"I'm not.... I wasn't..." he shook, clutched the edge of the table, leaving his staff to just float beside him. It was a spell so simple and so familiar it was like breathing, he didn't even have to think about it. So he didn't realize he was breaking the no magic rule. Because his mind wasn't on the staff or the spell at all. It was on trying to say what needed to be said, trying to keep himself from collapsing.
"I wasn't trying..." he swallowed hard, fingers going white around the edge of the table.
The words weren't coming. There were too many of them all at once trying to force their way out of his mouth. "I never wanted to.... to tell you who or what to be...." he managed.
Except that wasn't fully true. And he had to find a way to acknowledge that, find the strength to say it.
"Not... not when I... I was fully my...myself...." Another hard swallow. HE closed his eyes, hands losing the strength to grip. "You both just...." he didn't have it, the words. How to explain without sounding accusing. He didn't know how to do it.
In the false Digad or whatever it was... they jumped around so much, so quickly. They never gave him a chance to think or process. Yes, he had clung to what he'd known there... because they threw a million pebbles, rather than trying to work at a single chink in his armor.
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"I wasn't trying..." he swallowed hard, fingers going white around the edge of the table.
The words weren't coming. There were too many of them all at once trying to force their way out of his mouth. "I never wanted to.... to tell you who or what to be...." he managed.
Except that wasn't fully true. And he had to find a way to acknowledge that, find the strength to say it.
"Not... not when I... I was fully my...myself...." Another hard swallow. HE closed his eyes, hands losing the strength to grip. "You both just...." he didn't have it, the words. How to explain without sounding accusing. He didn't know how to do it.
In the false Digad or whatever it was... they jumped around so much, so quickly. They never gave him a chance to think or process. Yes, he had clung to what he'd known there... because they threw a million pebbles, rather than trying to work at a single chink in his armor.