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voidtreckerexpress2022-04-11 08:43 pm
deferences) wrote in voidtreckerexpress2022-04-11 08:43 pm
Entry tags:
time makes you bolder, even children get older [closed]
Who: lan sizhui and jin ling.
Where: sleeper lower one, cabin d.
When: month quicksand, day twenty.
What: sizhui, still feeling the effects of certain passengers leaving, finds comfort in commiserating with a friend (and his dog).
Warnings: n/a, will add as needed if necessary.
[throughout the past week, sizhui's done everything within his power to not become too emotional, struggled the entire time and failed a few moments here or there, but for the most part? he's done alright, even with losing dennis, as he's well-aware the train never chooses who returns home. after it goes ahead and sends the fox-spirited wei wuxian and his friend willow home with him, however, that's when the dam finally breaks.
he'd been angry and hurt, had no trouble handling those emotions by taking a lot of aggression out on the training dummies, but now with it doubled-up alongside just recently losing his boyfriend, there's too much, so intense and all at once, it's impossible to hold the tears in whenever the newest departures hit him. he awakens that morning, makes his way to the gym and pummels the everliving hell out of dummies again, going until his hands are aching and bloody, which he leaves that way until he's finished and heading out. (not without cleaning up after himself first, of course!) but once he's left the carriage, he heads toward the shower, does the quickest scrubdown he can manage, letting some tears flow then. once he's done, redressed in his comfy yukata and his hands are bandaged, that's when he heads back toward his shared cabin, mostly hoping it's empty, though also wondering if a particular roommate might be around.
someone who will understand the pain of these certain people leaving – or a particular one, at least! – and will sympathize.
despite the stronger, more sensible side of him hoping he's left alone with his sadness, he still approaches the room, one hand twisting his damp hair up and pinning it atop his head while the other works to get the door open.] Jin Ling? [he inquires, soft yet audible enough.] Are you in?
[his attention is initially directed to his own bunk where his kitten's snoozing away, undisturbed in his absence, but as he asks, he redirects toward jin ling's bunk, waiting patient and silent for an answer.]
Where: sleeper lower one, cabin d.
When: month quicksand, day twenty.
What: sizhui, still feeling the effects of certain passengers leaving, finds comfort in commiserating with a friend (and his dog).
Warnings: n/a, will add as needed if necessary.
[throughout the past week, sizhui's done everything within his power to not become too emotional, struggled the entire time and failed a few moments here or there, but for the most part? he's done alright, even with losing dennis, as he's well-aware the train never chooses who returns home. after it goes ahead and sends the fox-spirited wei wuxian and his friend willow home with him, however, that's when the dam finally breaks.
he'd been angry and hurt, had no trouble handling those emotions by taking a lot of aggression out on the training dummies, but now with it doubled-up alongside just recently losing his boyfriend, there's too much, so intense and all at once, it's impossible to hold the tears in whenever the newest departures hit him. he awakens that morning, makes his way to the gym and pummels the everliving hell out of dummies again, going until his hands are aching and bloody, which he leaves that way until he's finished and heading out. (not without cleaning up after himself first, of course!) but once he's left the carriage, he heads toward the shower, does the quickest scrubdown he can manage, letting some tears flow then. once he's done, redressed in his comfy yukata and his hands are bandaged, that's when he heads back toward his shared cabin, mostly hoping it's empty, though also wondering if a particular roommate might be around.
someone who will understand the pain of these certain people leaving – or a particular one, at least! – and will sympathize.
despite the stronger, more sensible side of him hoping he's left alone with his sadness, he still approaches the room, one hand twisting his damp hair up and pinning it atop his head while the other works to get the door open.] Jin Ling? [he inquires, soft yet audible enough.] Are you in?
[his attention is initially directed to his own bunk where his kitten's snoozing away, undisturbed in his absence, but as he asks, he redirects toward jin ling's bunk, waiting patient and silent for an answer.]
no subject
True. Jin Ling would be stuck between a rock and a hard place if Sizhui suddenly had any accidents with transforming into animals for a certain period of time. He's appreciative that the other doesn't mention anything about his ears and tails. He's not so insecure about them as he was before, but it bothered him. The okami at least didn't find other ways to mess with him and only nudging him slightly to get him on the right track. Honestly, he can understand all of Sizhui's sentiments. He hasn't ended up as an wolf and not be able to change back, but he's pretty sure he might at some point.
While, he really doesn't like his personal space being imposed upon, he can read the mood. Sizhui isn't doing well, and he's more than stated that as a matter-of-fact without holding his punches. Probably not a good idea to a distressed friend, but Jin Ling isn't exactly the type to walk around things. He's rather blunt to a degree. (Yes, yes he has and Jin Ling is just taking in grumbles and stuff.) ]
Woof! [ As if she understands his apology is met with more licks to the face.
Jin Ling-- is too tired to make a huge fuss as he normally would. They're also in their own private space, so he suppose it's no tooembarrassing and where is he going to run to? Sizhui's got him locked in. He is fine just being where the dogs fur is. It at least hides his miserable looking face. It's also dim enough, he thinks. ]
...
[ He sighed briefly, furrowing his brows. ] 'm not going to be much help...but--
[ He mumbled between Fairy's fur. ]
I'll listen.
[ He added awkwardly. He's trying to be better at this. There's another minute that goes by and Jin Ling still hasn't made any move to remove Shizui from his person, so the other can assume the action has been accepted.
Fairy just seems content with just that and lets him pet her for as long as he needs while giving him little dog licks here and there. Yes, Sizhui, she can tell you need some comfort that her master probably lacks. ]
no subject
frankly, jin ling would have a couple problems on his hands if sizhui lost control of his shapeshifting, not just dealing with an animal but also the unfortunately very nude boy that he'd turn back into once regathering himself, so! it's probably for the best that he's not as distraught as he was in that moment however many platforms ago it'd been. for now, silently to himself, he can just live vicariously through jin ling and his wolf appendages and, if he happens to be lucky enough, he'll simply grow his own ears or tail instead of becoming a full-on animal like last time when all those emotions became too overwhelming.
while jin ling's being so very patient with this space invasion, he's still more than welcome to tell sizhui to let go whenever he wants and he'll do it, no questions asked. maybe it's polite to let him commiserate in whatever ways he's most comfortable, this doesn't mean lan sizhui's alright with making someone else feel uneasy just because he wants to be clingy. if anything, he's got fairy too, who doesn't seem to mind giving him attention at all, which he's basking in.]
Good girl, [he murmurs encouragingly, letting her go right on ahead and continue licking him, which works out in jin ling's favor somewhat, given sizhui does briefly let him go so he can use both hands to gently pet fairy's ears, face and muzzle. at least this means he's also fleeting distracted from the whole reason he'd climbed into jin ling's bunk in the first place, but hearing the other boy's voice has him refocusing, head craning in jin ling's direction, leaving enough room for the dog to continue kissing his cheek while he's petting her.
though sizhui cannot see jin ling properly, hearing him even offer such a thing has his own features creasing too. not in a bad way, necessarily, but more in an upset, disappointed sort of manner.]
I'm just... [he peters-out, trying to find the proper words for how he feels about everything that's happened (and everything that will eventually happen too), before deciding:] So tired of people leaving, not being able to do anything about it and us still being stuck here with no real way to go back to our worlds.
[...which is a whole lot more than he was thinking he'd say, but there it is anyway.
perhaps it's good fairy just keeps right on licking his face because now that he's thinking about it all again, more tears have welled up in his eyes, and despite reaching a hand to wipe them away, he isn't quick enough to stop some from running down his cheeks. he takes a slow, measured inhale, holds it for a few seconds then sighs shakily.] As selfish as it sounds, I want to keep people here on the train rather than watch them walk off and disappear to who knows where every two weeks.
no subject
Not that it will be such a big issue. Jin Ling definitely will have his hands full if Sizhui ends up shapeshifting then! It's not that he can't handle it but the moment of being flustered and freaking out seems to be on the list of things he'll react with.
Jin Ling's dealt with Jingyi's change every so often and the warnings help a lot. However, yes, he probably prefers to not experience something like that. However, if it does happen, he won't hesitate to lend a helping hand, no matter how awkward the situation may be. They've known each other long enough, he supposes. They're also friends-- according to Sizhui. (Jin Ling still refuses to admit this.) Hopefully, Sizhui can manage to grow his own appendages if he enjoys Jin Ling's ears and tail so much! Jin Ling is also appreciative that Sizhui isn't trying to mention any of his current issues.
He'll definitely make his own move if he feels that way. He's just not used to these kinds of interactions with people who aren't directly his family. Mostly, because he doesn't have many friends to begin with when he was back at Lanling Jin. Lots of the disciples always found ways to bully him and he never cared to get along with them. Thanks to Wei Wuxian, he's able to at least humiliates them enough that they won't try to start a fight with him anytime soon. Whether they care or not, Jin Ling is the current Sect Leader. That least is some leverage over their behaviors.
Fairy adores Sizhui a lot at this point. He's given her food and pets. He's also spoiled her a lot more these days. Jin Ling does too but she's aware that Sizhui is very friendly towards her. Thus, all her affection is given to him alongside her owner. There are cheerful barks coming from her as if she understands what he is saying. She enjoys the pets and still affectionally licks his face a few more times, before settling for just ear rubs and face rubs. Jin Ling seems to be fine keeping himself on her back. She doesn't seem to mind either way. ]
That...makes the two of us. I hate it here. It's a prison, without bars.
[ He muttered. He can honestly relate to how Sizhui feels. Though, he is pretty sure that Sizhui-- who has been here longer, experienced a lot more heartaches than he'd like to admit. Jin Ling always saw him as someone who was quite level headed and kept a good balance between being diplomatic and friendly. However, to see him like this-- he realizes and understands they're all going through their own things, regardless of how different it may seem. He honestly still feels like he's trapped here as well and with no way out. Even if he has a way out of some kind, he doesn't know where that will lead him. He doesn't even know where he'll end up, whether it be his own home world or some other place together.
He certainly doesn't want to return to Hakagemachi.
Jin Ling with this-- rather sharp senses and vision, does pick up on Sizhui's expression, along with the -- tears (?) that he's wiping away. He stiffens. He know she's cried in front of them all before, but even then, he doesn't really know how to console someone that right way, but he's endearing enough to at least attempt to awkwardly squeeze his dog and Sizhui a bit with his arms. It's awkward, but that's the closest thing he can think of in terms of affection. Hugging his uncles and family is one thing. Hugging his friends or something of those actions always seemed, complex. ]
...I hate the train, but at least we-- can keep track of people...
[ He's not disagreeing with the other. In fact, the unknown may be worse than what is known. This place where people are trapped-- at least it's small enough to find these people and engage with them. ]
no subject
however, if there is an unfortunate accident where sizhui cannot hold himself together, they'll handle that bridge whenever they have to cross it, brief awkwardness from nudity included. (jin ling can deny their friendship all he wants, sizhui's decision will not waver, either way.) until then or the time comes he starts growing random appendages, they're plenty preoccupied with their current discussion.
—well, and sizhui's effectively distracted by giving fairy lots of pets and rubs, sometimes shifting just enough so he can gently bump their heads together or leave a kiss right on her nose.
for whatever it's worth, at least jin ling won't ever have to worry about being bullied by such a soft lan boy? he may do so in an entirely different sense of the word, jokingly ‘bullying’ him into friendship, but that isn't the same thing as actually seeking to intimidate or harm him. it's the opposite, to be frank, befriending jin ling rather than letting himself get pushed away, although if there's ever a time where jin ling wants him to stop, all he need do is say the word and he'll back off.
until jin ling asks him to stop, he'll keep right on spoiling fairy too, without pause and with no moderation. (okay, maybe some, since it wouldn't do if he spoiled her in excess and she gained a lot of weight!) but she's a good spirit beast who deserves treats and attention and anything else he's allowed to give, which he's keeping mostly to petting after she's submitted to the rubs, because he doesn't want to jostle them all too much while they're inside the bunk. jin ling's looking pretty comfortable buried in fairy's fur and sizhui's loath to convince him to do otherwise; it's how jin ling's comfortable at the moment, there's no reason he should move if he's content cuddling his dog.
hearing jin ling's admittance has his eyebrows arching with surprise, not so much toward it coming but at how straightforward it is.] It... does feel that way sometimes, doesn't it?
[they can't very well leave the train unless it's at a platform or world stop and those do happen, they still aren't the same as disembarking by their own choice. taking into consideration how long he's been aboard the train, he has suffered a lot of loss and heartache and that's part of why he's commiserating with jin ling, hoping it'll help alleviate not only his own problems, but someone else's as well. it's just unlucky for them all, there's no way of knowing what happens to everyone who leaves the voidtrecker express on platform days, and once the reminder comes, he silently tells himself it's best he not mention that to jin ling if he doesn't already know. he needn't bring their moods down further, especially whenever jin ling's attempting some half-embrace in what sizhui guesses is the other boy's attempt at friendship-shaped affection.
he feels a bit bad, having let his tears get the better of him, yet doesn't let it last long, given the other outcome.]
You're right, [sizhui concedes, shifting just barely, whichever arm is closest to jin ling gingerly hooking around him and squeezing in kind.] I'm glad we can at least do that while aboard the train. It's nice, knowing who's here with us, being assured that they're safe.
no subject
He’s mostly aware of Sizhui’s personality, only because he has a striking resemblance to a certain fox uncle of his. Always, seemingly putting everyone else before themselves. It frustrated him, that these two aren’t particular about their own well beings, but rather on his, or someone else’s. He doesn’t always get their reasons, but he understood them all the same. Wei Wuxian leaving the train and also leaving things for Jin Ling. It is stupid, he thinks, but at the same time he can tell there is a lot of affection and care in them. Some of these things are things he had back at Hakagemachi that helped him there a lot. Maybe, here it will be the same when he could use them again. .
Whatever he wants, Fairy delivers, as well for the pets and rubs. Her slobber all over his face, and her paws on his shoulders. Jin Ling doesn’t seem like he’s falling anywhere either, so she’s happy moving around as much as she wants while her owner basks in the bundle of fur that is her body. She’s getting a lot of affection from Sizhui, this she will take every bit of it she can get, while comforting him too. Her little licks, eventually help dry his tears as well. The salty taste probably isn’t the best for her, but she can tell that he’s feeling unhappy, and she is smart enough to realize this.
He appreciates the respect, and it’s something not a lot of people give him, (obviously due to some of his unbearable personality traits,) but Sizhui was a trooper to keep going steadily forward. Lucky for Sizhui, Jin Ling doesn’t bother to tell Fairy to stop. He knows that Sizhui probably needs the comfort, and Fairy can give him the kind of comfort Jin Ling lacks in. (Also, she’s just fluffy, so all the weight is mostly her fur. She’s probably very lean and muscular underneath all that! The weight is probably all her muscles!). Jin Ling finds Fairy to be a good source of comfort when he’s not feeling well0—curling up to her and petting her, nuzzling her. All of this done his private space of course! Jin Ling won’t want himself to be caught dead doing this publicly. Though, sometimes Fairy doesn’t let him get away with it. ]
Might as well be.
[ He mumbled again, avoiding eye contact with Sizhui. He’s not ignorant to someone’s tears. The smell of this is always so prominent. (As strange as that sounds). His enhanced senses are to blame for them, so it’s hard to not be aware of those things. He can’t seem to figure out any way of comfort other than the awkward embrace between his dog and his friend. He’s going to keep at that for now. He doesn’t know how to proceed from here. Sizhui isn’t long. Whether, he’s told of this or not, Jin Ling is reminded that everything beyond the train is unknown and foreign. They’ll never know what will happen to those who leave—whether they go home or something else. He’d like to think the lather but—with void being such a place, he can’t even convince himself to believe that.
He feels that squeeze back and content that his action is received decently. It’s better than nothing, and he’ll leave it at that. ]
No—kidding. Who knows what will happen once we lose tab of them….
[ He hides his face even more in Fairy. ]
I don’t like it.
no subject
if they're being completely fair, it's true, sizhui and wei wuxian do have that trait in common, though sizhui's done his absolute best to not toss himself into the fray haphazardly and end up in an unfortunate accident. one day in the future, it could still happen, there's no predicting the outcome of what's not happened yet, after all. regardless, he will try his hardest to avoid his demise for as long as possible so he can stick around and keep helping jin ling out in somewhat familiar ways that ought to remind him of his aforementioned fox uncle. the same uncle who's also sizhui's father, which means their similarities shouldn't be too surprising, but hey, better safe than sorry when it comes to assuming some things about people.
it very likely isn't good for fairy, yet he continues letting her lick for now, cleaning his face of tears but leaving a different wetness behind. he lets fairy stay resting with her paws on his shoulders, one hand coming up between them as he briefly leans away and rubs his sleeve over his face, his best attempt at cleaning away the mess before he lowers the arm again to let her go about her business with comforting him again. while he super appreciates fairy's sweetness, he also doesn't want her getting sick because he's letting himself weep this openly. he adjusts slightly, moves his arm around fairy's back and hugs her close, that way her head rests over his shoulder, allowing him to see the top of jin ling's head better.
there's no reason for sizhui to not treat jin ling as his equal, not just because they're both juniors, but because he's learned more about the other boy, has fought by his side and knows it isn't any trouble to accept jin ling's shortcomings right alongside his strengths; imperfections lie within them all, it's the truly brave ones who accept and display them pridefully. maybe being proud of one's less favorable traits seems silly, he'd see it more as accepting them so they could be corrected later on.
he exhales a long-drawn-out sigh, withdraws his arm then settles his hand on jin ling's shoulder instead.] Truthfully, I think we have a little more freedom compared to actual prisoners.
[how often would a prison train let its passengers go off-world and help other people? unless, of course, it was in exchange for time off their sentence or it counted toward recreational time . . . frankly, he doesn't want to delve too deep into those thoughts now that the bizarre possibility has arisen in his mind. he shakes his head, huffs again then leans to rest his head against fairy's.] Neither do I.
[sadly, they can't do anything about it besides accept what happens and help the others who remain after all's said and done. zewu-jun will tell him this same thing someday, it's funny it comes around when he's helping comfort jin ling, his friend is attempting to do the same in kind, and fairy's being the greatest spiritual companion by aiding them both.
perhaps he shouldn't and there's definitely a voice in the back of his mind saying don't you dare! lan sizhui's full-blown ignoring it, forgoing all proper sense to instead remove his hand from jin ling's shoulder and place it atop his head, right at the spot between his ears.] We have to make the best of it, unfortunately, since there's nothing we can do about it at the moment. [then he affectionately rubs those ears, letting a half-smile come across his face following the brief gesture before he withdraws entirely.]
1/2 b/c you keep getting me to do this rotfl.
Jin Ling will find a way to shoot himself in the foot when it comes to these things He’ll probably give Sizhui reasons to either tease him more or make him completely lose. In fact, maybe one of those days it will be both. Regardless, he’s not going to say it aloud. He knows better than that right now. It’s just some things he’s noticed from observing and that is sometimes a blessing and a curse. Jin Ling probably doesn’t understand any of that information, as he hasn’t been informed about it just yet. It doesn’t change his opinions on Sizhui in the least. Jin Ling has seen enough to his fox uncle’s memories to understand that there are many complications with the past generation.
At least, the future generation will do their best to navigate through differences.
She’ll keep licking him until he stops her of course, however, that is true. She seems like she’s giving him enough sloppy kisses to make up for the lack of other forms of comfort. She definitely keeps her paws on his shoulder, keeping herself grounded. Fairy keeps her head on his shoulder as he leans on her back. It’s a strange position for the two boys, but the spiritual dog seems to be going at her own pace. Jin Ling’s ears are flattened against his head, almost hidden in the sort of dim lit space. However, he doesn’t seem to be caring too much about who sees them at the moment. Sizhui’s seen them enough times for Jin Ling to stop being self-conscious about them.
One day, Jin Ling will truly express how grateful he is for Sizhui’s patience. After all, there’s definitely a lot to work with. While, he doesn’t exactly apologize for being himself, he understands enough. He’s trying his best to get better at all of this. The hand rests on his shoulder and he doesn’t’ seem to have a reaction yet. Somehow, this situation really allows him to be a bit more—vulnerable than he likes. He can see a lot of what is going on with Sizhui, but he’s unsure if Sizhui can see his confusion or any complex emotions that are visible on his face. ]
That’s--- not the point here! BUT fine maybe not. It sure feels like it.
[ Jin Ling’s face almost puffs at the response, but he kept it tamed, while looking away. This is true. It’s a can of worms. The boys might be better off not talking about it, if they can. It doesn’t help with their mood, or their situation. They already have a lot to deal with. ]
…
2/2
!!!
[ Suddenly, Jin Ling is alert by the hand on his head. He’s taken back by the sudden gesture, and before he can even process why Sizhui’s hand is on his head, he feels it, the rubs on his flattened ears. He almost pulls back in surprise, but realizing there’s nothing but the wall behind him, he’s stuck with his emotions of surprise and discomfort! No one’s touched his ears, not Wei Wuxian, not his uncles, or even his dad! ]
W-Were are you touching?!
[ His tone is something between confusion, and a bit of irritation. While he’s not really mad, he’s not sure he enjoys the strange sensation of having his ears rubbed! ]
you're welcome :')
and jin ling needn't worry so much about making situations worse; they have to be bad before they can get better, technically, right? all of the juniors still have much to learn, after all, and nobody's an exception, not even jin ling. he just so happens to be an individual who handles things with more brashness, much like another particular lan they both know, which doesn't mean anything bad, it just means it's different. they shouldn't hold themselves to particularly higher standards when it comes to emotions, especially considering sharing their feelings with one another and conveying things more properly can also be something this future generation could improve on too. (everyone could stand to use their words more often, honestly, not just the younger kids—) but it's an idea that might start with them and spread out between other cultivators who have struggled so hard and for so long.
while in this position, at least he can hold fairy in a gentle embrace, one hand petting through her fur with gratitude, a soft, content-sounding hum escaping him as he tilts his head and rests it against fairy's. maybe it's an awkward position, yes, sizhui doesn't seem all that bothered either way, appreciating the comfort and figuring he's been in stranger stances, given the situation. like, doing one-armed handstands with the other hand copying sect rules! that's far harder in his opinion? the only burdensome thing about this is realizing how dark it is beneath the bottom bunk (which is an odd thing to notice, but not when he's been contemplating petting jin ling's ears for a few minutes now). following through with it, however, won't exactly be a mistake, but he's certainly going to feel embarrassed once it dawns on him that he didn't quite think before acting in the moment.
the hand on his shoulder is where he starts and that's alright there, so it's not unfair for him to assume jin ling mmmight not mind some pets? a broad assumption to make, he knows, but he doesn't like the distressed emotions coming across his friend's face and, in a half-desperate attempt, hopes it's a gesture that could catch jin ling off-guard enough, he doesn't focus as much on the fact they're definitely sort of prisoners aboard this train; nowhere to go except when on-world and no way of returning home, as they've already proved.]
It does, [sizhui agrees, nevertheless.] I'm not denying the similarities are there, just that they're somewhat different.
[then he makes his move with jin ling's attention averted, perhaps another rude way for him to go unnoticed, except he's past caring at this point. now, he wants to help comfort the other boy in whatever way possible, even if asking first would've likely been a better plan.
oh well, ‘you only live once’, or whatever it was he'd heard someone say back on diagad.
thank goodness, he's already withdrawn afterward though, taking jin ling's reaction into account. he hadn't expected him to lean away too, so he feels a little worse than anticipated, but! that's also his fault for assuming— wait, wasn't there a saying about that too? agh!] I'm sorry, [comes without a second thought, his bottom lip briefly tucking between his teeth while he ponders, then he continues,] My fathers and uncle would sometimes pat the top of my head when comforting me? I thought it might help, perhaps... but I probably should have considered it better with your ears.
[he shrinks further back and down a shade, having the decency to look ashamed, despite how he's let his other arm clutch around fairy as well. that way, jin ling can be certain he's not going to reach for him again and he's able to muffle himself partially before repeating,] Sorry. [since he's aware jin ling doesn't like it, but can't help it because wow, what a foolish thing to do.]
lmfao sgshgskh Lan Sizhui, you're a monster on days. why is he friends w you!!
Fairy won’t be stopping anytime soon, so however awkward it may appear right now, Fairy doesn’t seem to grasp that understanding and only tilting her head as Sizhui embraces her and resting his head against hers. She gives him soft gentle whines, and licks as she does. Of course, Jin Ling knows that Sizhui isn’t feeling better than he is and the two of them share the comfort of that, without giving each other flack. While Jin Ling’s reaction isn’t his usual, it makes sense given the strange appendages that he sported. Those sort of animalistic features has given him a hard time. Especially, when anyone yanks his ears or accidentally steps on his tail. For Sizhui, petting his ears at the same time as patting him on the head.
The sensation is what throws him off more than anything. It’s not unpleasant, but it was definitely foreign. He at least manages to recover enough to respond to Sizhui’s words. He’s not wrong, there is a huge difference between being actual prisoners and being able to traverse the train the way they do. ]
…I’m not saying it’s EXACTLY that way. It feels it more than anything. I don’t—I don’t like it.
[ The response comes out in a soft huff and pout if Sizhui can see his face. He’s mumbling, but it’s easy enough to hear in a closed space. His face is partially flustered still from the sudden touch. He kind of is searching for a place to set his eyes and hide his flushed face. While he may seem angry about it, he’s still talking to Sizhui, so there’s maybe some progress with that. He listens quietly to Sizhui’s explanation—which makes perfect sense to him. The action itself, is I what threw him off the most. It’s not that it’s something he doesn’t know of. He just wasn’t expecting it. ]
I-It’s fine! You--- I—I’m just not used to people touching my ears. No one touches them and it weird when anyone tries.
[ A simple brush of his ears against something also makes him feel uncomfortable. It’s not Sizhui’s fault. ]
..?
[ Now, he feels bad… Jin Ling almost lets out another stupid huff, but manages to push himself in sitting position and pushing Fairy’s tail out of his face before speaking again. ]
You didn’t know okay?! It’s not something to be sorry about. I’m not used this kind of stuff—and it’s not just with you!
[ Okay, he’s trying. Jin Ling knows that Sizhui won't go ahead and touch him that way again, seeing how his reaction garnered an apology from his friend for it. Again, he's not really mad, just surprised and flustered by the sudden display of affection. Something, he just needs to get better at. Especially, when it concerns other people that aren't his shushu, jiujiu, father or anyone close to him.
At least, he didn't try to shove Sizhui aggressively. (Look at all the times Foxxian hugs the living daylights out of him!)]
because jin ling needs friends and sizhui's a good one to have, obviously!!!
here or there, he softly shushes fairy, petting her head and down her back, whispering soft, reassuring words. one would think it's the dog who's upset with how much he's comforting her, but he can't help it! she's whining and licking him and just being the best girl, how could he not tell her he's alright? best spiritual beast, one-hundred-percent, definitely going to hug again anytime possible.
how fortunate for them both, they've decidedly agreed that being trapped somewhere, no matter how many carriages the train gains, is uncomfortable.] Neither do I, so trust me, I'm understanding where you're coming from here.
[nobody wants their ability to leave and go literally anywhere else taken away from them, it's just not something they're used to and it doesn't help they'd thought they were going home for a little while there, only for their hopes and dreams to be dashed like always; he fully doesn't understand why the voidtrecker express would've tried to send them home if it wasn't a surefire thing— and like he'd figured, something went wrong that messed with their tethers, making them all quite lucky they made it back in one piece beside their fellow voidtreckers.
being told it's ‘weird’ for anyone to touch jin ling's ears kind of has sizhui questioning why that is, but he doesn't ask outright since it's not his place to do so. nevertheless, it doesn't keep him from assuming that jiang cheng, wei wuxian or jin guangyao would have touched jin ling's ears at some point, even if it was just one of them, and yet.
nope, he's somehow been the lucky(?) person to have gotten that luxury, it seems. jin ling's reaction suddenly makes a whole lot more sense, given the connotation hand-in-hand with a literal explanation. yes, he will most definitely be keeping his hands to himself (or where they are currently petting fairy), especially knowing he's made a fool out of himself by leaping to conclusions and assuming it would've been alright to touch someone else's ears without even an ounce of second-guessing.
but, for whatever it's worth, he doesn't regret doing it or feel bad, just a bit embarrassed that he'd thought it was totally normal to pet your upset friend's wolf ears. maybe it's better if he just goes right on ahead and lets himself continue thinking any type of affection will make jin ling react in an astonished, flustered, or embarrassed manner and leave it at that.]
Okay, [is all sizhui manages at first, attention momentarily downturned while he ponders if he should even ask, but watch him go right ahead and do it anyway,] Jin Ling, uhm, could I ask you a question?
[better safe than sorry, after all, considering.]
yeah he is a definite keeper friend :D yes! ;A; sorry tag is short
Fairy is satisfied with the petting to some degree. Though, keeps her head slightly turned while Sizhui is there. Her tail swishing against the fabric of Jin Ling’s sweater, tickling him in the process, and somehow making him less stiff. She knows that her master is still laying on her back, but she can’t help it! He seems rather unhappy and all. She wants to at least contribute something. Please hug her a lot, because she will always look for affection from Sizhui at this point.
The carriage is uncomfortable and unpleasant. It’s not a real prison, but its limitations certainly do not help Jin Ling at all in the least. ]
I know.
[ he mumbles in between Fairy’s fur. The train seems to constantly be messing them up, and leaving them with all kinds of challenges. Jin Ling hates it, and the strange trip to home, but not isn’t his cup of tea. Being stuck in an unfamiliar terrain and with worlds that aren’t his own, Jin Ling feels completely helpless thinking about it. If not for Wei Wuxian pulling from that, he might have been a wanderer with no place or destination. How terrifying that would have been! Jin Ling wouldn’t explain it to Sizhui even if he asked. That being, he didn’t know how to explain the sensation or how it feels. If it were something he was familiar with, like his own ears, Jin Ling might not have reacted the way he did.
Perhaps, he had overreacted, but he honestly wasn’t expecting that gesture. He knew why it happened, but he still had trouble processing it. He’s not necessarily angry, but he certainly didn’t like it.! He looks up, giving Sizhui a serious look for his question. ]
W-what is it?
[ Jin Ling mused, while making eye contact with Sizhui. ]
omg don't apologize, it's 100% fine!!!
much like how fairy's quite satisfied with being held, it seems. anytime sizhui considers letting her go for both their sakes, he second-guesses it, gives her the faintest squeeze instead, and rubs his face against her fur. she's such a good companion, he can only hope hui's as half this affectionate as she grows older, even though she's already proven to be rather sweet in her own ways. (like sitting in peoples' laps and grooming them and herself!) speaking of which, the kitten in question has finally deemed it necessary to awaken from her nap, stretch, hop down from sizhui's bunk and scamper her way over to start climbing the blankets on jin ling's bed.
while he wishes there was anything else he could say to maybe ease his friend's discomfort, sometimes, saying nothing at all can speak volumes; silent solidarity, especially since he'd already mentioned understanding. it's a terrible feeling, yet he sincerely thinks it could be so much worse.
his gaze fleetingly shifts, casting a sideways look toward where hui's clambering up jin ling's bedsheets, a small half-smile quirking his lips on the left side. he'd understand it more than jin ling would know, frankly, since he arrived on the train with people ‘from his world’ – in the loosest sense of the word – yet never really knew any better until it was revealed they'd all come from different places. this clearly didn't stop lan sizhui whatsoever, taking everything into account; anyone he knew, whether they were from the same place or not, they were his friends and family, regardless of these details. being alone is scary, but that doesn't seem like it's a problem aboard the voidtrecker express.
at jin ling's response, he redirects, thoughtfully rolls his lips as he considers if he should come out with it or if doing so might make things worse? then figures to hell with it! and exhales a soft huff before inquiring,]
Why does it bother you so much when I apologize?
[nailed it, and just in time for the kitten to come toddling toward jin ling, despite having to crawl over fairy's tail.]
jin ling : stop apologizing , me: I'm sorry sizhui ROTFL. I contradict my muse ssgkdhsgs haha <3
He's still got a long way to go, showing his other emotions outside of his usual outbursts in the form of self defense. Of course, Fairy finds it strange that a human boy is rubbing his face into her fur, but it's a gesture she sees Jin Ling do all the time. At this point, she's accepted that these silly humans do these things and she doesn't mind them. Sizhui is free to continue burying his face into her fur. She will most certainly continue to sit in people's laps and groom them at the same time!
Jin Ling hears the shuffles and he sort of sees the cat from the corner of his eyes. Where she's headed, he can see as well. He wonders how mischievous this kitten is. She seemed to be quite energetic getting herself onto Jin Ling's bed. He's cautious, but doubts the small animal will do any harm. She might be looking for a place to curl up against, again. (Even though, Hui just was napping.)
It seemed that most of the people he was familiar with seemed to be quite accepting of all that. Especially, Sizhui and Jingyi, who seemed to not really treat him any different than the ones he knew. He's quite attached to his junior friends. He won't express it well, but in his own way, he really cares about them.
Jin Ling didn't meet Sizhui's eyes. He didn't even give him a second look for that question. Why? He wasn't sure. A part of him, felt that it was unnecessary. Though, his mind told him there was nothing to be sorry for. There were also swirls of memories that he experienced. The word 'sorry,' felt extremely heavy and of course Sizhui was sincere with his apologies. It's got nothing to do with that. ]
You-- you haven't done anything wrong. I don't-- see why you need to be sorry.
[ He huffed, trying to gather his thoughts. He saw the little cat now. Her moving towards him. He's still eying her, ears perked. What did-- she want? Fairy seemed to be fine with Hui crawling over her tail. She even helped a little my shifting it. ]
look sometimes we gotta!! there's nothing wrong with it ♥
bless each and every heavenly immortal for fairy, who's still content with sitting in their laps, letting herself be smothered in affection. here shortly, hui will get in on the action, but it does take her a few extra minutes to get up onto the bed and move around, which is a perfect moment for sizhui's own guard to be down and for fairy to lick across his face again. he laughs softly, raises one hand to rub her muzzle then loosens the other so he can gently scratch the spot between her shoulderblades for encouragement. now that he's not crying, letting her give him some more kisses shouldn't hurt anything.
hui, for her part, keeps shuffling over the bed, brrr'ing playfully after being momentarily distracted by fairy's tail; she's also quite gentle despite her enthusiasm, pinning the dog's tail down long enough to groom the fur on its tip, yet she gets right back to business moving in on jin ling afterward. with no clear intent too, just quick forward movements until she's reached his knee, where she hesitates briefly.
sizhui isn't expecting jin ling to look at him when he answers, but that doesn't stop him from glancing his way, lips worriedly pressed into a thin line. he does accept his fellow junior and whatever shortcomings he has, just as he'd think jin ling would do for him and jingyi (and that's part of why he's fine letting the former off the hook for forgoing admitting their friendship, unsurprisingly). he likes best when they get along, it does nothing to curb his curiosity about why jin ling's uneasy anytime he apologizes for misstepping, though. if explained, he'd better understand whatever heaviness is attached to i'm sorry and do his absolute best to avoid saying it as much in the future.
for now, he can do nothing except explain himself.] It's only polite to apologize when one makes a mistake is why. Maybe it seems excessive, but... I cannot help it, when I feel I've slipped up.
[finally, the kitten outstretches a paw, which she paps jin ling's arm with in silent begging, hoping it'll get her pets, given her owner's currently otherwise engaged.]
hahaa yeah for sure. this thread of friendship is too wholesome. fucking love it. ;w;
Fairy doesn’t mind at all. She is a happy spiritual dog, and she’s here to protect and keep her master safe. Sizhui and her master’s other friends are people she likes very much and she doesn’t want them to be sad either. She’s also curiously eying Hui as the small cat is stalking her way over to the group of them. She happily lets him do whatever he wants while letting her lick his face. At some point she decides to stop and enjoys the pets instead. Fairy’s beating tail is held down for a moment, letting Hui do her grooming thing. Fairy is used to the cat doing this to her. It’s not something she isn’t used to at this point. Even Jin Ling looks a little perplexed, wondering what Hui is up to.
Since, Hui is distracting him, he doesn’t say anything as he cautiously wonders what Hui is planning at this point.
The words “I’m sorry,” is a big deal to Jin Ling at this point, given the connotations it comes with. Sizhui can blame Wei Wuxian’s memory shares for that when Jin Ling was in Hakagemachi. It’s not something he wants to openly discuss, but perhaps bring to light another time. They’re both going through a lot and Jin Ling knows better than to openly talk about more depressing things right now. ]
You were just concerned weren’t you? Like I said, it’s not you. I’m just not used to having these, and even if someone that wasn’t you touches it, I’d react the same.
[ A soft mumble from Jin Ling but that’s what he thinks anyway. That’s the best he’s got towards this heart to heart with Sizhui. Jin Ling’s tail stands up a bit when he feels the kitten’s paw pap him. Jin Ling lets go of Fairy so that she can fully throw herself at Sizhui, while giving Hui a once over, perplexed for a moment. Eventually, he reaches a free arm to her and if she wants, he’ll pick her up and put her in his lap, awkwardly at that. ]
me too, even if (again) it has taken me 5ever smh
he keeps right on lavishing fairy with attention, giving her pets and snuggles and gentle squeezes here or there, though he does wonder if she'll eventually tire of all the affection and want to go lie down elsewhere for a bit. if so, he would release her, except she doesn't seem to mind in the slightest, regardless of hui taking that moment to fight with her tail. the cat moves on rather quickly too, oddly holding unwavering eye-contact the whole way toward jin ling, like she's both captivated and trying to make sure his attention stays settled on her.
seems like it's working, considering, and while he's watching the cat, sizhui's letting his gaze wander back to jin ling, still patiently waiting for an answer.
one day, they'll share secrets with each other and things will make much more sense... but unfortunately, that's not today, which makes sizhui's curiosity burn hotter, despite his doing everything within his power to tamp it down.] I was, [he confirms,] and it makes sense that you would react the same, no matter who touched them. I'd react in a similar manner if someone touched any of the appendages I've had before.
[hey, it's a start! credit where it's due and all, even if they're both somewhat distracted by animals.] Waugh! [escapes sizhui as he's forced to rebalance himself, shifting an arm to slide underneath one of fairy's elbows and help hold them both stable once her weight presses against him, a mirthful huff following shortly afterward. hui, on the other hand, rises up, bumps against jin ling's hand for encouragement then quietly mews, the only way she knows how to convey she wants attention besides bapping him with her feet.
yes, she would like to be picked up, please and thanks!]
lmfao and me 5ever later than ever and ever hahahaha. you good. take your time :D
Jin Ling doesn't try to argue with Sizhui loves the matter anymore, seeing how earnest his friend is being. On top of that, Fairy adored Sizhui at this point. There's no getting around the fact that Jin Ling appreciates Sizhui's indifference to his appendages (outside of morbid curiosity) and the small differences between the Jin Ling he knows and the one he's met. Sizhui had always treated him the same. That's so very much like him.
Fairy, on Fairy, is having such a good time cuddling and cozying up to Sizhui and just enjoying her time invading his personal space. ]
Then-- there's nothing else you need to say and you already get so we're not talking about this anymore!
[ He's going to be the one who ends this apology train! Sizhui can't stop him. He's going to do what he wants. Jin Ling almost falls back in surprise when he watches Fairy lunge at Sizhui as soon as he lets the spiritual dog go. He also doesn't have time to try to help Sizhui as he sees that Hui is not letting him escape. That--- sly cat!!!!! Somehow, he reluctantly picks her up and holds her to his face, staring curiously. ]
You're just like your owner! Causing trouble all the time!
[ He says aloud, not caring if Sizhui heard it. It's not malicious anyway. ]