A New Platform [Intro Post March]

[voidtreckermods]

On the Train

Once again passengers are awoken by the morning announcement.

"Good morning passengers, it is day One of the month of Kazoo. Points have been updated on the system."

They have indeed, and everyone can spend the morning shopping. Those who have been on the train for a while will also be expecting the second announcement that comes a few hours later.

"Shortly arriving into a designated void platform. Exit from void in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." A lurch and a jolt and the windows fill with the fog that means they are at a platform. The fog is thick, the air is warm and humid and there are rumbles of thunder, the air heavy with the promise of rain.

As usual the first to leave the train notice nothing as they walk silently, rucksacks on their backs, towards the barriers: Alfredo Martini, Daia, Enna Alchiba, Lord El-Melloi II, Natsuno Yuuki, Nita Callahan, Saku Gyousou, Sakura, V and Wen Qing

But on the platform itself there are new faces. Wearing hoodies in all four colours, in various states of confusion.

For New Passengers

At first all they can see is steam, billowing around them as they come to their senses. As their eyes adjust, they will see they are on a platform, glass and dark stone rising in sturdy arches around them. Behind them is a set of barriers, and in front of them is a single track extending both ways into thick fog.

They are standing, in clothes that are not their own and a style they might not even recognise. They are carrying a rucksack on their back. For a moment it seems to just be them, alone in the white haze; then the steam begins to fade and they realise they aren’t alone.

The platform is not large, and seems smaller with twenty-seven figures scattered around. All facing the tracks, all dressed in cargo trousers and hoodies. To both the left and right, tracks disappear into the mist.

A roaring sound, and out of the fog arrives a train. Jet black with gold writing on the side. The Voidtrecker Express. There is a hiss as the doors slide open and out step a strange assortment of people. Some are human, some are less so. Most are wearing the same hoodie in one of the four colours, red, orange, blue and purple, though some are sporting different clothes in a variety of styles.

The Train

After a short time, the doors hiss open again. Those from the train may encourage those on the platform to board. It’s not like there's anywhere else to go and even if there was, you feel a pull. A need to board, a feeling that staying on the platform would lead to something terrible. If that is not enough, there are plenty of people on the platform now, to encourage them onto the train.

Each ICP shows the same message and next to the screens there are stacks of leaflets written by those on the train, with further information (see
'Publications'). Those not new to the train will note the addition of an eighth sleeper carriage. The store rooms have been restocked with fresh ingredients, it seems the month of Kazoo is defined by the tomato and there are plenty of them.

For passengers that have bought items, these are also scattered around the luggage carriage in various suitcases and bags.

New passengers will find their ticket allows them into their cabins. They may need to negotiate for beds, especially if they want a top bunk!

Room is tight but there are storage cubbies at the head of each bed, beds fold up and the bottom bunks double as benches for the small table. There is storage under those benches full of spare blankets and pillows.

Departure

A second horn sounds to encourage any stragglers as thunder rumbles further and the storm threatens to break. The doors slide shut. Veteran passengers know what will happen next, but they may wish to brief their new companions.

The train sets off, the fog obscuring the view again as it picks up speed.

"Welcome aboard, passengers of the Voidtrecker Express." A female-coded artificial sounding voice echoes throughout the train. "Please take the time to read the passenger information displayed on the Information and Communication points and familiarise yourself with the layout and emergency exits."

The train begins to tilt, leaving the ground and rising up into the fog-filled sky.

"Entrance into Voidspace imminent. New passengers are advised to remain seated. Entry into Voidspace in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one."

A shudder, a jolt, a lurch to the left. A flash of light, colourful and blinding. As quick as it happens it is done. The train seems to steady itself. The fog from the windows is gone now, replaced with a kaleidoscope of ever-changing colours.

Welcome to the Void!

Comments

[fennu]

None of this is making Jiang Cheng feel any better about the situation he's found himself in; none of this is helping with the tension under his skin or the way that his heart feels as though it's about to come up through his throat. It's almost painful to the point of exhaustion, especially when his body still feels as though he should be aching from the soreness of the events of last week.

The fact that he is even tolerating Wei Wuxian right now is a reference to how out of place he feels, how much he needs something to anchor him before he spirals out of control. If he was anywhere else, anyone else, he would have stormed away screaming now, but he feels bound by something sharp and painful.

It's all too fresh for a Jiang Cheng who has barely slept through all his thoughts and his emotions; he isn't sure how to handle any of this, completely overwhelmed, wanting to say a thousand and one things but not being able to express it. Again, he can hear the voice of Jin Ling scolding him, calling him a coward, a bastard, whatever else - but that doesn't matter. He doesn't care. He can't care.

He can't.

Jiang Cheng can barely wrap his mind around everything that's happening; the weight of his arm barely registers. All he can think about are all the things spiralling and the sharp spark of his weapon on his hand.

"Is that why he's back? He was brought back by this place?!" He's not particularly concerned about Meng Yao remembering him being the one to kill him, not with what he had seen and heard at the Temple. Add that to the fact that there are apparently other versions of his brother and his brother's stupid -- whatever Lan Wangji was...

All he can do is stare at Wei Wuxian, eyes dark and clearly very lost.

"Why should I believe any of what you're saying?" As if Wei Wuxian has a streak of lying - no. His brother has always been honest to the point of agony or danced around things as a joke, but he's never lied. Not intentionally.

[weifinder]

"He wasn't brought back, Jiang Cheng, he's never lived through any of that—wait, when, what..." Wei Wuxian pauses, lifting his free hand up to rub at his temple. "What most recently happened for you, did you already say?"

It's a matter of distraction to not be recalling right now, but he can't help it. All his own discomfort over this, and he'd spare Jiang Cheng from it, just like he wants to spare him so much. What favours has it done?

"Then don't take my word. Talk to Zewu-Jun. Take his, if you can't believe mine." A cracked smile, with eyes that don't smile in the slightest. He doesn't think Jiang Cheng means it, but he also thinks Jiang Cheng needs to hear about these things from someone not him, or not just him. "I know it's too much to bear, Jiang Cheng, but I'm trying not to..."

He gestures with his free hand, as it to encompass something unseen, fingers flexing and spreading, then curling back into his palm. "... Trying not to decide what you can handle for you." It's a quieter statement, and he can't actually look at Jiang Cheng when he says it. He's had time to his thoughts and his donkey alone on those roads he's wandered. There's no perfect way to protect those he loves; he's seen the costs, has witnessed his own failings, and he's still too new to being actively alive to know what to do with it. Run through events no one explained, herded and saved by a man who didn't tell him a word beyond what he had to, attacked again by the world they all grew up in and then exonerated in the bloodthirst that descended disguised in righteousness after Jin Guangyao. Before confirmation, before personal confessions.

The ground beneath his feet is only now starting to feel like it can be solid without depending on Lan Zhan, the one who had, against everything, chosen the narrow path of believing Wei Wuxian over everything else in the world. Who he tried to free of the burden of himself, again, because what is learning? Isn't it easier to walk away? He freely grants that blessing, again and again.

So he lets go of Jiang Cheng's arm, letting his hand fall away, empty, to his side.

"You can trust Zewu-Jun." More than either one of them might trust themselves.

[fennu]

All of this makes Jiang Cheng pause, frowning as he thinks to himself. It's all fine for Wei Wuxian to say 'trust Zewu-jun', but it's hard to forget just who believed in Jin Guangyao the most in the end. He can trust Lan Xichen for many things, that will never stop, but Jiang Cheng doesn't think he can trust the other man to be fair or reliable when it comes to his once honoured brother. No, it might be better to not even broach the topic of it, to just talk about other things, ignoring the things they should talk about.

They could discuss rabbits. That would be safe.

Wei Wuxian's hand falls away and Jiang Cheng sighs, gritting his teeth and trying not to give in to the emotional exhaustion already suffocating him. He wants to scream and shout but he doesn't have the heart for it, not when his eyes are still darting around the platform chasing ghosts when a live one has crashed into him and made him think about things that he was trying so hard to forget. He's about to say it all too when the rest of Wei Wuxian's words register to him and he has to bite his tongue - literally, this time, to stop the tears from coming back.

"Good. You shouldn't think of me as someone so weak. Because I can handle all this! I've been Sect leader for years now! I can handle anything!" Or almost anything, really. As long as it's not a fresh reminder of wounds that have never really healed. He crosses his arms as soon as they're free to do so, hands still clenched even as his voice is tight and filled with the pain he's trying to swallow. He's trying to remember what Wei Wuxian had said, that they came from different times - obviously if Jin Guangyao is so young, not even given his courtesy name from his father yet.

It's a common thought that comes to him now: I wish a-Jie was here.

"It was a week ago that we were at Guanyin Temple." He admits finally, almost too much emotion in his voice. He wishes it was all simply anger, but there's sadness there too, hurt and pain. "I've been working in Yunmeng to clean everything up and prepare things for a-Ling." Since he was to be Sect leader next, of course, and if anyone said otherwise Jiang Cheng would likely rip their heads off - in the most literal of senses.

His voice is very quiet as he looks out over the platform again, wishing that someone was here to make all of this easier for him.

"I'm not delicate. I'm not weak. I don't need you to protect me." Just like Wei Wuxian had said to him when he had broken his promise once and for all; he doesn't need that, even if he might want it.

[weifinder]

Having words revisit him from the past isn't unusual, not these days, but it doesn't reduce an earned sting, which he smiles at, eyes falling away for a moment. It's not really a laugh, but something smaller than that, before he looks back up to Jiang Cheng, expression somewhere between sad and understanding.

"We all need someone to stand by us, Jiang Cheng. It has nothing to do with being delicate or weak. As much as we want to protect others, why is it so hard to realise that means people want to protect us in turn?"

It's not a rhetorical question. The awkwardness of his expression, then the wry twist to his lips as he rubs at the back of his neck, glancing away again. Jiang Cheng is upset, has so many reasons to be, and Wei Wuxian doesn't want to be upset, but he can't say he isn't. If he ignores it hard enough—

"It's been months for me since then. You never went missing. I'd have heard," he says, looking up to Jiang Cheng's face, hand dropping away from the back of his neck. "I make sure to know what I can of what's going on for the clans, no matter where I am."

I keep track of you, even though we're not talking.

The rest comes slower, pulled out of him as he considers: what does he need to say, what should he say, what does he owe this brother of his? So much more than he knows how to give. He's struggling as it is with figuring out how to pay back Lan Zhan's loyalty, his mourning and searching of sixteen years. With Chenqing back in hand because of Jiang Cheng, how is he supposed to pay off this debt, too? This anger and grief, the fractured hearts between them?

Wen Qing's walked off the platform today, and brings to mind another sister, a more traumatic ghost, someone else who has sacrificed for him when it wasn't worth it, it's never worth their lives, but they'd wanted to protect him too. He swallows, blinks back tears from heated eyes.

"I'm sorry I told you to stop trying to protect me just because I wanted to protect you. I was wrong."

Because pushing people away, trying to take it all on himself, not once has it worked out. Not once has it truly, fully, completely stopped anyone's pain, just shifted the trajectory of it.

[fennu]

It's difficult for Jiang Cheng to be around Wei Wuxian like this, with some kind of honesty burning inside of both of them. He's still reeling from everything that he learned, still adjusting to what was happening to him, to the truth of his heart and what was inside him. Knowing that his Golden Core didn't belong to him, that it came from his brother, that Wei Wuxian had been with him for all the years that the two of them had been separated by death... It made him happier and sadder than he had ever been in his life.

He wants to say that he doesn't need to be protected, that he doesn't need Wei Wuxian to be taking care of him like he had been before, when they were so much younger. Jiang Cheng is a Sect Leader now, has been ruling Yunmeng, has been raising his nephew, had been doing so many things that Wei Wuxian doesn't know and might never know, but he can't find the words to say it. It's too painful to try and be friendly to someone who broke his heart so thoroughly.

The idea that, even now, with everything that happened, Wei Wuxian is still watching out for him... He can't stand it.

Lifting his head, Jiang Cheng tries to muster himself, breathing out and closing his eyes. It's got to the point where even looking at Wei Wuxian feels like too much, like he's doing something he shouldn't be, betraying his past self and the broken promises by accepting this mirage. But Wei Wuxian is real, Wei Wuxian is here, being honest and kind and as gentle as he ever was with his family.

He hadn't wanted the apology back in the temple but he supposed he needed it to begin to move on. After almost twenty years of dwelling on his thoughts and wondering what was going on he finally understands - and so does his brother. Wei Wuxian realises why Jiang Cheng was so upset, so angry, and he can understand why his brother kept his secrets. Hadn't their lives been too mixed up with responsibility and owing people? Maybe it was easier not to owe anyone.

All he can think about is rain, the sound of A-Jie shifting in her bed and the shouts of Wen clansmen.

"I don't need your apologies. Didn't I tell you that?" His head bows, just a little, years of exhaustion weighing down on his shoulders and making him feel small. "You just needed to understand." Hand clenched, he tries to stand straighter. "I had enough time that it didn't matter anyway."

Liar.

[weifinder]

There's a balance neither one of them knows, not fully, when it comes to each other. The explanations that Wei Wuxian spills like water to the people he cares about for each other, how he tries, repeatedly, to make apologies for Jiang Cheng that Jiang Cheng will never hear. Or has heard, in part, in passing; but can he know just how sincere that is?

None of them were raised in any kindness beyond Jiang Yanli's strength of heart, and the softened attempts Jiang Fengmian made, but always favoured, always looking toward what he thought he could indulge at the cost of the rest of those he loved. Pain was so wrapped up in how they knew to love anyone, pain inflicted both ways, pain of the heart and pain of the body, and it doesn't occur to Wei Wuxian at least that pain isn't a normal part of every transaction. Right now, it's the heart; Zidian snaps, and it may well be body and soul again, no complaint made except in whining, jesting distress.

Zidian's always had a taste for him. He doesn't mind, really, because blood is blood, bruises heal, bodies either fail or they don't, and so far his hasn't failed even when he's given it no reason not to.

So he lets go. He lets go, hands at his sides, empty.

Time isn't the balm, really. Time is the distance for perspective, and focus is the aim of one's preoccupations. He reflects more these days than he did when younger. Once one has hit rock bottom, perspectives shift. He can't get any lower than when he'd wanted to die and acted on it.

"Please bear with me being like this, wanting to apologise even when you don't need it. And... thank you, Jiang Cheng." Glancing up, meeting the gaze of someone who's been his brother for longer to him than he's not been. For things he doesn't know how to say, and for the ones he could, if his tongue didn't feel as heavy. "I, ah... when the train opens up again, make sure to get on. I was told if you're stubborn enough to stay behind it kills you, then revives you on train. It's not something I recommend any of us testing." A pause. "Or at least, none of the people I care about."

Meng Yao and Xue Yang are welcome to try it as many times as they like.

He takes this as his own not so graceful exit, or at least offers it as a way forward for them both. He feels aching and hollow and also light headed, not so much grounded as newly tired in an ill-defined manner. Maybe he'll go lay down. Or run laps. Or do anything other than be right here, failing to handle his (little brother) (shidi) (leader of his former sect) Jiang Cheng.