Tidus had warned him that it was useless. It's frustrating to realize that all the assumptions that Esteban had from this had been all wrong; he'd thought the contact would be dangerous, that it would require sacrifice, or such a tremendous effort-- he'd thought it was why no one else tried anymore.
Instead, he's finding himself talking to a wall, and that, more than anything, makes him realize how foolish he'd been. What skills does he have to offer, what comfort can he provide his friends, when he too ends up being nothing more than a fly to the lion, barely worth the bat of an eye to be chased away.
He'd promised. He'd promised Tidus it would be okay.
The first lesson of flying, is to learn how to fall. It takes considerable effort for Esteban to soothe his own temper-- there's anger, of course, but most of it is fear, he knows, and worry too. That the Train is barely trying to keep any of them in the loop-- 'Dians, and they've all been dealing with this for months? No wonder. No wonder he is still foolish; no wonder others have stopped trying.
(Esteban vows that he won't let this lie. Promises himself that beyond this, beyond today and tomorrow and the day after-- he will pour all that he is in these attempts if he must, but he will talk to the Train. And if it dismisses him as nothing more than a child who does not know of what he speaks, well. Esteban has the experience to handle that anger too.)
"Why're you not letting us help?" This, perhaps, is the most confusing for the half-elf, the most frustrating.
The Train brought them out here for a purpose. The Train called them out here, to save worlds and work with each other, to give the helping hand that is needed to keep people going. It seemed absolutely fine with sending them off on a world with an angry god, but somehow, now, now it would rather push them away? What kind of logic is that?
Unless-- is he remembering wrong again? So much of it is hearsay; more of it is trying to remember the puzzle from documents Esteban slogged through, barely understanding their ornate written patterns. He really should start keeping track of all these pieces.
Esteban is not the smartest. His understanding of technology is directly related to the interest he has in it. But if the Train is willing to talk, even on a superficial level; the redhead will take what he can gather from it-- all that he can gather from it. And he may not be the smartest, but he will learn to help. The Train itself, or their missing companions-- he will learn whatever he needs to learn to help them.
no subject
Instead, he's finding himself talking to a wall, and that, more than anything, makes him realize how foolish he'd been. What skills does he have to offer, what comfort can he provide his friends, when he too ends up being nothing more than a fly to the lion, barely worth the bat of an eye to be chased away.
He'd promised. He'd promised Tidus it would be okay.
The first lesson of flying, is to learn how to fall. It takes considerable effort for Esteban to soothe his own temper-- there's anger, of course, but most of it is fear, he knows, and worry too. That the Train is barely trying to keep any of them in the loop-- 'Dians, and they've all been dealing with this for months? No wonder. No wonder he is still foolish; no wonder others have stopped trying.
(Esteban vows that he won't let this lie. Promises himself that beyond this, beyond today and tomorrow and the day after-- he will pour all that he is in these attempts if he must, but he will talk to the Train. And if it dismisses him as nothing more than a child who does not know of what he speaks, well. Esteban has the experience to handle that anger too.)
"Why're you not letting us help?" This, perhaps, is the most confusing for the half-elf, the most frustrating.
The Train brought them out here for a purpose. The Train called them out here, to save worlds and work with each other, to give the helping hand that is needed to keep people going. It seemed absolutely fine with sending them off on a world with an angry god, but somehow, now, now it would rather push them away? What kind of logic is that?
Unless-- is he remembering wrong again? So much of it is hearsay; more of it is trying to remember the puzzle from documents Esteban slogged through, barely understanding their ornate written patterns. He really should start keeping track of all these pieces.
Esteban is not the smartest. His understanding of technology is directly related to the interest he has in it. But if the Train is willing to talk, even on a superficial level; the redhead will take what he can gather from it-- all that he can gather from it. And he may not be the smartest, but he will learn to help. The Train itself, or their missing companions-- he will learn whatever he needs to learn to help them.