I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Who: Nita and YOU. Preferably close CR, but anyone can stop by.
Where: Quiet Car, second floor, a room near the front of the carriage.
When: Middle half of Grasshopper; post-platform, pre-event.
What: A(n ex-) wizard retreats. Some may come to reprimand, some to console, some just to find out WTF happened.
Warnings: ... Discussion of what's basically psychic assault in this log, folks. Mind your headspace!


After the platform, Nita retreated into herself. That was the best way to describe it; she could not be 'booked' in one of these rooms the same way she could have been in the Medical Car, but she spent as much time as she could in just the one room, not speaking unless spoken to, not leaving except to go to the restroom or fetch another journal.

No matter when one arrived to check on her, she would be either resting - staring off into space more than actually sleeping - or writing.

Some of the words were crossed out, as if she had had a tough time finding the right ones, but the writing looked to be formal in nature. A report. And, most notably, it was in English, not the alien curves of the Speech.

If she had to live with her actions, Nita figured, the least she could do was explain them - and explain why they were wrong.

Mostly, though, what encompassed her mind was the emptiness of it all. She couldn't even be angry now.

Fitting.

Comments

[flatteries]

As soon as he sees her react, Inigo is already opening the door and moving inside. Usually he would have sat down on the bench opposite of the one Nita is sitting on, but now he's a little closer to her, those red eyes are so very obvious.

And considering how often Inigo cries? He can notice these signs like no other. It breaks his heart to think she may have been crying in here like that, and so he instead quickly sits down next to her.

He looks about to reach out, but then seems to hesitate at the last moment, having at least enough good sense to first ask: ".. Do you want a hug right now..?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita takes a breath. Holds it one second, two.

"... Yes."

Because she's feeling so very alone right now - and Inigo is one of the few on this train who gets that - and denying it would hurt a hell of a lot more than it'd help either of them right now.

[springforth]

"So do it. It's better to talk about it with the being in question than bury yourself in a quiet room while half the train keeps popping in, giving you advice on things we can't really understand." A bit of a self deprecating smile with that. "Even if they don't talk back, you'll be explaining yourself to the being who matters."

[blitzcheer]

"Give it time," he reassures as best he can, slowly spoken. "You both need it, but you especially. You got real heated--and I know you did something you regret, with your Oath. But this isn't just it, you know?"

He leans, and reaches over to put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it.

"Sort yourself out. Do whatever you have to. And...talk to someone, if you need help. It's easy to get stuck in your own head."

And sometimes you need help, even if you're the only one who can solve your own problems in the end.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Again, Nita nods - and finds herself giving a likewise-wry knowing smile, as well.

"I get it, I think. Though," she adds, making a pointed glance out the glass.

"Might be best if I don't have an audience? If you know what I mean."

This isn't the sort of conversation she wants with commentary, in other words.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita squeezes a hand, for just a moment - then lets go. Exhales.

"Yeah. Way too easy."

She looks at his face, then; not smiling, but thoughtful.

"You're all right, then? No one else got hit or anything?"

[blitzcheer]

"No." He looks curious as he says it, briefly checking his SCA before straightening his back, resting his arms back on his legs.

"I wasn't that near when it happened, but I just saw you get knocked, no
one else. Nothing's happened to anyone far as I know."

Then or later.

[springforth]

"Right, shall I go stand guard against well meaning friends and errant books?" She pushes up off the seat, heading to the door. At the last moment, she turns back, hesitant.

"I did do something awful, much worse, something I'm still not sure how to fix. This--this is so much more simple. So apologize and fix it." Then she's out.

Think this one's a wrap as well?

[unfavorableinstigation]

That gesture gets her curiosity - but it's buried once Tidus answers.

With a nod, she says, "Good."

Easier to clean up a mess with less collateral.

"As long as the newbies are settling in alright, we should be fine..."

For a given value of 'we,' anyway.

May do a cap for this thread where she talks to/at Bobo, if that's alright.

[unfavorableinstigation]

There's something in her that's not surprised at what Persephone says - so despite her relief at the offer, her chief reaction is empathy.

"If it happened back home, and not on the train... nevermind. But if you want to talk about it, later, I'm here to listen."

A chat for a chat, maybe.

Nita gives an encouraging smile. "I'll tackle this as best I can, promise."

sure!

[blitzcheer]

"You focus on you; there's enough of those council people around to think about them."

The newbies or whoever else. Tidus waves a hand at that, but then stands up.

"I'll leave you alone for now, but I'll be back later. Just hang out, give you a lil' company. That alright with you?"

[springforth]

Persesphone just offers back a tight smile, not quite reaching her eyes, and a shrug and nods for Nita to go on before she ducks out to argue with the public.

Aaaand wrap.

[unfavorableinstigation]

"Can't say I'll be good company, but... sure."

The reassurance that there's enough council to go around helps, in its own way.

She'll see Tidus out, mood not necessarily lightened, but shifted, somehow.

*cracks knuckles* TIME TO WRITE... MORE OF MY OWN HEARTBREAK...

[unfavorableinstigation]

There's a tentative few seconds of quietness, after Persephone leaves, before Nita lets herself back away from the door and lean against one of the benches, scrounging up her courage and feelings as best she can.

For once, she's locked the door.

"Bobo..."

These rooms are soundproof, right? May as well run with that for as much as it's worth.

"I'm sorry. And- I'm betting we both feel that way, because if you were at all alright with this... you'd have told me by now."

No, that doesn't sound quite right. Nita tries again.

"I think I should feel angry at you, a little, but all I really feel is like I'm crumbling to pieces, like I have been doing that for ages and it just became noticeable."

A sigh. "I can't remember if I've told you, but I've done... that, before. To Nautilus. During a storm. I guess my biggest fear is that it would become a habit, happen again: taking my anger out on the worst target possible, in the worst way possible. You weren't responsible then, and you're not responsible for my actions now, so don't you dare blame yourself for that!"

She's surprised at how loud she got, there; silence returns for almost a minute straight as she breathes.

"I know I don't need to be a wizard to do good; you've said that yourself. But, being a team again... I miss that. More than practically anything. So..."

Another sigh, another silence. "I'm going to write that report, because if anyone else at home shows up and wants a precis for what I've been up to, it'd be wrong to leave that out. And I'm going to apologize to the train anyway, even if other people say I should still be mad at it, because that's what I'd like to do... but I want to do it with you, if you'll let me. Maybe not as wizard and wizardry, but as friends."

Which after all is what they'd become after all this time... right?

There's an echo, then: agreement. A faint flicker in the back of her mind - it fades away as quickly as it comes, but with it comes a message: /I'm sorry, too. And you're right./

The tears come back, then, and there's no stopping them. But she wouldn't, not for anything in the world.

[wizard_redfive]

Dairine more than thinks so. She's positively certain. Whether this is a result of wishful thinking or a true wizard's hunch... well, only time would tell.

"Neets, it says so right in the Manual. Have you been avoid it?"

A beat.

"Actually do you have Manual access right now?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita gives her sister a flat look.

"Why do you think I didn't bring my Manual with me in here?"

If it were that simple, she'd absolutely have kept it on her the whole time.

"And summoning it's right out, for me."

[wizard_redfive]

Dairine puts her hands up.

"Alright, alright! Cripes, Neets." Yeah, maybe she deserved that a little asking about a sensitive topic, but it's not like it wasn't relevant.

Dairine pulls out Spot and flips open his screen.

"See, if I bring up your listing... Here. 'Juanita Callahan, Suspended.' Nothing about being an ex-wizard or whatever that'd come up as in the Speech." Dairine frowns. "Actually are people still listed when they lose wizardry? Anyway, I'd say that's pretty conclusive proof that this is a strong penalty, not a permanent measure."

Mind if we do a second thread set on the 20th/21st Grasshopper? She'll have the train apology ready.

[unfavorableinstigation]

If Nita looked bamboozled before...

[Error: Juanita_L_Callahan has ceased to take in data. Please restart and try again.]

"That's a good question. Didn't really have to find out during the whole Pullulus War."

All the same, it's a huge load off her shoulders.

"Not an indication of how long it's gonna last, though. Or how to handle it in the meanwhile."

She rubs her forehead with both hands, for lack of any place better to put them.

"Has Bobo sent anything else to Spot since?"

[laurefindil]

Glorfindel was concerned. Nita had been holed up in the Quiet Room for a couple of days now. He knew that others had been checking up on her, so he had let her be, but his worry had finally built to the point of him knocking on the door, covered tray in hand.

"Nita? May I disturb you for a moment?"

I was thinking a few hours afterwards, but second day works!

[goingthroughaphase]

Opening the door to step inside, it didn't take Kitty very long to find Nita, even amongst the blankets around her.

"Nita? Are you okay?"

19th, or 20th Grasshopper? (That is, before or after Xander's chat?)

[unfavorableinstigation]

"... Okay."

There was still something lacking in her voice, but at least she no longer looked like she'd been crying.

[unfavorableinstigation]

"Define 'okay.'"

Groaning, Nita got up to actually look at her roommate.

"Kitty, I... I really screwed up. No one else has tried to go at the train that way before, right?"

Sure thing! On this post of the apology post?

[wizard_redfive]

"Thank goodness for that." The Pullulus War hit hard, still does for Dair, but it was unnerving to think that it could have gone much worse. Perhaps it was better not to dwell on it.

"I mean, he sent a notification on what happened shortly after, but other than that I haven't really heard from him. Guess your imaginary friend's not talking much, huh."

She doesn't really pose it as a question. If Nita doesn't have Manual access, it's unlikely that Bobo is interacting with her either.

Dairine taps the keyboard to bring up the memo in question. "Gave me a precept of the spell in question." She looks at Nita with raised eyebrows, the silent judgment that only a sibling could properly give. Then back to Spot. "And below it, 'The Art has been suspended indefinitely, until restitution to the spell's target can be ascertained.'"

...? We can timeskip, if that's what you mean.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita's expression this time is more noncommittal, though hearing the phrasing used in the peridexis' last message makes her wince.

"And with the train as nonverbal as it is, who knows when we'll get that?"

She sighs. "I can start drafting an apology in the meanwhile... Among other things."

The phrase 'get your affairs in order' comes to mind.

After is fine!

[laurefindil]

Glorfindel had heard the rumors, but the truth was...almost as bad. He put down the tray. "Do you need a hug?" he asked gently. "And does your 'imaginary friend' want one too?"