time makes you bolder, even children get older [closed]

[deferences]

Who: lan sizhui and jin ling.
Where: sleeper lower one, cabin d.
When: month quicksand, day twenty.
What: sizhui, still feeling the effects of certain passengers leaving, finds comfort in commiserating with a friend (and his dog).
Warnings: n/a, will add as needed if necessary.



[throughout the past week, sizhui's done everything within his power to not become too emotional, struggled the entire time and failed a few moments here or there, but for the most part? he's done alright, even with losing dennis, as he's well-aware the train never chooses who returns home. after it goes ahead and sends the fox-spirited wei wuxian and his friend willow home with him, however, that's when the dam finally breaks.

he'd been angry and hurt, had no trouble handling those emotions by taking a lot of aggression out on the training dummies, but now with it doubled-up alongside just recently losing his boyfriend, there's too much, so intense and all at once, it's impossible to hold the tears in whenever the newest departures hit him. he awakens that morning, makes his way to the gym and pummels the everliving hell out of dummies again, going until his hands are aching and bloody, which he leaves that way until he's finished and heading out. (not without cleaning up after himself first, of course!) but once he's left the carriage, he heads toward the shower, does the quickest scrubdown he can manage, letting some tears flow then. once he's done, redressed in his comfy yukata and his hands are bandaged, that's when he heads back toward his shared cabin, mostly hoping it's empty, though also wondering if a particular roommate might be around.

someone who will understand the pain of these certain people leaving – or a particular one, at least! – and will sympathize.

despite the stronger, more sensible side of him hoping he's left alone with his sadness, he still approaches the room, one hand twisting his damp hair up and pinning it atop his head while the other works to get the door open.] Jin Ling? [he inquires, soft yet audible enough.] Are you in?

[his attention is initially directed to his own bunk where his kitten's snoozing away, undisturbed in his absence, but as he asks, he redirects toward jin ling's bunk, waiting patient and silent for an answer.]

Comments

lmfao sgshgskh Lan Sizhui, you're a monster on days. why is he friends w you!!

[to_rise_above]

[ One day, Jin Ling will certainly have a reaction worth remembering. For now, the peaceful days of them just doing what they is best fit for their current situation. Sharing his emotions and all of that just needs time. He agrees with Sizhui, that some form of communication is required when it came to everyone, not just the juniors. It’s something that Jin Ling’s learned is hard for others to have a firm grasp on, him included. After all, he still keeps a lot of things from Jiang Cheng. While’s told his uncle most of his important secrets, there were other things he couldn’t find himself able to say. Perhaps, par to of it is not wanting to burden his uncle with more than what he has to deal with.

Fairy won’t be stopping anytime soon, so however awkward it may appear right now, Fairy doesn’t seem to grasp that understanding and only tilting her head as Sizhui embraces her and resting his head against hers. She gives him soft gentle whines, and licks as she does. Of course, Jin Ling knows that Sizhui isn’t feeling better than he is and the two of them share the comfort of that, without giving each other flack. While Jin Ling’s reaction isn’t his usual, it makes sense given the strange appendages that he sported. Those sort of animalistic features has given him a hard time. Especially, when anyone yanks his ears or accidentally steps on his tail. For Sizhui, petting his ears at the same time as patting him on the head.

The sensation is what throws him off more than anything. It’s not unpleasant, but it was definitely foreign. He at least manages to recover enough to respond to Sizhui’s words. He’s not wrong, there is a huge difference between being actual prisoners and being able to traverse the train the way they do. ]

…I’m not saying it’s EXACTLY that way. It feels it more than anything. I don’t—I don’t like it.

[ The response comes out in a soft huff and pout if Sizhui can see his face. He’s mumbling, but it’s easy enough to hear in a closed space. His face is partially flustered still from the sudden touch. He kind of is searching for a place to set his eyes and hide his flushed face. While he may seem angry about it, he’s still talking to Sizhui, so there’s maybe some progress with that. He listens quietly to Sizhui’s explanation—which makes perfect sense to him. The action itself, is I what threw him off the most. It’s not that it’s something he doesn’t know of. He just wasn’t expecting it. ]

I-It’s fine! You--- I—I’m just not used to people touching my ears. No one touches them and it weird when anyone tries.

[ A simple brush of his ears against something also makes him feel uncomfortable. It’s not Sizhui’s fault. ]
..?

[ Now, he feels bad… Jin Ling almost lets out another stupid huff, but manages to push himself in sitting position and pushing Fairy’s tail out of his face before speaking again. ]

You didn’t know okay?! It’s not something to be sorry about. I’m not used this kind of stuff—and it’s not just with you!

[ Okay, he’s trying. Jin Ling knows that Sizhui won't go ahead and touch him that way again, seeing how his reaction garnered an apology from his friend for it. Again, he's not really mad, just surprised and flustered by the sudden display of affection. Something, he just needs to get better at. Especially, when it concerns other people that aren't his shushu, jiujiu, father or anyone close to him.

At least, he didn't try to shove Sizhui aggressively. (Look at all the times Foxxian hugs the living daylights out of him!)]

because jin ling needs friends and sizhui's a good one to have, obviously!!!

[deferences]

[can't learn if they don't try more, obviously. ‘practice makes perfect’, as it were, although sizhui does wonder quite often if the same principle can apply to things like emotions and communication. how do they get better at sharing when everyone's afraid to take the first step? sizhui understands with his whole heart how difficult it is to not share problems, in particular when it comes to his fathers, since he's in the same boat alongside not wanting to burden their elders with anything else whenever they've already usually got so much piled onto their plates. still, they've told him many times before to come to them if he's having trouble and, while it's been difficult, he's trying, which has to count for something.

here or there, he softly shushes fairy, petting her head and down her back, whispering soft, reassuring words. one would think it's the dog who's upset with how much he's comforting her, but he can't help it! she's whining and licking him and just being the best girl, how could he not tell her he's alright? best spiritual beast, one-hundred-percent, definitely going to hug again anytime possible.

how fortunate for them both, they've decidedly agreed that being trapped somewhere, no matter how many carriages the train gains, is uncomfortable.] Neither do I, so trust me, I'm understanding where you're coming from here.

[nobody wants their ability to leave and go literally anywhere else taken away from them, it's just not something they're used to and it doesn't help they'd thought they were going home for a little while there, only for their hopes and dreams to be dashed like always; he fully doesn't understand why the voidtrecker express would've tried to send them home if it wasn't a surefire thing— and like he'd figured, something went wrong that messed with their tethers, making them all quite lucky they made it back in one piece beside their fellow voidtreckers.

being told it's ‘weird’ for anyone to touch jin ling's ears kind of has sizhui questioning why that is, but he doesn't ask outright since it's not his place to do so. nevertheless, it doesn't keep him from assuming that jiang cheng, wei wuxian or jin guangyao would have touched jin ling's ears at some point, even if it was just one of them, and yet.

nope, he's somehow been the lucky(?) person to have gotten that luxury, it seems. jin ling's reaction suddenly makes a whole lot more sense, given the connotation hand-in-hand with a literal explanation. yes, he will most definitely be keeping his hands to himself (or where they are currently petting fairy), especially knowing he's made a fool out of himself by leaping to conclusions and assuming it would've been alright to touch someone else's ears without even an ounce of second-guessing.

but, for whatever it's worth, he doesn't regret doing it or feel bad, just a bit embarrassed that he'd thought it was totally normal to pet your upset friend's wolf ears. maybe it's better if he just goes right on ahead and lets himself continue thinking any type of affection will make jin ling react in an astonished, flustered, or embarrassed manner and leave it at that.]

Okay, [is all sizhui manages at first, attention momentarily downturned while he ponders if he should even ask, but watch him go right ahead and do it anyway,] Jin Ling, uhm, could I ask you a question?

[better safe than sorry, after all, considering.]

yeah he is a definite keeper friend :D yes! ;A; sorry tag is short

[to_rise_above]

[ Somehow, that theory isn’t a stretch. With practice, Jin Ling may be able to express himself a lot more. A lot of it is conditioning himself into showing them naturally. Right now, he’s quite stiff on how he feels and a lot of it has to do with his childhood. There are things that may not have helped him in the long run, but they have helped shaped him, regardless. He’s making small progress with everything and while he doesn’t really notice it himself, others may have. Perhaps, one day he can express those thoughts with Sizhui and see that Sizhui can relate to his situation as well. It may not be exactly the same situation, but it’s close.

Fairy is satisfied with the petting to some degree. Though, keeps her head slightly turned while Sizhui is there. Her tail swishing against the fabric of Jin Ling’s sweater, tickling him in the process, and somehow making him less stiff. She knows that her master is still laying on her back, but she can’t help it! He seems rather unhappy and all. She wants to at least contribute something. Please hug her a lot, because she will always look for affection from Sizhui at this point.

The carriage is uncomfortable and unpleasant. It’s not a real prison, but its limitations certainly do not help Jin Ling at all in the least. ]

I know.

[ he mumbles in between Fairy’s fur. The train seems to constantly be messing them up, and leaving them with all kinds of challenges. Jin Ling hates it, and the strange trip to home, but not isn’t his cup of tea. Being stuck in an unfamiliar terrain and with worlds that aren’t his own, Jin Ling feels completely helpless thinking about it. If not for Wei Wuxian pulling from that, he might have been a wanderer with no place or destination. How terrifying that would have been! Jin Ling wouldn’t explain it to Sizhui even if he asked. That being, he didn’t know how to explain the sensation or how it feels. If it were something he was familiar with, like his own ears, Jin Ling might not have reacted the way he did.

Perhaps, he had overreacted, but he honestly wasn’t expecting that gesture. He knew why it happened, but he still had trouble processing it. He’s not necessarily angry, but he certainly didn’t like it.! He looks up, giving Sizhui a serious look for his question. ]

W-what is it?

[ Jin Ling mused, while making eye contact with Sizhui. ]

omg don't apologize, it's 100% fine!!!

[deferences]

[sharing things with one another is how they'll bond better as friends too, for whatever that may be worth? sizhui's got the patience of a saint, of course, and won't push jin ling any harder than necessary, but there could perhaps come a time where he pushes a bit extra for jin ling's own good, which is different in his honest opinion. getting out of one's comfort zone can massively help expand their horizons and sizhui imagines that might be a method of at least opening the door to helping jin ling accept the fact he has feelings and it's okay to welcome and feel those emotions.

much like how fairy's quite satisfied with being held, it seems. anytime sizhui considers letting her go for both their sakes, he second-guesses it, gives her the faintest squeeze instead, and rubs his face against her fur. she's such a good companion, he can only hope hui's as half this affectionate as she grows older, even though she's already proven to be rather sweet in her own ways. (like sitting in peoples' laps and grooming them and herself!) speaking of which, the kitten in question has finally deemed it necessary to awaken from her nap, stretch, hop down from sizhui's bunk and scamper her way over to start climbing the blankets on jin ling's bed.

while he wishes there was anything else he could say to maybe ease his friend's discomfort, sometimes, saying nothing at all can speak volumes; silent solidarity, especially since he'd already mentioned understanding. it's a terrible feeling, yet he sincerely thinks it could be so much worse.

his gaze fleetingly shifts, casting a sideways look toward where hui's clambering up jin ling's bedsheets, a small half-smile quirking his lips on the left side. he'd understand it more than jin ling would know, frankly, since he arrived on the train with people ‘from his world’ – in the loosest sense of the word – yet never really knew any better until it was revealed they'd all come from different places. this clearly didn't stop lan sizhui whatsoever, taking everything into account; anyone he knew, whether they were from the same place or not, they were his friends and family, regardless of these details. being alone is scary, but that doesn't seem like it's a problem aboard the voidtrecker express.

at jin ling's response, he redirects, thoughtfully rolls his lips as he considers if he should come out with it or if doing so might make things worse? then figures to hell with it! and exhales a soft huff before inquiring,]

Why does it bother you so much when I apologize?

[nailed it, and just in time for the kitten to come toddling toward jin ling, despite having to crawl over fairy's tail.]

jin ling : stop apologizing , me: I'm sorry sizhui ROTFL. I contradict my muse ssgkdhsgs haha <3

[to_rise_above]

[ Sometimes, Jin Ling really questions if his friends are out to get him, or if they truly care about him. NOT that they're friends or anything. He won't say something that embarrassing, but that's about where they're at right now. Of course, having patient people in his life, might help him be a little more open to that sort of vulnerability.

He's still got a long way to go, showing his other emotions outside of his usual outbursts in the form of self defense. Of course, Fairy finds it strange that a human boy is rubbing his face into her fur, but it's a gesture she sees Jin Ling do all the time. At this point, she's accepted that these silly humans do these things and she doesn't mind them. Sizhui is free to continue burying his face into her fur. She will most certainly continue to sit in people's laps and groom them at the same time!

Jin Ling hears the shuffles and he sort of sees the cat from the corner of his eyes. Where she's headed, he can see as well. He wonders how mischievous this kitten is. She seemed to be quite energetic getting herself onto Jin Ling's bed. He's cautious, but doubts the small animal will do any harm. She might be looking for a place to curl up against, again. (Even though, Hui just was napping.)

It seemed that most of the people he was familiar with seemed to be quite accepting of all that. Especially, Sizhui and Jingyi, who seemed to not really treat him any different than the ones he knew. He's quite attached to his junior friends. He won't express it well, but in his own way, he really cares about them.

Jin Ling didn't meet Sizhui's eyes. He didn't even give him a second look for that question. Why? He wasn't sure. A part of him, felt that it was unnecessary. Though, his mind told him there was nothing to be sorry for. There were also swirls of memories that he experienced. The word 'sorry,' felt extremely heavy and of course Sizhui was sincere with his apologies. It's got nothing to do with that. ]

You-- you haven't done anything wrong. I don't-- see why you need to be sorry.

[ He huffed, trying to gather his thoughts. He saw the little cat now. Her moving towards him. He's still eying her, ears perked. What did-- she want? Fairy seemed to be fine with Hui crawling over her tail. She even helped a little my shifting it. ]

look sometimes we gotta!! there's nothing wrong with it ♥

[deferences]

[of course he can't say that aloud, since that'd be admitting he has friends and all, though it's not something jin ling needs to put into words for sizhui to already know. instead, he'll continue politely slipping into the cracks in jin ling's armor and encouraging him to let himself be more unguarded whenever he's around his friends (even if they're totally not friends, in jin ling's opinion).

bless each and every heavenly immortal for fairy, who's still content with sitting in their laps, letting herself be smothered in affection. here shortly, hui will get in on the action, but it does take her a few extra minutes to get up onto the bed and move around, which is a perfect moment for sizhui's own guard to be down and for fairy to lick across his face again. he laughs softly, raises one hand to rub her muzzle then loosens the other so he can gently scratch the spot between her shoulderblades for encouragement. now that he's not crying, letting her give him some more kisses shouldn't hurt anything.

hui, for her part, keeps shuffling over the bed, brrr'ing playfully after being momentarily distracted by fairy's tail; she's also quite gentle despite her enthusiasm, pinning the dog's tail down long enough to groom the fur on its tip, yet she gets right back to business moving in on jin ling afterward. with no clear intent too, just quick forward movements until she's reached his knee, where she hesitates briefly.

sizhui isn't expecting jin ling to look at him when he answers, but that doesn't stop him from glancing his way, lips worriedly pressed into a thin line. he does accept his fellow junior and whatever shortcomings he has, just as he'd think jin ling would do for him and jingyi (and that's part of why he's fine letting the former off the hook for forgoing admitting their friendship, unsurprisingly). he likes best when they get along, it does nothing to curb his curiosity about why jin ling's uneasy anytime he apologizes for misstepping, though. if explained, he'd better understand whatever heaviness is attached to i'm sorry and do his absolute best to avoid saying it as much in the future.

for now, he can do nothing except explain himself.] It's only polite to apologize when one makes a mistake is why. Maybe it seems excessive, but... I cannot help it, when I feel I've slipped up.

[finally, the kitten outstretches a paw, which she paps jin ling's arm with in silent begging, hoping it'll get her pets, given her owner's currently otherwise engaged.]

hahaa yeah for sure. this thread of friendship is too wholesome. fucking love it. ;w;

[to_rise_above]

[ Sizhui does what Sizhui is best at. Even Jin Ling is not safe to his kindness and friendship. Even more so that he spent so much time with Sizhui than he normally would in his own world. Maybe it’s because he really does miss the little things he’s done with his friends and being away from them for so long, he can’t help but feel content on it.

Fairy doesn’t mind at all. She is a happy spiritual dog, and she’s here to protect and keep her master safe. Sizhui and her master’s other friends are people she likes very much and she doesn’t want them to be sad either. She’s also curiously eying Hui as the small cat is stalking her way over to the group of them. She happily lets him do whatever he wants while letting her lick his face. At some point she decides to stop and enjoys the pets instead. Fairy’s beating tail is held down for a moment, letting Hui do her grooming thing. Fairy is used to the cat doing this to her. It’s not something she isn’t used to at this point. Even Jin Ling looks a little perplexed, wondering what Hui is up to.

Since, Hui is distracting him, he doesn’t say anything as he cautiously wonders what Hui is planning at this point.

The words “I’m sorry,” is a big deal to Jin Ling at this point, given the connotations it comes with. Sizhui can blame Wei Wuxian’s memory shares for that when Jin Ling was in Hakagemachi. It’s not something he wants to openly discuss, but perhaps bring to light another time. They’re both going through a lot and Jin Ling knows better than to openly talk about more depressing things right now. ]

You were just concerned weren’t you? Like I said, it’s not you. I’m just not used to having these, and even if someone that wasn’t you touches it, I’d react the same.

[ A soft mumble from Jin Ling but that’s what he thinks anyway. That’s the best he’s got towards this heart to heart with Sizhui. Jin Ling’s tail stands up a bit when he feels the kitten’s paw pap him. Jin Ling lets go of Fairy so that she can fully throw herself at Sizhui, while giving Hui a once over, perplexed for a moment. Eventually, he reaches a free arm to her and if she wants, he’ll pick her up and put her in his lap, awkwardly at that. ]

me too, even if (again) it has taken me 5ever smh

[deferences]

[surprising nobody, it's why sizhui was so glad to see someone from his world, even if they weren't the exact same; jin ling is jin ling, no matter where he came from and he hopes the feeling is mutual on his friend's end too. they could vary in different ways, but at the end of the day, they're still one and the same.

he keeps right on lavishing fairy with attention, giving her pets and snuggles and gentle squeezes here or there, though he does wonder if she'll eventually tire of all the affection and want to go lie down elsewhere for a bit. if so, he would release her, except she doesn't seem to mind in the slightest, regardless of hui taking that moment to fight with her tail. the cat moves on rather quickly too, oddly holding unwavering eye-contact the whole way toward jin ling, like she's both captivated and trying to make sure his attention stays settled on her.

seems like it's working, considering, and while he's watching the cat, sizhui's letting his gaze wander back to jin ling, still patiently waiting for an answer.

one day, they'll share secrets with each other and things will make much more sense... but unfortunately, that's not today, which makes sizhui's curiosity burn hotter, despite his doing everything within his power to tamp it down.] I was, [he confirms,] and it makes sense that you would react the same, no matter who touched them. I'd react in a similar manner if someone touched any of the appendages I've had before.

[hey, it's a start! credit where it's due and all, even if they're both somewhat distracted by animals.] Waugh! [escapes sizhui as he's forced to rebalance himself, shifting an arm to slide underneath one of fairy's elbows and help hold them both stable once her weight presses against him, a mirthful huff following shortly afterward. hui, on the other hand, rises up, bumps against jin ling's hand for encouragement then quietly mews, the only way she knows how to convey she wants attention besides bapping him with her feet.

yes, she would like to be picked up, please and thanks!]

lmfao and me 5ever later than ever and ever hahahaha. you good. take your time :D

[to_rise_above]

[ That's how he sees it honestly. Jin Ling had enough time to adjust to the absurdity of having animal appendages and people from different versions of existence. This place only helped his experience a bit more.

Jin Ling doesn't try to argue with Sizhui loves the matter anymore, seeing how earnest his friend is being. On top of that, Fairy adored Sizhui at this point. There's no getting around the fact that Jin Ling appreciates Sizhui's indifference to his appendages (outside of morbid curiosity) and the small differences between the Jin Ling he knows and the one he's met. Sizhui had always treated him the same. That's so very much like him.

Fairy, on Fairy, is having such a good time cuddling and cozying up to Sizhui and just enjoying her time invading his personal space. ]

Then-- there's nothing else you need to say and you already get so we're not talking about this anymore!

[ He's going to be the one who ends this apology train! Sizhui can't stop him. He's going to do what he wants. Jin Ling almost falls back in surprise when he watches Fairy lunge at Sizhui as soon as he lets the spiritual dog go. He also doesn't have time to try to help Sizhui as he sees that Hui is not letting him escape. That--- sly cat!!!!! Somehow, he reluctantly picks her up and holds her to his face, staring curiously. ]

You're just like your owner! Causing trouble all the time!

[ He says aloud, not caring if Sizhui heard it. It's not malicious anyway. ]