And all my walls began to shake

[singlefaith]

Who: Ran (both closed and open prompts)
Where: Various
When: In the few days after departing the Winter Faire after this log and after new arrivals
What: Ran deals with the aftermath of learning about Shinichi
Warnings: N/A?



A. Closed to Ai - The night after the fair, after carrying him back to the train, Ran had holed up in one of the quiet rooms with him, talking. Exhaustion -- mental, emotional, and physical -- had seeped in, and she'd slowly drifted off as they spoke. At some point he'd woken her up, encouraged her to go to bed, and she'd stumbled half-asleep down the darkened hallways to her cabin, crawling into her bed for full rest.

In the morning she awakens still wearing the same clothes she had the day before, her hair mussed, dark marks beneath her eyes. Climbing down the ladder to her bunk, she catches sight of Ai still sleeping. She pauses a moment, a small furrow between her brows -- then grabs her gi and goes to change. She'll return in a few minutes to put last night's clothes on the bed.

B. Open - Ran will slowly seek out a few people who Shinichi has indicated know about him over the next few days, so feel free to reply as though she's found them if your character is one of these. Alternatively, they (or anyone else) can find her in the gym, spa, or kitchen:

Gym - Ran is most often here, attacking the practice dummies and bags with unusual focus and fervor -- sometimes to the point where she looks as though she could have well killed one if it had been alive. Indeed, she has snapped one of the bags from its chain again, and one of the dummies is looking more than a little worse for wear.

Spa - Find Ran in the sauna, wrapped up in a towel and trying to listen to birdsongs. She may get awkward and leave, though, if someone male enters.

Kitchen - Ran stress cooks. Though it's not her team's turn to prepare food, she can likely be found in the kitchen either puzzling over one of the new recipes or trying to make something good out of what basic ingredients are available. Again, much focus, and possibly more mess than she normally makes.

Comments

B

[tactlesstantei]

[Masumi had turned up to practice in the gym, but that's set aside when she sees that Ran is there too. After all, she should probably admit that she knew the truth the whole time and didn't say anything, before her friend finds out somewhere else.

So, with that she decides to go ahead and speak up, knowing that there's no easy way to say 'hey, I knew your boyfriend was right there from the start but never said a thing because I have my own secrets to keep'.]

Hey, so I heard that you found out about Conan being Shinichi.

[singlefaith]

[Ran had intended to seek out Sera after her workout, but it seems Sera has already found her. She's been battering that practice dummy pretty hard in the last few minutes, dealing it several very vicious kicks that finally result in it flying backwards, hitting the wall in a punctuation that echoes through the gym.]

[For all of that, though, she seems focused, pretty even as she shifts out of position, glancing up to see Sera there. It's a little awkward; she hadn't quite mentally prepared herself for it yet, worked out exactly what she wants to say.]

[Then Sera opens with Sera directness. Ran flushes a little at the question -- the last night had been difficult, and though it really wasn't personal, in some ways it feels that way.]

Yes. [Her voice is quiet. She rubs at one of her wrists, nipping at the inside of her lip.]

. . . How long have you known?

[tactlesstantei]

[Masumi, for once, is quiet, picking her words carefully as she goes about explaining just how long she's known about this.]

...A while. He never told me anything until the night before the faire, when I found him about to turn back, but I've had suspicions for pretty much the entire time I've been back in Japan.

[That's going to need some explanation on how she came to those suspicions, since that's not something most people jump to without very good reason, but unfortunately she's still hesitant to talk about why she has this knowledge.]

[singlefaith]

Why didn't you tell me?

[The words are very soft. Almost too soft. Ran doesn't look back up.]

[tactlesstantei]

[And there's the question. Masumi doesn't want to lie to her friend about why she didn't say anything, Ran doesn't deserve that. But at the same time, she's still incredibly hesitant to tell the full truth, especially since she was told to keep that a secret.

And worst of all, she hesitates before responding, something she knows could prove a problem if noticed.]

...It wasn't my secret to tell. I honestly wish you could have known sooner than this.

[It's a partial truth, it really wasn't her secret to tell, and she does wish that Ran could have been in the loop sooner.]

[singlefaith]

[Ran blinks once, twice -- tears are forming, seeping into her lower lashes.]

I guess most people knew. Except me.

Maybe I really am naïve.

[tactlesstantei]

No, you're not naive. It's something a lot of people wouldn't jump to, since people shrinking is supposed to be impossible.

[She's quick to object, trying to give comfort as best she can given the circumstances. Masumi really doesn't want to see Ran like this, even though she knows how much this all must be to take in.]

[singlefaith]

[A quick shake of the head, a little too hard.] So many of the people around me still managed to know. To figure it out. It's not like I didn't guess sometimes, didn't think he might be--

[A breath.] Every time, I still managed to believe it was real. That it couldn't happen. That there was some difference, some impossibility . . . or just, as you said, that people don't reverse their ages, turn into children.

But that still didn't stop other people. It didn't stop Sera-chan. [Her eyes flick back up, tears still lingering in her lashes.] So what else can I think about someone who just kept managing to lie to herself -- to talk herself out of any kind of conviction?

[tactlesstantei]

[She’s quiet, letting Ran speak while she tries to come up with a response to this that won’t make things worse. That’s proving difficult though, and Masumi ends up going with what she’s managed to come up with.]

...You wanted to believe that he wasn’t lying to you. That’s not a bad thing, since people often want to believe the best of others. I don’t know what happened to make everyone else find out, but I promise that you aren’t naive for not knowing until now.

[singlefaith]

[Quietly,] How did you find out?

Why didn't you skip over the idea that people could turn into children in our world too?

1/2

[tactlesstantei]

[And she has to stop and think about how to answer this. Is it worth continuing to lie to Ran about how she knew, when that lie could be found out later?]

2/2

[tactlesstantei]

[...And Ran’s going to get a semi truth mixed with some lies, after a brief pause to think.]

Alright, you remember when we met at the beach, and Shinichi showed up and called himself Holmes’ Apprentice? Well, I was watching Wimbledon, and the cameraman caught Conan calling himself Holmes’ Apprentice partway through. I thought it was suspicious, since he looked so similar to a young Shinichi and it was such a specific phrase, but I wasn’t quite sure until I actually met him in person and saw more proof of it.

[singlefaith]

[That answer . . . isn't satisfying. Perhaps Ran is simply more attuned at this point, more wary of the possibility of being lied to, but this time she catches the pause. Unlike in the previous instance, there isn't a good reason for it; the answer should straightforward, whatever it is.]

[Her eyes widen just a little, though, as Sera mentions the beach. That's it -- the thing she's been trying to place since the beginning, the strange familiarity that Sera invokes. They have met before, very long ago, when they were all small -- Shinichi, Sera, and Ran. And others . . . there were others there too, weren't there? Sera's family . . .]

[This will take more thought, possibly some questions, but Ran doesn't want to get completely distracted.]

That's still a leap . . . to think that a child seen ten years ago and a child now are the same person.

[They could, after all, have simply been related, as Shinichi had gotten her to believe with Conan. It's a much simpler explanation.]

[tactlesstantei]

[Any other time Masumi might have been happy to know that Ran remembered that day at the beach. However, right now she’s more focused on just trying to avoid talking about how exactly she knew, which is proving to be difficult. She can’t quite suppress a wince as Ran points out she still shouldn’t have guessed that Shinichi and Conan are one and the same, and attempts to find an explanation for how she could have known that won’t just make things worse.

...She can’t. Masumi knows Ran will have seen her reaction, and can’t bring herself to keep trying to lie. Besides, Ran is trustworthy, right? She can trust her to keep quiet?]

...Alright. There is more to it, but I think we need to go to a quiet room to talk about it.

[singlefaith]

[So there is something . . .]

[Ran runs a finger under her lashes to catch the earlier wetness, attention caught -- though she's a little worried now, too.]

. . . Okay.

[tactlesstantei]

Let's go, then.

[Masumi leads the way, mentally apologizing to her mom for doing this the whole way to the quiet car. Still, she trusts that this will work out okay, and knows that Ran is one of the best people she can trust with this info.

On reaching the quiet car, she picks a random unoccupied compartment and takes a seat, waiting for Ran to do the same before speaking.]

[singlefaith]

[One of these rooms again. Ran glances around the space with faint weariness -- they're starting to represent the piles of lies and things unknown that have lurked unseen at the corners of her vision for far longer than she knows. Every time she pulls a thread, it seems there's more behind it. The only certainty in it is that she'd rather know. As much as it all is, the only way out of this is to confront all of those things.]

[. . . She only wishes that it didn't keep piling higher. She slides into the seat across from Sera, a little worry playing at her stomach, not sure what she's about to hear next.]

[tactlesstantei]

[Masumi’s hesitant at first, but slowly the truth does come out, even if she’s still hesitant to break her promise to not tell anyone.]

...I did tell the truth about Shinichi not telling me anything until the night before the faire, and I did tell the truth about seeing what he did at Wimbledon. But the actual reason I knew is because my mom was poisoned too. She’s alive, but she told me not to tell anyone what happened to her.

[singlefaith]

Sera-chan . . .

[This doesn't feel as personal as the concealment of Shinichi -- it's Sera's mom, and it makes sense that Sera would try to protect her. And knowing what Shinichi went through, what Ran has been through waiting for him and the position that she'll be in now . . . how could she not have empathy for that? It's immediate and very visible in her face.]

[Softly,] What happened?

[tactlesstantei]

She thought she found my dad, after he’d been missing for years, and went to see if it was him. It wasn’t, and she got poisoned when she saw through the disguise.

[It stung, in more ways than one. Masumi had let herself hope that maybe she could finally meet her dad if it turned out to be him, and it wasn’t all that long after her brother had died too. Still, she’s not going to dump all that on Ran, since that wouldn’t help right now.]

I was trying to help her get an antidote to turn back, but it’s been slow going.

[singlefaith]

[Ran presses her lips together a moment, because it's not good news.] Shinichi said it was being worked on . . . but that there isn't one yet. The one I-- [Still hard to say with the guilt--] --the one I gave him by accident was just temporary.

[Her eyes slip back up to meet Sera's, looking like she'd rather say anything else, apologetic and guilty even though she has nothing to truly be guilty for.] I think . . . it's going to be longer, Sera-chan.

I'm sorry . . . I can only imagine it's been so difficult.

[tactlesstantei]

I know, I already spoke to Shinichi and he said it was temporary too. It's just that the last thing she told me to do, literally right before I came here, was to get that antidote no matter what, and I can't do that now.

[And now she was ripped away from home, probably missing for a while now and with no way to know how anyone in her family was doing.]

...Thanks. It's been rough since she got poisoned, since she kept having us switch hotels every so often, and we couldn't even tell Kichi-nii what happened since she wanted to keep the people who knew to a minimum, but we were doing okay.

[singlefaith]

Shinichi has been the same way -- not wanting to tell anyone, including people close to him.

[Which, of course, is how they've ended up having this conversation in the first place.]

I understand the impulse, but . . . I don't think they're going to find solutions alone, either. I'm glad your mom at least has you for support -- though I'm sure that makes it more frustrating being away from her.

[tactlesstantei]

It’s a lot like that, except she takes it further and rarely ever leaves the hotel room. She even told me to be ‘less direct’ when trying to talk to Shinichi about it, since I guess she wanted him to figure it out himself.

[It is indeed frustrating sometimes, but that won’t stop Masumi from doing her best to do what she can for her mom. Even if she can’t do much now.]

The worst part is that I was in a phone call with her when I was taken. I had just confirmed that there was an antidote and had just been told to get it, and well...

[Then she’d blinked and found herself on that platform. It was the worst possible timing for the train to take her, though no time would have been a good time.]

[singlefaith]

I don't think that's helpful as far as not being direct . . .

[It certainly hadn't gotten any of them anywhere in this mess.]

But I'm sure she's worried. Maybe scared.

[Sera's story about when she was taken doesn't help matters, and Ran's eyebrows knit in sympathy. Sera's worry for her mother, particularly about not being able to help her when there was a glimmer of hope (and just after she'd promised) is plain. In the same situation, Ran can only imagine that she'd be frantic. Coming here was bad enough as it was -- coming with that weight would make it worse.]

[Reaching across the table, she touches her friend's hand.] We'll get home.

[The words are as firm as she can make them. She has to believe them too -- has to hope.]

And we don't know that what we learn here can't be taken with us. So maybe you'll have the chance to learn something that you can take to her too.