"I died." There is a lot more to that story but at the time it did feel like he had died inside. But it also lit a fire in him to find a way to bring him back.

"But that came much later. I looked for a way to collect your soul. It was shattered and I wanted to put it back together. I kept your body safe so I could put it back."

He would have been a fierce corpse but at least he would have had his consciousness. That was all Xue Yang wanted. A way to have him back even if he wasn't living.

"But no matter what I did I wasn't smart enough to figure out how to do it." It was too far gone. And so was he. Death was a welcome thing when he realized he could never get him back.