't go off accidentally and hurt (or kill) someone. But the thought of using it on purpose, even weakened, with the risk it entails - the thought of killing someone, on accident or not, out of curiosity - makes his breath constrict and his heart hammer in his chest.]

I know- I know. I-I-I- I can't. I can't!

[Murphy is making good points, and it would be working, if Ryo weren't too wrapped up in his own fear and anxiety to listen.]

I'm not risking my healing for this!

You can probably just forget it. I forgot mine. [Kind of like a dream that drifted out of his head.] But... why would it risk your healing? How are the two-

[He makes a line between point A and point B and brings his fingers together.] -how are the two related?

[Because this is an important 'what's the limiter here' information. But Murphy remains curious, his usual level of calm, just confused.] Take a drink. Your dry mouth swallow reflex messes with the whole physical fight or flight shit. Good tactic. I used to be scared shitless of enclosed spaces. And heights. And zombies. [And just general anxiety. Murphy can go from casual to Hot Mess in many situations.]

[Ryo is trying to listen and trying even harder to remember how to breathe. Deep breaths, when he can manage them through a chest that feels like it's being squeezed from the outside, and even the successful ones devolve into short, shaky breaths in between. He needs to- he needs to take a breath- he needs to-]

[It's Lagos, warbling insistently, who manages to break through the anxious thoughts chasing each other in circles. Hey. Hey. Put him down and pick up the drink. C'mon. It'll be okay. C'mon.]

[It takes a few breaths, and then a few more, for Ryo to start calming down, but to a point he manages it. He moves Lagos to the bench between them and reaches down for the drink. He doesn't quite straighten up afterwards, and he doesn't open it yet; instead, he braces his elbows on his knees, holds the drink in both hands, and presses it to his forehead. He's not up to drinking it yet, but the cold of the bottle helps.]

[Maybe he can talk again now.]

Your world sounds like a bad place to be scared of zombies.

[...well, his sense of humor isn't dead. That's good.]

[He owes Murphy answers, doesn't he. He takes a deep breath - successfully this time - and sighs it out.]

In my world, magic is a gift from the gods, passed down through blood and family and unlocked through need. When some people started using it to hurt each other - to cause pain because they could - the gods added a condition: acting against your nature corrupts your magic. It weakens it, changes what it looks like. We call it going dark. It was meant to make people who would act on their cruelty distinct, easy to see, so that others would know and be able to protect themselves.

[He sighs again, rotates the bottle to find another cold patch.]

The going wisdom is that healers don't go dark - that we're made to help each other. But I don't think any healer in my world has ever had the power to kill with a touch. I don't know how to find out if I have it without testing it, but trying it at all - hurting, or- or killing someone, just out of curiosity - it goes against everything that I am. It risks my ability to help people, and-

[He winces against the bottle but continues on.]

And if anything happened, I'd never forgive myself.

I wasn't kidding when I told you I'd only kill in self-defense.

[Okay, solid point, murder not an option when it might cost someone their most well cultivated power. Murphy squints to think about it. Maybe a mindset change? He's making a thoughtful face, mottled eyes tracing ideas in the air as he lets Ryo catch his breath.]

Yeah, that one's tricky. But man... You really can't kill what's already dead. And I am very much dead.

[He decides not to mention why he was scared of zombies, because Ryo saw the mess of his torso they left for him. Alright. He has to think about it.]

Like I said. It's not bad. It's really not. I mean, death abilities in general, not the whole murder thing. If I'm right, and what I'm feeling from you is some sort of connection or outreach? You might be their last chance to communicate. You have no idea what it's like to have someone with their one little struggling braincell look at you and say in their own unique way, "Oh thank god, someone finally understands." I hated people. I still hate them sometimes. But that's something that can make the hardest person give a damn.

This doesn't have to be curiosity. This can be your chance to understand. You can see past that space where people are just someone's tragic memories. And then if you're wrong, you're just wrong. No loss 'cause who's gonna care if you graffiti a red wall with more red.

[He gestures at himself with a loose handflap.]

[Murphy understands, and yet he doesn't. He's worried about killing what's already dead, when the matter at hand is killing at all.]

[But he closes his eyes and listens as Murphy talks. For as much as he may have been afraid of zombies, Murphy talks about them with an affection that's impossible to miss; somehow, more than almost anything else this afternoon, he finds that calming. Compassion helps - knowing it exists helps, knowing that the people around him are willing to show it helps, even if it's not for him. He opens his eyes again and straightens up a bit, moving to open his bottle-]

[And then Murphy ends with that.]

[His eyes flare wide as he tries to get a handle on his emotions, and slips, and the thin layer of calm he'd been cultivating evaporates, and everything under it - everything he'd been trying to soothe and cover-]

[Explodes-]

[Everything goes white hot with rage for a moment, and the rage burns down into anger in the next, but the anger stays. He's angry that he might be stuck with these damned powers. He's angry that he doesn't even know if he has them, and he can't find out without risking his soul. He's angry that, after everything he's said to Murphy today, Murphy has the gall to insist that his life doesn't matter, when it obviously does.]

[And he is incandescent at Murphy's world for beating him into this shape, where he thinks no one cares whether he lives or dies. Like recognizes like well enough, and he knows he'd be there himself without help. He'd had his brother and his uncle, and later Orion and Endon; had Murphy had no one?]

[But the anger has to go somewhere, and it erupts out of him in sound and fury as his gaze snaps to Murphy.]

I CARE!

I don't want to kill anyone, Murphy, and that includes you! It doesn't matter if you're alive or dead or something in between, you're a person and a teammate and a friend and I FUCKING CARE!

[His anger burns out quickly once released, and he catches his breath and clutches his as yet unopened drink. He doesn't like exploding like that, but he's not about to take it back either.]

[It's not as if Murphy treats his life too lightly. He doesn't really feel that he's risking it. But if he does risk it, it is his own to risk. He's no longer accepting of anyone that'd just decide that they had some kind of entitlement to it. Presidents die and eventually have their corpses discarded. Rich men lose their minds. No one decides what to do with Murphy but Murphy.]

I'm not making the offer lightly. But considering what I see and hear, I think it's worth it. [He insists grimly, not really realizing how infrequently Ryo swears. But it's worth that one small shred of altruism in him. No one cares about the dead, especially the dead that still have threads of thought tied to the living world.] And I don't think you can kill me. But if I go get Thanatos, make sure that you don't hurt me, yell if you so much as even make a cramp, will you figure out this thing?

[Wait. Backtrack. Did Ryo call him his friend? That? He doesn't get. Not in the slightest, because Murphy is... well, himself. But also this kid seems like he needs friends.]

[After his face twists up in some contemplation.]

Okay, so. You have a very strong point. Sounds like it's something you have to think about. If the risk is worth it. It's a hell of a price to pay. But if I'm right, and... I dunno, maybe your other power being active is making it do something different. [He doesn't know how magical juju works.] If I'm right, it is worth it. What I am is important back home.

[When the dead didn't speak for themselves, he needed to speak for them. When they could speak for themselves, they needed someone to shout for them. And Ryo just proved he can raise his voice on occasion, even if he doesn't particularly like it.]

[The anger may have burned out quickly once he'd let it out, but that doesn't mean Ryo is calm. He feels a bit like he's vibrating, like there's electricity dancing on his skin, and he can't quite shake it. He's still upset - at this entire situation in general, and at the fact that Murphy is still offering despite everything.]

[He's able to rein it in a bit, and his voice is as measured as he can manage right now.]

Thanatos isn't going to stop you from dying.

[Sorry, Murphy, you're not Zagreus. Thanatos will just take you where you need to go once you pass on.]

[That imparted, Ryo turns Murphy's words over in his brain. He has a point, for a world full of revenants; having a speaker for the dead is a bit less important in Ryo's world where the dead don't talk.]

I'm sure you are, but...my world doesn't have revenants. At least, not the part I'm from. [There are stories about other lands, but as far as he knows, they're just that: stories.] The dead don't need someone to talk for them there. They're just dead.

[There's something else to be had there - that Murphy thinks his power might be behaving differently - but he hasn't quite processed that yet. There's been too much high emotion too quickly and he's still recovering.]

Really? I thought he could at least tell it was happening. Oh well, I still don't think it'll be a problem.

[That they're just dead is also a tragedy, but to him there's still some dignity in a body. He's met the ones he has no connection to and... well, even if he's disassembled them he's at least acknowledged that they were once people. He doesn't propose that train of thought right now, though.]

Alright, so. Tell me how your normal powers work. The ones that aren't death powers.

[Because Ryo is coming at this now with a whole other knowledgebase, a whole other skillset.]

[He takes another sip of his fruity drink, leaning back to listen. He has his own usual level of calm, at least the one that he wears at face value. It's how he handles every non-painful stressful situation.] It sounds like something you're really proud of.

He can tell, but he won't stop it. That's not what he does.

[Except for Zagreus, but...yeah.]

[But at least Murphy isn't insisting he try again, and he settles back a bit, taking a breath and letting it out slowly, trying to soothe the unease he still feels. At least this is something he can talk about.]

I'm a healer. I can connect my life with someone else's and heal their wounds - it's how my magic works, and it's...it's who I am.

[A lot of his identity is tied up in his abilities. The missions where powers don't work correctly - or at all - are hard on him.]

[He almost argues that he could warn him and Murphy could do the rest. But eh Ryo's coming up with excuses to not try, not even with back-up. So he's giving up to just ask shit instead.]

So how does this connecting work?

[Because, like he said, he feels Ryo reaching out somehow. He can't figure it out, just a sort of vibe coming off of him. He does know he didn't feel it at all before that adventure with the Diagad. And if it has been since then, he's not feeling it in any great amount. But like a word he just learned, now that he's here and paying attention? He's very aware of it.]

Physical contact.

[He's pretty sure he'd mentioned it earlier, but earlier may as well have been a thousand years ago for how intense this conversation has been. He holds up an open palm as if to illustrate, then closes it after a moment's thought.]

I'd show you, but you said that hurts you.

[He's spent this whole conversation refusing to put Murphy in harm's way, and he's not about to break that streak now.]

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Death Just Needs A Little Conversation [Open]

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