I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Who: Nita and YOU. Preferably close CR, but anyone can stop by.
Where: Quiet Car, second floor, a room near the front of the carriage.
When: Middle half of Grasshopper; post-platform, pre-event.
What: A(n ex-) wizard retreats. Some may come to reprimand, some to console, some just to find out WTF happened.
Warnings: ... Discussion of what's basically psychic assault in this log, folks. Mind your headspace!


After the platform, Nita retreated into herself. That was the best way to describe it; she could not be 'booked' in one of these rooms the same way she could have been in the Medical Car, but she spent as much time as she could in just the one room, not speaking unless spoken to, not leaving except to go to the restroom or fetch another journal.

No matter when one arrived to check on her, she would be either resting - staring off into space more than actually sleeping - or writing.

Some of the words were crossed out, as if she had had a tough time finding the right ones, but the writing looked to be formal in nature. A report. And, most notably, it was in English, not the alien curves of the Speech.

If she had to live with her actions, Nita figured, the least she could do was explain them - and explain why they were wrong.

Mostly, though, what encompassed her mind was the emptiness of it all. She couldn't even be angry now.

Fitting.

Comments

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita can't feel the peridexis' reaction to the story, but she nods along as Xander talks, frowning a little.

"Wizardry being sentient was kind of a surprise at the time - normally wizards talk to each other to call each other out on their hangups, but here..."

Here, there was only three of them - and two of them had recently disappeared for over a week!

"You had people with you, still, while you were calling those Fauns, to snap you out of it. That's good."

And at the end of it, she finally manages a smile. An honest smile.

"Thank you. I mean it, Xander. All we can do is be there for each other, right?"

And while Nita can't feel it, the peridexis is projecting assent right along with her words.

[emerald_mirror]

Xander laughed at that, then. "Yeah I bet! I mean, I was...um. Created, I guess you'd say? On a world with magic, but it was still an entirely different story when I got told I could do magic, right?"

He nodded. "My mom, Jade, and one of her friends and colleagues--that's Carlson. They've been friends for a long time." And Carlson was one of the reasons he could at least talk to fire elementals...

And Nita's words have him nodding again. "Yeah. That's all we can do. We're all in this together--some of us are more reluctant than others, and that's okay. Some of us are more messed up than others, too! I've sure got my own hangups, even though I try not to let them hold me back too much. We've all got our own problems, even without the train. All we can do is try to help each other through it."

And as an aside to the peridexis: "And at least in my case, since I can sense you...if you need someone to talk to, I'm just an empath, but if you can contact me, we can have a chat. I don't want an upgrade to my power set or anything like that--no Wizardry for me, thank you!--but I'm putting my money where my mouth is. If you and Nita are gonna be a package deal again--I hope you are--you both get the same friendship. Even if you're less talkative."

Man, he's really been talking too much--but at least it seems to have helped?

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita doesn't bat too much of an eye at that - sure, Xander's at least part human, but there's more than one way for beings to come into existence, and species doesn't always have something to do with it-

"It's always more than you expect, when you find out the magic's something you can do," she agrees, nodding.

She makes a wry look. "Glorfindel was talking about mental health resources, earlier..."

It's the first time she's mentioned anything relating to the council in over two days.

As for the peridexis, well, it's certainly flustered! But it's quick to project appreciation for the offer in turn; there's people it hasn't been talking to, too, and not just Nita. /Oath administration does not take on this train, in any case, we've discovered. And it never does well to force a prerequisite to have conversations./

Sometimes silence was the worst thing one could do for one's health, no matter who you were.

[emerald_mirror]

He grins at the magic part, and then once Nita goes on to mental health, Xander just shrugs.

"Mostly I've got self-esteem issues, and most of it comes from being a clone," he explains, turning up his right wrist so Nita can see the tattoo there. "I don't get down on myself too much, and I mostly joke a bit about it these days, but..."

'I don't think I need to take real help away from people,' is what he doesn't say. Then again, these days? Xander's positive there are enough people who know him, if they noticed he were in some sort of downward spiral, they'd march him to...the door of his own cabin.

"Glorfindel's a good guy though. Sometimes I think he helps just by existing. He's my roommate." And Xander liked the elf, even if he wasn't always a chatterbox at him.

His brows went up at the peridexis. "Well, that's good to know. There's something about being overwhelmed by too much, right? But you're not exactly forcing me to have a conversation! If you need me, I'll be there. I already said as much, I try to be a man of my word!"

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita gives him such a Look, one could almost think she was back to normal.

(She's not, not by a long shot, but she's still more than capable of reacting to other people downplaying themselves!)

But she smiles, again, as he goes on. "Glorfindel's practically walking sunshine, isn't he? I'm glad he can help you, too."

Nita's reaction to Xander's reaction to what the peridexis is saying, meanwhile, is just plain surprise. The peridexis, meanwhile, is flustered at having the truth pointed out to it like that.

But, if it could, it'd be smiling now, too. You're two for two, Xander!

Nita shakes her head slowly, amazed. "I believe you. So," she says, finally turning to look at the whipped-cream-and-strawberries bowl again.

"Did you just want to watch me eat, or... I'm pretty sure someone's going to end up watching me anyway, but that still doesn't mean you have to! You could have brought a book or something."

[emerald_mirror]

Oh, Nita. She's gonna have him laughing again, normal or no! But first, he nods in agreement with her in regards to Glorfindel. And he does at least have the good sense to leave well enough alone. He could be two for two, but he hardly has to gloat about it!

But then Xander laughs, and shrugs. "You'd be surprised at how often I watch someone eat. Usually it's her," he says, pointing to Cottonball. "But she's not the only one."

Though if he admitted to just who he was watching eat these days, he'd probably get stabbed...

"You don't have to worry. I come from a place with a big family, even if they're not exactly my family? I'm used to hanging out and being chill while someone enjoys a meal. Don't worry about it."

Xander certainly wouldn't be!

And thread wrap?

[unfavorableinstigation]

"I can imagine," Nita says wryly, glancing at the little bat.

Also: LOOK. She's done the same thing with Kit, too! She could hardly cast stones there...

With a nod, and a smile that won't quite go away, she sits down to enjoy the treat, her heart (and perhaps the peridexis', if it could be said to have one) just a little lighter.