"Coffee helps me stay awake and alert. It has caffeine in it, unlike tea." He explains, amused at his nephew, he actually smiles at the thought at the mention of his sect brother and shidi.
"You mean a lot to me, my nephew. And your husband, Lan Wangji. The both of you helped me. I realized I'm..." He trails off, trying to find words to say. "I should have asked for help, but I was on my own. I thought I could handle it and I was helping others to make the world a better place. I know Xue Yang for a long time. He was horrible, but only because he was misguided and he doesn't know how to treat and care for people, much less himself, let alone love."
With a sigh, "That time, when it happened moments before I died. He was jealous of Song Lan, so I killed him by accident in my blindness and he let it happen. He lied to me because he finds amusement in torturing us through pain and hurt, but in reality, he was acting out his arrogance and deep fear. I realize this now."
Shaking his head, "It's still my fault. He doesn't blame me anymore, but in the past he did. But I can see he is trying now. He hasn't matured much because he still hated Song Lan, but that's...something I couldn't do or make up for because Song Lan is back home and I am dead there. Here, I am alive and...I'm trying to figure out what I could do for myself and everyone here, and set things right again."
A pause, a beat, realizing he's pouring out, "I'm hoping I'm not overloading you. My death is a painful one, to everyone, and I'm trying to heal from that."
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"You mean a lot to me, my nephew. And your husband, Lan Wangji. The both of you helped me. I realized I'm..." He trails off, trying to find words to say. "I should have asked for help, but I was on my own. I thought I could handle it and I was helping others to make the world a better place. I know Xue Yang for a long time. He was horrible, but only because he was misguided and he doesn't know how to treat and care for people, much less himself, let alone love."
With a sigh, "That time, when it happened moments before I died. He was jealous of Song Lan, so I killed him by accident in my blindness and he let it happen. He lied to me because he finds amusement in torturing us through pain and hurt, but in reality, he was acting out his arrogance and deep fear. I realize this now."
Shaking his head, "It's still my fault. He doesn't blame me anymore, but in the past he did. But I can see he is trying now. He hasn't matured much because he still hated Song Lan, but that's...something I couldn't do or make up for because Song Lan is back home and I am dead there. Here, I am alive and...I'm trying to figure out what I could do for myself and everyone here, and set things right again."
A pause, a beat, realizing he's pouring out, "I'm hoping I'm not overloading you. My death is a painful one, to everyone, and I'm trying to heal from that."