It's such a simple metric, and yet Devero has never considered it. Does his relationship with Valdana make him happy? Does it bring him joy?
"Her happiness is supposed to be enough for me," he says, and for the first time that straightforward assertion feels wrong in his mouth. It's what he's been telling himself as his world has narrowed in on him little by little. That as long as he keeps her happy, that's all that matters. If he just acts correctly, if he just follows the rules, she'll wrap him in the affection and praise that so characterized the beginning of their relationship. That's all he's wanted from the beginning, the attention and affirmation of the woman who offered him a hand up when he was at his lowest.
He doesn't get that much from her anymore, does he? She just makes him feel small, and inadequate, and lonely. How pathetic.
He scrubs the heel of his hand across his eyes again. "I sound like a fucking lunatic, don't I? That's something a lunatic would say."
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"Her happiness is supposed to be enough for me," he says, and for the first time that straightforward assertion feels wrong in his mouth. It's what he's been telling himself as his world has narrowed in on him little by little. That as long as he keeps her happy, that's all that matters. If he just acts correctly, if he just follows the rules, she'll wrap him in the affection and praise that so characterized the beginning of their relationship. That's all he's wanted from the beginning, the attention and affirmation of the woman who offered him a hand up when he was at his lowest.
He doesn't get that much from her anymore, does he? She just makes him feel small, and inadequate, and lonely. How pathetic.
He scrubs the heel of his hand across his eyes again. "I sound like a fucking lunatic, don't I? That's something a lunatic would say."