voidtreckerexpress | (no subject)

Who: The Parkers (May and Peter)
When: Day 4
Where: Cabin 3B
What: PAIN
WARNINGS Pain. past death, traumatic events, poor coping mechanisms, GUILT, Parker Life, murder of family members,

The words were out of Peter's mouth before he could stop them-he hadn't blurted the part he's been keeping to himself out and he managed not to say anything that would get him a lecture from Tony but he did blurt out that he wanted to talk not on the intercom. Suddenly, he was feeling nervous all over again. He was about to have a very awkward conversation with his Aunt about how he felt about her and Tony's constant flirting. And maybe some very, very upsetting stuff.

Maybe he should talk to her about that first. But how was he supposed to do that? He knows that Tony said she'd forgive him-even if she needed time. But then what? It'll break his heart to break hers and he honestly doesn't know if he's brave enough for that. He'd much rather talk about her dating again, actually.

He swipes his ticket in the door of the cabin and moves over to sit on his bed to collect his thoughts. There are so many things he's realising he's put off for so long it probably counts as unhealthy avoidance but that's also just kind of how he goes through life.

"...Um... Can we talk?" He asks, fingers fidgeting slightly as he doesn't look directly at May.

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By the time he's gotten back to the cabin he's thought about hundred different things he should tell his aunt but ultimately he settles on the one thing he's been keeping from her and mostly to himself. He taps his fingers together and looks at where she's offering him a seat. He wants to sit down hold onto her but she might not want to talk to him at all after this.

"So.." He feels his voice working before he was even ready. "I uh... really need to tell you something." Which is information he'd already established but this it not an easy thing for him to say and he can his mind trying to disconnect from the words.

"Um..." His tapping turns to picking and twisting, pinching lightly at his fingertips as a way to keep himself grounded. "You uh... remember the night Uncle Ben um... w-we had a really bad fight-I don't- I don't know if he told you." No that's a bad place to start.

"S-so um... when I first-uh... when I first found out I had powers I uh... I tried to make money by doing this underground wrestling thing-I wouldn't have normally but I knew you and Uncle Ben had so many medical bills that were all my fault so I thought I could help but then I got fired for being uh.. being fourteen and the guy wouldn't actually pay me so I was really mad-and just mad at everything and looking back on it I kinda just wonder if that was a side-effect-being mad all the time but that's uh..." He sucks in a breath before he tries to continue.

"While I was walking home I heard someone yell at me to 'stop him' and I turned and saw this other guy running at me and I just got out of his way. I mean, I didn't even think about it. So then this store manager starts yelling at him that I could have stopped him and he was right but I just told him it wasn't my job." He has to stop for a second. As hard as he's tried to keep himself as emotionally detached from his words that's not a technique that works for Pete Parker.

"It was the same guy." He confesses, voice oddly hollow sounding for two seconds before the emotion floods in again and he covers his mouth to try and keep from sobbing. "The same guy that shot uncle Ben."

Peter was definitely nervous about whatever he needed to talk about. She wanted him to talk without an interruption, to get whatever it was off his chest. At first she felt fear and anger that he would have done something like that, to put himself in dangers way. Even though it was in the past she was tempted to ground him for doing something so reckless, so stupid even if it was for money and he was less at risk than other people due to his powers. They were still so new though, he didn't know what they were capable of. She suspected that even now there were things she wasn't aware of.

She bit her tongue until he was finished and she was glad that she did when he continued.

Her heart broke. Taking a deep breathe she immediately understood what Peter thought he was telling her and why he had bottled it up for so long. Reaching out, she made her nephew look her in the eyes. "You were fourteen, whether you were in your costume or not you were a fourteen year old boy who barely looked older then eleven or twelve in size. It wasn't and never is your job to stop grown men. He could very well have shot you instead of just walking past. Then he would have killed Ben and I would have lost both of you on the same day. Yes, I lost my husband but I still have you and that is more important."

It feels like there's a balloon expanding in his chest-pressing against his heart and lungs and swelling against his ribs. He can feel tears burning his eyes and finally overflowing down his cheeks. He lets out a small hiccup-like sob when he feels his aunt's hands on his shoulders and can't help but look at her.

He listens to her, and sniffles as her words set in. He'd never really thought about it that way-he's not sure if it makes him feel any less guilty though. "But I could've stopped him. All I had to do was trip him but I couldn't even be bothered to do that." He sniffles again and wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"And I'm so, so sorry Aunt May. I didn't know-" He sucks in a breath as a fresh wave of tears cascade down. "-If I'd just done something he's still be alive."

...

"But he's not. And it's all my fault."

Edited 2020-05-24 05:10 (UTC)