voidtreckerexpress | (open) i don't know how to word it

Entry tags:

(open) i don't know how to word it

Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.

( scenario a - sleeper carriages )

Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.

But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.

"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"

That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.

It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.

( scenario b - luggage carriage )

Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.

As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.

But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.

Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.

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Ouch, why does she have to be so on point? It's almost like she can read his thoughts by reciting the one example that perfectly applies to Inigo's own situation here. And then it's even followed up by that statement of all things.. It makes Inigo laugh, though it's not a happy laugh. It's a hollow laugh at the irony of the situation, and he slowly removes his hands from his face to let the tears roll down his cheeks freely.

"Of course that's fine." For everyone else. Just not him. Inigo would never judge anyone for doing what he's doing right now, yet he's so hard on himself. "I just-- This isn't who I am, you know..? I'm the always smiling Inigo. A-and I will be the always smiling Inigo again! I just.. need a few moments."

More like a few hours, judging by the way his voice cracks a little as he speaks, too overwhelmed with emotion.

All Rapunzeldid was simply sit there at the start, letting him say whatever it was he wanted and not judging. Why should she? As she said it was okay to be sad, though her only experience with sadness was whenever she asked to go outside and was always told no.

This was a different kind of sadness and something the young woman was still learning about. After a moment though she moved her arm to wrap it around him. It seems as though people do this when sad at least.

"I understand, but for not you Sad Inigo and that is okay." Pat. Pat on the back lightly. That was an okay thing to do to be comforting, right?

The touch seems to be alright. Inigo doesn't try to stop her, at least, nor does he really shy away from the touch - although that might be slightly hard to do, sitting on top of the suitcases like this. He's probably just fall off if he tried to move away from Rapunzel.

But no matter whether that's the reason for it or not, he doesn't move. Inigo just passively accepts the comfort, even though it doesn't seem to make him look much better just yet. The hurt runs too deep for him to cheer up so easily.

"I don't like sad Inigo," he quietly admits to her. Apparently it's a hard thing to say, since he doesn't look at Rapunzel as he says it, instead just staring out in front of him. "I'm at my best when I'm cheering others up. That's the one thing I'm great at."

Or, well, it's the one thing he genuinely believes he's great at outside of his usual fake bravado.

"I can't do that while I'm like this. I'll just make others feel bad too."

"No one likes being sad. I know I don't, but at the same time, it's not nice to pretend everything is okay when one is hurting inside either." Now she thought about it, she was never really open about the way she felt about certain things at home, she would always gain a bit of confidence only to have to be knocked down in one way or another.

She would just accept it and not really say anything. "If a friend feels bad because you feel bad then that's a good friend, they care and they feel bad because they see their friend hurting and want to help. It's not nice to make a friend sad... But... It's a good thing as it shows how much they care about you."

What a conundrum. Because that's exactly the thing Inigo wants - people showing that they care about him. Nothing could make him feel better than that, especially with all his issues concerning his self worth. Or lack thereof, really. But at the same time, he hates the thought of dragging people down. That's what makes it so tough.

That tough side to it makes Inigo grow quiet for a few moments before slowly glancing over at her, his voice still a tad choked up.

"Would you feel bad then if I felt bad..?"

Rapunzel paused, she knew the answer to that question and she figured it might not necessarily be what they want to hear, but she didn't see the point in trying to lie and hide what she honestly thought.

"Yes, because for one you feel bad, but at the same time because I might not necessarily know how to help because I've never been in a similar situation to know how it's usually dealt with."

"See?"

He doesn't even blame her for it. After all, he does know enough about Rapunzel to know she must not have the opportunity to try and comfort someone, if ever. Most people who do have experience already have a hard enough time dealing with it - how would a girl like her even know where to start?

"That's why I don't want to feel like this. Or.. well, it's why I want to make sure no one notices that I'm feeling like this. I like cheering people up. I like encouraging them. As long as I'm like this, I'll just make people worry or feel inadequate for not knowing how to make me feel better."

Inigo smiles a smile that doesn't even come close to reaching his eyes before gesturing at the carriage around them.

"That's why I came all the way out here. I didn't think anyone else would come here."

"I think people will have a better understanding than I do, so your worry there, but it's also a learning experience too, I think. Not... the best one, but still one that helps for if a situation similar happens again." She kind of hopes that is never the case because she wouldn't want anyone to be sad or upset, but she couldn't help but think stuff like this was going to happen more often.

She didn't like it, but she just felt like that was going to be the case.

"I would leave you to it, but...I still don't think leaving you alone is such a good idea either."

Rapunzel is spot on. For all of the isolating and hiding feelings that Inigo does, he doesn't actually want to be alone. He sucks at being alone. Being alone only makes him feel worse, although he probably doesn't dare to admit as much even to himself.

So he hesitates. He knows he should just tell her to go. So she can do something more fun than just sitting here with some guy who's feeling sorry for himself.

But he wants her to be here.

And that latter part of him slowly starts to win out. It's soft - almost as if he doesn't dare to even let himself hear it, since it'll just make him feel guilty. But he does say: "I.. think I would like it better if you stayed."

Rapunzel swung her legs slightly looking down at her bear feet and trying to think over what to do or even say next. This was a lot more complicated than she honestly was expecting, but in her mind, she was going to be there for friend regardless of what happens.

So when he stated that it would be better with her staying all she did at first was simply look over and give a small nod. She at least was a good enough friend to do what they wanted and that was what he wanted.

"Do you just want me to sit here or... talk?"

"You can talk."

He says those words almost immediately - because he hates the idea of making her sit here with him in silence. That'd be like forcing her to stay, yet not allowing her to do anything.. and that's not something he wants to do to Rapunzel. It's not what friends do.

But even though it's an instinctive response he doesn't think much about, the thinking starts after he's said it. It makes him realise something as he sucks in a breath of air, trying to calm down.

"Actually.. I think it might help if you talked? Just.. about anything. Whatever you want. Maybe I just need a distraction."

"Okay... Okay... talking... Got it." While she had asked, she soon realised she just hadn't really thought about what to actually talk about. So now the young woman was trying her best to think things over in her head for subjects that might be good.

So far not a lot came to mind, but soon she thought of something.

"So um... do you think that we'll ever have more things on the train? Like carriages?" Okay not the best subject, but it was the only thing she could think of right off the bat.

Don't worry. Now of all times Inigo sure isn't going to be picky of Rapunzel's choice of subject - especially since he asked her to talk about anything at all. Anything is better than thinking about Yuki right now. It'll just spend him straight down the bad thoughts spiral.

Rapunzel starting about carriages of all things does, however, bring a very wry smile to his lips. It's just amusing how she picked that..

He sucks in a breath, willing his tone to sound a bit more normal when he speaks up.

"Of course. They do seem to add a carriage just about every time we stop at a platform, after all." Although it does make one wonder how long the train could get.. ".. Why, is there anything in particular you're hoping for?"

She tilted her head slightly, hand going to scratch behind the ear briefly as she thought over the question.

There was at least one thing, but at the same time she didn't really know what else could be added and would be a fun little thing to add.

"honestly, I just want an art area but...I would also like a lot more for people to do in general considering the amount of space we do get. It's bigger than the tower, but I know full well how bored one can get and you end up just finding little things to do."

Considering how quickly she could get through things, she did a lot within a day because of it.

"I guess that's how you make your own fun and be creative when you run out of things to do though."

He gets why she's saying it.

Especially at the mention of the tower. It's only now he's really thinking about it that he realises that Rapunzel got a bit more freedom, sure, but still not all the freedom she deserves, huh. She's still stuck, even though this train has more horizontal rather than vertical space. It kind of makes him feel bad for being so miserable when Rapunzel is cheerful despite all the tough situations she's been in.

"You've already made the entire train into your art area," he points out. His tone is weak, but it's still obviously he's trying to make a joke here. (Besides, it's a good thing. Her art really is making the train look brighter.) "You're right though. Perhaps that is why the train keeps adding carriages that give us more things to do.. It seems quite some people got fairly invested in planting new flowers in the greenhouse carriage ever since it appeared, for example."

"Not yet, I mean I painted that bit about not hitting the train. But I haven't really started with more of that yet." But she will get there and maybe even try and get others to join in or something.

Because that's as a good way to bond, right?

"That's right. I mean I wish I could provide things like seeds for planting because gardening lo9oks like so much fun~ Did you ever consider it?"

"Ah.." He laughs, though it's still a little hollow.

"I think I prefer looking at flowers rather than trying to grow them. I feel like I might just mess it up.." Like everything else, but he at least doesn't say that out loud. He doesn't want to sound that pessimistic, even right now. "I mostly like.. um, well, dancing.. But it's not as if we have a good place to do that here."

Especially with all the people around. Inigo is much, much too embarrassed to just dance somewhere and risk having someone walk in on him. He apparently didn't even have crying privacy all the way over here in a corner of the train!

"How hard is it to actually grow flowers?" Because she is now wondering because it seems so easy, so how could anyone mess something like that up?

She clapped her hands together "Dancing is good, the gym you could actually do that... Just... no music, but you don't need music, you just need your voice."

"I'm.. not actually quite sure the gym is a good place for that."

Please, do you know how many people go there? The chance of someone walking in on him there is practically 100%! He's rather die! He's had enough embarrassment after getting rejected by his own boyfriend like this..

"But as for the flowers.. it depends. Sure, there are plants that grow rather easily, like weeds or wildflowers, but most flowers require some level of care. They can be quite delicate. It's why you usually see more general greenery than flowers growing around abandoned places."

"How is it not? There is plenty of space? The only other place would be one of those quiet rooms that aren't being used." She doesn't get ti at all. The gym would be the better option because it meant that there was room for movement more than anything.

She didn't quite understand that people might want to dance in private for whatever reason.

"So...how do you have to take care of a flower differently than weeds?"

Rapunzel, no! Please! Inigo so doesn't want to talk about this more, since he just knows it's going to end up with him saying something really embarrassing or getting flustered. And that's something he really doesn't need after already having been found crying like a moron. That's enough embarrassment for the day.

So he gladly grabs onto the chance to talk about something else that she's giving him with her last question with both hands, thanks.

"You need to water it, I guess? And there's probably also something about the soil.."

His voice trails off. He thinks he's heard about that before?

"But I'm not an expert by any means. I'm sure people who often garden in the greenhouse could tell you more."

"Okay..." So there was more to flower raising than just planting seeds and watering them now and again. They both just didn't know what exactly those things were.

"If you could plant anything what would you want to plant?"

"Just.. pretty flowers?"

He shrugs a little, before giving her a small smile. He's trying really hard to hide the sadness in it, but Inigo isn't quite succeeding at it today.

"I'm not too picky, honestly. I think most flowers are pretty, regardless of colour or shape. I find lots of things that are already growing in the greenhouse pretty."

"Nothing wrong with flowers. They are beautiful to look at and are rather good things to paint. Maybe when I can finally do art classes we can do the whole painting flowers or fruit to start with."

But she did at least agree that what was growing there was rather beautiful.

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(open) i don't know how to word it

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