voidtreckerexpress | Just Another Nobody

You might have noticed that ever since the last mission ended Xion has been... Well if you haven't see her awake in that whole time there is a reason for it. She hasn't been. She had been set onto her bunk by Lea when they came back and she remained exactly as he left her until that morning.

Slowly her eyes opened and she looked to one side, turning just her head. She wasn't fully awake yet, and might be looking to see if anything was left beside her pillow, and if it was, how many...

Feel free to find a small figure in a long black coat, hood hiding the face, wandering the train at any given time. She rarely lingers anywhere long, and is mostly just leaving her room because Axel wants her to try to. But she doesn't really see the point, and little seems to catch her attention, though she seems to be holding something small in her hand.

She would be keeping an eye out for Roxas though... Not knowing where he was sleeping meant that she couldn't find him to put a shell on his bed if he were still sleeping too...

"You." Wait, no. "...excuse me." That's better. Ple Two hadn't seen Xion since the beach. Not terribly abnormal to just... miss or not notice someone, but now she had.

Xion stopped and looked at the person who addressed her, saying nothing. What... did they want? A mission for her? Or was she in the way? Had she made them angry? She braced for the blow that might be coming, though she didn't step back or run. Had she spoken too soon when she said that there were no bullies here...? She wasn't sure.

Glorfindel is just pulling a tray of pastries out of the oven to cool when he both felt and saw a small figure in a long black coat walk through the kitchen car. "You are just in time, I need somebody to help me taste test these," he said with a smile.

She stopped and spent as moment trying to figure out if he was talking to her, as her shoulders hunched. When no one else spoke, she figured he was. "Taste... test?" she asked. What did that mean? She knew tests were things in school that people studied for to get good grades. She was pretty sure she had been supposed to take the test herself, but none of that had made sense and she hadn't fully grasped it, so going Eagull hunting had won out over going to classes that week.

But what did that have to do with taste?

Glorfindel smiled and beckoned her closer, placing one of the cooling pastries on a plate for her. "You taste it, and then you tell me what you think of it. Is it too soft? Too crunchy? Is the flavor odd? Or does it taste good?"

"Would you like a cup of milk or juice to drink with it?" he asked. "Or a nice cup of tea?"

"....Why?" she asked. It might have been hard to tell if she was asking why she would give him the feedback or why she would want something to drink with it, but the answer was all of the above. Also as a bonus, why her? Why talk to her? As well as a general existential... why?

Well, that wasn't much self-esteem.

"Thank you for the help, the other day." On the beach? The little psychic girl who couldn't psychic? "...I'm Ple Two."

She looked up, startled. She was being... thanked? By a somebody?

"It was the mission." Since when did anyone thank the people on a mission for doing what they are told?

And no, she didn't have much self-esteem. Half her life being told she existed less than people who were told they didn't exist does that to you.

"And I also apologize again for... poorly cooperating." Ple Two was learning how important it was to communicate these things with people.

"....Appologize...?" she asked, so confused.

"Why not?"

Ancient Elf can do existential.

He put a pastry on a plate and set it on the counter.

"I could've gotten you hurt." Which would've gotten... her hurt as well. But mostly, don't get people hurt when they help.

"It doesn't look like ice cream? Wouldn't you want to ask a Somebody? One who eats more kinds of food?" She looked at the plate, so confused. Oh she'd seen other people eat things other than ice cream. And she's tried things other than ice cream. She just... did not see the point. Also she knew now that not all ice cream was the same. She disliked chocolate.

"So...?" That was what healing spells were for, wasn't it? Besides, what did it matter if a Nobody was hurt to protect a Somebody. It was better than being hurt helping to gather hearts, wasn't it?

"You only eat ice cream?" Glorfindel asked. "Hm, this does have cream. And sugar, and eggs. The only thing it isn't is cold." He rubbed his chin and contemplated it. It was a lovely pale golden color, sitting there on the plate.

He looked up at her. "I did ask Somebody. I asked you. If you do not want it though, I will not force it on you."

"Sea salt ice cream. Roxas and Axel say it is the icing on the cake after a hard day of missions. But we had a mission here and no ice cream."

She blinked startled, and looked up at him. Then she realized he had made a mistake. She shook her head. "I don't think I'm a Somebody, even if I might have a heart now." She might not be a Nobody any more, but she wasn't convinced of that either, yet. But she certainly wasn't a Somebody. Axel was because he had been then got his heart back. If she had a heart, she was a Replica with a heart. She was still a thing, not a Somebody.

"I - well, that would be bad?" Right? Getting hurt....... hurts.

"It would?" She had healing spells, so why would it have been bad?

"That sounds amazing. I wonder how we could make some," Glorfindel said. Ice cream was delicious, but it was fairly rare in Imladris and he'd never heard of such a flavor. "I support the idea of having some after missions."

He tilted his head, looking faintly confused. "You say that, but I do not understand. I can see that you are Somebody, just as I can tell you have a heart."

[Elves being telempathic and all. Let me know if it starts to border on too much! Though he's probably just picking up on her confusion, right now.]

"Somebodies are born, aren't they?" she asked. "A Nobody can become a Somebody again, if they get their heart back. But I was only ever fragments of someone else's memories," she said, looking at her gloves. "I don't think I can become a Somebody."

"...pain is unpleasant?"

"Most things are." Forget the blind leading the blind. This might well be the broken leading the broken.

Glorfindel was now picking up on those capitals a bit clearer now as he listened to her speak. This was someone having a severe existential crisis.

He leaned against the counter and looked down at her. There were several things he wanted to address, but how to start. The Nobodys sounded a bit like the elves who had been tortured and worse to become Orcs--when they died, they went to the Halls of Mandos to heal. He'd been outside that wing, with others who had loved ones inside. Namo and the Valar treated those souls very, very gently. But that was not her situation.

"Not everyone is born the same way," he said. "Orisa was manufactured, Webmind is a collection of other people's thoughts that became conscious, my body was given to me by the Valar after I died the first time." He paused, then asked her, "Have you made your own memories?"

"Orisa?" her head shot up at that. "Orisa is here?" She knew Orisa from Daitu. But she doubted the other remembered her. They had met briefly. And memory around Xion could be odd. Especially with Naminé here....

But at the other question, she looked down to her hands, then nodded. "I did. They had to be destroyed when I had to die..." she said softly. He had died also he said, so maybe he wouldn't give her a hard time like so many others had. Even Orisa had had issues with her attempts to finish her final mission and end herself back at the school. "But they remember me again. Axel and Roxas. And others. They got their memories back of me, in the future, they said."

"I, uh, suppose you're right." ...

She gave a small nod. She wasn't going to talk more, because she didn't see more to say...

Glorfindel nodded at mention of Orisa.

"But you are here right now," he pointed out, "and you are currently alive, you currently have these memories of your own. You just remembered Orisa, right?" He did wonder what she meant by "had to die," though. What kind of a world did she come from?

"I don't know anything about the world you are from. But where I am from, you would definitely be considered as Somebody. You have your own thoughts, you have your own likes--you like ice cream, you said, which means you have your own feelings. You are a Person," he told her gently. "You matter. And now that I have met you, you matter to me."

"I am not sure if I am alive," she countered quietly. "We don't know if this body will grow." And what did it really mean to be alive, anyway? Was that just about the heart? "When I was created I was told Nobodies shouldn't exist, didn't really exist, but that they were more real and more alive than I was..." she said, more thinking out loud than explaining.

"Feelings..." she repeated when he said that however. She looked up at him. "We were told Nobodies only have memories of feelings from when they existed. But Roxas and I never had memories. Axel thinks we were growing hearts of our own, even back then. But I don't know if I have feelings. I don't know how to tell what a feeling is. Someone at the school told me that fear is a feeling, but he was wrong, because I've always had fear, from as early as I can remember. Roxas says I had been there a week that first day I recall. and I was afraid then. So fear can't be a feeling. Because I couldn't have had a heart even beginning that soon." Right, Axel? "Feelings aren't explained in any of the books I tried to read to learn."

Then one more thought. "Does everyone you meet matter to you?" Doesn't that mean that none of them do?

Just Another Nobody - Partial OTA

Day 16, morning - Sleeper 6, Cabin B - locked to roommates

Day 18 until mission start

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CW: suicide mentions.

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Poor baby!!

Part of why I love playing her, I must admit >.<