YONDU UDONTA (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yondu) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
voidtreckerexpress2021-10-10 02:42 am
yondu) wrote in voidtreckerexpress2021-10-10 02:42 am
(no subject)
Who: Yondu | OTA
Where: Gym
When: Nebula Day 20
What: Old Man Yells at Cloud (Angst over Missing Friends)
Warnings: Possible violence, Probably foul language, discussions of fake people trauma
Gym
It's alright sometimes, and then it's suddenly not. It's a "not" kind of day as Yondu's in the gym wailing on a training dummy with all his energy. His knuckles are already blistered black and his muscles are aching in a way that he can feel it in each punch now. He's feeling his age. At least he's pretty sure that by the time he's done the worst will be worked out of him, he just has to let it all out. And he's not being quiet about the fighting part, he's wordlessly yelling at this thing like it's the enemy he's chased his whole life.
It was never easy, watching someone walk away. It happened to everyone on the train at some point, apparently. Maybe he hadn't made the connection earlier on, when he didn't know or barely was acquainted with anyone. But then later it progressed. Someone he'd know would walk off and he'd feel that same goddamn sense of helplessness again. Like he was sitting in that chair on the Eclector, hands cuffed behind him, voices crying out for him to help them as his loyal crew were marched by one by one.
Of course what the train did was more empty than that. People leaving it didn't struggle, they didn't speak, they didn't rage, they didn't protest, they just walked off stoic and literally impassable. They were empty, but it still provoked that wriggling uneasy failure that roiled in his stomach. This wasn't an inevitable fate like his crew marching out the airlock, but he didn't know what the hell it was and that provoked a different level of hateful out of him.
Afterwards they were gone, and people moved on. People handled it. But every single day that Soldat was missing was another day it felt like them showing up on that platform, bag in hand, marching off to an uncertain destiny was more likely. They'd been in one place before, right? Possibly they could go somewhere else, them and all the caretakers wandering around in that battered noggin of theirs, carrying their own weight of baggage each. Yondu could only hope because they were dead back home to the best of their reckonin'.
It seems like a pretty big reaction to be having to 'just a friend', Yondu didn't feel more than that but that was enough. Somehow they'd become the closest genuine friend Yondu had ever had, someone that deeply cared about all the little shit that made him unique and didn't just think of him some kind of criminal or murder machine, someone that could recognize his raised hackles as defensive. Soldat was nigh on family. They gave each other two different varieties of trust and letting another messed up soul like his in so damn close had been rough in the first place.
He's worn out and he takes a break, seated and dropping his head in his hands until he can pull his energy back up and have another go. He's aching for an outlet and of his two favorites this is the one he's using today.
Where: Gym
When: Nebula Day 20
What: Old Man Yells at Cloud (Angst over Missing Friends)
Warnings: Possible violence, Probably foul language, discussions of fake people trauma
It was never easy, watching someone walk away. It happened to everyone on the train at some point, apparently. Maybe he hadn't made the connection earlier on, when he didn't know or barely was acquainted with anyone. But then later it progressed. Someone he'd know would walk off and he'd feel that same goddamn sense of helplessness again. Like he was sitting in that chair on the Eclector, hands cuffed behind him, voices crying out for him to help them as his loyal crew were marched by one by one.
Of course what the train did was more empty than that. People leaving it didn't struggle, they didn't speak, they didn't rage, they didn't protest, they just walked off stoic and literally impassable. They were empty, but it still provoked that wriggling uneasy failure that roiled in his stomach. This wasn't an inevitable fate like his crew marching out the airlock, but he didn't know what the hell it was and that provoked a different level of hateful out of him.
Afterwards they were gone, and people moved on. People handled it. But every single day that Soldat was missing was another day it felt like them showing up on that platform, bag in hand, marching off to an uncertain destiny was more likely. They'd been in one place before, right? Possibly they could go somewhere else, them and all the caretakers wandering around in that battered noggin of theirs, carrying their own weight of baggage each. Yondu could only hope because they were dead back home to the best of their reckonin'.
It seems like a pretty big reaction to be having to 'just a friend', Yondu didn't feel more than that but that was enough. Somehow they'd become the closest genuine friend Yondu had ever had, someone that deeply cared about all the little shit that made him unique and didn't just think of him some kind of criminal or murder machine, someone that could recognize his raised hackles as defensive. Soldat was nigh on family. They gave each other two different varieties of trust and letting another messed up soul like his in so damn close had been rough in the first place.
He's worn out and he takes a break, seated and dropping his head in his hands until he can pull his energy back up and have another go. He's aching for an outlet and of his two favorites this is the one he's using today.
late with starbucks etc
But while she didn't stop when she noticed Yondu enter the gym, since he didn't approach her, she does stop when he starts yelling. It's not the kind of sound you can ignore, especially not when it's coming from your family. And it's a kind of sound, a kind of action, that she understands. Instantly, deeply, even if she doesn't know the cause.
She leaves her magical girl outfit and waits until he's done, slowly turning her fully-formed Soul Gem in her fingers as she watches. When he stops, sits, puts his head in his darkened hands, she makes her way over at a slow pace. When she gets to him, she doesn't say anything -- Just sits down on the floor in front of him, legs criss-cross, and holds her Soul Gem out towards his knuckles.
Healing magic has always been her weak spot. But she wouldn't have survived this long as a magical girl if she couldn't at least patch up this much.
no subject
But what he doesn't expect is that his knuckles start to soothe, the ache from trying to murder a training dummy sinking into his hands. He looks up, a little startled.
"It's alright, Candy cane, you don't gotta do that." Spend magic on him, he means. The concern is there immediately.
"You keepin' up on your trainin'?" He asks as if he hadn't just been screaming like his whole heart had it out for him. But it's... something else. Another place for his mind to go.
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There's a lot unspoken in that short sentence. And, she realizes, some of it, she hasn't talked to him about yet.
His question gets an outright eyeroll, though. "What d'you think I was doing in here?" C'mon. That was a reach and a really obvious one.
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"A friend of mine... their name's in gold on the roster. It's been for a little while, too..."
And when that happens, often they don't come back. He's not physically left the train, it's not final, but the dread is there. "They're the first person I told- ... They're the one that I knew'd accept me no matter what."
See, even old idiots can get real messed up and self-destructive when they lose people. And he's slowly resigning himself to the chest-sickening idea that he's already lost Soldat. "I ain't lucky enough to keep 'em." And there it is, he voiced it, that he doesn't believe they'll be returning. His jaw tightens and he holds something back, a stinging behind his eyes he knows won't ever be satisfied. His body won't let that relief happen.
no subject
(She won't pretend it doesn't sting. The one I knew'd accept me no matter what. But she doesn't let herself dwell on it, doesn't let herself look at it, is determined to push past it like it isn't even there.)
Magic can't smooth over this pain, can't set things to rights. It'd be nice if she could let herself believe in manga's version of magical girls -- Love and friendship and justice saving the day, beating all odds, healing all wounds. But she knows better. She knows there's no making this go away. Losing someone under your skin, as far as she's aware, doesn't ever heal right. She's not even sure she believes 'heal' is the right word for it. All she knows about this is how to splint the injury well enough to walk on it until she doesn't notice the pain any more -- or, like with last mission, until it finally catches up to her.
And she knows, too, she can't make any promises. Can't be like, 'you're keeping me whether you like it or not,' because obviously, it's not up to her. It's not up to either of them. (And isn't that just life? Maybe that's the reason why she can't bring herself to blame the train about this. It's life as she's come to know it.)
She doesn't have any wise words here, nothing full of sparkles or glitter to offer him. And her normal instinct of playing it off -- isn't appropriate, and isn't something she wants to do, anyway. Which leaves her with one stupid impulse, and she knows she's going to feel like an idiot after she does it, but it's what she's got.
She's still holding her Soul Gem. So she holds it out towards his chest -- over his heart -- like she's trying to heal that, too. And, after a beat where absolutely nothing happens and she resolutely doesn't look at him (her eyes trained on her Soul Gem), she says, "Didn't work." Yeah, as if she expected it to.
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That's a lot to explain, though, and he doesn't know her troubles. He just knows she's trying to be there right now.
But then she puts her gem against his chest and his brow knits up, and he looks down in confusion. Then she pulls what might be the most innocent damn thing he's seen anyone do with him, even if it's a sad kinda joke, and he ends up just flinching a weary smile. It's brief, but it causes his hagard face to ease up.
"S'alright, I always had the attitude your heart ain't strong if don't hurt some." He puts his hand over hers, which feels very small right now but that's probably in his head.
"You ever meet Soldat? They actually got me to dance. Not even Quill managed that." Of course, Quill didn't try very hard. He didn't especially want to bond with Yondu like Yondu had tried to with him. But that Soldat had even asked him, wanted to show him that little part of himself, had urged Yondu to give it a try.
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"Yeah. But only a little. They're the one who preps the mission rations or something, right?" She got cookies from them one time on the platform. Really, it's the whole 'source of food' concept that's helped her remember them more than others.
It's dumb, but she doesn't know what to do with her hand right now. She could turn her Soul Gem into its ring, let him have all of her hand that way, but isn't sure if that wouldn't, like... Listen, this is far from the first time they've held hands, but this is the first time she's felt weird and bashful about it.
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"Yeah... They like cookin' a lot. Been missin' their food. They actually got me a bunch of Centaurian music once, just to be nice. Offered to learn my language, too...."
He rambles all that with the thought that... what if all that means nothing now? What if that's it? Everything they went through, quietly, together, doomed to be another memory swallowed up by the train? Forgotten after a few more platforms. That idea burns him 'cause no one dedicated themself more to the well-being and comfort of people on this piece of shit than Soldat. Hell, they saw something of themselves in this train being a fugitive, a kindness that Yondu couldn't quite muster up for their abductor.
Son of a bitch got him all wrung up around their finger and now he doesn't know what he'll do without them. "I threatened 'em for it, y'know... Tryin' to be nice? I didn't trust it at first. And they just took it." And so many people wouldn't have, including his own prideful dumb ass. But that's where the acceptance also came from, they'd endured Yondu's abrasiveness and allowed it.... And then he feels that awful pressure in his head again.
"Alright. You stay here. I'm gonna go get somethin' to show ya." Luckily the teleporter things they put in will make it a quick trip.
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Stop being her. Stop it. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do. The last time this happened -- Sure, she thought she knew what she needed to do. But she messed things up with Sayaka. She is determined not to mess things up here, too, but --
Now he's going off to get something. Which. Huh? But he's already off, and she sits there, brow furrowed, expression a mix of surprised and (although she doesn't know it) kinda lost.
But by the time he gets back, she's her normal self -- chewing on a snack, but hands otherwise in her coat pockets while she sits there and waits for him to get back.
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"They asked if they could learn my language. I told 'em yeah, but if he used it against me I'd smack it outa their mouth. An' he still did. Also offered to show people one of their dances from back home. Now I know I weren't special in that case, but I learned so I could be decent back to 'em."
He backs away from speaker, thumbing at his nose.
"So, I'm gonna show it to you. It's from like, a whole century before ya or somethin', I forget the time. Just that it's old. But it's got a lotta foot stuff an' I know you're good at that kinda thing."
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(Don't think about the idea of dancing with Mami. Even as it makes her heart ache, it also makes its beat kick up a little. But it's the pain she wants to avoid more than being embarrassed by her own thoughts.)
"Okay." She tucks her snack into a coat pocket and gets up on her feet. If this is what he wants to do, if this is what's gonna make him feel better, then... She can do that. She can definitely learn a dance.
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He starts with some of the foot moves that he was taught, and by maybe the third song or so he's getting her to dance with him and encouraging her to do little spins (because it feels good to feel your coat flare out, not going to lie).
At least he's less focused on who taught him the dance and instead focussing on if he can get her to do a couple of tricks with him.