voidtreckerexpress | [Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

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[Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

Who: Eva + YOU!
What Nightmares and breaking points.
Where 3C, Kitchen, Game Car, and Quite Car.
When Night Egret 26
Warnings PTSD mentions, mentioned past death, blatant talk of what a realistic pokemon world's like.

Cabin 3C (Closed to Cabinmates- tag as you please thread.)
"NO-!" That is very much a strangled yell as Eva sits bolt upright, eyes wide as her heart pounds in her ears. "Not real-"

Because it's not. She knows what's happened. Nightmare. But that doesn't magically make the fact she's sweety go away, nor stop the ragged breaths, or the glances at cabin mates to check that yes, it was simply a rather bloody dream. They're still alive. Misa. Nerdanel. Feanor. Princess in his pokeball. They're alive. That means Peter. Kaito. Little One. Kaiba. The rest of the train.

The friends she's made and those she thinks of as family. They are alive and not dead or dying or hurt or hostages or or or-

This isn't Lavender Tower. Not Silph Co. This isn't that hysterical, blood and tear-stained night Fluffy came into her possession-

Hands clench blankets -sleeping bag- and knuckles go white. "There's blankets under me. Not rock..."

She curls up and tries to keep the sob from escaping. She really, really does. But she does anyway because under everything? she's scared and terrified and her mum isn't a teleport away.

OPEN: Kitchen or Game Car
a/ Kitchen
Somehow she manages to abscond to the kitchen.

Tea is good. Tea is the best at soothing nightmare shaken nerves, even if it's gone cold, and she's not really drinking it so much as she is staring at it, face blank and hollow. For all of Eva's optimism and generally sunny personality, she has been through hell and back and it shows.

She hates it.

Mostly, Eva's not sure how to handle this because her support network isn't here, and there are parts - many, many, many parts- of her world she's not comfortable with talking about with people who wouldn't understand.

"Four, grant me strength..."

b/ Game's Car
At some point, she leaves the kitchen with a thermos of tea, grabs one of the cloaks she burrowed (stole) from the aborted mission, and retreats into a beanbag. Princess is curled up on her lap, and Eva looks- Lost.

Lost, unsure. Not at all like her normal self. The quiet confidence she carries herself with is shattered for now. But, that doesn't stop her from trying to put a smile on her face should anyone approach her.

"Hey. Couldn't sleep too?"

Quiet carriage (Closed to Garret)
Eventually, though, Eva retreats to one of the quiet cabins, where she curls up in on herself. She has... a lot to think about. She'd been more open this night about the brutality of her world than she'd like.

She's not sure how to deal with it.

Thankfully, there's no more tears, but it doesn't mean she can't get lost in thoughts. Enough so that she jerks when the door opens. "Uh - Oh. Garret-san?"

She tried to offer him a smile, but honestly? she just looks tired. Tired and drained.

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He could sense fragility in her psychic scent. Normally that would make him put aside his own anger to attend to her, but this time it only fueled the quiet cold running through his veins. Yaslana had told him about that sort of a feeling before. But never had he experienced it for himself. Not like this. Had he been home he would have spent some time with his wife, or wont of the other women in the Coven and let their nearness sooth him. Karla's cutting wit, Kaylush's soft voice, Jaenelle's brews... even just their presence. And if they were unavailable, he'd have gone to the keep, turned some logs into fire wood or much to burn off some temper, then get advice from the High Lord, or work out with Yaslana then share an ale and talk.

But there was no one here who held his leash. No females he could take comfort with because none of them understood what he needed, how he needed to be handed. Eva had made that abundantly clear to him.

Ice rimed the ground around him as he walk, a chill came off of him. Only a few on the train had ever seen him like this before. Curufin once. And Romeo once. And now for the first time one of the women on the train would see it, and he genuinely hoped that it would scare the **** out of her so he would never have to feel this way again. He was the sort who always preferred to see the funny side of things, to laugh instead of snarl. He rarely got mad, especially at the women in his life. But not never.

"No. I couldn't. Lady Eva I formally request a private audience to discuss a grievance. Will you grant it?" He asked keeping strictly to Protocol, because she made it clear that was what their relationship was, to her. That any friendship between them had been in his head and there alone. She wanted to give him an order, he would explain to her exactly why he was in no way obligated to take orders from her, nor was he in any way shape or form hers.

That interaction before the mission had the stink of Kermila and others like her on it. And he was glad only that he had discovered that side of her before he had been fool enough to offer more than friendship.

Fragility is one way of putting it and by now, it's frail and tattered and it's all she can do to hold herself together, though the few conversations she's had before this have helped.

She hates nightmares, but she can hold herself together long enough to get back on her feet.

Especially in the face of his anger as shock blooms across her mind and face. Fuck. This was a bigger mess than she'd thought and she didn't know how she was going to repair a friendship. Not when it was her own damn fault for not seeking him out when they'd returned and there's no excuse for that. She knows it. Knows it logically.

He has every right to yell at her and she's willing to accept it. Yet, before she can think to answer his question-

That fragility shatters into a million shards of terror and panic and utter fear as her mind ricochets her back into That Night.

That hysterical blood-stained, blood-soaked tear-stained night as she watches a mewtwo - Fluffy- coat the cavern with blood and gore until the bodies of the Rockets are no longer recognizable. It's blood and bodies and so much screaming as far too much psychic power is flung around and directed at will with terrifying accuracy-

She can't think and she can't run

Can't scream because she doesn't want-

It's not Khardeen she's seeing anymore - she doesn't even see him before her.

Princess, however, does, and he's off her lap with a low, dangerous hiss, fur and wings fluffed up, tail extended. He knows exactly what's happened to his human and he's really, really not happy with Khardeen.

Too bad Eva is cognizant enough to grab her pokemon by the wing, uncaring is she's hurt. Not when Fluffy is there and angry and killing Rockets and Gods why doesn't she have an Escape Rope- "No no no- you'll die if you go out and I can't-"

He pushed his anger back for the moment. It was still there, but in addition to his empathy and his instincts screaming at him to protect there was also the basic logic that she wouldn't hear or understand anything in this state.

He knelt down, about to speak... and then he saw her eyes.

Every curse word he knew ran through his mind at that moment, and being friend with Jaenelle and Karla, that was quite the list. Thoughts of them soothed him slightly, and he clung to that, because this was going to be rough, and he'd need all the strength he could get.

She was in the Twisted Kingdom. Probably near to the border, but still on the wrong side. His training told him what she needed most. Too bad he didn't have access to any of it. No Black Widows. No healers who specialize in the mind. No familiar touchstones of the present. Except him. Fine. If he had to haul her *** back to sanity before they had it out, so be it.

He would have given nearly anything he had for Jaenelle or Lucivar to be here instead of him for just this one instant, though. Or at least with him. They'd know better what to do. But he was all they had at the moment. So he was going to do his best with his training.

He forced his temper back enough to let the air warm. He wrapped a soothing spell around his voice. Perhaps he wasn't as good at it as Sadi, but he had learned. For a moment he wondered if she wasn't in the Twisted Kingdom but reacting to where her actual body was, but a look at her eyes pushed that thought aside. No, this wasn't that. This was a chalice shattering under the mental strain of this place.

He called in a flask of strong booze he'd mixed from the kitchens. This one wasn't for drinking though, given some of the things he mixed in as well. This was the best he could do for smelling salts. He floated the strong smelling flask to rest under her nose, keeping his hands free of her, knowing that any touch could be translated in ways he couldn't guess in the nightmare scape of her mind.

"This is the Void Trekker, we are all trapped here. No one os going out anywhere. The coach is riding the winds. We all made it back safely," he said softly, letting the spell around his voice hopefully reach her, keeping his words slow and measured and quiet. An anchor. Touchstones.

He wasn't Jaenelle. He couldn't repair a shattered chalice, but if hers hadn't fully shattered, maybe he could bring her back. He prayed to the Darkness that he could...

Nita seconds the sentiment of tea being a godsend.

She barely even notices she isn't alone in the kitchen, at first, but as the warming smell of tea hits her, she gives Eva a knowing glance.

"Yeah. It's that kind of day. Or was, I guess."

The downside of time being a makeshift concept in the void.

"... Missing home?"

Certainly Nita missed having her support network when things like this happened.

"Nah, you know me, always insomniac."

Kaito shifts to grin up at her, but the smile falls as he takes in her face.

"Iden'no-san?" He sits up, worriedly. "Wanna talk about it, or just sit?"

"You're alive... That's good."

There's a hollowness there and if she didn't have a lap full of pokemon, she'd have dragged the younger boy into a hug. As it is, she makes a come here motion so he can sit right beside her. "Nightmares- Memories of home mixed in with the friends I have here, really."

Bad ones if she's commenting on how alive he is.

"Nita-chan... You're alive... That's good."

There's a hollowness to the words, even as she shakes her head. "No. Nightmares- Memories of home mixed in with the friends I have here."

Bad ones if she's commenting on how alive she is.

"Yeah. So're you," she replies, smile pulling at her lips briefly.

Peeling one hand off of the warmth of her cup, she offers it to Eva.

"Never a good time, those kinds of nightmares."

Because she's been there.

"If only tea could drown them, y'know?" But that's not a workable method, and she knows it.

"Eva?" Nerdanel is not sleeping - the elves don't, as a rule. They also try to sneak back in after their roommates have gone to bed, so their glow does not disturb them.

(Or if you're Feanor, possibly forget that Rest is a thing at all and don't come back for several nights in a row)

But Nerdanel is in her bunk reading, when Eva sits up with a strangled scream, and she comes over.

"Eva, my dear, what's wrong?"

"Nightmare-" She chokes out between the sobs, eyes still wide. Still scared.

"Bad- from home. Watched you all-" Die in horrific ways. Become hostages. Die. Be held at gunpoint. Die at the hands of a far, far too powerful psychic pokemon that was at the time technically a baby. "be hurt."

But they're alive, now and maybe she can breathe-

Her chest hurts.

She hates this and wants her mum and her shrink.

It's extremely good he didn't touch her. Not because she'd lash out, but because Princess would have. As it is, there's the prickle of coiled power from the fairy as he watches, willingly staying in the grip he could easily break out of.

As it is, Eva knows the voice, even if the words are vague whispers at best. It's not enough, of course, because even if it's just a memory, the terror is real.

The smell is - odd (it's not blood thank the gods - way isn't it blood? Fluffy's-), but between it and the spell, those vague whispers and known-friendly?-voice become a fragile lifeline of an anchor that she needs to keep her head above the memories. (her shrink told her once that any port in a storm is a good one), even as her free hand starts searching around for something very much not there.

Her hand brushes Princess's pokeball, but it's dismissed. She needs the masterball, not a pokeball. She needs to do something before-

But she can't find it. Why can't she find it?!

And like that, panic starts to swamp her again, her grip on Princess holding firm and the lifeline pulls taunt.

But, it holds. Just.

"Build the bridge. There is a road back. The Void Trekker. Riding the Winds. Find the scents under your nose. Follow it. Follow my voice. Find the path," he said, still keeping his voice even and measured, watching her eyes for a sign she has stepped back into sanity.

"Oh I know something that'd drown it alright," she muttered darkly, but it's emphatically not a path she's willing to take. She knows where it leads to and she'd rather not be blackout drunk again.

Still...

"I'm only alive because I threw the masterball when I did. If I didn't-" It's soft and haunted.

Nita turned her hand over, but didn't take it back.

"But you did," Nita said. Whatever they were talking about, she didn't have nearly enough context, but-

"And they're still alive too, right?"

The what-ifs hurt to think about.

Oh, right. Hand. Eva takes it - and promptly tries to pull Nita in a hug. Probably an awkward one, but whatever.

The question though- That gets an ugly, bitter laugh. "When a myūtsū pulls something apart, it doesn't come back to life. They didn't deserve it, even if they were Rockets."

Nita hastily gets up out of her chair - letting the cup of tea sit where it is - so as to give Eva the proper hug she clearly needs.

Unlike last time, she doesn't have to guess what Pokemon is being discussed.

"You were the last one standing, then?"

That sounded absolutely horrific. Almost like something the Lone Power would do-

Or, more accurately, she surmised, It would laugh at.

This time Fëanor is actually in his bunk. Though rest is the last thing on his mind. Not since they had been abruptly whisked back to the train. Not since he has seen the shadows. So he hears the beginning of the conversation.

"But we're not," he says as he joins. "We're fine. So are you. Whatever calamities your mind tried to show you. They are not real."

Eva sinks into the hug; practically clings to it, really. It's been too long since she had her last hug. Kind of pathetic really, but she's not going to hide it.

"Literally." Her voice is blank. It's better than trembles, at least. "I was... still 13, and I-I don't know how I made it out of the cave."

She really, really does not. "It's been my life's work to raise Fluffy."

...Yes, she owns a mewtwo.

"Hnn."

Nita was 13, too, when she took the Oath. Which made this hit a little closer to home than Nita had been expecting.

Though she pulls back for a moment to give Eva a baffled stare.

"You named them Fluffy?"

/You give out many nicknames yourself, Nita,/ the peridexis silently points out. She studiously ignores it.

If there were any other way to get inside other than the door Garrett would have entered that way. Alas, the train didn't have any small spaces to crawl through to use as alternate routes to places. Though perhaps this time that was a good thing. Garrett had tailed Eva here when he had decided to find her. He debated whether it would be rude to barge in but it was the best time to find her alone and he preferred meeting that way, which was hard to get here on the train.

She hadn't looked so good though. Rough around the edges. Tired and despondent. She clearly was in here to hide. Garrett liked his alone time so it was hard to work up the motivation to bother someone else when they clearly wanted theirs. But he decided that perhaps now was a good time. He had gifts after all.

"Eva," he greeted with a nod. He walked in and shut the door behind him. Then he sat across from her in the small space and tilted his head as he looked her over. "How about a magic trick?"

Lamest opening ever. But, true to his offer, the thief produced an item from seemingly nowhere with the simple wave of a hand. Then he offered the item to Eva. In the palm of his outstretched hand lay a shiny bracelet with leaflet designs.

Nerdanel is not Eva's mother, but a mother she is, and she draws her into her arms, shifting to let Feanor settle down on her other side, bracing her between them.

"Many dreams have been evil of late." She agrees. "But see, we are here, and we are well."

She hums softly, soothingly, trying to help her settle.

"I know that!" It's snapped as frayed emotions get the better of her. While yes, she regrets it, at the same time she really, really does not, even as she all but clings to Nerdanel, all too willing to wrap herself in what will be the first of a number of hugs tonight.

"I know that... But-" A sharp intake of breath in an attempt to calm her mind. It... doesn't exactly work. Because it never did, not with these nightmares and even a motherly hug doesn't offer much help. "I saw you- everyone- friends, family- die in horrific ways at the hands of pokemon."

Well, one pokemon in particular -her mewtwo- but that is so not a bridge she wants to cross unless she must.

"Yes...?" Eva blinks back, more baffled than anything. "She is sort of fluffy when she poofs up."

Well, fuzzy, but details. "She's... not as murderous... now, though?"

He obeys, flopping down bonelessly next to her and offering scritches to Pokemon. Close enough to reassure her of his solidity, but not crowding

"Yep." He agrees. "Alive, unhurt. Still insomniac, though!"

Once he's settled, he's pulled into a one-armed hug.

"I don't think they've a cure for that." There's a vague half-smile as her grip tightens. She knows, logically, she should not be using a teenage boy as some sort of grounding anchor. But at the same time, he's a friend, someone she's come to think of as family and-

She is shaken. "I'd take it over the nightmare, though."

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[Semi-open] But you'll never see the price it costs- the scars collected all their lives

Game car - if this is okay?

PSTD within.

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Kitchen!

Game Car

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Cabin 3C

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