voidtreckerexpress | We're trying so hard to get it all right

Entry tags:

We're trying so hard to get it all right

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Why?" He asked, crouching over him, chin resting in hand.

But that possibility would be far in the future at best. It wouldn't work now. I can't distract him. He could hurt them. If he could hurt his original Link and Zelda...

He was trying so hard to focus on Shadow, to show him he is important, but he was having trouble focusing on anything but his swirling thoughts. He opened his mouth, trying to reply, but words deserted him. The only sound that escaped was a faint whimpering.

He'd never hurt them, never. Firm belief.

Shadow sighed, just watching him with a bored look.

My Shadow wouldn't.

But this impostor....he could.

Then we'd know he wasn't real... the core of Shadow.. is good. No matter what he thinks about himself, he is good. And Link and Zelda are dearer to him than anything. No one would be harder on him than him if they got hurt... Shadow would never hurt them.

The foreign thoughts get stronger.

Dark magic is connected to negative emotion and its impossible not get angry at his utter refusal to acknowledge reality.

But then why did he want to steal Link away? Abandon me? Create this rift?

Because he will never love me the way that I love him, because he will always love Link and Zelda more than anything. And he did not kidnap Link, Link... Link went willingly... they both left me... painful whisper of thought that....

And left Shadow a hint of something a wisp of thought that Clef usually worked to keep locked away from even himself. But with the pain and how close that last thought came... the familiar pain welled up, granting him to names laced with pain. Lantis. Zagato.

Pain, at the moment, over even the rage usually used by Clef when Zagato came up. With the connection between this and that the anger was absent for the moment, leaving pain. So much pain.

There is pain, but there is anger, and that was the thing about Shadow. The thing he knew about himself. Kindness was a choice. Care was a choice. To consider his affect on others was always a thing he had to choose.

And it was so much easier to just not care and Clef needed to understand that.

And pain over Zagato was not a surprise. Betrayal was often like that.

Of course he never had to kidnap Link. He had just to get Link to believe he was real. That's the danger of impostors.

With that thought... he agreed completely, tears running.

Shadow scoffed. That was too easy and probably rooted in Clef thinking he didn't matter. "Yer really self centered, ya know that?"

What other things could the impostor get him to agree to? If this impostor was pulling Link from me, what was the point of it?

Was he going to hurt Link? Was he going to talk him away?

"Wh...what?" he asked, forcing his eyes open. No. He needed to pay attention. Had to focus. If this really was Shadow, he needed to talk to him. Needed to focus.

Because they needed to know... because this could be an imposter... but this could also be real. And if it was real....

Better he get hurt than hurt Shadow. Better he get hurt than let a fake hurt anyone else wearing his son's face and name.

He had to figure this out, had to protect them all...

Somehow....

Link said that he had to step up as the dad and this was what the father was supposed to do... right? Protect them no matter what?

His thoughts were breaking, fragmenting. Splintering...

"Ya heard what I said," Shadow said.

A father is supposed to protect. A father is supposed to protect. He couldn't let an impostor hurt Link, hurt Zelda.

"I.... I'm... what am I...."

Breaking. Breaking.

But if he's actually Shadow.. can't hurt him either... have to show I trust him... even if he can't accept love... have to....

Have to....

Father. Guru. Ascended.

The words swam like sharks around him, part of his mind even as they devoured it. He was shaking even as he was getting paler and paler. Hitting the breaking point at a hundred miles an hour and speeding up. Always speeding up.

Have to...

"Yer what?" Shadow asked.

But what were the chances of Shadow being here?

Can I risk Link, the son I know is here, on a vain hope?

"I... Don't.... know....."

Who was he? What was he? Was Shadow really here but he wasn't....

Shattering, shattering, spiraling down and around himself. Breaking apart.

If we don't have hope... what is left...?

"Someone whose not paying attention," Shadow said dully.

Link and I have each other. We do. Unless...unless the impostor takes that away.

"Trying...."

Link... never counted on me anyway.... Maybe he'd be happier if he leaves....

The shaking got worse, his eyes closed.

I lose everyone... they all...leave...

His breath shuddered, rattling out.

He had to stay awake. For Shadow. If this was Shadow. Had to be. Was it? Wasn't it?

"Are ya though? How much have ya missed already?" Shadow asked.

How can I know its Shadow?

Do I even know Shadow at all?

He was right... Shadow or not Shadow. Was right. He failed.

Was always going to fail.

One more rattling breath and he was gone. His mind had just shut down and he was passed out, or like enough to passed out as to make no difference. All the protections and spells he had cast at the start fell to shambles as he lost the battle with himself; as his mind crashed and joined his body in being broken on the ground....

Shadow watched him go down....

And sighed, pulling back the dark magic. "Ya didn't even notice once, did ya?" He can't say he's surprised. He wish he could be, but he can't be. This was how it always was, every time.

Clef decided on something and he stuck to the idea to the point of destruction. It why he left on Diagad. Its why he refused to see Shadow and only saw the idea.

And it was why he didn't even question why his thoughts were different. He never paid attention to why he thought and felt the things he did. A person of absolutes.

Shadow knew how dangerous absolutes were.

But he can't deny he had hoped there would be something to prove what he thought was wrong. But no, from start to finish...it was what he suspected.

It never hurt this much to be right before.

"Yer a real idiot," he muttered, picking up Clef.

The library car would be best. Link wouldn't show up there, most likely, and he can wait to see just how long Clef would be like this.

He'll have a long wait. Because Clef...

Clef is not going to wake naturally. Not going to wake on his own.

The world he came from... Will was everything. He still looked like a child because that was how old he was when his will was so strong that he crossed a threshold. Will was why people on his world could be hundreds upon hundreds of years old.

And right now? His will was broken. Shattered.

Past his ability to fix himself, past his being capable of having the will to even be aware that he needed help.

He was just... gone.

But surely they could stop it from being forever...

...right?

When Shadow wakes up in his own bed because of the dumb cabin curfew, he's hit a point of annoyance. He was ready for Clef to take time to wake up, but was he really so stubborn in his way of thinking it would take this long.

At least Shadow had the foresight to look up which cabin was Clef's before hand. And, well, that was the advantage of shadow powers, to just sneak right in. ~~Or by any roommates as a shadow. In case train WOULD stop him.~~

And, well, he TRIED to do this the nice way.

Time to dump a bucket of water on his head and see how that goes.

It... went.

The water hit him, hit his bed. And made no difference. He could have dumped water over a statue to the same effect.

Shadow stared for several long moments.

"...ya are real lucky I'm not getting Link because this is dumb. Yer dumb. Yer the dumbest ancient wizard in the world," Shadow said, rubbing his temple.

Well, time to bend up a book.

And set it on fire and open Clef's eyes so he can see a book burning in the air above him. (He'll be careful for the fire and embers to not LAND on Clef.)

Still nothing. His eye was forced open but it was unseeing. Blank.

As if there was no person behind it.

"..." Shadow tapped down the panic. Panic did nothing because this shouldn't have done THIS MUCH. He knew he was pushing Clef, he knew that, but for him to shut down this hard...

Did he not TELL them something?

Confusion should not cause THIS in a person.

He goes to the light, turning it off, and plunging the world in darkness.

It made his power stronger, after all. He stepped to Clef, into his shadow, and pressed the dark magic forward.

WAKE UP!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject