Family therapy

[motherofresistance]

Who: Leia, Clef, Link, and Shadow Link
Where: The Quiet car
When: Orchestra- Day 18
What: Leia tries to help bring Clef and his boys back together again
Warnings: Feelings and possibly some angst

It had taken a little while to properly arrange it, but the four of them were now seated in one of the Quiet Car booth compartments, the door closed behind them to block out distractions from the rest of the train. Leia and Clef sat on one side of the table, Link and Shadow on the other. Each of them had a cup of tea in front of them, and there was a plate of simple sugar cookies in the center of the table; negotiations nearly always went better with refreshments, in this case enough to put people more at ease without being overly distracting. And it felt a bit like peace negotiations, despite the fact that those involved were a family, rather than squabbling bureaucrats or Senators. At the very least, she expected some boundaries would need to be redrawn before they were done.

"Alright," Leia said. "Since I'm largely here as a mediator, a few ground rules before we get started, to avoid this turning into an argument. Everyone is going to respect everyone else's right to speak. No interrupting or talking over anyone; wait until the person who's currently talking is finished. We'll go counter-clockwise around the table and take turns speaking. Myself, then Clef, then Shadow, then Link, then back to me, and so on. If you don't have anything to say at the moment, you're welcome to indicate that the next person should go, but then you'll have to wait until your next turn to speak again. And finally- this hopefully goes without saying, but just in case-, we're here to talk. Which means no weapons, no magic, and no Bending get broken out."

"Now... with that out of the way..." She nodded to Clef, indicating that she was finished.

Comments

[sevenyearsasleep]

Link chewed his lip. He supposed Shadow had a point there. Failure wasn't the same as actively harming, even if the end results were the same. He huffed a small affirmative sigh, but, let Clef and Shadow speak for the moment.

While Link didn't quite understand the tears, he wasn't disgusted. And because Clef kept communicating (or at the very least attempting to do so) he wasn't even frustrated.

"Just talk to us in general, Clef," Link said after a bit. "I think it'd save us a lot of trouble in the long run."

[motherofresistance]

Oh, Clef... If only he understood the different sort of strength he was displaying now. It took a great deal of strength to be vulnerable and emotional with others, even- and sometimes especially- with those one loved. He just needed to learn how to mange that strength. Leia rested a hand gently on Clef's shoulder in a silent gesture of support as he tried to regain some composure and Link and Shadow spoke.

"Yes, I think talking on a more regular basis would likely do all of you some good," she agreed. "Provided of course, you're talking with and to each other, rather than one of you talking at the others. Because there's a very considerable difference there."

"You're all people with very strong emotions and beliefs. Though some of you are better at handling it than others." She glanced at Clef with that last word. "It's only natural that there will be some clashes and disagreements along the way. The key is learning to deal with them in a way that makes sure everyone feels heard, respected, and cared for. And the key to that is, ultimately, communication. Specifically emotional communication."

"Shadow tends to be fairly blunt- as he's just stated and demonstrated-, unless circumstances dictate otherwise. Link is a bit more considerate, though still not afraid to speak his mind when necessary. And Clef... Clef, from what I've seen, you tend to repress your emotions to a degree that's neither helpful nor healthy. It was a bad idea when the old Jedi did it, it's still a bad idea now, and it in no way makes you stronger. All it does is compound existing problems and cause new ones, as this situation shows us."

"Fortunately the fact that you're all here means that you all at least want to communicate, which is the first hurdle already taken care of. The second one is understanding, which is what we're working on now. And hopefully will be able to get to."

She glanced at Clef again, sensing his fear. Eventually, Link would leave in some way, as all children did. But she highly doubted it would be in the way that terrified Clef so much.

[guru_clef]

"I'm not.... I wasn't..." he shook, clutched the edge of the table, leaving his staff to just float beside him. It was a spell so simple and so familiar it was like breathing, he didn't even have to think about it. So he didn't realize he was breaking the no magic rule. Because his mind wasn't on the staff or the spell at all. It was on trying to say what needed to be said, trying to keep himself from collapsing.

"I wasn't trying..." he swallowed hard, fingers going white around the edge of the table.

The words weren't coming. There were too many of them all at once trying to force their way out of his mouth. "I never wanted to.... to tell you who or what to be...." he managed.

Except that wasn't fully true. And he had to find a way to acknowledge that, find the strength to say it.

"Not... not when I... I was fully my...myself...." Another hard swallow. HE closed his eyes, hands losing the strength to grip. "You both just...." he didn't have it, the words. How to explain without sounding accusing. He didn't know how to do it.

In the false Digad or whatever it was... they jumped around so much, so quickly. They never gave him a chance to think or process. Yes, he had clung to what he'd known there... because they threw a million pebbles, rather than trying to work at a single chink in his armor.

[shadowcourage]

"It doesn't matter what ya meant to do, the fact was, ya were doing it," Shadow said, eyes focused on Clef. He didn't care about the staff. Something so simple, it was probably much like how it was difficult to keep his form still when he was emotional.

"That's the thing about people. A lot of the times, they do things without meaning to. They think what they know is best, that what helps them, helps others. From day one, ya expected things from me that just weren't there. Ya thought I was a good person, who was good without question, and I'm not. Ya called me son, without asking me what I wanted, decided we were family, and we weren't. Ya have always assumed so many things about me, and what I want, and what I need," Shadow said and he sighed.

"I don't need the validation of a father like Link does. I don't need unconditional belief. If anything, I need people willing to hold me accountable, and frankly Clef, I don't think ya would," Shadow said. "I know Link believes in me. I know Zelda believes in me too. I also know if I go off the deep end again, they would take me down. It'd break their heart, it'd hurt them bad, but I also know they would. And that is such a relief to know, and its more of a relief to know that if they ever saw a sign before hand, they would just talk to me about it. Because they're willing to look at everything, they're willing to believe me when I said I chose to do wrong, and acknowledge that part exists. They just also acknowledge the parts of me that doesn't want to be that person anymore and I'm so grateful for it."

He leans more against Link. "I know ya feel hurt about Diagad, and I get it, it sucks to feel abandoned, but there's also a part of me that's pretty angry because ya keep pitying yerself because ya want to pretend what Link did wasn't the right choice. Ya say I wouldn't have hurt ya. The fact is, I would have. Link understood that, and he knew the best thing to do was to get me away for all our sakes. Link would hate to see his family hurt each other badly, and the best outcome would be if ya actually got upset I hurt ya, but let's be honest, ya probably would have blamed it on the world somehow, said it wasn't me at all, and completely disregard my own responsibility in the action, and it would make me hate myself for my own broken resolve and just give up on friendship with ya entirely because I can't let someone in my life who would let me do something bad of my own volition and not even hold me the slightest bit accountable for it. Because that way just makes it easier the next time. Because that's happened before."