voidtreckerexpress | (open) i don't know how to word it

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(open) i don't know how to word it

Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.

( scenario a - sleeper carriages )

Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.

But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.

"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"

That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.

It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.

( scenario b - luggage carriage )

Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.

As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.

But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.

Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.

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For a moment Inigo is so caught up in his own tears that he misses all the telltale sounds. The door to the carriage opening, the footsteps, the sounds of the suitcases being moved slightly as Prompto climbs over them. It's only when there's that sudden touch of the arm on his shoulders that Inigo realises he's no longer alone.

His head snaps up in surprise, the tearstreaks on his cheeks now clearly visible - and they're not fully dry yet either, considering tears are still rolling down there even as he stares at Prompto in surprise.

For a moment he almost looks horrified. This isn't the kind of face he wants to show to anyone. Especially not to Prompto, who seems so cheerful and fun all the time. The least Inigo should do is match that, not look like the miserable wreck he feels like right now.

But he can't stop. Now he's started crying and the tear dam is broken, the tears just keep on coming, no matter what he does. He can't hide this right now.

The realisation has him quickly shoving his hands in front of his face, sobbing into them instead. His voice sounds choked up when he manages to speak.

"Why are you here..?"

Prompto wasn't looking cheerful and fun right now. There was a frown on his face and a hurt look in his eyes. When Inigo turned his head to finally see him, Prompto's eyes were starting to get misty. It wasn't completely sympathy tears, even though some of it was. How couldn't he cry seeing so much hurt and pain in such a sweet man? Some of it though, was his own hurt.

So with a sniffle and rubbing his eyes with the back of his free hand, he tried for a small smile. "Because I'm your friend, dude. We're friends." His gaze dropped to his knees where they were dangling over the side of the suitcase. His bottom lip quivered and he cleared his throat. "Iggy's gone too." He knew it wasn't the same as if Gladio or Noct or, the Six forbid!, both. But pain was pain and he was feeling it and Inigo was his friend so he was allowed to share it. That was part of the job of being a bro.

That right there is exactly the problem. Sharing pain is just not something Inigo does with friends. Not because he doesn't trust them - he trusts Prompto for sure - but because he never wants to unload his pain onto others. He just can't. Inigo spent years and years surrounded by people who were suffering just as much as him, if not worse, and so he had to be the one to be able to suck it up and keep things together for everyone's sake. He had to learn how to smile in every situation. Which is exactly why he's here in a corner of the train to begin with. He was hoping to unload this all somewhere no one would find him, so he could return and smile with everyone again, no matter how much his heart ached on the inside.

Clearly that plan has failed though, and trying to hide it is a ship that has long sailed now Prompto is on to him. Inigo sucks in a deep breath. Maybe he can still salvage this if Prompto is clearly having a problem as well. He furiously rubs at his face to wipe away the tears, trying so hard to mentally will his crying to stop. Just don't think about Yuki. Don't think about how the endless stream of rejection just keeps going. Focus on Prompto for now. He can do it. Prompto's the one who deserves and needs some comfort and support right now.

".. I'm so sorry." His voice is weaker than usually still, though less choked now. "Of course that's got to be really rough for you, even if you'll see him again back home. At least you've still got the other guys, right?"

Prompto nodded, appreciating the attempt at comfort. He didn't want to say out loud Iggy's fate, though. Going home and being at the same time was Prompto meant Iggy would be blind. It had been nice to see him without that injury for a while. It had been nice to see Iggy happy too.

"I'm sorry too, man. This sucks." He really couldn't imagine how hard this must be on his friend. He also totally missed the memo that this was supposed to be only about him. "You've got friends though. We're going to be there for you while you go through this."

He leaned in and laid his head on Inigo's shoulder. "It's not fair. You're so amazing, Inigo. You didn't deserve this."

Dammit, Prompto, stick to the memo! Inigo thought his sneaky topic switch was going to be pretty succesful, but it seems like it's completely going over his friend's head.

And then he's even giving him a compliment? And saying he doesn't deserve this? And putting his head on his shoulder?! These are exactly all things Inigo likes, but that's the exact problem. Inigo is trying to look strong here. Like he's fine. Like he can deal.

But it's really, really freaking hard to hold everything in when Prompto is just trying so hard to be comforting. He can feel tears starting to form in his eyes all over again. There's no salvaging this right now.

At the very least he doesn't make any single movement to get Prompto off his shoulder. The other can stay there.

Maybe it's even for the better, since Inigo's voice is quiet enough that Prompto might have missed what he was saying if he wasn't so close.

"I don't know if you'd still say that if you really knew all about me."

Prompto was thinking he looked like a cute, sobby puppy. That was kind of like 'strong', 'fine', and 'he can deal' right? Just.. the opposite.

Why did this have to happen? Why did Iggy have to go? Was he still Madoka's uncle without him? That brought a few new tears. He loved being an uncle! And he didn't know Yuki very well, but he'd witnessed Inigo's smile when he talked about him. He knew how in love his friend was with the guy. They both could come back still. There was a chance, right? How come it didn't feel like it this time? It felt.. permanent somehow.

"I would," he said just as quietly. "I'm.. I'm not what I seem either, but that doesn't mean you don't know me and I don't know you. Why would you think there's anything about you I wouldn't like?"

Prompto.. not being what he seems? That's kind of a confusing statement to Inigo. Prompto just seems so guileless that Inigo can't imagine what he could possibly be that Inigo hasn't yet already noticed. Yet he thinks Prompto wouldn't just say that to make him feel better, so it's got to be true.

He wonders if it's too rude to ask. Maybe it's the worst time possible to ask to begin with. Prompto probably would've brought it up earlier if it was something he didn't mind talking about.

Maybe he should at least be fair and offer some information in return before he gets all nosy. No matter how hard it is to talk about the stuff he usually keeps hidden.

".. Because people usually don't like me, Prompto." It's a far cry from Inigo's usual bravado. But this is the truth. This is what it always feels like, no matter what he might claim during his dramatic moments. "I keep waiting for people to tell me to just get lost sooner or later."

He snuggled a little closer. It was nice to have someone who he could mourn the absence of his friend with. He didn't want Gladio or Noct to worry about him, so it worked out that he had company from outside their little group. He wondered how long they could sit up here before another smoker came in and made them leave from the stinky fumes.

"They're fools." It wasn't said in Prompto's usual peppiness either. There was some hints of a growl. Prompto would fight anyone who said Inigo wasn't a good and wonderful man. "Why would anyone tell you to get lost? You're so nice and sweet. You work hard and are a great friend."

Inigo can't help but really lean back against Prompto when he says those things, like he wants to bask in them even physically. He really wishes he could just believe those words. Even simple compliments feel so hard to accept at times. Nice and sweet already feels like it's stretching things, considering the amount of times he says something dumb and makes everyone around him uncomfortable.

He hesitates. His throat feels dry and thick at the same time, and it's hard to swallow. Maybe he can trust Prompto to at least not think differently about him if he entrusts him with a bit more of a piece of truth about himself. Prompto is nice, so he can probably trust him, but.. it still feels hard. It's terrifying to think he may change such a sweet friend's perception of him.

His voice is soft when he speaks up, like he's worried someone may overhear them despite them being the only ones in the carriage.

"I'm a prince. Being nice, or sweet.. That isn't going to cut it."

"Really?" Prompto answered, his head moving off Inigo's shoulder so he can look at him better. To try and keep the other boy from worrying though, he tugs him into a tighter side hug for a moment. "That's awesome! You know Noct's a king, right? He doesn't act like one either. You.." He hesitated then, wondering what might be the reason for Inigo to feel bad about being a prince. "Do you wish you weren't or something? I know it can be a lot of pressure."

He remembered how lonely Noct was in high school surrounded by people who wanted to be his friend because of what he was, not who he was. In a way, Prompto had also befriended him because of what he was but it was more complicated than that. He'd made a promise to the oracle to be a good friend and it had become his mission in life. It ended up being the best thing that ever happened to him.

'Awesome' isn't quite the word he's expect anyone to describe it, and so Inigo's cheeks do light up - but only very faintly, considering how nervous he's still feeling. Even as Prompto pulls him into the sidehug. At least Prompto's casual reaction is explained by the fact that apparently one of his friends is a king.

But before Inigo can even fully mull it over, there's that question. One that's so much more difficult to answer than how easily it's asked, and Inigo definitely looks a lot more serious and conflicted as he seems to think it over for a moment. He's not quite sure himself, after all. Does he wish he wasn't..?

"I don't know," he just ends up answering.

At least it's true that it's a lot of pressure. So much pressure. And he isn't even the direct heir! He can't even imagine how Lucina deals with it.

"But it would probably be better for everyone else if I wasn't."

Prompto's frown deepened when his acceptance of who Inigo was hadn't done the trick. What else was he hiding? Where was this pain coming from?

"Why would you say that?" He asked. This time his voice didn't hold any of it's usual tease or light. He was worried and was taking this very seriously (for once). "Talk to me, bro. You know I'm not going to say anything to anyone else or judge you."

It's not the judgement he's worried about as much as he just doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for him when they know the full extent of his circumstances.

Explaining that though feels like even more of a chore than explaining said actual circumstances, so after a moment of hesitation he looks away from Prompto, instead staring ahead of them into the empty space.

"My father was killed when I was very young. After that the kingdom completely fell to ruin and destruction. My older sister at least tried to salvage things, but I've been completely useless. Maybe things wouldn't have come as far if there had been someone more competent in my place."

Prompto listened quietly both seeing where the guilt came from and where it shouldn't be coming from. He was quiet for a few moments before giving Inigo's shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

"Yeah but.. you just said you were really young, right? So how are you now? You can't be any older than I am and I'm sorry but I don't think a ten year old or however old you were when this happened is capable of ruling a kingdom yet. That's not your fault. I mean, look at Romeo. Think he would know what to do if his kingdom was falling apart?"

He wasn't sure any of that would really make Inigo feel better, but he decided to try another angle too. "Our kingdom was taken over and our city was destroyed too. It was several months ago now, but Noct lost his dad and we all have just been trying to hold it together. Where were your supporters? Where was your Crownsguard when you needed them?"

"Probably not," he just mumbles at Prompto's talk about Romeo. He knows the other is right. After all, that was around the age he was when things first started to go bad before they only got worse and worse. And while he knows it's unreasonable to expect a kid to be able to solve all of that, he still illogically feels like he somehow should have. Inigo sucks at not blaming himself for things, even when they're far out of his own control.

But before he can say more, Prompto is already speaking on, and Inigo just quietly listens while leaning against the other. It's rough to hear Prompto came from similar circumstances too, even if he must have lived through them for a shorter while than Inigo himself if it has only been a few months. But even a few months by themselves must have been rough - and yet Prompto always seems so cheery. How does he do it?

(Well, maybe much in the same way you do it, Inigo.)

It's something in those last few words that finally make him speak up.

"Crownsguard?" He repeats the word like he's hearing it for the first time. "What's that?"

Not all princes get assigned handsome boyfriends when they're young, okay!! (If only.)

Prompto knew when he was being humored. He may act like a clueless goofball at times, but he was much better at reading people than some would expect. He didn't really think he'd convince Inigo in one try that he shouldn't put so much pressure on himself. It hadn't worked on Noct and he'd been trying for years.

He wasn't sure what else to say or do to convince him, but it was nice there was a chance to distract him for a while at least with talking about the royal guard.

"Um.. the Crownsguard are part of the royal guard, but we get special gifts from our king. He shares his magic with us. You know how I can make my camera and my guns vanish when I want them to? That's the magic we get from our king. He selects which weapon we share with him and then that's what we train with til we're experts at it." He thought he was explaining this right. "It's the king's job to protect the kingdom and our job to protect him. So.. I guess the question is, who was there to help you when you needed it?"

That's a rather nice set-up they've got there. Inigo isn't sure if he'd like it for himself - after all, he really does never like it too much when his whole being a prince thing is being emphasized - but it makes them sound close. Connected. That is something he kind of likes the sound of.

He thinks on it for a moment before being pulled straight out of his thoughts by Prompto's question, making him glance sideways at the other.

"I.. Well. I travel around with my friends to try and set things right."

But it's different. Sure, he laughs with them, and fools around with them, but he's never asked Brady to heal his wounds even when they were pretty deep. He never called for help even when he really needed it in battle if it seemed like it'd inconvenience any of the others.

He knows they would have helped if he asked. That it's all on him. But he just-- he just couldn't. He couldn't add himself onto their load of burdens.

"But I don't think it's quite like how you do it."

He smiled a little, understanding perfectly the need to go set things right. His friends were valiant like that. He didn't view himself as particularly heroic by any measure but he knew and helped people who were! That counted, right?

He stopped nodding and smiling along with what Inigo was saying when he saw all those shadows of doubt cross his face. "Hey.. sometimes.. um, sometimes it's hard knowing how to support a friend if they won't trust you enough to tell you how. Maybe it could've been like how we did it if you realized how great you were- are! Because you are! You're like.. Inigo! You're so cool and friendly and fun to be around. You're passionate and you get so cute and flustered at times.." He shook his head with a small laugh. "I'm not from your world and I don't have any obligation to be here with you, but you're my friend and I want to. That's just because you're you. No other reason."

He really doesn't think most of that description is right. Or any of it, actually. But it feels too pessimistic and just.. generally not right to deny all of those compliments when Prompto is going out of his way to give them to him. Inigo isn't sure at all though how he managed to give the other that impression of him.

".. Thanks, Prompto."

He's looking away at first, but then forces himself to actually look at the other. He smiles, but it's tiny and awkward.

"It's really sweet of you to say that." Sweet is an understatement, but how else is he supposed to put it? Getting this much positive reinforcement from a friend is new to him, and he doesn't quite know how to deal with it.

He smiled, though it was still a bit watery from his own emotional upheaval. "You're welcome, dude. I'm here whenever you need me. Anytime, anywhere. That's what friends do and maybe I'll be your Crownsguard for a while just to show you how it feels."

Noct wouldn't mind, would he? Nah, Prompto was sure his friend would understand what he was doing. Besides, he wasn't really swearing his allegiance to Inigo or anything. He was just showing him what it meant to have a loyal friend.

"You wanna cry some more or want me to come play a game with me or something?" He was genuinely offering to sit there and continue crying with Inigo if that's what the other boy wanted to do. It should totally be an option when someone was feeling bad. He sort of felt like crying some more too.

Honestly, he kind of wants to cry more. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to stop at this rate.

But Prompto is just.. trying so hard to help him. Inigo can try. He's a little unsure of how to accept that amount of effort being poured into him like that, but he's really trying. Especially Prompto saying he'll be his Crownsguard is really sweet, considering his explanation on what it means.

So he ought to put in a bit of effort here as well.

"We can go play a game." He raises his hand, wiping at his eyes. "You go ahead, alright? Pick something for us to do in the games carriage, and I will be right over. Just.. as soon as I.. you know."

He kind of gestures towards himself. He probably means something along the lines of 'make myself presentable enough after being a crying wreck', but saying that out loud is too embarrassing.

He was being so stupid and he knew it. He was the one who had suggested it, after all. He was trying so hard to make Inigo feel better and now.. now he seemed to have done it and he didn't want to go.

"Right.. I'll uh.. I'll give you a moment." He nodded like he should and moved his arm off Inigo's shoulders. He looked away and tried to get up but.. he just couldn't. There was something so heavy on his heart about Iggy leaving, but he was supposed to be here helping Inigo. He was failing at keeping anything hidden though as a few more tears spilled down his cheeks and a telltale sniffle gave him away.

.. well, that sure didn't go as expected.

Inigo really thought Prompto would just get up and go off to the games carriage, but apparently that isn't happening. It's so surprising that it takes a moment or two for his brain to even fully register that Prompto now is crying. But in a sense.. maybe it's for the better. If Inigo is focusing on making sure someone else isn't crying, he has much less time to focus on his own thought spiral that makes him cry.

So he sucks up any and all remaining feelings the best he can, tucking them away in a corner of his mind where he can pull them out from later. It wouldn't be productive for them both to cry.

Instead Inigo moves, starting to climb off the suitcase.

"Alright, just.. wait here for a moment? I will be right back. I swear." He knows it probably seems weird to do this right after Prompto started crying, but he swears he has a good reason! "Don't move."

And while he feels dumb running through the train with his eyes still clearly red and puffy from all the crying he's done, Inigo is willing to take that risk for Prompto's sake right now. All he's doing anyway is just running to his cabin and then right back to the carriage Prompto is in - but as Inigo runs in, he's carrying his blanket in his arms. He climbs back onto the suitcases with it, moving right up to where he was sitting next to Prompto, and then drapes the blanket over the two of them.

"I mean.. We obviously aren't going anywhere anytime soon." Because they're both just messes, apparently.

Inigo scoots closer, until his side is just pressed against Prompto's. To show he doesn't mind the contact this time.

"So let's just stay like this for a while instead."

It'd totally be productive if they both cried! Didn't Inigo ever want a cry buddy? That wasn't a real thing, but Prompto wished it was. He didn't want to burden Gladio and Noct with this, especially when he knew what they'd say. It wasn't the same being reassured something was true versus actually getting the kind of acceptance he needed from the other person.

As he was wiping his face with the back of his hand, embarrassed beyond words, he realized Inigo was moving away from him. What? Oh god, no! He'd failed so miserably at helping cheer Inigo up he was running away from him! Their friendship was over and he'd tell everyone on the train what a total freak Prompto was and the world might explode and he'd never see chocobos again.

"What?" He stammered, the words not what he'd expected. The promise though has the desire effect of making Prompto attempt some calm while he was left behind. He stared at the door where his friend went and curled his knees up tighter under his chin. Just like a faithful dog, obedient and believing Inigo would come back, he waited. Despite his tears, the purple haired boy immediately got a smile when he returned. He doesn't know why that made him cry harder too, but it did. When his friend was seated next to him, he quickly got dragged right into a hug.

"Oof--"

The hug is not totally unexpected with how emotional Prompto seems right now - he does kind of seem like an oversized dog with his current attitude - but Inigo can't help but let out that slight sound anyway as he's suddenly dragged into the hug.

But it's just slight surprise and him attempting to deal with the sudden force. The hug itself.. isn't bad at all. Inigo doesn't mind. He loves hugs, after all, and it's obvious Prompto needs one right now. And hell, he'll take any distraction to keep him from having to think too much about Yuki right now.

"What?" He laughs, and he manages to sound it really genuine. It's almost as if Prompto never walked in on Inigo crying to begin with, every trace of that seems to have vanished into thin air. "You weren't seriously worried I wouldn't come back, right? I thought you had a little more faith in me than that!"

But even as he jokingly says that, he puts an arm around Prompto too, drawing the other even closer.

(open) i don't know how to word it

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