It... was probably for the best that Leia gave him permission to let his temper out; because the more he listened, the more tension was building up in him. He stood, on the chair. It wasn't as good as pacing, but being less confined helped. Some. He would have paced if there was space, but even he wasn't so small that the chair allowed for that. And he suspected none of them would be pleased oif he tried it on the table.
"I'm not trying to win or be right or any of that!" he yelled. "And yelling..." he tried so hard to figure out how to explain without hurting Link's feelings again. "It isn't always anger, okay? It's not anger now!" It was frustration and pain and just... having too much emotional energy. In hindsight, he's never dealt well with strong emotions, they almost always led to screaming and insults which turned it into an argument, which drained off the emotions so he could process again.
It... probably wasn't healthy, but it was who he was, and he'd been trying and failing to fix this part of himself for centuries.
Well, no. Actually, he hadn't, he realized. Because he was rarely emotionally invested in anything enough for it to come up with anyone other than Presea. And he's pretty sure she's the one he picked up the habit from. But that was for another day. Not the point now.
He closed his hand around his staff. "Of course I'm sorry I'm hurtin him! You! All of you. That was never my intent, it isn't what I want. I love ya both! I'm not tryin to be right! I'm TRYING to see him, to hear him, to hear you both, Link! Shadow! I am! I'm not trying to tell him...you..." a frustrated scream as he slammed the length of his staff against the table in frustration.
He closed his eyes. "I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong, Shadow. I'm not trying to be right. I'm trying to help you see how wonderful you are! Because you are. You can have done bad things in the past and still be a good person now. They're not mutually exclusive!" He rubbed at his face. "I'm not being blind to your flaws or faults, but I'm seeing other sides to you rather than fixating on them! Why in the world is that upsetting?"
He really really wanted to pace.
"I acknowledge that you could, under the wrong circumstances, kill countless innocents. But if there is one thing Naut forced me to learn is that so could I! Any of us in this room could! But the key is that we don't just do it to do it, you don't just d it to do it! It isn't your go to solution! You are hurt and angry right now, and I am more sorry for and about that than I can express, but Shadow... I'm the one causing the pain and anger and you have not tried even once to hurt me! You've even said..." he swallowed... "said things that give me hope, things I am terrified to reply to because I am scared of destroying them. Even with all this! I do see you! I am looking at you! I don't care about right or wrong or winning or losing. I care about you. You and Link. And Zelda. And Leia. And so many more people now than I ever could have imagined. You two mean so much more to me than anyone I've ever met has!"
He was shaking now, it showed mostly in how his staff wobbled. "You both tried using my princess to try and snap me out of things but as much as she means to me, has meant to me for centuries... the TWO OF YOU ARE THE STRONGER ANCHOR!" He smashed his staff against the wall several times because there was just so much emotion and he had no other physical outlet for it. He made loud frustrated noises. He hated how out of control he was. Hated it.
Hated the terror that this would scare Link off for good, and how that terror fed into the emotions that screamed within him.
no subject
"I'm not trying to win or be right or any of that!" he yelled. "And yelling..." he tried so hard to figure out how to explain without hurting Link's feelings again. "It isn't always anger, okay? It's not anger now!" It was frustration and pain and just... having too much emotional energy. In hindsight, he's never dealt well with strong emotions, they almost always led to screaming and insults which turned it into an argument, which drained off the emotions so he could process again.
It... probably wasn't healthy, but it was who he was, and he'd been trying and failing to fix this part of himself for centuries.
Well, no. Actually, he hadn't, he realized. Because he was rarely emotionally invested in anything enough for it to come up with anyone other than Presea. And he's pretty sure she's the one he picked up the habit from. But that was for another day. Not the point now.
He closed his hand around his staff. "Of course I'm sorry I'm hurtin him! You! All of you. That was never my intent, it isn't what I want. I love ya both! I'm not tryin to be right! I'm TRYING to see him, to hear him, to hear you both, Link! Shadow! I am! I'm not trying to tell him...you..." a frustrated scream as he slammed the length of his staff against the table in frustration.
He closed his eyes. "I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong, Shadow. I'm not trying to be right. I'm trying to help you see how wonderful you are! Because you are. You can have done bad things in the past and still be a good person now. They're not mutually exclusive!" He rubbed at his face. "I'm not being blind to your flaws or faults, but I'm seeing other sides to you rather than fixating on them! Why in the world is that upsetting?"
He really really wanted to pace.
"I acknowledge that you could, under the wrong circumstances, kill countless innocents. But if there is one thing Naut forced me to learn is that so could I! Any of us in this room could! But the key is that we don't just do it to do it, you don't just d it to do it! It isn't your go to solution! You are hurt and angry right now, and I am more sorry for and about that than I can express, but Shadow... I'm the one causing the pain and anger and you have not tried even once to hurt me! You've even said..." he swallowed... "said things that give me hope, things I am terrified to reply to because I am scared of destroying them. Even with all this! I do see you! I am looking at you! I don't care about right or wrong or winning or losing. I care about you. You and Link. And Zelda. And Leia. And so many more people now than I ever could have imagined. You two mean so much more to me than anyone I've ever met has!"
He was shaking now, it showed mostly in how his staff wobbled. "You both tried using my princess to try and snap me out of things but as much as she means to me, has meant to me for centuries... the TWO OF YOU ARE THE STRONGER ANCHOR!" He smashed his staff against the wall several times because there was just so much emotion and he had no other physical outlet for it. He made loud frustrated noises. He hated how out of control he was. Hated it.
Hated the terror that this would scare Link off for good, and how that terror fed into the emotions that screamed within him.