voidtreckerexpress | (open) i don't know how to word it

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(open) i don't know how to word it

Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.

( scenario a - sleeper carriages )

Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.

But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.

"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"

That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.

It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.

( scenario b - luggage carriage )

Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.

As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.

But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.

Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.

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There's a moment of regret and surprise on Inigo's face as she mentions the part about not sleeping well, as if he was really hoping no one would notice. There's even a quick rub at the area under his eyes, as if that might instantly brighten up his face. (It doesn't.)

"Ah.. Really?" His brain is working overtime to try and find a good excuse.. Maybe it'll work if he makes it seem like a general rather than a personal problem? "W.. Well, I'm sure most of us have been having a rather rough time lately, hm? With the whole mess with the languages, and so many people seeming to vanish lately.."

Unfortunately, his comment had the opposite effect, as her brow creased in worry. "Did...someone you know vanish?"

Dangit, why did Kitty have to zoom in on the second part rather than the first? Sure, he was genuinely upset about the languages thing too, but that'd be much easier to play off than the latter subject is.

Is he still going to try though? Of course. In for a penny, in for a pound.

"Yes, actually." He figures lying about this won't do much good, so he might as well tell the truth and act like he's not that affected by it. He tries to speak as casually as he can, forcing a smile up on his face. "My boyfriend isn't here right now. His name turned gold on the passenger list."

She took in a small breath. "Oh...I'm so sorry." There was no use asking if he was all right, because he clearly wasn't.

"...Do...you want some company right now?" She wouldn't mind staying with him a while if he wanted. But she could also understand if he just wanted to be alone right now.

"I.."

He starts, then stops. She just happened to ask him the toughest possible question in this moment. Because he knows he doesn't want to be alone. More than anything, he just really doesn't want to be alone right now. But at the same time, he also doesn't want to show himself looking miserable to anyone else.

It's a tough call, and so he goes quiet for a few moments, suddenly looking a lot more awkward.

"I.. guess so. If you don't have anything better to do. I wouldn't want to take up your time."

She gives what she hope is a reassuring smile as she shakes her head. "It's okay. I'm not really doing anything right now."

Inigo lets out a slow breath before - after actually pulling out his ticket this time and opening the door rather than running into it like an idiot again - gesturing into his room.

"You mind going in there for this? I don't think I can have this talk unless I'm sitting down for a bit."

With another shake of her head, she steps into the room. "That's fine," she replies. She'd prefer that he sits and rests for a bit anyway.

It's a good thing too. If she hadn't stuck around, there's no way Inigo would have taken even the slightest moment to do anything remotely resembling resting. He would just have kept walking around the train, desperate to find anything at all to do in order to distract himself.

So it's only now that he moves to sit down on his bunk. And he lets out a breath. Inigo doesn't sit completely still though - his hands idly pluck at the bunk, as if he's antsy, before he speaks up again.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend? Uh.. Or a girlfriend, I suppose."

She's a bit surprised by the question, but she hesitates for a moment. Would what she and Lance had count as a relationship? They had never really labeled it, and it felt like it hadn't lasted too long.

But still...

"...Yeah, I used to have a boyfriend back home," she replies softly. "It had been months since we broke up, though, before I got here."

Ouch. For a moment he kind of feels bad for asking. After all, what if he's just digging up painful memories she has? The last thing he wants is to make anyone else feel as awful as he's feeling right now.

It's hard, but he manages to give her a small, sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry. It's.. rough, huh?"

With a soft sigh, she nods. "Yeah," she admits. "But we were just...different, I guess. We wanted different things, and it just...didn't work out."

Even so, she couldn't forget both their heated words they'd exchanged when they both knew things were officially over.

Then, glancing at him, she hesitates for a moment before asking, "...did you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

She had suspicions about the answer, just given the question plus his overall mood, but it's as good a starting point for a conversation as any, if he wanted to talk about it.

"Boyfriend," he simply answers.

And for a moment it seems like Inigo might just go quiet. He's so bad at actually opening up about things, after all. Even here in this case he's worried that he might just make Kitty think back on bad things by bringing up his own experiences. The breakup didn't sound great, after all.

But on the other hand.. it hurts. It hurts so much, and the more he tries to hold all that hurt inside, the more he feels like he's struggling with it.

"I.." He starts, then stops, shaking his head. "He disappeared from here this morning, but.. we weren't doing too well even before today. He suddenly walked out on me during that party from a slight while ago."

Honestly, she isn't even thinking about her and Lance. They had made their choices, and while she did wonder if things could be different, she's had enough time to try moving on.

Besides, she could never focus on her own pain when his was obvious, especially as he explains what happened. Reaching out, she places a hand on his arm in what she could only hope was a comforting gesture.

"Oh no...I'm so sorry." That must have been awful, for things to be going badly right before one of them disappears. They never had a chance to talk.

Inigo shakes his head, though doesn't seem to make any effort to shake off the hand on his arm whatsoever. (It's actually kind of comforting at a moment like this.)

"It's alright." It's not alright at all. But what else is he supposed to say when it's so ingrained in his brain that he had to be okay and strong no matter the situation? "It's.. I mean, we all run that risk here as long as we are on this train. Anyone could leave at any given moment."

He pauses before releasing a slight breath.

"This just happened to be at an awkward moment."

She's quiet for a moment as she watches him. Then she says softly, "Knowing that it's always a risk doesn't make it hurt any less."

She's right. Inigo knows it - or honestly, more like Inigo feels it right now. It's like his heart has been ripped straight out of his chest.

But putting that all on display is hard. It's easier to shove it under the rug.

"It's not like we can mope about it forever though, right? .. Life goes on." He sounds like he's trying to convince himself more of that than her as he speaks.

"But it's hard for us to go on if we don't take the time to work through it," she replies. "Just ignoring it can actually make it worse."

Edited 2020-07-07 08:37 (UTC)

He visibly hesitates for a moment. When he does speak up, he looks away from Kitty, as if it's too hard to say this and meet her gaze at the same time.

"Then what am I supposed to do to work through it? Soon there will be new arrivals, and before you know it we will have another mission. That doesn't exactly leave much time to go cry somewhere."

"Well..." she says slowly, "that's why it's good to take the time to cry when you do have some."

Times such as now, for instance.

"You'd be surprised by how much it can help to just let it all out."

Oh, sure. Inigo is no stranger to crying. If anything, maybe he cries a little too much. But right now? In front of Kitty? There's no way he could do that. Whatever first impression he managed to give her of him would be totally ruined, he's sure.

"Are you sure that would help?" His expression turns a little wry.

She smiles gently, giving his arm a light squeeze. "Usually helps me," she says.

She can understand not wanting to cry in front of someone, though. She'd gotten to trying to save her tears for when she was alone.

"It doesn't have to be now, though. It can be whenever you're comfortable."

Hopefully he can catch her meaning though, that if he ever did feel like it, she wouldn't mind being a shoulder to cry on.

At first he doesn't seem to get it.

But then he glances over at her, staring silently, and then it's like the implication hidden under those words slowly seems to hit him. Inigo's eyes widen a little in surprise, but then his expression returns to more of a sad look, but now with something oddly fond in it.

".. Thank you, Kitty."

He has to really put some effort into making sure his voice doesn't sound all choked up.

"You're a really good person. Do you know that? I mean, you don't even know me that well, yet you're already here for me."

A faint blush colors her cheeks, but she still smiles. "I mean, I try to be," she admits. There are certainly times when it's easier to be than others. "But everyone needs a friend, right?"

"Yes," he slowly admits. ".. Everyone does."

As much as Inigo likes to pretend he's okay no matter what, even if he's by himself, he knows that's not the truth. He would completely collapse without friends by his side. Especially in a situation like this, where someone so important to him is most likely about to leave.

"So I'm taking that as you saying you don't mind having an extra one here on this train?" It's the most roundabout way possible to ask to be friends, sure, but Inigo is trying to keep the tone light here. If not just so he doesn't start crying on the spot all the same.

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