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Who: Peter and Tony
Where: Medical Car.
When: Apple Day 22
What: Peter owes Tony an explanation and also an apology
Warnings: Language, Endgame spoilers, mentions of past abuse and trauma

Gwen's return has done wonders for Peter's mood. For the past two days he hasn't really done much of anything except lounge around in the spider hammocks and nap and try not to think about anything that might start to upset him. But Gwen came back. And seeing her adorably awesome face made him feel like maybe, just maybe things would be okay.

He's still not too sure what to think about what he was told the future was, of Tony's reassurances that it was wrong. He really, really hopes Tony wasn't lying but he also doesn't trust his past experiences with getting close to adults. He was three for five now and Mr Stark would make Four.

But he feels bad about how it all played out-he couldn't fully explain what was wrong. Part of him wanted to just blow it off though-Tony has enough to deal with, he doesn't need to be concerned about Peter's mental health. And besides, he'll bounce back. He always does.

"Hey... uh... Mr Stark? Are you here?" He pokes his head in the door, a little nervous considering their last conversation. "Um.. I'm sorry about how I've been acting? But I'm feeling better today. C-can we talk?"

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It isn't too hard to find Tony as he's pretty much holed himself up in his makeshift study and the medical carriage. He hadn't been to the meals times since their talk. Even though he was in the medical car today, he was mostly just sitting and writing in his notebook.

He needed to find some kind of barrel made of glass. Was there any suitcases made of glass? That would be highly strange, but it was possible. What about something from the kitchen? Did any of those ..

He looks up when Peter pokes his head in. Tony frowns, giving the kid a somewhat suspicious look. He was wearing his polo shirt, so there were some visible bruises on his skin, but at least the one on his face was fading. He hesitates, but slowly nods. "Yeah, come in." He folds his arms over his chest and gives Peter his attention. He was trying not to show any relief that Peter was feeling better.

Peter moves in slowly, a little awkwardly. He's not sure where to start really. With an apology? With small talk? No, not small talk-that's stupid and he's already pissed off Tony enough for one week.

"I uh... I'm really sorry-I just. I haven't really been myself that passed few days? I mean you probably noticed that-but that uh.. that was bad. I haven't done that-at least not that bad in-in years. That was actually why May and Ben decided to send me to therapy after..." Well he knows that story.

"Anyways-I just-I could deal with... everything. I just-just needed to not think about anything, you know?"

Tony's eyebrow slowly rises as Peter stutters and fumbles through his apology- if you could call it that. His jaw tightens and by the end of it, he's rubbing one of his temples.

"Peter." It was sharp and no-nonsense. "What the hell was that? If you can't find a way to deal with the hard things that happen in your life how are you going to be any use to the world as an Avenger? I gave you that title because I though you could handle it. Was I wrong to do that? Can you really not tell who to trust around here?"

Yeah, Peter didn't really think he was doing a great job at apologizing either. He lets out a sigh and swallows. Apparently Mr Stark didn't realize what was happening.

"It's uh... so... after um... after... Skip, I started doing this thing where I could like... disconnect from my feelings but to do it I had to disconnect from my thoughts as well so that I could just be numb and not think about anything which was really preferable to... well anyways. I started doing it a lot-like almost all the time-it's called dissociating. That was why my therapist taught me-or more like Aunt May and Uncle Ben to do the 54321 sensory trick."

He looks away, off to the side at one of his failed web fluid tries and swallows again. He messed up-he'd messed up big time.

"Um... I'm really sorry I just.. after losing my parents and-and Ben and then Gwen-for a little bit- I just... I couldn't-I mean the night before I made that awkward slip up and then I learned that? I just-I didn't want to think about anything because if I did I'd start to think about the fact I'd be uh... four out of five important people like that. Five out of six if you count Gwen."

He takes a breath and bites his lip.

"And I just... I'm so tired of losing all the people I get really close to."

Tony sighs after listening fully to what Peter had to say. He gestures to the other chair in the room rubs this bridge between his eyes. Why was he responsible for all these emotions when he was the last person in the world who knew how to handle emotions?

"I see. So that probably should've been something to tell me in your questionnaire that you thought was so pointless." A hard look, before it softens a little, especially at the mention of the 'awkward slip up'. "Petey, what we do, what the Avengers are, it's a dangerous life. Even if it wasn't, I'm far older than you. At some point, I could have a heart attack, my liver could give out, I could get hit by a bus- I'll be really pissed if I go out for getting hit by a bus- but a lot of things can happen. You need to find a way to deal with this stuff now before getting any further involved with the Avengers. We have to be able to rely on you because you might be the only one to have our backs. I don't want something that might destroy me destroy both of us. That's not fair to my memory or yours that you're just now making. I'm not saying that to be mean or cold, it's just reality. I have to live with having lost parents just like you have, so I do get it. It's.. it's not easy. But this needs to be a priority of yours to get this resolved before anything else happens."

He takes a breath and runs his hands over his face, unintentionally showing off how banged up his knuckles were. "If there are so many universes out there then there is one where Thanos wins, the end. There's one where he starts to win and we stop him. There's one where he doesn't get a chance to harm anyone before we win. I don't know which reality you're from. You don't know if I am truly 'your' Tony. All I know is that I'm alive and I am in the process of saving everyone back home. I don't know how that's going to end. But I'd hate for you to lose faith in me because there might be something dark on my horizon."

"I know.. I know that-and I don't wanna think about that-but I know that. Bad stuff happens-it happens a lot. And I'm Spider-Man so that I can keep the bad things from happening to others but-it's not on purpose-it just sorta happens. And I can't really remember anything when I'm doing it-I mean I can a little but the more I have to think about things the less it works. But it's like uh-it's kind of like a major anxiety attack just different because when that happens you just feel panic but dissociation disorder it's... like you don't feel anything. At all. You're just numb. Like you're not really you."

He pauses, still trying to think of a better way to describe it than that. "It's uh... have you uh-I mean you've been a lot of dangerous situations-have you ever had a feeling like everything you do is just surreal? Like uh... you don't feel fully in control of yourself?"

"Are you still wanting to avoid thinking about important things?" He asks. However, the more Peter explains, the more Tony gets it. The man might be known for not listening to people, but Peter was clearly an exception. "I see, so it's like what we used to call a mental break down? It's something so mentally straining you disconnect from reality?" He knew that wasn't exactly the same, but he was trying to learn by associating it with something he did know.

"You mean, besides how I was when I first got here, the constant nightmares and multiple anxiety attacks, and if I get drunk? No, never."

He thinks for a moment. "Does this mean you do or don't remember me telling you I have a daughter?"

Peter opens his mouth to respond, to try and explain some more-it was kind of like a mental breakdown-he supposed. It was close enough except that it more of a tactic to keep from having a mental breakdown-to avoid pain. It was fairly normal symptom of trauma, apparently but before he can, Tony mentions his daughter.

Did Peter remember that? He tries to think back to two days ago but all he can really remember is being upset and then upsetting Tony. And glass. Lots of glass.

"Wait. You have a daughter?" That should answer that question. And then he smiles. "Oh my god, that's awesome! Congratulations Mr Stark! What's her name? Does she look like you? I bet she's really smart."

Close enough. He now knew what to do if Peter started acting like that again.

His expression changes from the harder 'tough love' one to something very warm. This was the reaction he'd been wanting, clearly. "Morgan. She's.. she looks a lot like her mother but- would you like me to show you?" He gets his helmet out and sets it up till there's a slightly blue holographic image of the girl standing by the table that takes up most of the quiet room's space. At first she has a mini- Iron Man helmet and glove on, coming out from underneath a fort made out of blankets somewhere and then she pulls it off and smiles at the camera. Tony's voice tells her to wave and she does before giggling and going right back into her fort.

"Aw! She's so cute!" Peter can't help but smile, those little bitty gauntlets reminding him of the ones he used to wear everywhere. And Tony's right-she does look a lot like Ms Potts-or is it Mrs Stark now? He blinks for a second trying to figure it out.

"You know, I used to have gloves like that? Well, not just like that- 'cause I'm sure you made hers and mine were a Christmas present from Ben and came from like a toy store-but they looked like that-sorta. I also had a helmet-I might still have it somewhere in like.. my closet or something-actually uh. I met you at that Stark Expo-it was only for a minute but it was like the best night of my life-I mean aside from almost getting creamed by those stupid Hammer-drones."

Wow. He's rambling again. Why does he do this to himself and to others?

"I bet she's a lot of fun though-I can't wait to meet her!"

Tony was enjoying this chance to share with Peter the most important piece of his life that he hadn't told him before. It was healing all the hurt and anger from earlier to know Peter had simply been having an episode instead of cared so little about his news.

Why had he even kept this from the kid? Did he really buy that Back to the Future crap? It was hard to say now. He was going to bring that up but then Peter was telling him something he'd never heard before.

His face almost pales. "You were at the expo when the Hammer-drones attacked?! You never told me that."

Peter just gives him a weird look because what the heck was with that reaction? It obviously turned out well enough.

"Um.. yeah. I just didn't think it was really worth mentioning? Or that you'd remember the kid in the Iron Man helmet that almost got blasted-which thanks for not letting me get blasted by the way."

He tries to think back through that whole sequence of events. He didn't care if Peter thought it was dumb, but he couldn't forget that day either. There'd been so many injuries, but they'd prevented deaths which he had to count as a win.

"I stood behind him and shot for him. That was you?"

"Oh! You do remember!" Peter says, sounding a little surprised. With everything else that was going on that night he really hadn't expected him to. "Yeah, that was me."

He's not sorry for that though-not really. He was only eight at that time and still really quiet and weak with asthma so what really was he supposed to do? Not to mention he was a kid and didn't make the best choices. Not that he does now.

Okay, maybe he's a little sorry.

"I have an eidetic memory, of course I remember. Besides, you were cute. A little stupid, but you were little so that was to be expected at that age."

He couldn't believe that had been Peter. Now that he knew, of course it was Peter. Who else would be caught standing in front of a Hammer-drone about to be blasted to smithereens?

"So.. I was helping you since you were, what, eight? And you still didn't know who to believe Buttercup or me?"

"Uh... well.. yeah, because well.. disassociation mostly. Like I said-it's like a disconnect-like I'm physically there but mentally... not so much. It's like I'm me but I'm not.. me." He pauses a moment. "Okay, that doesn't make any sense." He admits.

"But even then, I didn't think you'd tell me if that is what happens-cause I knew there was something you weren't telling me-and I've known you were from the future for awhile because-well no offense but you look a little older." He spits out in one full breath. "S-so I was... I felt a little conflicted. When I was feeling. Not mention my track record with parents is like uh... three out of five right now and that's-"

Did he just?

What is it with him and not being able to control his mouth lately?

Not that he can ever really control it but it's really bad lately.

Welp. That happened.

The term 'internal screaming' comes immediately to mind.

Okay so which part of that should he address first? This kid was all over the place. First he didn't care, now he does. Then he trusts him and then he doesn't. He says he loves Tony and now this? Should he actually say anything about that or just let it slide? He's not sure. Give him a minute.

Or three.

Or six.

"Is this like one of those times people fart and you're not supposed to notice it but you both smell it anyway?"

Peter just sits there, just as quiet and it wondering if maybe Tony just didn't hear him. And then he makes that analogy. He frowns and gives him a weird look.

"Seriously, Mr Stark? That's the analogy you go with?"

The humor card and definitely been a miss.

This was putting him in such an awkward position. But he tried to put himself back in the mindset of when he lost Peter. He'd regretted not showing more affection.

"Pete, here's the thing. My father was pretty crappy. I understand him more now that I have a kid, but there wasn't a lot of affection in my house. He was the happiest I'd ever seen him the day I was shipped off to boarding school. But I never wanted to be like that with Morgan. She deserved much better than that." He took a deep breath and pushed forward, bracing himself for this going wrong. It'd be wrong because it was him and Peter and they never seemed to get this right. He'd already been more affectionate since coming here but he was going to take a wild guess that these slip ups were tiny little pleas for the rest of it.

"What do you want me to say, kid? That I love you? That I consider you my kid? We both know I do. And the reason I was hiding things from you is because I've been healing and recovering from that whole mess. I don't know how much I can tell you without messing up your future or making you afraid of something that might never happen. That seemed cruel to me. And I haven't told you about it. Not really. There's a lot that happens and a lot revolves around you. Plus.. you never really asked me. So, no. I didn't tell you but it wasn't simply to be a jerk about it. And I wanted some time to just enjoy seeing you and being with you again."

Peter's not sure what he wanted. Words were just happening and the next thing he knew he'd basically called Mr Stark his dad. Which he's not. Peter knows he's not but he has been filling a void since he talked to him that day at the apartment. It was the real reason Peter was so desperate to impress Mr Stark all the time.

"Y-yeah. I mean-that's kinda what I thought-that there was a reason you were't saying anything-that's why I didn't ask and then Buttercup-well she got all upset when I called her that so I asked what you did-if you'd gotten mad at her or something-I was just trying to help, right? 'Cause I'm pretty sure she's an orphan-and I've been kinda looking after her 'cause I know how hard that can be but then like, when were talking once she said something and then thought she was gonna be in really big trouble-and I know this is like really off topic but I'm pretty sure she was abused-I mean she's got a lot of the signs so I was really concerned. And I meant to tell you-I did but then it never really seemed like a good time to say anything."

He takes a breath. "But then she said all that stuff and it's like I just shut down."

Well.. that hadn't been quite the reaction he'd hoped for. It was as close to coming right out and saying it as he could get and the words didn't seem to mean too much to the boy. He felt deflated a bit, but he also could see where Peter's line of thought had taken him.

"You didn't have to tell me. I was already suspecting that myself. But what she did to you was wrong. She shouldn't have told you like that and you shouldn't have believed her as much as you did. It's not okay for hurt people to hurt you. That's not an excuse. Yes, you should forgive her for it because of her background, but you're not doing yourself any good not acknowledging the fact you were hurt and angry by what she did. I suspect that's part of why you shut down. You'd rather not feel than to be angry at people."

Peter's quiet a moment as he considers what Tony is telling him. He might be right, Anger isn't really an emotion that Peter really doesn't care to feel much. For a multitude of reasons, he really does try to avoid anger as much as possible.

"No, it doesn't make it okay-but she's just lashing out. I mean.. I hate to think of it like this-but she's kinda like a wild animal-you have to be careful and not do anything too sudden." Which he kinda did when he lunged at her and she knifed him. But that's healed up and there's no need to mention that bit.

"Sorry, I'm just really concerned. And you said you wanted to look after her too."

He was still angry at Buttercup even if Peter wasn't. That didn't mean he didn't suspect she'd been hurt or didn't need their understanding. "She just needs to be taught something different." He gives Peter an odd look when he apologizes. "Do you think I don't still care about her, kid? I do. And if you can help her, I'm supportive of that too. But.. maybe that shouldn't be what you're focused on. You might need to do some self-help for a while and get better."

While he probably should've been running this by Sarai first, he was going to go ahead and suggest it to Peter. Sarai would help if she could, he knew that was true. "I want you to try talking to someone and start dealing with these emotions. The fact you disconnected like you did because of this thing with Buttercup isn't good. What are you going to do when another crisis happens and the world is counting on you? You're my legacy, more so than all the other things I've done. I need you well."

"It's not that easy, Mr Stark." Peter says a little sadly. He can understand why Tony's mad at Buttercup but he still doesn't think he really should be. "Most kids that have been taught not to trust are always worrying about angles-what do you really want for them. How much longer before this new person strikes too?" He explains, more directing his words to the ground.

"Even I'm still... I mean it only happened once for me but there's still-Uh.. well, you know." He pushes that subject right off to the side and then frowns at Tony. If he didn't know any better he'd say Tony was suggesting-

"You mean like therapy?"

"I don't want to talk about her anymore. We're talking about you," Tony told Peter in his firmest tone. He knew what the kid was trying to tell him and he already got it. He understood that situation, but he wasn't letting Peter deflect this.

"Yes, like therapy. You need to get over what happened to you and you can't- can not- disassociate or whatever you were doing when life gets hard and be Spider-Man. You need to take ownership of this and deal with it like an adult who has an illness that needs treatment. You're not a little kid who resents your parents for making you go to therapy and so you won't do it correctly. This is your burden and it will destroy your chances of standing up for all those little people you once talked about."

As much as Peter wants to argue, he doesn't and just nods while biting gently at his lip. No more talking about Buttercup. Although, Peter makes a mental note to go and find her later-maybe not when she's 'empty.' as she had called it the other day.

He rubs at his chin a little and then his forehead because he doesn't want to deal with the major issue. The one that keeps him up at night. He also doesn't want to deal with the others either-it's easier to just ignore most of it.

"I didn't-I liked my therapist-uh.. back when I was ten. And I think she liked me okay but Ben's insurance wouldn't cover anymore sessions." He sighs heavily a moment. "But I hadn't done... I hadn't dissociated that badly in years. I thought that I was getting better, you know? Like I could talk to people? I want to talk to people-just in general, I mean."

"Okay, well maybe that one was just me," he concedes. "But I doubt not having insurance will keep Sarai from helping you now, kid."

He sighs and his tone gets a little softer. "I know you're doing your best here and you probably have made progress. But you're suffering, Pete. You sleep about as much as I do and you react whenever anything comes closer to your triggers. You shouldn't have to live like that. You especially shouldn't have to when everyone on this train wants nothing but the best for you." Excluding the brat. "Have Gwen go with you or me. We can help you through this."

"No, but it was a big factor back home." Peter states before leaning back in the chair he'd sat down in earlier.

"I haven't told Gwen." He admits, his hands folded together in his lap. "I probably should-and I mean I've told her a lot but not-uh not about that. I don't... It's been so long and I"m still not sure how to talk about it."

"What? No! I mean talk to her about therapy and getting your mental health better. You just met her, I wouldn't expect you to be ready to talk about that." He shakes his head, finding Peter cute and infuriating all at once. The kid deserved so much more than he'd gotten. If there was a way he could make things better for him, Tony would do it in a heartbeat. This, unfortunately, wasn't going to be something he could do without reaching out for some help.

He was relieved Peter hadn't pointed out he was being a hypocrite. "So when can I ask Sarai to steal you away for a bit?" He was being pushy and he knew it. He didn't want this to be something Peter just chose to ignore after claiming he'd think about it. Despite what happened to Gwen, they were in about the safest place they'd been in a long time.

Peter listens to Tony, though he doesn't look up at him and keeps his hands in his lap as his fingers fidget nervously. Honestly, he like the idea of actually being to sleep at night, and to not freak out when certain subjects came up but he really doesn't want to talk about it. With anyone. The closest he'd gotten to talking about it was that night about two weeks ago.

"I know, I just... I don't know that I want Gwen to go with me, at first. I mean, we just started dating and it's really a lot to process. All the shit that's happened, I mean." He lets out a sigh.

"Um.. I don't know. Whenever she's free, I guess."

Tony watches Peter for a moment, wishing he could take all of this away from him. The older man had his own demons to contend with, but he'd take on Peter's even if it broke his shoulders from the crushing weight.

"I agree. I think you shouldn't take her with you. It might help to simply have her know it's happening and encourage you to do it." Everyone needed a good woman or partner to support them. Peter would learn eventually how valuable that was- but he seemed to be already starting down that lesson path.

"One last question.. do you actually want to know about what happens in your future? Like I said, it's not a gaurantee it will even be in your universe's future and I'm not certain how it'll effect you to know this sort of thing. But.. I don't want you thinking I'm keeping stuff from you either and have you feeling insecure about my loyalty again."

Peter lets out a breath and rubs at his face, sounding just exhausted as he thinks about it. He's still not one hundred percent sure he wants to do therapy again but he does want to actually be able to sleep-as is the best motivation he can give himself for it.

"I don't really want-I mean, I know I'll have to talk about it eventually and I just. The idea literally makes me want to web someone to the wall and hide out in a cocoon of blankets." He states, knowing that that probably isn't the healthiest reaction to such things.

"I don't think I should know the future." He admits. "If I do, then I might want to change it and then make things worse-or me knowing what's supposed to happen might change what does happen just by me knowing it-I mean if you think about it-time would be like a really sensitive thing and I don't wanna get the doctor out here all pissed at me just because I accidentally like changed a fixed point in time. And I mean, since it's me that's probably exactly what would happen so it's probably better if I don't break time and space."

Tony was quiet a moment before reaching over and patting the kid lightly on the shoulder. "I know. I get it. I've been through stuff that makes me want to do that too. But it's not going to get any better without doing some work. It's.. it's like when I had to have heart surgery and get the shards out. Remember when I had that? I didn't want to face that either. It meant having to be in recovery for months afterward and I knew it'd put an extra burden on Pepper.. but it was the right thing to do. It made my life better and this will too. Just remember you're made of tougher stuff than those desires to hide are. You can do this."

The other part had him nodding in agreement. He didn't want to tell Peter that in this situation, there wasn't anything Peter could do to change it. If he was in Tony's timeline he only had a couple hours left before he'd be gone for five years. There wasn't a way to change that even with Peter's terrible luck. However, he appreciated the kid taking time to consider things from his perspective. Tony wasn't holding this from him to be a jerk, it was a very solid reason and had nothing to do with his loyalty to Peter.

"Okay. Then I won't tell you and we'll just be satisfied with the fact that we're here now and everything works out. And you'll keep in mind that if anyone says anything to you again about the future that I haven't told you- talk to me. They probably don't have the facts quite right."

Peter just takes another breath, leaning back in his chair again. He's not still not sure he really wants to do this. It helps a little to hear that Tony knows how he feels-that it wasn't just him that tried to ignore bad things. He swallows and leans forward again, fingers pressed against his chin as his legs start to bounce with his anxiety.

"Can-can you tell her? Mrs Sarai, I mean. About what happened. Because that way she'll know but I won't have to tell her so when I get that far, she'll already know and it might make it easier, you know? For her to know just how bad it is?"

He doesn't have much to say about knowing the future. He intends to mostly ignore any future mentions of.. well, his future. Maybe they're not right, after all. And maybe he's freaked out so bad for nothing.

"Of course. I'll do anything you need me to, kid," Tony says. It was said for the current situation, but it was no hiding that it was for any other time as well. "And don't worry. She'll keep this information safe even if you two never speak of it."

He glances at the ICP. "It's almost time for dinner. You should go make up for all the work you missed for breakfast."

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1/3

2/4 I lied

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I didn't forget to have him sit down. I have not idea what you mean

I saw nothing

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