voidtreckerexpress | no net ensnares me

Entry tags:

no net ensnares me

Who: Jiang Cheng + open!
Where: Quiet carriage
When: Merriment, just after platform
What: Jiang Cheng received a book. He is going to read that book and get embarrassed.
Warnings: The content of the book has some NSFW passages, but likely won't come up much!

FRONT MATTER.

Jiang Cheng hadn't really intended to ignore the book.

Throwing it back at Wei Wuxian had been an instinct of embarrassment more than anything else; skimming through the book meant that he was trapped with the knowledge that it was explicit, moreso than anything that he had read passed on to him by Nie Huaisang all those years ago. The fact that his brother, martial or otherwise, had been the one to give it to him had been mortifiying.

All the same, the notion of reading about fighting and battles and cultivation was too good to miss, so he settled down in the quiet carriage to begin to actually read it, something to get him through some of the quieter hours while he avoids... Well, most people.

It doesn't start out particularly explicit, so Jiang Cheng seems comfortable enough in the first few instances, tilting his head as he reads through and tries not to worder about all the reasons Wei Wuxian bought him this.

MAIN BODY.

Of course, as the book goes on Jiang Cheng gets a touch more discomforted being in the middle of a public train.

He looks almost painfully regal in his new robes from Kumoko, a mixture of purples and pinks with lotus flowers decoration in some fine details, making the book itself seem all the more out of place, especially as his face begins to get more and more red the further he goes. It's a matter of determination now, to get through to the end so that if he is ever asked by his stupid, idiotic, moron brother he can say with all honesty that he's made it through to the end.

Still, the further in the book he seems to get the more his eyes dart, the more his gaze flicks here and there, as if waiting to see if anyone is going to interrupt him. When he reads another blatant metaphor about swords and hands and then something reaching up to the cusp of dual cultivation he practically foams at the mouth, shutting the book and putting it down for what seems like a good half hour.

Eventually, he manages to pick it up again, but the glower on his face shows that he's still a little on edge.

EPILOGUE.

Perhaps the worst (or best?) part of the book for Jiang Cheng is the happy ending.

He re-reads the final chapter and epilogue about three or four times, as if it would somehow change because he's gone back over it.

The main couple ends up married, devoted to one another, cultivating as partners and living together in one of their homes, bright and happy and with the promise of a good future. The brothers, martial as they are, overcome their differences and end up with a friendship that goes as deep as being blood born. They survive and flourish and are happy, and that makes him breathe out a sharp little noise every time he reads it.

It's impossible, and when he puts the book down properly, he has to physically resist the urge to put his head into his arms and groan aloud.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Lately, it's been harder for Xichen to settle down and meditate. The knowledge that Meng Yao had a role in supporting some of Jin Guangshan's schemes is a rock in his stomach, making him too unsettled. He cannot clear his mind, not without trying to pick apart what he's missed and to reconcile the knowledge his older self has imparted with the image of the young man he knows.

He can't.

Perhaps that makes him a fool, though he knows that there's truth to the fact that Meng Yao would do anything for his father's acceptance. Xichen had just not considered that.

There's too much swirling in his mind, too many worries and anxieties about home. He'd been so close to teetering off the edge of a cliff before he'd found himself on the platform; a reprieve in Koi Tower or the Unclean Realm had been so close and now -- now the thought of Koi Tower makes him uneasy.

It's close to the time he normally retires for the night when he leaves the dining car, having finished some tea. Xichen doesn't think he can sleep yet, but meditation no longer feels quite as out of reach after he's had something familiar to drink. So he makes his way to the quiet car. There, he's distracted as he walks down the coordinator and settles on one of the booths ahead as his destination.

The door is open, so he slips inside and that's when he realizes it's not empty. He freezes just past the threshold, sees his fellow sect leader seated with attention turned toward his book. Xichen takes a moment to notice his robes; he looks more like the young man he knows than the near stranger he'd met on the platform and has been running into since then, with their interactions formal and short.

"Ah, I didn't realize that this booth was occupied," he says softly, with an apologetic smile, before he intends to apologize for what he considers bursting into an occupied space and others may consider quietly entering.

Re-reading the book from the midpoint is an adventure in tolerance and patience. At least he knows what parts to skim over now, which parts making him feel uncomfortable and a little on edge, make him shift in his seat and have his face twisting a little in what must now be a familiar grimace. He can dart around that oddness, that silliness, because he doesn't need to reexperience all of it.

People have been coming and going along the quiet carriage all day, so Jiang Cheng barely looks up when he hears someone near the door. He only tears his gaze away from a particularly explicit passage - his cheeks burning a rather nice bright red - and looks up, his eyes widening a little when he realises just who has stumbled upon him while he's reading this piece of literature.

He has to swallow the lump in his throat almost immediately, snapping the book shut and almost trapping one of his fingers in the middle of it.

Of all the people to stumble into him while he's reading something he shouldn't be caught reading it would be the illustrious Zewu-jun himself. Jiang Cheng coughs, pulling his finger out and putting the book onto the table cover down.

Thanks, Wei Wuxian. Causing problems even when he's not here.

Sitting up a little, he shakes his head and offers something that resembles a formal, practiced smile, giving a little nod of his head.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." It's odd, seeing the other man dressed down, so to speak. He's not wearing his proper robes, he doesn't have his hair up... It feels a little odd, out of place now that he has his own robes to dress himself up with. Eyes flick up and down the shape of the man before he waves his hand over at the spaces around him.

"Make yourself comfortable. It doesn't bother me, I was just... Reading."

It's when she passes through the quiet carriage that Madoka notices Jiang Cheng sitting in one of the booths. At first she thinks she shouldn't bother him - he's probably sitting in there for a good reason, and that good reason most likely involves not getting harassed by teenagers - but then she sees his nice clothes, and she really wants to compliment him on them, making the decision a little harder.

But the thing that ends up making the decision for her is seeing that look on the man's face. Madoka's eyes go wild. Is that Jiang Cheng.. actually blushing? Over what? Surely it can't be that book he's holding, so something must be wrong!

And that's enough reason for the girl to rush into the quiet room, her eyes wide with surprise, and perhaps a tad bit of panic.

"A-Ah, is.. is everything alright?"

Jiang Cheng is reading a particularly uncomfortable passage - how many metaphors can one author make, comparing swords to other things - when he hears someone walk into the room. He practically drops the book onto the ground before he fumbles to pick it up, his eyes widening a little before he breathes out a little noise.

Of course it would be Madoka. On the list of people he would not want to see him reading something like this, or even taking a glance at the pages...

Snapping the book shut, he does his best to tuck it behind a leg. His blush, however, doesn't go anywhere, his cheeks a violent red and his eyes a little wide.

"Everything is fine," he nods his head, trying to hide his face a little. "I'm fine, thank you, Madoka."

There are upsides and downsides to this situation.

An upside is that Madoka's situational awareness is very, very low, so that very obvious attempt at hiding the book goes at least five miles over her head. She doesn't even notice that he shoved it somewhere else. But the downside is that she mostly doesn't notice it because she's so concerned about him in the first place.

And that sure isn't getting better when it seems like his face is only getting more red, rather than less so. Which means she won't back down so easily.

"Are you sure..?"

She doesn't want to question him. Surely Jiang Cheng is a Responsible Adult who can take care of himself, but what if he didn't notice something?

So she takes a step closer. And another step. She's now just fully in the room with him.

"You seem very red.. You didn't catch a fever or something, did you..?"

Jiang Cheng seems to have caught some kind of a lucky break here because she's not desperately reaching for the book in his hands - which is what he imagined Wei Wuxian would have done, or even a-Ling if he was in the right sort of mood.

Luckily, Madoka is far more polite than they are and it means that Jiang Cheng has a little bit of time to sit up, straighten his back, adjust his sleeves and look a little more regal than... Pathetically embarrassed and on edge.

It could be worse, surely.

"I'm very sure." He doesn't seem to be trying to kick her out, though, and he shifts a little so there's space for her to come beside him if she wants, or properly on the opposite side. He's not going to command her one way or another.

Lifting his hand, he touches his cheeks carefully; yes, they still feel rather warm. All he can do is blame Wei Wuxian for all of this mess.

"I was just reading something and I got distracted. That's all."

Madoka is not a coward. Of course she's not going to sit on the opposite side when she can notice that he's scooting over a little. That's the universal ~~dad~~ language for 'come sit here', and so Madoka doesn't even have to worry about being polite or anything. Instead she can just move to sit right there next to Jiang Cheng, close enough for their sides to be touching.

"I see.." She replies to what he's saying, but it doesn't make the worried expression fade off her face.

Who blushes when they get distracted? Is that just a Jiang Cheng thing? A new thing she's finding out about him today?

She seems to think for a moment, a tiny, focused frown on her face, but then she reaches out to gently put a hand against the man's forehead.

"Hmm.. I think you feel a little hot here, but nothing too much.." (No, Madoka, it's since his cheeks are where the true answer to this mystery lies.) "Sorry, I guess I was worried over nothing."

Madoka coming and settling down beside him makes Jiang Cheng both comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time - he's happy that she's here, sitting with him, without fear or worry, but he's also a little on edge at the very idea of her noticing anything about his book. Thank you again, Wei Wuxian, for the most awkward and oddly discomforting gift.

She's still worried, of course she is, and he's struck by a comparison he wasn't necessarily prepared to make.

Her hand reaches up and touches his forehead and he feels overwhelmed, memories slipping back into his mind without his consent. It reminds him of when he was younger, when his sister would take care of him, when she would feed him soup if he was unwell. It's a familial thing, something tender, and it makes him breathe out softly.

A-Jie would love Madoka. She would have adored her, wanted her to be happy, taken care of her. It makes his chest ache more than just a little.

"It's - don't apologise. You're being kind." He reaches out and gently strokes her hair, pushing it away from her eyes if he can. "I promise I am not unwell."

As the girl pulls her hand back, she allows him to stroke her hair in turn, not resisting the affectionate gesture in any way. It's just sweet, as far as she's concerned.

And it gives her the opportunity to sit there and think for a moment. She doubts he really is unwell at this point, considering she doesn't think he'd lie about it to her for this long. That still means she doesn't have an explanation for the blush though - but maybe she shouldn't overthink it. If it was something really important, he'd tell her, right..?

So rather than asking about that, Madoka thinks of something she did want to ask.

"Oh, um.. by the way, do you think you're ready for the next mission? It should be coming up again soon.." It's always soon after the start of a new month, after all. "Did you do alright during the last one?"

Since Madoka had seen him at the start of it, but not afterwards.

Yugi was feeling quite happy with himself. His progress with programming he felt like was getting slightly better. He just had to find Kaiba and show him and show him what he has been doing.

With a slight spring in his step, he set about figuring out where the other went, but soon found himself stopping looking over at someone who appeared to him as red as a tomato and appeared to be reading something.

Well, those types of reactions can make Yugi think of a few things it could be. Some things Yugi himself has read in the past and has even brought with it not always being for him. But it would feel odd to ask if a guy was reading that type of thing, right?

He had stopped walking for a moment and watched the reactions of the other as he soon coughed slightly a slight red on his own cheeks.

"You know if you reading something like that even though this is called the Quiet Carriage it might have been better to read it in the cabin."

It's very domestic and it reminds him a little of how it felt to raise a-Ling, back when he was still so much younger and more willing to accept his uncle's affections. He does sometimes now, but usually only when he is rather on the side of upset.

Maybe when he gets home he should try with the matchmakers again.

Tucking the book a little further away, Jiang Cheng focuses on his conversation with Madoka, trying to put the awkwardness - and the content - out of his mind. He's going to have to have a long conversation with Wei Wuxian later, but he can hardly be blamed. Jiang Cheng knew the content, he simply... Couldn't read it in his room either.

He had roommates.

"Oh. The missions." He frowns, looking at his hand where Zidian sparks just a little at the mere memory of their last mission attempts. "I... Survived."

And wounded a respected colleague, but, you know. Things happen.

Jiang Cheng slams the book down almost immediately, turning his full glower to the intruder - and with his full Sect Leader irritation at the forefront of his mind he knows it can be something along the lines of 'terrifying' rather than just 'intimidating'.

It's not as if the person deserves it, but he's on edge and a little out of place.

"Is it any of your business?"

The snappy reply comes before he can really think about what he's going to say, and pushing the book to one side gives him time to stop and think. Taking a long, deep breath, he tries not to think about how glad he is that the cover gives nothing away.

"I have roommates. It doesn't matter where I am, does it?"

Survived sure is a way to put it.

Madoka may be young, but she's been on plenty of these missions - and really, even back home, right before she was dragged onto this train.. things had gotten dangerous and complicated really quickly. She's used to more than what she might seem used to, and so she immediately understands his usage of the word.

He got through it, but it wasn't great.

"I'm so sorry," she says, gaze already sympathetic, even without concrete details. She folds her hands in her lap. "Things did get really rough near the end. I think a lot of people had a hard time."

Of course there's an underlying message in that, though Madoka doesn't voice it out loud, too worried about wounding his pride. A lot of adults really seem to care about that sort of thing. But if one reads between the lines, it's there, clear as day - It's not weird or shameful to have had a hard time with it.

If she was anyone else then Jiang Cheng might have snapped at her for even suggesting that he found it difficult, but she is who she is. He has no urge to be snappy to her, not when she was settled down beside him, not when his cheeks are still brushed with a little pink.

What is more obvious to him than anything else is that he is very, very sick of illusions and the magic that comes hand in hand with it. He's sick of seeing things that he can't control and sick of losing control over it.

He doesn't ask her what she'd seen, what she had been through. There are some things not worth vocalising.

"It was rough from the first day," he admits. "I realise now that I need to focus my cultivation and meditation on blocking illusions. It wasn't something that was as necessary at home, but here..."

His hands shake, just a little, and he closes his eyes.

"I..." His throat feels a little tight. "I do not want to experience it again." But he's rather afraid that he will.

She notices the way his hand shake. The way he closes his eyes. The fact that what he's admitting here might be more than he'd admit to most people, Madoka thinks. They're signs she's finely attuned with after having to deal with the kind of adults who like shoving their problems under tables and carpets, far away from her.

It makes Madoka think for a moment, but then she moves her hands. They dip into the neckline of her hoodie, pulling something out of there, over her head.

It's the pendant she got from gathering the crystals back in that cave in that odd underwater place.

"Do you have one of these..?"

Not that she doesn't think he would have been capable of conquering those trials, but perhaps he didn't even want to attempt them in the first place if he was that sick of the illusions.

"You can have mine, if you want. Even if you already have one of your own, since two might be stronger than one.. then you won't have to see those illusions again."

"Unfortunately no. I mean here you have..." he knocks on the glass door which he didn't understand why the door had to be glass. "But it is soundproofed I suppose but the glass door kinda outweighs that since people come through often."

Privacy and getting it were just a pain in the butt sometimes. "But if you have something to cover it up, then your set. Just a shame we do have to put in a lot of effort just to have privacy."

"I'm well aware."

Jiang Cheng is accustomed to having privacy, to being in a position where he can do what he wants; being the Sect Leader afforded him that. The fact that he's so constrained now is something that he really isn't enjoying, and the frustration on his features is likely more than enough to show that.

"So I am going to read here and if people want to comment on it then I'll tell them what I think."

Nothing about this is easy for him, and Jiang Cheng feels himself get more tense as soon as he recognises that Madoka has picked up on his unease. It's been a very long time since someone took care of him, since someone wanted to make sure he was alright, and he's still adjusting to it. A-Jie is long gone and his disciples try to harass him into self-care, but they're not as adept when they can't disobey him.

Madoka has no reason to listen to his orders or instructions, at least no reason beyond politeness.

He stops at her offer, eyes widening for a moment before he reaches out, closing her fingers back around it.

"I'm prepared now," he admits, voice low. "I wasn't aware of what was happening on the mission, but I was better equipped for the caves. My cultivation and golden core will help me makes sure that I don't fall victim to them again. You should keep it for yourself."

His hand lingers on hers.

"I want you to be safe, first and foremost."

Her look momentarily falters when he closes her hand again like that, though she doesn't protest what he's telling her. Jiang Cheng is a capable adult, so surely he knows what he can or can't handle - even if Madoka isn't entirely sure what a 'golden core' is supposed to be. (Should she know?! Is this some adult thing?! She sure doesn't know.)

All of that is lost anyway in what he continues to say. Wanting her to be safe as a priority, even moreso than his own comfort. It's a level of caring Madoka has received before on the train, but it still renders her quiet all the same. It's just so kind and generous that she isn't entirely sure how to reply at first.

"I.. want you to be safe too though," she says. Not exactly a protest, since she is pulling the pandant back to herself now, but more just a statement. More something she just wishes he knows. "I don't want you to be unhappy because you have to deal with the illusions. You've been so nice to me all this time.. You deserve to be happy."

"I assume what you will tell them won't be very nice. But what about those who might ask out of genuine curiosity?" Because sure what he did was rude, but if someone were to ask because they wanted to actually know that was different, right?

"I can be nice," he scolds, frown in place. "And if people are curious they can come in and ask, not tell me I should be reading elsewhere."

Slowly, Jiang Cheng lets his eyes dart over her face, taking in her expression. It's clear she doesn't know as much about his powers as he had imagined - he'd thought maybe she'd have met one of the Lans, or Wei Wuxian - but now isn't exactly the time for that. Now is the time to offer comfort, and he can do that if nothing else, even if it is given awkwardly.

He really doesn't want more from her than her safety, than her ability to take care of herself, than for her to be safe. They've spend a great deal of time together on the train so far, between missions and strange planets and everything else that's been happening. The idea of something bad happening to her, someone who has been nothing but good and kind, makes him angry in a way he knows is familiar.

Righteous, defensive anger; a fury of a Sect Leader, of an uncle, someone who cares.

"I will be safe," he nods, his hand lowering away from hers. "I know what to do to protect myself, and..." He purses his lips. "The illusions they were using before will not work as well now. My brother and I have made sure of that." It still tastes strange on his tongue, calling Wei Wuxian brother aloud without doubt or confusion, but it feels good as well. "I will be fine."

Not happy, or unharmed, but fine.

"Your.. brother?"

It mostly stands out to her because he mentioned his brother before. Madoka remembers, because she remembers thinking that it'd be nice for Jiang Cheng and his brother to be able to get along here on the train - it sounded like Jiang Cheng himself wanted as much, either way.

And this is a sign of that. Or a possible sign, anyway, since Madoka doesn't know the full story. But even just hearing the other mention him..

".. have you been working together?"

Is she being too nosy? It kind of feels like she is. But Madoka can't help it, when she's this invested in the man's happiness, and his connection with his brother.

The book's front and back covers are innocent enough that Lan Xichen thinks nothing of it. Unfortunately for the other sect leader though, is the fact that the force of him slamming down the book on the table does dislodge a page that seems to be home to an illustration that -- well -- Xichen is polite enough not to comment on anything he may or may not see there.

He clears his throat as the elder man finishes speaking, focuses on him again enough to catch that he is perhaps being sized up. He isn't sure what to make of that but in the end, he is invited into the carriage.

He doesn't hesitate as he dips his head in thanks and does take a seat opposite of Jiang Wanyin. It feels strange, to be without robes while the other is so finely dressed. Gusu Lan's teaching guide against vanity and finding too much value in comfort brought by material possessions, but Xichen misses the pieces of home he has lost in this moment. Luckily, he'd arrived with his forehead ribbon at least.

"I was hoping to meditate, so I won't keep you from your reading, Sect Leader Jiang," he says with ease, expression hiding if he'd seen anything untoward. Still, for all his politeness, Xichen isn't as oblivious as many credit him to be and well, to be reading such a thing in public -- this is a bit deserved. "Reading anything interesting?"

It's a situation that will never stop being complex, complicated, awkward - but they're getting there, they're working through it, accepting that they're brothers, that they're meant to be brothers and loss of life won't change that. Sixteen years of grief still hurt, but the ache has calmed over time.

"Wei Wuxian," he admits, finally, voice soft and quiet. "Adopted, but yes. He and I are brothers."

Jiang Cheng isn't sure he would say they're working together, but they're getting there. They're getting better at all the things they're doing when they're in a room together, and that's progress enough for him for now. It's not like he's about to air all of that to Madoka, however.

Breathing out, he relaxes a little, letting his hands drop down and away.

"We've been doing our best here, with the illusions, with the strangeness - all of it."

This isn't the same as when Nie Huaisang had shared books with them when they had been studying at Gusu; Jiang Cheng had been embarrassed then, angry, irritated, all of it culminating with him refusing to even pretend to play around with whatever the other boy was offering them. He knows Wei Wuxian took it, might even have read it, and that might have inspired this particular gift.

He wants to push the book away, to tuck it away somewhere, but the twisting feeling in his stomach makes him feel a little uncomfortable. He really hopes that Lan Xichen isn't completely aware of what he is reading.

At least they can settle down in somewhat polite company. He doesn't have to worry too hard about being overly polite, or saying the wrong thing, or not knowing each. They're not necessarily on unequal footing, but Jiang Cheng knows that he is a little ahead of the other man in terms of knowledge and understanding. He just knows things from virtue of being ahead in time.

A strange concept.

"It's difficult to find places here," he admits with a nod, the sleeves of his robes long enough to draw the book closer, to try and hide at least some of it away. "It was a gift. From Wei Wuxian. It's about brothers trapped together being forced to work to understand things."

Honestly, the adopted part doesn't matter at all to Madoka. Maybe it's since she's from a future with a bit less emphasis on family structures, or maybe it's all her experiences here on the train, but Madoka has become a firm believer of the fact that whoever you choose to be family is family.

And if Jiang Cheng is calling them brothers, and thinking back on the sentiment with which he spoke about this Wei Wuxian before.. Madoka thinks they really are brothers. That they'd choose to be, despite all difficulties.

So.. she can't help but smile a little.

"I'm really glad to hear you're been doing your best together." It sounds so genuine. Technically it's a situation that has nothing at all to do with her, and yet she sounds happy as if it's something happening to her. Like she can really just be that happy about something good happening to the man sitting here with her. "Even if they're really weird circumstances to bring people together.. I hope they can bring you together all the same."

The smile she gives softens Jiang Cheng a little, some of the sharp edge fading away, the discussion of his brother and the pain it leaves him with leaving his shoulders. It's not that he's completely uncomfortable talking about his relationship with Wei Wuxian, it's just difficult; hard, at times.

They are brothers. Even if his mother had never liked it, even if he had never been a-Xian, even if he was only a-Cheng in private... They're brothers - and not because they had forced to be it. This time it was because they had chosen it, and that means something to him.

Jiang Cheng softens because she's right; they are working together, it is good, and he feels a weight lifted from his very being just from acknowledging that.

"We're doing what we can," he nods. "You should meet him one day. I'm sure you'll like him, everyone does." The implication being that people don't often like him.

"It depends on what is being read. Given your reactions, I went under the assumption of something not very child friendly and considering they could come in here easily whereas your cabin they can't without you letting them in was part of the reason for that suggestion." Because there are those who might not know things like that or are under a very certain age.

"Though there is probably one other way to be able to read in here, which yes not the best thing to do but does tend to keep people out is a sign on the door. Really something we should do anyway."

"Ah, I.. did, actually. Um, I think."

Look, Madoka may not be able to keep up with all the doubles of people running around here, but she's pretty sure that she's seen two versions of that man before - and she's not quite sure which one Jiang Cheng sees as his brother. Or maybe it's both?

"I talked to someone with that name on the platform, anyway.." Even if he hadn't mentioned Jiang Cheng. "He was really nice to me.. I told him that he didn't have to worry about me on missions, and then he asked me if it was okay if he worried a little about me anyway since he couldn't help it."

It makes Madoka smile a little. Definitely shyly, but also slightly amused by the idea that a grown man has to ask her for permission to do so! No way!

"Which one?"

The fact that he has to ask is still a strange and startling occurrence an Jiang Cheng's face twists up a little bit before he breathes out a noise and forces himself not to think about it too hard. At least Wei Wuxian was being nice, whichever one it was - because he's been aware of at least three. Have there been more?

He really, really hopes that there haven't been more than three. It might be enough to really push him over the brink.

"Either way that sounds like him. He never thinks about himself, not really." Which is as complimentary as Jiang Cheng is entirely prepared to be. Shaking his head, he lets his eyes drop back down to her without too much hesitation.

"Just don't listen to him too much! He never listens to any rules or what anyone tells him to do!"

Which one truly is the question here on the train. Madoka has to think for a moment on how to even answer that. 'The one on our team' sure doesn't work when they both are on their team, huh..

So in the end she settles for: "Um, the one without.."

She moves her hands up to her head, moving them back and forth a little. Yes, she's trying to mimick the one fox ears one of them has, because she feels like any way to refer to them out loud ('animal ears', no way!!) would be too rude. (It looks really cute.)

"But-- um! He didn't seem like a bad person at all..! So even if he would ignore rules, I'm sure he'd have some good reason for it.."

There is a distinction between them for Jiang Cheng; one of them is his brother and the other is for another Jiang Cheng in another world. They haven't spoken too often, not since they'd argued in front of the demons, but he knows they could have some kind of relationship if they tried. He still has to decide if that is something he wants.

"The one without the fox spirit." He nods. "That one is my brother. From my world."

Snorting, he shakes his head. As if Wei Wuxian needed a good reason to break rules - any reason was good enough, even if it might seem foolish and stupid to everyone else. Jiang Cheng understands his motivations as well as anyone else does, he simply loathes the outcome. He hates what happens when Wei Wuxian makes a choice.

"He'll disobey rules whenever he wants. But..." A pause. "He wants what is best for people."

...

"Then you're similar."

Even if it might not be inherited, since they're not actual blood brothers. It still seems they share that similarity. Despite Jiang Cheng's more frigid exterior in comparison to how open and causal Wei Wuxian seemed when she spoke to him, she thinks they both share that kindness of wanting to take care of the people around them, even if they might show it differently.

"You really must be a family of good people."

"One of these cars or the garden car seem like they're best places for some quiet. Though I also realize that our compatriots have discovered the same." Which means there's really no such thing as alone time and a quiet place to get away from it all. Lan Xichen still says it was a soft smile, though his brows crease slightly for a moment before the expression smoothes over.

Given what he's seen of the book, Xichen cocks a brow at the description of what the now older man is reading.

"Ah! What is it that they need to understand?" Brotherly cooperation, well that's something that Xichen understands well. He also understands that the relationship between Jiang Wanyin and his brother has been complicated; without the additional knowledge that Wei Wuxian has given him on their circumstances. He tilts his head slightly as he glances back down at the cover as part of it disappears under Jiang Wanyin's sleeves. "Are they able to work together in the end?" he asks, glancing back up at Jiang Wanyin.

"And be interrupted by people wanting to water the flowers? I don't think so," it comes as a little scoff, Jiang Cheng shaking his head. That's one of the problems that has been haunting him the entire time he's been on the train; there's no place for real privacy, for a real chance to have a break from anyone. He can't breathe sometimes, feeling swallowed up by everything that this place has thrown at him.

He nudges the book with a hand, lips twisted into something irritated - that oh so familiar scowl.

"Working together, overcoming their differences, being honest. It's the sort of thing that Wei Wuxian would get me, of course." Even if they hadn't agreed to be brothers again it would be a kind of desperate plea, for the two of them to be as they once were. Rubbing a hand over his face, he breathes out, trying to relax himself, trying to not get too riled up.

It's difficult.

"They did. In the end."

"I obey rules."

Jiang Cheng protests it almost immediately, not wanting another comparison between himself and Wei Wuxian to weigh too heavily on his shoulders. He wants to be free of that, just as he was for the last sixteen years, but it's inevitable. With his brother being here - two of them! - there's no way to avoid it, and he has to resist the urge to let it grate on him too much.

But the mention of his family makes him breathe out a soft little noise.

"We were." Is that enough? "My sister was the best of all of us."

Please, Jiang Cheng, she was just trying to give you a compliment!

But Madoka knows better than to try and clarify herself or push it when he's protesting like that, so instead she pauses for a moment. Just long enough to let the next thing he says end up getting processed by her brain.

It's then that she speaks up again, with a curious little stare.

"What was your sister like..?"

Maybe his relationship with her is - was - less complicated than with his brother? Even though that past tense usage definitely isn't lost on the girl.

What are compliments? People have rarely offered them to him before - criticisms are a more popular and common notion when it comes to Jiang Cheng, at least in his personal experience.

Talking about his sister is still somewhat difficult, something that sticks in the back of his throat, but he's trying to get better at it. He's trying to be more vocal, to get accustomed to having her memory right there, because then he can start sharing her memory with a-Ling and others all over again. If he doesn't, then...

Then Jin Ling will never know about his mother, and that is a cruelty.

"She was kind," he says, voice soft and careful. "She took care of everyone she could, even if they didn't notice it was her. She always took care of us, and protected us, and made sure that we were okay. She was very motherly, no matter what."

"That does sound a little like a mom.." Madoka adds, with a slight nod. Sure, in Madoka's own family it was her father who did most of that work, but it's not as if her own mother wasn't looking out for her and the family all the same, even if it was in ways that no one might notice.

It does lead her to think of a different question. One that's perhaps even more difficult, but it's a natural conclusion to draw, she thinks. Madoka shifts uncomfortably before asking: "Did you guys not have a mom around to care for you then..?"

Is that why his sister had to step up to the plate?

"As long as they are quiet while doing so, it still seems like a good option." Not the best, he concedes with a soft chuckle. "I have overheard some interesting singing will there."

Not good, but interesting is an honest assessment of it.

The explanation of the story and it being true to Wei Wuxian is interesting, but now that he has spent time with the man he can also see glimpses of this truth within him. Honesty has taken him a long way, though he has revealed things that were not yet his to tell.

"Those are definitely things that take work but are beneficial for brothers to do, when possible," he says softly, thinking of his own brother. Not the ones here, healed and whole, but the one he's left behind and misses. The one who he feels he's failed, who he couldn't stand beside in the end of it. The mask falls for a moment, the smile fades away but then he shakes his head slightly, pulling himself away from those thoughts and the knowledge that a different brother was the reason so many fell down this path. His hands tremble in his lap and he shifts them, cupping the left over the right to steady himself.

"I must admit, from my memory of Wei Wuxian during your time studying at Cloud Recess, the sort of material I'd expect him to share doesn't quite fall in line with what you've described," he says with a soft chuckle, an attempt to lighten the mood.

"She was older than me, so it was natural for her. I think she liked to take care of people." And Yanli would have been the most wonderful of mothers, slipping into the role naturally as breathing. If she had been able to live to see Jin Ling grow up and mature into the grouchy teen that he is now... She would have been the most dedicated of parents to him.

Jiang Cheng tenses, noticeably, when his mother is mentioned and he pauses for a moment to take a long, deep breath. It doesn't come easily to him, speaking about his lost parents, but he has no reason to shy away from it right now. Not when it was so long ago and Madoka hasn't done anything to earn his anger.

"I did, but she taught us other things." How to be hard, how to be sharp, how to be angry. All the terrible parts of himself a gift from his mother, leaving his father to loathe the very sight of him.

"Perhaps for you, but people aren't often quiet around me." And Jiang Cheng has no desire to get involved with singing, or growing plants - at least, not plants that aren't lotus flowers, and those are beyond the gardens as far as he's aware.

The fact that Lan Xichen can find something good about it all doesn't surprise him, though; that's the sort of thing the other man was good at.

He and his brother are getting better at being around one another, that's a truth he can't deny, but it's difficult for him to really adjust to without giving himself time to really muster and manage the strength to do it. Jiang Cheng has never been particularly adept with managing his own emotions and never so when Wei Wuxian was involved - it's only been harder since he was brought back to life.

Turning his head, he watches Lan Xichen for a moment. The man has a brother, true enough, but there's little to be said about Lan Wangji's actions over the last thirteen years. No one had ever looked down on the Lan clan of Gusu, no one had ever called them weak, or pathetic, or any of the other words the Jin Clan had mustered once upon a time. Different difficulties, but similar enough.

He huffs a sharp noise, hands clenching a little before he speaks out.

"Are you suggesting my brother would give me illicit material, Zewu-jun?" His eyes narrow. It's true, but that isn't the point, is it? "Is he really the type?" His lip twitches. Yes, yes he is.

.. other things.

Madoka isn't sure how to interpret this statement about 'other things.' What other things could there be to gain from a mother? It's not that she can't think of a few positive things if she really stretches the limits of her imagination, but the way he says it makes it already sound like it's not anything positive at all.

And though she's curious, she's way too uncomfortable asking about that. It feels too personal, too - potentially - sad. So instead the girl folds her hands in her lap.

"I, um.. In my family, mama is the one who works," she instead says. As if talking about her own family might distract him from thoughts about his own. "She doesn't come home until dinnertime, or sometimes a bit later, because she works really hard. Papa is the one who takes care of me and my baby brother at home. He can make really delicious food.."

It's clear from Madoka's reaction that she can probably guess what his mother was like, but it's not something Jiang Cheng wants to dwell on.

He'd seen enough memories of Madame Yu in the illusions during missions to know that he feels achy just thinking about her. She had been killed right in front of him when he had been powerless to protect her, her most powerful weapon left in his hands, quite literally. He doesn't know what to do with those memories, coloured by experience and the knowledge that he understands her but doesn't know if he can forgive her.

That's painful enough.

"That's what a-Jie did," Jiang Cheng nods. "She would make food for us, and take care of us. My father was Sect Leader of Yunmeng and was often busy with that, so when my brother and I weren't learning we were with our sister."

Xichen dips his head, not one to argue with Jiang Wanyin's assessment. He isn't sure what the man is wholly like now, but he has not seen any proof of things one way or another.

He is still gathering the data himself, trying to understand from all sides even if he is confused by the way Jiang Wanyin now acts around him. He wonders, still, if there's something in the future that leaves them so strained.

Then again, Xichen is aware of the position Jiang Wanyin's clan is left in during the time he calls his own. Perhaps it's the difficulties now that grow like festering weeds.

For a moment, he feels like he's offended Jiang Wanyin again but there's a twitch at the corner of his lip and Xichen still doesn't know what to do with that. He shakes his head slightly, brows drawn together but smile still good natured. "I had meant something a bit less wholesome and more focused on adventure, yes, but I was not about to assume that you are reading illicit material in public, Sect Leader Jiang," he says with the same amusement. "But now that you've mentioned it, if that's the case, I wouldn't be surprised on Wei Wuxian's part. During your school days, he did once bring Wangji an illicit book while he was supposed to be writing lines in the library."

His brother had been so flustered and upset, Xichen had tried not to laugh.

It's difficult, being around Lan Xichen and feeling older and, at the same time, more vulnerable than he has in the past. He thinks about the other Zewu-jun he knows, one older and closer to his time, and has to bite his tongue. It's difficult to forget the mantle of Sandu Shengshou with someone who doesn't recognise him as himself.

Jiang Cheng is finding it hard to let go of the things he does to protect himself from relative strangers; Xichen is from a time when he was a fresh Sect Leader, from when he was still pleased and proud and regrowing. The man he is now is nothing short of bitter, angry, hurting at all times and aching.

"There's nowhere else to read this stupid book," he confesses, shaking his head. A small part of him rises to Wei Wuxian's defence, however, as pathetic as it is - back then they were the closest two brothers could be and he had sworn to protect him above all else. "And Nie Huaisang gave him that book in the first place, so if you're going to blame anyone it should be him."

There. He's done his brotherly duty.

"Your own rooms?" Lan Xichen offers, this time the smile is soft but still he's teasing. The answer does not reveal the nature of the material but there is more implication here, though he does not call it out.

He shakes his head, amused and not surprised at the true source of the illicit material. That sounds like Huaisang, the version of the young man he knows and less like the haunted one he'd met on this train. There's only ruin ahead, Lan Xichen realizes, but does not understand what it all means. "That does sound like Huaisang. Though I don't think that fact would have helped Master Wei in Wangji's eyes, at the time." A pause. "Nor I did not say I blamed him for having it."

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no net ensnares me

epilogue.

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https://youtu.be/Hr_9b-Lt-pk?t=12

YOU KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN

local man caught reading pornography by daughter

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