(closed) it's a common thing to be out of line

[irrationally]

Who: Alice and Crowley
When: After the fake mission
Where: Starting in the standard carriage, then moving on
What: Alice is huffy, so her demon dad decides to start havoc to amuse her.
Warnings: Spoooooky ghosts.

Usually Alice doesn't mind dealing with missions. It's why she goes on them rather than staying back on the train - it's her hero complex playing up, the part of herself that she would never admit to, but that wouldn't want to see even a single person hurt who wasn't deserving of that hurt in some way.

But this wasn't like that. They were fighting against what felt like an impossible enemy, and for what? For absolutely nothing. She wasted way too much energy on a place without a single person in danger, and nothing could be more annoying to her like that. Nothing would make her feel more like she's just some puppet, being manipulated by forces greater than her all over again.

And she isn't afraid to show it either. Once Alice gets tired of beating up training dummies in a faint attempt to try and get this anger out, she just gets to outright sulking.

It's that way that a certain demon might happen upon her - while Alice is sitting around in the standard coach, slumped on a chair, her feet up on the table because screw etiquette, she's angry, and her facial expression looking like she's just about ready to kill something.

(Except more in that huffy teenager way. Maybe your daughter is hitting puberty, Crowley.)

Comments

[agathokakological]

Crowley doesn't respond right away. Instead, he just listens, letting Alice explain herself at her own pace. When she's finished he takes a deep breath, and it's clear that he's thinking, taking a moment to determine what the best way to respond would be.

"I did not know." he says quietly, "I'm sorry, Alice." But that isn't quite all he wants to say. He could offer to fix her, but that would imply that she is broken, and he sees her as anything but. He could offer her more clothing or coverings, but that could perpetuate her shame. Crowley isn't human, and given how he looks in the moment it may be obvious that he's seen all sorts, that his true form may be even more horrifying than the one he's showing her now. But he also presents human, in a body that is well tailored, which implies that he very much does understand human standards of beauty. The best he can do is be delicate.

"You should know that there is nothing about you, whether I've seen it with my own eyes or not, that I wouldn't accept." he says quietly, "You don't have to show me anything that you are too uncomfortable to do so, but understand that I would do anything you asked of me to make you more comfortable in your own skin."

He offers her a clawed hand, if only for comfort and nothing else.

[irrationally]

It's appreciated, the way he just patiently listens like that. The way he replies so kindly. But at the same time.. It's not surprising, is it? When it's coming from Crowley of all people. Alice likes to think that most people on the train who have been kind to her are just genuinely kind, but there's always that little bit of doubt in the back of her mind.

But that doubt can't exist with Crowley. After all, she can feel what he feels. If he ever did feel disdain or any other negative emotion for her, she'd feel it.

.. but she never has. All she's ever felt is the affection coming from him, especially at a moment like this. Alice thickly swallows, and as she feels her eyes growing a little watery - and not just from the hazy atmosphere they created here for the spookiness - she grabs onto the hand, but then leans forward to rest her forehead against the back of the hand.

"Thank you," she more whispers than actually says, her voice slightly shakey. "It is not because of you. I.. trust you more than anyone, Crowley."

Especially after all they've been through. After how long they've had this weird bond. Maybe it's not long in a demon's lifespan, but in Alice's short lifespan, when she's spent half of her living years completely out of it - just spending more than half a year like this is a long time.

"It is just.. even though I have been out of the asylum for so long now, I still find it difficult to get over certain things." Like her body, and the way they mangled it up back there without a single care.

[agathokakological]

There are not many creatures that extend their trust to Crowley. Aziraphale, yes, but not always, and not openly until recent years. Alice is the first human he's ever met that didn't immediately distrust him... and he was a snake at the time. A snake that at least 3 other children on board the Voidtrecker Express had already pulled knives on and threatened with harm to not hurt anyone, and he had been napping at the time. Crowley never forgot that about her, and he'd found even more affection for her as they grew closer, even though the train sort of forced them to.

"Oh, Alice," he murmurs back, his voice filled with emotion, all of which he's feeling now; hers and his own, which is both full of sympathy for her and complete admiration for this human child he's somehow formed a paternal bond with.

"You're not meant to 'get over' things, I think." he says delicately. "I haven't." And that much is true, he had been expelled from heaven millions of years prior but it hadn't stopped him from holding a grudge, from wondering why God gave up on him, abandoned him maybe. What was it about him that deserved such a punishment, that made him unworthy of love? Even now, though he's found that love in Aziraphale, in the world he's saved and the friends he's made since leaving it, he hasn't gotten over any of that, he just copes differently.

He climbs higher out of the water to be there for her, his claws tipping her face back to look at him. "You didn't deserve what had happened to you, but we can't change the past. We can, however, reclaim our autonomy and reinvent ourselves. We can be whoever we choose to be, even if that means someone strong enough to go swimming and not ruin their nice dress." he says this from experience. Crowley has not always been Crowley. He had been Crawley first, and someone entirely different before that. He had been Ashtoreth, Harrison, and Anthony when he needed to be, when it made sense. He sees no reason why Alice couldn't do the same, even without magic... but he also would never push her into anything she would be made uncomfortable by, so after a beat, he clarifies: "But you don't have to be anything you don't want to be, so I can always miracle it dry, later, alright?"

[irrationally]

She stares at him when he tilts her head up to look at him. And though she quietly listens, it's hard to not feel the flood of emotions - especially when they're doubled up like this. The flood of emotions that he is emitting, pouring straight into her soul, and then the natural emotions that wake up in Alice at hearing Crowley tell her all of that.

It's like the emotions keep going back and forth, accelerating each other, growing stronger and stronger until they threaten to choke Alice. This would already have been overwhelming without their emotional bond, but with it? It's like she's drowning.

Not necessarily in a bad way. Maybe it would have been a bad thing in front of other people, like most people she doesn't want to show emotion or vulnerability in front of, but with Crowley? He's already seen her at her worse moments, hasn't he? So maybe it isn't so bad that the emotion is so strong that she can't hide it right now.

Alice stares for another moment, even once he's done talking for the moment. Then she escapes those hands on her face - though it's solely because she's moving forward, her arms wrapping around his monstrous form, clinging desperately to his body once she's managed to embrace it. Of course the wet scales pushing against her will get her dress anyway, but it's just like Crowley said - he could just miracle them dry.

And even if he couldn't, this would have been too important to worry about something as silly as a wet dress.

"Crowley.." The name is said shakily, an omen of what's about to come, and Alice already knows that she's about to cry moments before she can feel the hot tears running down her face. Her only saving grace in this moment is that she's clinging to him so tightly that it's hard to see her tears, despite them being audible in her voice.

It's just so much. It's too much. After spending almost all her life being looked down on by people, having people turn their backs on her.. How does she deal with someone being this unconditionally supportive of her?

Someone who truly acts like her family. Who makes her feel the way her family did, so long ago, before everything went to absolute hell in a handbasket.

".. If I have had even a single blessing in my life, it is that I got to meet you, even after all this."

[agathokakological]

Crowley's arms wrap around her before he even knows it, the swell in their bond causing him to feel every change in emotion she is going through, no matter how minute. He holds her tight, a clawed hand raising to gently stroke at her hair. "There, there..." he coos softly, his other arm still squeezing her tight. "You're alright... it's alright."

He flinches only slightly at what she says next, softly chuckling it off in response. "I'm no one's blessing." he replies gently, somewhat amused, "But if I had to be someone's, then I'm glad it's yours."

He doesn't let go, not until she's ready to. He'll hold her as long as it takes for her to work out her tears, to calm her nerves.

[irrationally]

It takes a little while.

Though it doesn't take as long as it might have had if these emotions came over her while she was all by herself. Just the fact that Crowley is right here with her, holding her, makes it all bearable. It renders Alice able to get over it, even if it does take a few moments before she finally pulls back, rubbing at her face with a hand in order to look a little more presentable again.

(It doesn't do much.)

".. I truly derailed our intentions here, didn't I?"

[agathokakological]

Crowley feels everything. All of Alice's hurt and pain flow through him too, and there was a time where he wouldn't have taken it well. These days, he's learned how to file hers away and not feel them too strongly, but it still hurts him to know she feels it. He'll hold her as long as it takes.

When Alice finally breaks away, Crowley's hands fall to her biceps, still holding her carefully despite them being apart, ensuring she's stable.

"Oh, I dunno, I think a sobbing girl adds to the atmosphere quite well." he teases, hoping a little humor helps her bounce back.

[irrationally]

".."

Though Alice is still quiet, she lets out a faint breath. It's still weak, but there's something vaguely amused about it, and it helps some of the heavy feeling that's clinging to her start to clear.

It'll truly never fully go away, but.. for the moment, it feels a little lighter again. All thanks to him.

"For that remark, you have to dry me up again after this."

Because after this entire thing, Alice is determined to get in a soak in the water as well. She just allows herself to move into the water, dress and all.

For now she is more than content enough to just spend a few moments here with Crowley like this.