voidtreckerexpress | [Closed] I can hear them running chains around our door

Who: Rich and Trunks
Where: 2-B
When: Backdated to late night Jelly 2.
What: Rich returns back to the sleeper car after bolting on Trunks, and most likely after realizing a few things about the incident on the network. Bonding over trauma ensues.
Warnings: Discussion of mind control, physical and mental abuse, homophobia/transphobia, likely suicide by fire... anything about Rich's backstory might come up here so avoid if any of that is too difficult to read about!

Rich hardly dares to breathe as he steps into the room he shares. His steps are as light as he can make them, and he doesn't bother with turning on any lights. Honestly, he had been planning on just napping in the quiet car, but with how he had bolted out earlier, he had a feeling at least one person in the room wouldn't appreciate that.

God, Trunks must have been worried sick, and Rich certainly can't blame him. At least, not with the context. Even if Rich wouldn't want the concern, after what he witnessed between Jack and Rich, and after Rich had convinced himself it all was nothing...

He had been pretty messed up, and he's lucky he's started to recover himself now. It's a slow process, but healing always is. Now, if he can just make it to his bunk without interrupting someone else's process... will that be possible? Or has Trunks stayed up waiting for him?

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Trunks tilted his head, before speaking softly. "It sounds like a drug almost, except worse."

"Yeah... it definitely messed with you like a drug. And it loved spreading through peer pressure. But sometimes even that wasn't good enough for it, so it got me to start stockpiling. The plan was that at our Halloween party, I could dump a bunch of the pills in the punch and mass dose everyone there. If I started SQUIPping that many people, then the human error that kept foiling all the SQUIP's plans for me wouldn't be an issue. We'd all be... connected together. Literally."

Trunks doesn't even need to see the sick look on Rich's face to hear how disgusted he was with that plan.

"I'm sorry you felt you needed the SQUIP, and to go through all of this." Trunks said softly, sympathy clear in his tone. "Whatever you did, you clearly regret though, and I'm pretty sure just from knowing you a bit, that you'd try to atone. Which means you have a good heart, Rich."

"N-No, that's... not it. That wasn't what I did. I was already regretting giving it to people voluntarily, so when the Halloween party came up, I-I knew I couldn't go through with it."

His knockles turn white as he grips the arms of the chair, like if he let go, he might float away to that distant place he was staring at.

"But I couldn't deactivate it. I didn't have what I needed to get rid of it, so my only choice if it was controlling my body was... was to make sure it didn't have a body to control anymore. So I tried to burn it out of my skull, to k-kill the both of us. That's... why I look the way I do."

That's why his face and arms are covered with nasty red marks that he can't stop himself from picking at right now, why he tenses up when he smells smoke, like he swears he can in this moment.

"Some would say that what you did was honorable. And in a way it is, because it took courage." Trunks said, serious and quiet in his tone. "But--having killed before, I also saw more evidence of lost-lives before I was in double-digits than I care for. Death is a hard choice to choose, and once needs strong convictions and courage to wrestle with it." Rich clearly had that courage, and strong convictions, to Trunks' way of thinking.

"In some ways, your scars are badges of courage, that you survived. And that's what's important, if you ask me."

"I thought maybe it was honourable, for a while. Now... I think I just think it was selfish. It didn't actually do anything to stop the SQUIP. Jeremy just took over for me after I was in the hospital. And... I kept thinking if I died, it'd probably be a relief."

Is it strange to say that? Rich is almost certain it is. He looks away, still picking at the scars on his arm.

"I mean, if I had died... I wouldn't have to figure out how to get away from my dad, how to pay my hospital bills, how to make it up to everyone around me for dealing with the shittier version of me. If there even is a better version of me at all, right?"

"All of that sounds natural, to think about, Rich." Trunks said. "I'm no counselor--believe me, I have issues of my own still. But again--you survived. And you're trying to be a better person on this train. That is a start, and it takes courage and strong convictions to go on living too."

"...Maybe it is natural." He hasn't exactly made friends with a lot of people who have survived suicide attempts. Maybe it's a common thing to think about. He takes a little bit of solace in that, as well as the idea of being better now.

"I... I hope you're right. That I can go on living as someone better than I was." It's the only hope Rich really has to cling to.

"It's entirely up to you, Rich. You can control whether you're better than you were. This place will give you different circumstances, and you have people here willing to help. Including me. But ultimately, it's up to you."

"...Yeah. I guess we are friends, aren't we? If I know I can trust you, I should know I can be better." He tries to give a wobbly smile.

"Anyways, that's pretty much the story. I got taken to the hospital after that mess. A friend of mine managed to save me... fucked up his legs pretty bad though. And this one kid, uh, Michael, actually figured out how to deactivate the SQUIPs, so he kind of saved my life. I was just starting to get to know him better when this train kidnapped me. Didn't even let me heal up right."

[Closed] I can hear them running chains around our door

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