We're trying so hard to get it all right

[shadowcourage]

Who: Shadow Link, Clef, selected individuals
Where: Training Gym Carriage
When: Merriment 21
What: Emotional Drama
Warnings: Very emotional arguments that involve family.

Shadow knew himself. He had to know himself. If he wanted to be more than a shadow, he had to be aware of his own shortcomings and compensate for them so he could stay on the track that was important to him.

He had known for years Clef didn't understand that. Its why he had kept him at a distance on purpose. He couldn't risk someone being close who didn't understand that.

But he supposed the danger of trying to be a person is person things happened, like emotions sneaking up on you. It was unfortunate. It just meant he had to be more aware of his own feelings. He had to keep the hurt away from his heart.

But Link and Clef have never been able to talk and....

He couldn't stand Link being hurt more.

So he had to try something.

Which is why when he finds Clef during his exploration, he decides its time to try.

"Come with me," he said flatly, in a tone that isn't likely to listen to argument.

Comments

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

Shadow just.

Puts his face in his hands. "Clef. Clef, ya have missed the point, yer not even on the same continent," he said.

"Nautilus ran on willpower. Nautilus ran on a different realm of existence from those planets. Those planets did not all run on willpower. Hyrule does not run on willpower. But ya act like everything does. It doesn't, and there are plenty of worlds that don't. That's why there's so many that don't even have a thing close to magic. If willpower made everything, all worlds would have a kind of magic that can be used, and they don't. Because if nothing else, there are the delusional and deranged who would believe despite everything whose willpower would be enough to make it exist, but it doesn't. So ya have to accept there are plenty of worlds where willpower don't decide the literal make up of how people exist," he said into his hands.

And then he lowers his hands. "And if ya ignore how people are different, then ya will never understand them. Ya think Link would have gone far with the Gorons, the Zora, the Gerudo if he wasn't willing to understand what their rules were?"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

Link rubbed his temples. “I’m not sure he’s in the same universe, Shadow…”

“Clef. You can see and accept differences without being a bigot or starting a war. I’ve been accepted as a member of the Gerudo and honored as a brother of the Gorons.”

He took a deep breath. “That doesn’t mean they didn’t see my differences. Or that I didn’t notice theirs. Just that I treated them with respect and listened….”

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"I do listen!" he protested. He just... didn't process information the way others apparently do.

"And I try to treat people with respect, I thought I have done a generally good job of that...." He was so unsure now.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"Yer not, not when they're different," Shadow said. "What a person is...that matters. That can matter a lot to some people. Ya going on about them being ways they're not, saying they're the same while ignoring what makes them different, its telling them all these things that matter to them don't."

"And it means when there's a problem ya don't understand, ya don't ever understand it. Because ya refuse to look at things from another point of view. At all," Shadow said. "Ya can get told what's wrong, but ya don't listen. Ya can get told what to do, but when ya don't understand why ya have to do that, then ya don't know the lesson."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

“If you dismiss what people tell you about themselves, you’re not being respectful.”

Link nodded as Shadow spoke. “You dig your heels in,” he agreed.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"I look at things from as many points of view as I can! That is why I research as many sources as I can," he protested.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"I'm not a research project. There is no book about me," Shadow said flatly. "I'm the only official source that exists."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

"That's the point, Clef. People are people; every person is an individual, and Shadow is even more unique than that."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"Well yes. That is why thinking about people as individuals is about emotion. But you keep saying I've gotten that wrong too!"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"Except it isn't all emotions. What a person is has an effect. Some more than others. You look at me like a Hylian. I'm not," he said.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"No, I look at you as a person!" He burst out, unable to help himself. "It doesn't matter to me if you're from Hyrule, or Ceiphro, or Naut, or anyone else! I look at you like you're you!"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

"Except...Clef...I don't know that you do."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"He doesn't. Ya don't. Looking at me means acknowledging what I am and what that means," Shadow said coldly. "Ya know, when I was lying to Link and Zelda, it wasn't even I felt bad for lying. It was knowing they would never see me as long as I was that really hurt. It was always that, that tempted me to be honest."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"What you are has far more to do with who you are than anything else! Your heart, your will! What you do and why."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

"Clef, he's telling you right now about the 'what' and the 'why'. He's told you before."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"My heart is darkness!" Shadow snapped angrily, the lights growing dim. "What I am at my core is darkness. It's hate and fear and bitterness! A mindless creature that harbors all the dark that doesn't survive in the light of a person's heart, what is buried, which a hero has a lot of, that follows their owner for their life. That is what a shadow is. That is what I am without my....freakish, anomalous ability to actually think for myself. But just 'cause I can decide to be different does not change. What. I. Am! It doesn't make any of that go away!"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"Except that is exactly what you have done, Shadow! What you are doing! You are so much more than fear and hate and bitterness! You said it yourself! You chose to be different! To be the wonderful person we have all had the pleasure and honor of getting to know! Thinking for yourself, choosing for yourself, using your Will to be who it is you want to be! That is so much more important than how you began!"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

Link kept quiet for a moment, putting a hand on Shadow's shoulder. He wondered if maybe they needed some outside help. Someone not as involved to explain things.

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"But it doesn't change what I am! I'm not a good person, I just have enough reason to be good. I have reason to be someone better, but ya don't know me because ya insist I'm something I'm not! Yer the one who insists I wouldn't have hurt ya on Diagad when both Link and I know that was a strong possibility!" He throws up his hands in frustration. "That's part of why I love Sapling that has nothing to with with my Owner! He accepts that and helps me avoid slipping into easy instinct! I know I can trust him to forgive me for being tempted and help choose the right thing!"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"That is part of what makes a good person! Choosing to be good! For some people being good is as natural as being short, or being bipedal. But for some, being good is like being a pharle. You don't just wake up one day and you are a pharle with all the knowledge and skill needed! It is a choice. A series of choices. It is work. And effort. It is choices, and continual application of Will! Presea is not less of a Pharle because she had to work at it. And you are not less of a good person because you have to work at it!"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

"You're ignoring him again. You're ignoring the whole we had to leave so I didn't have to end up pulling him off of you issue. You don't appreciate how hard he's working, Clef."

Link buried his head in his hands. "I think. I think we might need outside help," he said to Shadow, somewhat muffled by his hands. "Who else from Nautilus is still on board?"

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"Ya insist I wouldn't have. That what Link and I thought was wrong, but it wasn't. Ya think I have some inherent goodness that would have stopped me. I don't," Shadow said, sullen. "Especially when I'm hurt."

He looks at Link. "...probably a good idea. I can't...I can't do this when it's my own hurt too..." He's great at reading and understanding negative emotions, but he has to be an outsider to find the solution. "Leia, at least. Also the cat is on the roster, but considering his personhood issues...."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[guru_clef]

"I do appreciate how hard he is working, but I think you are both selling him short, Link. Shadow I know that you work hard, I think you are stronger than you realize. I trust your self control, even if you do not."

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[sevenyearsasleep]

“Leia would be good. He might listen to her.”

Link lifted his head and gave Clef a hard look. “Stop. He literally just said his feelings are hurt. To keep insisting you’re right isn’t love of any kind. You’re so keen on being right that our feelings don’t matter at all.”

The hero stood up, looking miserable. “Clef. We need to find someone you might respect enough to listen to. If you hear from a third person, maybe…”

He tried again. “Maybe you’ll start to understand us better. The real us.”

Re: INTERUPTION NEXT DAY

[shadowcourage]

"I know how far my self control goes when tested. Ya don't," Shadow said coolly.

He sighs, standing up and he's going to reach for Link's arm. "Leia knows how to listen, at least, and I think she'll be good at explaining stuff. And she knows I can be a mess of something, so it wouldn't be the worse to explain a few things to her."

Maybe not the whole truth, because that is a lot, but he thinks he could get enough to get his own point across.