"That isn't ya killing. That's just ya not saving," Shadow said to Link with a small nudge. It was a bad way of thinking and he can't help, but give the small nudge to hopefully encourage him to not think that way.
Though the praise from Leia of being a 'wonderful' and 'good' person is weird. His expression is a little surprised, unsure how to deal with hearing things like that from another party that was trying to understand where he was actually coming from instead of trying to assign a motivation. Its helping distract from his negative feelings. At least it was, until Clef went lax.
There is a new tension in Shadow when Clef seems to go limp. His expression is blank, but his eyes are trained intently on Clef because there was a new fear. A fear he would suddenly give up, fade away again. Fear for him and fear for Link what seeing that would do to him.
He only relaxes a bit when Clef speaks because at least...something is functioning, right?
And it was that...
"The only reason I'm dishonest with people on my side is 'cause I don't want to deal with trouble. Why I'll still use the cousin story for my owner, explaining it all is a lot and could bring me trouble from people I don't care about," Shadow said. "I lied to Link and Zelda because I didn't think I could keep being what I wanted to be for my princess and owner if they rejected me. And I hated it. I hated pretending to be someone else to 'em. Sometimes I think I chose the thing I did at the Gate because it'd force me to face that, I dunno. That might be me thinking too much, bad habit of a shadow," he said with a shrug. "But I did tell them the truth. And ya know the truth. Which means I have no reason to lie to ya about what I feel about our relationship."
"And let me be clear, I ain't exactly subtle when I feel hurt. Or angry. Or frustrated. Ya've seen that a lot already," Shadow said. "Not unless I have something I fear a lot more to keep that hidden and I just don't fear ya enough for that Clef. Ya can hurt me. Ya can't destroy me. Because ya did the thing I hated the most and its been getting in the way of our relationship for a while."
He leans forward. "Ya tried to tell me what I was. Who I'm supposed to be. I hate it. Its why I hate pretending to be something I'm not when people matter. For years, I was 'supposed' to be a shadow. I was 'supposed' to just follow. I was 'supposed' to just do whatever my owner did and never be looked at. And I wanted none of that. I wanted to show what a simple shadow could be with a little free will. I am who I am because I worked for it, because I wanted it, because I wanted to be who I was instead of all the 'supposed to bes.' Just cause I'm Link's brother doesn't mean I have to be yer son and that's okay. Link can have a weird family dynamic, doesn't mean his family is any less. And if I felt left out or afraid or whatever, it would be pretty obvious pretty quickly. Or, ya know, ya could have just asked why I kept saying no."
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Though the praise from Leia of being a 'wonderful' and 'good' person is weird. His expression is a little surprised, unsure how to deal with hearing things like that from another party that was trying to understand where he was actually coming from instead of trying to assign a motivation. Its helping distract from his negative feelings. At least it was, until Clef went lax.
There is a new tension in Shadow when Clef seems to go limp. His expression is blank, but his eyes are trained intently on Clef because there was a new fear. A fear he would suddenly give up, fade away again. Fear for him and fear for Link what seeing that would do to him.
He only relaxes a bit when Clef speaks because at least...something is functioning, right?
And it was that...
"The only reason I'm dishonest with people on my side is 'cause I don't want to deal with trouble. Why I'll still use the cousin story for my owner, explaining it all is a lot and could bring me trouble from people I don't care about," Shadow said. "I lied to Link and Zelda because I didn't think I could keep being what I wanted to be for my princess and owner if they rejected me. And I hated it. I hated pretending to be someone else to 'em. Sometimes I think I chose the thing I did at the Gate because it'd force me to face that, I dunno. That might be me thinking too much, bad habit of a shadow," he said with a shrug. "But I did tell them the truth. And ya know the truth. Which means I have no reason to lie to ya about what I feel about our relationship."
"And let me be clear, I ain't exactly subtle when I feel hurt. Or angry. Or frustrated. Ya've seen that a lot already," Shadow said. "Not unless I have something I fear a lot more to keep that hidden and I just don't fear ya enough for that Clef. Ya can hurt me. Ya can't destroy me. Because ya did the thing I hated the most and its been getting in the way of our relationship for a while."
He leans forward. "Ya tried to tell me what I was. Who I'm supposed to be. I hate it. Its why I hate pretending to be something I'm not when people matter. For years, I was 'supposed' to be a shadow. I was 'supposed' to just follow. I was 'supposed' to just do whatever my owner did and never be looked at. And I wanted none of that. I wanted to show what a simple shadow could be with a little free will. I am who I am because I worked for it, because I wanted it, because I wanted to be who I was instead of all the 'supposed to bes.' Just cause I'm Link's brother doesn't mean I have to be yer son and that's okay. Link can have a weird family dynamic, doesn't mean his family is any less. And if I felt left out or afraid or whatever, it would be pretty obvious pretty quickly. Or, ya know, ya could have just asked why I kept saying no."