who: Two Lan Xichens, Lan Sizhui & others on request where: Garden Carriage wen: Second half of Merrimont what: Two different family discussions & potentially more. A catch-all post for Lan Xichen (lanhuan@). warnings: No warnings, potential for lots of sad toot toot flutting.
[ There is no upper hand in what is to come for the younger self. What is already coming. Xichen knows that if he could change things, he'd give his best to do that, but... he doesn't think it's possible.
But if it is...
He is trying to give him enough to be able to make a difference without destroying his ability to trust in himself and hope. Without paralyzing him as he is himself, now, paralyzed.
Again, he doubts he has the ability to do that, but he has to try.
He inclines his head slowly. ]
Indeed. Jin Guangyao... decided to sacrifice a great many things in order to achieve his father's approval, and when he gave up on that, to achieve other goals. None of it that should have been his to sacrifice.
I am sorry.
[ Again, Jin Guangyao. Not Meng Yao, because Xichen still thinks that Meng Yao still might have chosen otherwise than Jin Guangyao did. And not A-Yao. ]
[and xichen, though he does not know the man before him quite as he is known, can pick up on the difference in the name.
in what it means, in the betrayal that his older self alludes to.
his brows crease, drawing together.] After the war, what more is there to sacrifice? [the wens are no more? and meng yao -- xichen cannot think of him as jin guangyao, even if it is the name the man prefers now -- has only a future to build.]
[ Xichen squeezes his eyes. Everything and anything that is not us.
But he shakes his head. ]
I can tell you details, and others can confirm them if you wish them to, but I also know that you may disbelieve them all the same. [ Because Xichen here could have. ] And the details will hurt more than you can imagine. But all they boil down to is this - da ge was right about him.
It is not that Jin Guangyao does not care, at least that much I do not believe we were wrong about. But he is more... willing to act according to his ... objectives than that care. Every time.
Wei Wuxian played this version of 'Cleansing' for me and told me to listen to da-ge as well... [not quite, but close enough. xichen had been hesitant then but between wei wuxian and himself, even without the details it is hard to deny that betrayal will come at the hands of meng yao.
jin guangyao.
xichen can't make that shift in his mind, even if he sees a version of himself before him that falls victim to the sacrifices one of his closest friends is willing to make.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
calmness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
voidtreckerexpress2021-08-08 07:04 pm
no subject
But if it is...
He is trying to give him enough to be able to make a difference without destroying his ability to trust in himself and hope. Without paralyzing him as he is himself, now, paralyzed.
Again, he doubts he has the ability to do that, but he has to try.
He inclines his head slowly. ]
Indeed. Jin Guangyao... decided to sacrifice a great many things in order to achieve his father's approval, and when he gave up on that, to achieve other goals. None of it that should have been his to sacrifice.
I am sorry.
[ Again, Jin Guangyao. Not Meng Yao, because Xichen still thinks that Meng Yao still might have chosen otherwise than Jin Guangyao did. And not A-Yao. ]
no subject
in what it means, in the betrayal that his older self alludes to.
his brows crease, drawing together.] After the war, what more is there to sacrifice? [the wens are no more? and meng yao -- xichen cannot think of him as jin guangyao, even if it is the name the man prefers now -- has only a future to build.]
no subject
But he shakes his head. ]
I can tell you details, and others can confirm them if you wish them to, but I also know that you may disbelieve them all the same. [ Because Xichen here could have. ] And the details will hurt more than you can imagine. But all they boil down to is this - da ge was right about him.
It is not that Jin Guangyao does not care, at least that much I do not believe we were wrong about. But he is more... willing to act according to his ... objectives than that care. Every time.
no subject
jin guangyao.
xichen can't make that shift in his mind, even if he sees a version of himself before him that falls victim to the sacrifices one of his closest friends is willing to make.]