voidtreckerexpress | ( open ) i am so high, i can hear heaven

Entry tags:

( open ) i am so high, i can hear heaven

Who: Lan Jingyi (

jingyeets) & ( OPEN )
Where: Quiet Carriage; Garden Carriage; elsewhere in train carriages.
When: Merriment 16 to Merriment 21!
What: Arm wrestling; drunken/tipsy wanderings; memorial construction w/calligraphy/painting; etc.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption! Relationship discussions, including potential mentions of gay panic, depending. Will warn as applicable.

ready to rumble (closed to dennis)

Time on the train is a construct even more apparent than the time otherwise passing on worlds, when they're on worlds. He's only seen three platforms and two worlds, but there likely is another coming, and that's something nice to look forward to, assuming he gets to fly. He'd love to fly, he aches for it, having been minimal in application in the illusion world, and always caught and constrained on platform.

Anyway, that was for another day, and for tonight, he has other plans, involving Dennis, the unmarked bottle of alcohol he's ordered, and the two sauce sized ramekins. When he does manage to track Dennis down, he quirks up his brow, holds up both bottle and ramekins (go with him here, the teacups won't work right and no one has proper drinking bowls or cups in his opinion, and there's only so much alcohol in the bottle anyway). "Ready?"

For the talk they need to have, for the arm wrestling already promised, and for tiny, tiny shots of the best alcohol Jingyi could possibly have ordered from back home. A wine, technically... but don't be fooled. It's hard liquor.

arm wrestling and other shenanigans (ota, merriment 16)

Tipsy, Jingyi eases open the quiet car door, and makes a surprisingly upright drift throughout the train, made more chaotic by use of the transgates. For the most part, in human form, he can be found:

in the standard carriage, challenging anyone who feels like it to arm wrestling at the chairs facing each other over a fold down table where he will lose for any younger Voidtrecker who takes him up on it, and most the rest depending;

to the spa carriage where, after prodding at the ICP, he finds the tutorial video for massages and tries to nab a buddy for him to learn on (yes, while clearly inebriated, but don't worry, it'll be fine), after which he'll think going into the pool is the best idea. Which is the last time he'll be in clothing, after making sure no one around is... around, or asking them if they care; sometime in soaking in the hot water he decides he wants to swim, and ends up dragon, the fox-sized form he takes on capable of swimming sinuously through.

At some point he drags himself out and beelines in the air, bouncing himself off walls, ceilings, just about anything, aiming for an eventual stop in the Garden carriage, hoping to swim in the lotus pool there. He's hot.

memorial construction (merriment 16-merriment 21)

Starting from Merriment 16 onward, Jingyi can be found working on using spiritual energy to carve words into a stone in the garden; or sitting and using a bench to work on calligraphy of an odd alphabet that looks pointedly like something untranslated, shown on his SCA. He's using a calligraphy brush and black ink on paper to make sure he has the form right.

Only after he's finished perfecting that does he return to the stone, taking time in the days after to channel spiritual energy through his calligraphy brush to "carve" those letters into its face. He's taking quite a lot of time, because this is not the ideal way to do this (as far as he knows), and the concentration it takes is enough he gets through a few letters then stands up to walk around and be physically active, before returning to his work.

The day he finishes, he brings the censer he ordered and sets the first incense alight. To those who recognise the scent, it's clearly sandalwood based. Pressing his hands together before him, he says, "May you find what it is you're looking for."

On the stone, now automatically translated for all to read, it says:

'What is past I cannot reach again, and what is to come I cannot keep.
The candle has a heart—it too hates parting. In our place, it sheds a tear at dawn.
Dedicated to the Missing and the Lost.
You are remembered.'

wildcard

Hit me up OOC for a starter, or tag in anywhere on train with your own! Roommates, feel free to hit him up for shenanigans.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Jingyi smiles, more teeth than is needed, but forgive him. "Good attitude. Why put things off?"

Thus he leads the way onward, through the doors (or transgates) leading toward the Quiet Car, the top floor. At least one of the booths is available, and that's all he needs; he gestures Dennis through while juggling the bottle and makeshift cups, closing the door behind them without locking it.

He seats himself, either opposite to Dennis or at the nearest bench if Dennis has yet to seat himself. The 'cups' are set down with two distinct clacks, and Jingyi pours for them both, saying as he does, "This is Emperor's Smile, the best wine from the town closest to the foot of Gusu. Where we're both from." Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi, he means, but if Dennis doesn't know who he's talking about, they would have far larger issues to contend with.

Looking up, he slides one cup toward Dennis, seated or standing. "Normally we'd toast the host, but I don't think you necessarily want to be toasting me, so drink up."

It's oddly enough the first time he's been in the Quiet Car, maybe obvious by how he looks around as Jingyi leads him along. Taking a seat he'll lean back, folding his arms. Still unsure how all of this is going to go he watches Jingyi pour them both a drink, only leaning forward to curiously look at it.

"Isn't drinking against your rules?" Now that he thinks of it, Dennis unfolds his arms and picks up one of the... 'cups', sniffing it.

"Huh?" No toast him? Just cause things were tense between them because of what was going on didn't mean he couldn't follow tradition. Dennis shakes his head, holding his drink up.

"To your uh, good health?" Is that considered a toast? Is that right? Dennis sounds uncertain, "Cheers, mate." and he'll bring the Emperor's Smile to his lips taking a drink of it and-- oof. Excuse him if he coughs that down.

"... wine?" Are you sure?

He blinks at the good health mention, head tilting to the side before he raises his cup high enough in return. "Is that part of your tradition?" Not that wishing for good health in a drink made to someone wasn't in his, but there were other praises and a whole culture he was presently brushing past because trying to communicate the nuance wouldn't feel worthwhile. Moreover, he was... attempting to spare Dennis trying to think up complimentary things to say. They're not meeting to cement their friendship, no one's performed any amazing feats, and they're not talking each other up.

The good health, that's at least straightforward. Thus he mentally shakes off the confusion, curls his lips up at one corner, and tips the cup just a touch toward Dennis. "To your good health!"

Then, down in one swallow, less about tossing it back and more about the fact he was supposed to drain the cup. Does it matter he can't handle more than two of these small servings? Nah. He knows drinking culture outside of Gusu, having needed to be trained enough to recognise it for outside functions (or polite navigations of situations where turning it down simply wasn't going to apply).

He lifts his eyebrows after swallowing, Dennis's coughing a source of mild, but unexpected, amusement. "Yeah, wine. Pretty much all alcohol's wine." A hint to Dennis about certain truths which were not going to be true, with grape wines considered.

Still, he pours Dennis another small cup, answering the first question asked.

"Clan precepts say there's no drinking alcohol in Gusu. This train," he says, "Happens to not be in Gusu."

There's a certain smug air to him when he says this, and a hint of a conspiratorial grin. Splitting details, finding loopholes, navigating his way around the restrictions he lived under for a clan he adored beyond all things. The grin doesn't last long, exactly, but it is his explanation, before shifting to leave his cup likewise refilled, his elbow planted on the table, and his hand ready for taking.

... The arm wrestling starts soon.

"Can be." It's not a lie, though most people just drink to drink. Not to wish well to others. That's typically saved for weddings and such. Jingyi is much more used to this stuff, downing it easily, but Dennis won't be left behind, finishing his off and setting it down for it to be refilled. Okay, alright, he's got this.

At Jingyi clarifying that the train is indeed not Gusu, Dennis can't help but huff in amusement. He's got him there. Look he's all for twisting rules if it's for a good reason, having a drink counts he figures. Dennis is about to down his second cup when Jingyi squares up, ready for their wrestling match.

"..." Alright. That's how it's gonna be huh. Nodding he tips his head back, downing the whole thing this time and sets it aside wincing. Ugh, that didn't taste any better going down quicker. Dennis follows suit, elbow set and firmly grasps the hand at the ready.

"We counting down or just going for it?" He'll raise a brow.

At least the fact Lans can't tolerate alcohol comes across as can anyone really tolerate hard alcohol, at whatever proof Jingyi does rather assume is normal. Then again, the concepts related are outside his realm of knowledge, and he's not here to really talk about drinking, even if they are drinking. (And at least Emperor's Smile goes down smooth!)

"I don't care either way. Feel free to count." Jingyi planned on simply holding position, rather than forcing Dennis's arm down; he let his free arm hold the empty cup in his fingers, and kept his feet firmly pressed to the floor.

He in fact so little cares how this starts, he only waits for Dennis to decide if any counting is happening before cutting straight to: "What are your feelings for Sizhiu here. Away from the illusion world, and whatever happened there."

Just going for it was the real order of the day, and he's dead serious in that, and holding his arm annoyingly immobile. Not even Lan strength, just cultivator strength, though he's overly blessed in that department for, ah, years and years of physical endurance through punishments he's justly earned by clan precepts.

Well if Jingyi doesn't care how they start then he'll just go for it. The only warning is the little squeeze of fingers as he makes a valiant attempt to move the other boy's arm. Even just a smidge. Anything. He'd feel more of a failure if Jingyi didn't sucker punch him verbally with that line of questioning.

Shit. His grip weakens considerably, gaze uncertain as he looks at the other across from him.

"Look it's- ain't that simple." Jingyi wants him to just remove everything from the illusion world as if it's not part of things too. It is, very much so.

"I like him, he's my friend." And Dennis tries again, straining to try and bend Jingyi's arm at all. Good lord what kind of arm strength is this?!

Jingyi barely blinks, though he does, in a lazy way while looking as if this doesn't take much effort. Sadly... it doesn't, but he can feel what Dennis is putting into it, when it weakens, and when he starts to strain again. This is a specific kind of flex where he could turn it into a more genuine contest by doing dangerous things to himself, but he's not. It's not why he wants to be handlocked with this guy.

"It is that simple. If you like him as a friend, then he's your friend. Nothing changes that. You tell him he's your friend, and Jinnjar pushed boundaries. It won't happen again. None of this friends who kiss each other and sleep with each other intimately shit." Cursing, which he doesn't indulge as often as his attitude would indicate, because it bothers him. He refuses to allow Sizhui to make the same kind of mistakes as another friend over anyone if he can prevent it. That's why he's here.

He lets Dennis tip his hand a few degrees back, before holding firm again. "If you like him enough that you'd marry him eventually, then you tell him that, and you're engaged. On a train, with no idea how long any of us stick around, sure, but it's singular. Long term. Loyal. Because that's what we do. It's what Sizhui deserves, and it's what he'd give. Do you get that?"

And he pushes back against Dennis, but stops when they're back to evenly placed on the table, arms at ninety degree angles to the surface below.

"You would be his only. It's not what anyone else here thinks is normal, but it's Lan."

At this point Dennis doesn't even care about the arm wrestling, in fact he never did, but it was part of whatever this was supposed to be. An intervention? The more Jingyi talks the less Dennis tries to even engage with this, completely pulling away in the end.

"It's not that bloody simple!" Jingyi talks like it's so clearly black and white, like him and Sizhui didn't both experience things in Jinnjar that could complicate everything, make them question shit. Why does it have to be one way or the other immediately?

"I can't just pretend I don't remember everything from there, all those memories that felt so fucking real. Don't know if what I'm feeling is from them or really me." Or maybe a bit of both. Let's not get into the cluster fuck of mentions of marriage now. Dennis just looks overwhelmed at this point, sitting back in the booth.

"I know. I know!" He knows that Sizhui deserves better than the mess he's making right now, knows Sizhui would give everything. He hasn't known him even a fraction as long as Jingyi, but anyone could tell you that Lan Sizhui is that. Loyal and loving with his whole heart. Even if it's just friends.

Jingyi doesn't try holding on to Dennis, since it's a pretext, anyway; his face is closer to frowning than neutral, but he listens in turn. Not sure where bloody comes in, only to realise a moment after it was likely crass emphasis, then file the term away for potential future use.

(He'd use it wrong. Count on it.)

"Who said anything about pretending?" Jingyi, for his part, is serious and at least not close to shouting, only canting his head a touch to the side and slightly narrowing his eyes. He is talking very pointedly, keeping calm partly because the alcohol is also making him overfocus on Dennis. (Yes, that fast.)

"What I'm telling you is if the answer right now isn't yes, you say no. You aren't ready for a romantic relationship. The last person in the world who's going to hate you for changing your mind to a yes later, to a real yes later, is going to be Sizhui. You don't get to be the jackass keeping his heart on strings because you can't figure yourself out fast enough."

He picks up the bottle, pours out another for himself, and then does the same for Dennis, setting the bottle back down with a definite click. His coordination is pretty good, right up to setting down the bottle, which he, ah, almost misses the table with.

Anyway.

"If you know, then do the right thing. Let him off... let him heal now... jackass, let him be okay, and figure out what you want after you stop making him not okay. Okay?"

The alcohol goes untouched as he's already agitated and more of that won't help. He does shoot a hand out to make a save if the bottle did try to fall of the table, thankfully it doesn't.

"Wha- you think I'm leading him on?" Now it's starting to make some sense why Jingyi is coming at him like this.

"Look I told him, I'm not... m'not gay, even if that place did that to us." There's a big ol' stack of denial in that sentence, but that's another problem for another day perhaps.

"Said I wanted to still be friends, no matter what happened back there, if he took something else from that it wasn't what I meant." And if that's really the case he needs to talk to him again about it. Clear things up. Even if the idea of "clearing" up makes his stomach knot.

Jingyi goes still, squinting at Dennis. "You told him," he says, taking care to slowly form the words, "That you're not... gay. To my best friend, with his fathers, who are the most touching love story of their generation. That you're not... gay. Even if that place did that to you."

Also, yes, he does think Dennis is leading his best friend on. Moreso because it's over something as stupid to him as this—because as far as he has seen, the illusions have all been built on a kernels of some kind of truth. Even if they're nothing but lies, this objection just seems like such nonsense. Who cares? If what you don't want is a romantic relationship, that's more important. I'm not as gay as the illusion made me? Screw that.

"What the hell, Dennis, why are you telling me you don't know if you're saying you told him you're not gay, that makes no sense! When you don't know it's 'cause there's something you're conflicted about, so what is it?"

Jingyi has both elbows planted on the table, and is frowning very determinedly at Dennis, eyes still narrowed, tail lashing to one side of the bench he's on. Thud. Thump. Thud.

"Are you trying to figure out if you're ready for commitment, or are you trying to figure out if you can fall for at least one fantastic, wonderful, amazing guy?"

Mostly Jingyi is definitely here to fight for the fact his best friend (from another world or not) is the best person he's ever known, and as they've both agreed, deserves the best.

Oh no no, he's not trying to insinuate that he's saying being gay is wrong is he? Cause it's not, he's got nothing wrong with that, just... himself. Look, it's complicated. Shitty bad male role models all his life, give the kid a break.

"That's not what I fucking said," It comes out biting, but not shouted, because he's getting frustrated that Jingyi seems to be twisting things a little each time he opens his mouth. At least in his eyes that is. "I know what I told him and it's got nothing to do with his dads, not like that."

Them being gay and him clarifying he's not to Sizhui wasn't some slight or slander at his friend.

"Just cause I ain't don't mean I think it's bad, Jesus." His eyes focus on that tail for a moment, thud thud thud... it should annoy him but it grounds him some how, "I'm trying to figure out if the shit that place made me feel is real here too." Ugh, he rubs at his face, realizing that wording was also shit.

"Not shit, fucking- that's what's got my head done in, it was amazing, Sizhui is amazing. I just don't want to ruin everything cause my head's all screwed up." Cause he doesn't know yes or no right now. "But I told him, we talked, we're friends." That's it. He never alluded to anything else with him.

Jingyi does seem to relax some of his frowning when Dennis explains what the alcohol hadn't helped make clear, though he's still suspicious. Suspicious. Something only growing more clear as Dennis fights with words and rubs his face and Jingyi gets that peculiar sinking in his stomach that says: shit, how many people's relationships am I going to end up supporting from the sidelines?

He doesn't want to feel sympathetic for Dennis. Not because Dennis is a good or bad or neutral or any kind of guy, but because his priorities are clear. Sizhui does, and always will, come first in his considerations. Lifetime friendships are simply like that, whoever his friend does or doesn't get wrapped up in over time, or how many more friends he adds in. Sizhui's got that kind of heart, and that kind of mediating calmness, in a general sense. People liked being around him.

"Oookay, let me... no. Look, okay, so you're trying to figure your head out. I think... I know. Know what I said is good. That you... so you talk to him again, and none of the, whatever stuff. Just... tell him. Tell him you're not ready for a romance. Just that, you know?"

He settles back, his tail having continued it's regular thud-thwack beat, holding his hands up, palms open.

"The thing then, if your head gets worked out, and you're serious. Really serious. Totally serious, because no one seems to think I mean it when I say we do this once, we fall in love once, okay, once, you damn well should hesitate on hearing that. But now you know that. So, if you work your head out and you go, he's worth it? He's worth my everything too. Then you can tell him, Sizhui, I'm ready. If you're ready too."

Then he nods, like this is some perfect, clear plan, and... for him, to him, it is. There's the honesty, the directness, the framework that leaves no obligation, and the ways forward, or the ways back. Friendship to him was the given, the thing that wasn't going to change, not when he knows Sizhui. Dennis should know, seems to know, must understand that. So clearing things up, no, give him, give him...

"Give him something to move on from, if you don't ever end up being sure. Not a friends in spite of it, not a would be possible if only I were gay. Your head's in no place for romance. Isn't that the most honest truth?"

Maybe alcohol was a bad idea for this little get together. Not Jingyi's fault, a drink was definitely due for the traded frustrations between them. Dennis sits back, arms folded across his chest, telling himself he's got to calm down, getting upset at Jingyi won't help, but it's hard when it feels like he's being blamed for something neither him nor Sizhui had any control over.

At least it seems they're both relatively on the same page, which relaxes his closed off posture some. Any anger left on his face shifts to concerned shock as Jinyi further explains things, laying it all out basically. Part of him thinks it's ridiculous, only falling in love once? One shot and that's it? But it's not his place to judge or think poorly of their ways just because it's different, if that's how it is then... as long as it's okay with Sizhui of course.

In the end Dennis can't look at Jingyi across from him, quiet, nodding a little at his question. Yeah. Yeah he supposed he was right. Now even more he felt like there was a lot to think about, but he knew one thing for sure.

Why would he try to be romantically involved with Sizhui, if that was an option he was interested in, when one day they would be returned to their separate homes? If Sizhui could only do this once, love once, why hurt him like that? Swallowing thickly he reaches now to pick up the neglected "cup" of Emperor's Smile, downing it in one go.

"... I'll clear things up. It's like you said, he's worth it." Friend or romantically.

Jingyi stares at Dennis, then nods his head, once, somewhat mollified. He doesn't know specifically the thoughts in the other young man's head, but he knows enough of his own perspective that when Dennis drinks, he searches for his own cup to do the same.

Cheers.

He holds off on pouring another, partly because the bottle's sinking low, partly because Dennis's cup isn't back in reach.

"Yeah. Yeah. Good." Jingyi, tail lashing less heavily, but still in motion, sits back, sits up, levels another, less hostile look at Dennis. "'Cause if you believe in this, he will too. He'll fight anything he has to in order to get back to you. This train, the universes, anything." Life and death, too, though if that ends in simply reincarnating on the same world, to find each other in their next life, Jingyi does not mumble his way through saying.

"Even if I did, why would I put him through that?" He shakes his head, face pinched in confliction.

"Not for some nobody from London," Just some rookie firefighter, barely a man, "He don't deserve that, he deserves someone who'll be there for him." Someone from his own home. Someone who'll go back to that same home after things with the train. Besides, why is he putting so much thought into this? He's not that way, he's not romantically interested, right...?

... Thwunk.

"Oh for, for, for the sake of... Dennis! I can't believe I'm going to say this. Listen, this is annoying, listen. You don't get to decide if you're a nothing or a nobody or putting him through, through shit if you really care. Now you're, you're arguing! Why are you arguing! You're arguing because you care!"

Jingyi is now... whining. He looks aggrieved at Dennis. "You are such a jackass, you do like him. You're scared and you like him."

This is a problem, because the problem, to him, is that Dennis thinks he can't be gay, like that matters, and can't be perfect, like any Lan has ever thought less than too well of the ones they fall in love with. Lans don't love wisely, but they usually love well.

"Dennis, figure out your heart. Do you love him? Will you stay loyal. Let Sizhui handle the Sizhui part, don't make that call for him."

This is the most whiplash of a conversation ever. Here he figures Jingyi would be happy he's resigned to not even try at all and yet-!

"Course I bloody care, he's my friend!" Now he's just exasperated more than angry. It was easier when Jingyi was pretty much telling him off, now he's almost encouraging him to go for it. He opens his mouth to deny liking Sizhui, but eh, well. Just going to shut his mouth and slump a little in the booth. All of this is a lot to take in and doesn't make any of his decisions easier, but when have things ever been easy in his life?

Eventually with a put upon sigh, "Is it always this intense with you lot?" He asks if only because it had been the exact opposite of this with Sizhui. Or is this just a Jingyi thing. Catch him shifting so he can push his cup closer to the Keeper of Wine.

"Like his dad's ain't gonna track me down and corner me about this too are they?" Please say no. Please just let him think about all of this now that he's had it dumped on him.

"It's always this intense." He says, pouring Dennis another with more exaggerated care, because he's feeling a bit loose and wobbly. Or the world is wobbly. Maybe the world's always been wobbly, and he's only just realising it now.

"Don't wait for the dads to go to you, that's, um." He furrows his brow, searching for words that don't come readily in this state. Jingyi wants what's best for his friend, and he wants his friend to be happy. He doesn't object to Dennis except as someone who might think the compromise on seriousness needs to come from Sizhui, and the utter unfairness of that is why he's so intense on the subject.

If Dennis is sincere, if he's committed, Lan Jingyi will be his and Sizhui's biggest supporter. It's just that simple for him.

"It's insincere not to tell them yourself. Telling them yourself... that's good! That's good. They won't tell you anything I haven't," he says, nodding his head. Lifting the bottle to check what's still inside, and looking faintly distressed that it's only half full now. "But they'd want you to be serious, for the same... same... same..."

Same what?

"Reason!" He declares, lifting up his 'cup' to Dennis. "To true love! It's so beautiful," he says, and he is... sadly... starting to tear up. "So inspiring." He's talking about Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian from his world by now, but conceptually, he means true love as a whole.

Guess in a way this is no different than his job back home. Being a fire fighter was as intense as shit could get at times. Not that... uh not that this was like running into literal fire, but it sure did feel almost as hot.

"Yeah if I uh figure things out, I mean when I do..." And Dennis trails off as he watches Jingyi fall apart over true love. This poor bastard is absolutely shitfaced. He's starting to feel it as well, but he's used to drinking, even if this stuff is strong.

"... you okay, mate?" Do you need a hug?

So terribly shitfaced, and here's watery eyes turned toward Dennis, and a very aggrieved, "No, but who here is?"

Sure as hell doesn't seem like anyone from his point of view, just people who handled things better or worse than the next person. He almost wants to cry at the concept of separating soulmates; he then has the same urge to cry over those who would see their soulmates again.

"We just keep going anyway."

Besides how fucked up the missions could get and this recent relationship drama, Dennis has actually been pretty great here on the train, but he's not going to say anything about that. Not the time for it.

"You're right. Guess it's all we can do." But also... he might be reaching for that bottle of wine to drag it to his side of the table. Might be time for Jingyi to lay off the alcohol.

Jingyi, eventually noticing the reach, only lets Dennis take it because he assumes Dennis wants to pour more for himself. They're barely post mission; that's the moment everyone's coming out of, as far as he knows. (And what he meant, versus his annoyance with the train as a whole.)

"Pour, pour." A wobbly nod and flick of his hand in permission.

"Sure you ain't had enough?" Dennis does not pour. Dennis is no fun.

"M'not dragging your ass back to your room cause you're pissed." Jingyi can just. Sleep it off here as far as he's concerned. Quiet room is now the nap room.

Dennis gets a long, long look, with Jingyi frowning at him.

"It's mine," he points out, "I'm sharing." His tail perks up from where it's been lashing earlier, the tip with all its fur rising up in a curled arc until it flops over itself. Jingyi leans toward his tail, catching it with one hand to bring the side of his face to all the fur, resting it against his cheek for a moment.

Why are there no dragons around here? He lets go of his tail again with a drawn out sigh.

"What's pissed supposed t'mean anyway?"

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agoodsoul - 2021-08-25 07:18 (UTC) - Expand

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jingyeets - 2021-08-28 07:42 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( open ) i am so high, i can hear heaven

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dw decided I didn't need a notif for this

lmf dw has been reeeeal finicky about notifs

dw put your fists up imma fight you

us vs dw notifs, these fools vs themselves

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