voidtreckerexpress | I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

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I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

Who: Nita and YOU. Preferably close CR, but anyone can stop by.
Where: Quiet Car, second floor, a room near the front of the carriage.
When: Middle half of Grasshopper; post-platform, pre-event.
What: A(n ex-) wizard retreats. Some may come to reprimand, some to console, some just to find out WTF happened.
Warnings: ... Discussion of what's basically psychic assault in this log, folks. Mind your headspace!

After the platform, Nita retreated into herself. That was the best way to describe it; she could not be 'booked' in one of these rooms the same way she could have been in the Medical Car, but she spent as much time as she could in just the one room, not speaking unless spoken to, not leaving except to go to the restroom or fetch another journal.

No matter when one arrived to check on her, she would be either resting - staring off into space more than actually sleeping - or writing.

Some of the words were crossed out, as if she had had a tough time finding the right ones, but the writing looked to be formal in nature. A report. And, most notably, it was in English, not the alien curves of the Speech.

If she had to live with her actions, Nita figured, the least she could do was explain them - and explain why they were wrong.

Mostly, though, what encompassed her mind was the emptiness of it all. She couldn't even be angry now.

Fitting.

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As soon as he sees her react, Inigo is already opening the door and moving inside. Usually he would have sat down on the bench opposite of the one Nita is sitting on, but now he's a little closer to her, those red eyes are so very obvious.

And considering how often Inigo cries? He can notice these signs like no other. It breaks his heart to think she may have been crying in here like that, and so he instead quickly sits down next to her.

He looks about to reach out, but then seems to hesitate at the last moment, having at least enough good sense to first ask: ".. Do you want a hug right now..?"

Nita takes a breath. Holds it one second, two.

"... Yes."

Because she's feeling so very alone right now - and Inigo is one of the few on this train who gets that - and denying it would hurt a hell of a lot more than it'd help either of them right now.

Honestly, he's so relieved that she says yes. Not that he wouldn't have respected Nita if she didn't want a hug right now.. but it just feels much better to know he's at least able to do something for her while she's here, even if it's just something as simple as giving her a hug.

So Inigo smiles - it's a small, somewhat muted smile though, more quietly fond than over the top - as he scoots towards her a bit more to wrap his arms around her. The hold isn't too tight, so she can leave it whenever she wants, but there does seem to be something warm and protective about it.

He lingers like that for a moment before he softly speaks up, still not letting go.

"If I'm entirely honest with you.. I have no clue what happened. I just heard people mentioning your name.." And just that is enough to awaken concern in Inigo. To want to check up on her. "But it doesn't matter what happened. I am here for you, no matter what it is."

Nita comes just sort of collapsing into the hug - once she lets herself settle more into the notion that yes she needs this and it's okay, it's really going to be okay, the tears begin to fall anew and she tightens her grip somewhat.

"I'm glad. That you are, I mean."

She pulls back, then, making herself look Inigo in the eyes.

"If you do want to know, though, I'll tell you."

Oh, Nita. Inigo is at least very glad that she feels safe enough to let herself cry in his arms, although his heart breaks a little all the same at those tears, visible in her eyes when she pulls back. He can't help but feel a pang of anger at whatever could make someone as kind as Nita cry like this, though it's thankfully easy enough to keep his expression mostly focused on something more gentle. On just being there for her right now.

"If you want to tell me, I will listen."

If it's too hard for her, he'll understand. Inigo would never want to force her.

"Perhaps it might be good to talk about it instead of carry it with you by yourself, don't you think?"

Nita makes a noncommittal noise - at least at first. She goes in for another hug, before saying,

"I get that... it's just- I haven't mentioned much about the ethics in wizardry, have I?"

The trouble is, the trouble itself is in two parts: what Nita did, and the aftermath.

Inigo instinctively shakes his head before realising that Nita probably can't see it very well while she's hugging him. So a moment later he audibly adds: "No. You've told me quite a bit about it, but not about its ethics, I think."

Then again, it's been a lot to wrap his mind around, so it's entitely possible she did and he just hadn't properly comprehended it..

"Are there certain rules for using your magic?"

"More like guidelines."

Again, reluctantly, Nita pulls back, so they can see each other's faces.

"But - the whole point of the Oath is that the wizard has to believe whatever they're doing is the best possible thing they can do for whatever Life they're interacting with at the time. Even the times where I wasn't sure to start if I was doing the right thing, something would come along to force the issue... and then it'd turn out all right, for everyone involved, if sometimes bittersweet-"

Nita cuts herself off, but the intent is clear: this was the first time in her life where she could clearly say what she'd done hadn't been called for.

"But, this time, while I wasn't doing it just to cause pain, the spell didn't help. I was angry enough that while I thought it was necessary, I didn't care if it was the best thing. And when you're planning on rooting around in someone else's mind-!"

Nita grits her teeth, gaze lowering forcefully, just away.

Seeing that look on Nita's face really makes Inigo want to pull her closer again, though he doesn't. He too feels like it's important for them to be able to actually see each other's face and expressions during this talk, no matter how hard it is to resist the temptation of wanting to hug her and somehow protect her from everything.

.. even herself. And her own bad feelings, apparently.

He's quiet for a moment, trying to find the right words. He doesn't want to mess this up - and more importantly, he doesn't want to hurt Nita. He'd never forgive himself.

"Are you mad at yourself..?" He instead quietly asks, giving her the opportunity to either give a simple answer - which would help him not assume anything here - or talk on more if she wants to vent.

A pause, followed by a rough jerk of the head.

"Yeah."

Not Bobo - well, she could be mad at the peridexis, but not for letting her attack the train in the first place.

Her actions were her choices.

"And now, I've lost one of my closest friends, and in a way where I don't know if or when they're coming back, or how we're going to come back from this, or-"

She cuts herself off again, returning to the hug, lowering her head.

Inigo squeezes her a little again as she cuts herself off.

"I'm sorry, Nita," he says. It's relatively soft, his voice quiet. Even though they're in one of the quiet rooms, it's like he wants to make even more sure that this is just for her ears.

It sounds so genuine too, like he's not just saying it just because. He really is sorry for her. It sounds like an all around shitty situation, and Inigo knows that if he were in her shoes, he'd be mad at himself too.

"I know there's a lot I could say. Like that mistakes are only human, that this happens to all of us.. But I know that doesn't make anything better when you've lost a friend." Nothing could make that better. Other than perhaps the certainty of knowing that friend will be back, but how could Inigo give her that? "Instead I'll ask you.. Is there anything you need? Even if it's just something as simple as staying here with you for now, I can do that much."

He smiles. Regardless of whether or not she can see it in the hug with her head lowered like that, it instinctively appears on Inigo's face. It's just that fond feeling he gets whenever he's around Nita - a feeling no knowledge of an anger outburst could ruin.

"You know I would do anything for you, right?"

And from Inigo, she believes it.

She can't believe in herself saying the words, right now - not to the train, certainly - after all, hasn't she just proven to it how much damage she can do with words?

Instead she just breathes, her breaths becoming more regular as Inigo talks. Pulling herself away again, she rubs at her eyes.

"... And I would for you, too."

She's surprised - relieved, even - to hear the truth in her words. Some truths don't need the Speech, apparently...

"But right now, just being my friend is enough. Though," she relents, wincing as she realizes something.

"Maybe I should have some crackers? I, uh, kind of skipped breakfast this morning."

She'd been too busy stewing upon seeing the Roster, ironically enough.

Maybe he was anticipating a greater request than just that, since a laugh escapes him before he realises it as he hears Nita's words about breakfast. It just feels so simple and mundane in the grand scheme of it all, but maybe that's exactly what Nita needs right now. Just to have her pulled back to the ground a little and out of the cloud of worries.

"You wouldn't be the only one," he says with a joking tone, though he is serious since Inigo most definitely skipped breakfast too today. Sshh, don't tell anyone..

"I assume you might want to stay here, huh?" Even though he knows his words might at least have helped a bit, Nita probably won't be up for going out into the crowd if her problem really is that big and upsetting. "You want me to bring over some food for two so we can eat together?"

Nita's rejuvenated enough by the conversation to give Inigo a cock-eyed look. Then: a smile, honest and relieved.

"That... that sounds great, Inigo. You're on."

She'll have to make sure they're BOTH eating, though; fair's fair!

Hey, at least it'll be so much easier to ensure he's actually eating when she's sitting right next to him, right? But the truth is that some good company is all Inigo needs to not mind eating in the slightest when he doesn't feel super hungry, so this is perfect. It's a win-win situation. She can make sure he eats, and he can keep an eye on Nita for a while longer. Just to make sure she's okay. And - knowing Inigo - probably shoot some more encouraging words her way as she's eating.

He stands up.

"Alright! Don't go anywhere while I'm gone!"

He winks jokingly, knowing full well he doesn't have to tell her that.

"I'll be right back!"

It's a non-zero sum relationship, that's for sure.

And Nita wouldn't change it for the world.

"I won't," she replies, all the same, small smile still quite present.

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I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

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/crying over these two ;~;

they're so precious <3

Yeees - think this is heading towards wrap, though?

yes, we can handwave them having eaten together c:

\o/ Wrap it is, then! Thank you so much for these feels. ^^