voidtreckerexpress | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: Peter and Tony
Where: Medical Car.
When: Apple Day 22
What: Peter owes Tony an explanation and also an apology
Warnings: Language, Endgame spoilers, mentions of past abuse and trauma

Gwen's return has done wonders for Peter's mood. For the past two days he hasn't really done much of anything except lounge around in the spider hammocks and nap and try not to think about anything that might start to upset him. But Gwen came back. And seeing her adorably awesome face made him feel like maybe, just maybe things would be okay.

He's still not too sure what to think about what he was told the future was, of Tony's reassurances that it was wrong. He really, really hopes Tony wasn't lying but he also doesn't trust his past experiences with getting close to adults. He was three for five now and Mr Stark would make Four.

But he feels bad about how it all played out-he couldn't fully explain what was wrong. Part of him wanted to just blow it off though-Tony has enough to deal with, he doesn't need to be concerned about Peter's mental health. And besides, he'll bounce back. He always does.

"Hey... uh... Mr Stark? Are you here?" He pokes his head in the door, a little nervous considering their last conversation. "Um.. I'm sorry about how I've been acting? But I'm feeling better today. C-can we talk?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh! You do remember!" Peter says, sounding a little surprised. With everything else that was going on that night he really hadn't expected him to. "Yeah, that was me."

He's not sorry for that though-not really. He was only eight at that time and still really quiet and weak with asthma so what really was he supposed to do? Not to mention he was a kid and didn't make the best choices. Not that he does now.

Okay, maybe he's a little sorry.

"I have an eidetic memory, of course I remember. Besides, you were cute. A little stupid, but you were little so that was to be expected at that age."

He couldn't believe that had been Peter. Now that he knew, of course it was Peter. Who else would be caught standing in front of a Hammer-drone about to be blasted to smithereens?

"So.. I was helping you since you were, what, eight? And you still didn't know who to believe Buttercup or me?"

"Uh... well.. yeah, because well.. disassociation mostly. Like I said-it's like a disconnect-like I'm physically there but mentally... not so much. It's like I'm me but I'm not.. me." He pauses a moment. "Okay, that doesn't make any sense." He admits.

"But even then, I didn't think you'd tell me if that is what happens-cause I knew there was something you weren't telling me-and I've known you were from the future for awhile because-well no offense but you look a little older." He spits out in one full breath. "S-so I was... I felt a little conflicted. When I was feeling. Not mention my track record with parents is like uh... three out of five right now and that's-"

Did he just?

What is it with him and not being able to control his mouth lately?

Not that he can ever really control it but it's really bad lately.

Welp. That happened.

The term 'internal screaming' comes immediately to mind.

Okay so which part of that should he address first? This kid was all over the place. First he didn't care, now he does. Then he trusts him and then he doesn't. He says he loves Tony and now this? Should he actually say anything about that or just let it slide? He's not sure. Give him a minute.

Or three.

Or six.

"Is this like one of those times people fart and you're not supposed to notice it but you both smell it anyway?"

Peter just sits there, just as quiet and it wondering if maybe Tony just didn't hear him. And then he makes that analogy. He frowns and gives him a weird look.

"Seriously, Mr Stark? That's the analogy you go with?"

The humor card and definitely been a miss.

This was putting him in such an awkward position. But he tried to put himself back in the mindset of when he lost Peter. He'd regretted not showing more affection.

"Pete, here's the thing. My father was pretty crappy. I understand him more now that I have a kid, but there wasn't a lot of affection in my house. He was the happiest I'd ever seen him the day I was shipped off to boarding school. But I never wanted to be like that with Morgan. She deserved much better than that." He took a deep breath and pushed forward, bracing himself for this going wrong. It'd be wrong because it was him and Peter and they never seemed to get this right. He'd already been more affectionate since coming here but he was going to take a wild guess that these slip ups were tiny little pleas for the rest of it.

"What do you want me to say, kid? That I love you? That I consider you my kid? We both know I do. And the reason I was hiding things from you is because I've been healing and recovering from that whole mess. I don't know how much I can tell you without messing up your future or making you afraid of something that might never happen. That seemed cruel to me. And I haven't told you about it. Not really. There's a lot that happens and a lot revolves around you. Plus.. you never really asked me. So, no. I didn't tell you but it wasn't simply to be a jerk about it. And I wanted some time to just enjoy seeing you and being with you again."

Peter's not sure what he wanted. Words were just happening and the next thing he knew he'd basically called Mr Stark his dad. Which he's not. Peter knows he's not but he has been filling a void since he talked to him that day at the apartment. It was the real reason Peter was so desperate to impress Mr Stark all the time.

"Y-yeah. I mean-that's kinda what I thought-that there was a reason you were't saying anything-that's why I didn't ask and then Buttercup-well she got all upset when I called her that so I asked what you did-if you'd gotten mad at her or something-I was just trying to help, right? 'Cause I'm pretty sure she's an orphan-and I've been kinda looking after her 'cause I know how hard that can be but then like, when were talking once she said something and then thought she was gonna be in really big trouble-and I know this is like really off topic but I'm pretty sure she was abused-I mean she's got a lot of the signs so I was really concerned. And I meant to tell you-I did but then it never really seemed like a good time to say anything."

He takes a breath. "But then she said all that stuff and it's like I just shut down."

Well.. that hadn't been quite the reaction he'd hoped for. It was as close to coming right out and saying it as he could get and the words didn't seem to mean too much to the boy. He felt deflated a bit, but he also could see where Peter's line of thought had taken him.

"You didn't have to tell me. I was already suspecting that myself. But what she did to you was wrong. She shouldn't have told you like that and you shouldn't have believed her as much as you did. It's not okay for hurt people to hurt you. That's not an excuse. Yes, you should forgive her for it because of her background, but you're not doing yourself any good not acknowledging the fact you were hurt and angry by what she did. I suspect that's part of why you shut down. You'd rather not feel than to be angry at people."

Peter's quiet a moment as he considers what Tony is telling him. He might be right, Anger isn't really an emotion that Peter really doesn't care to feel much. For a multitude of reasons, he really does try to avoid anger as much as possible.

"No, it doesn't make it okay-but she's just lashing out. I mean.. I hate to think of it like this-but she's kinda like a wild animal-you have to be careful and not do anything too sudden." Which he kinda did when he lunged at her and she knifed him. But that's healed up and there's no need to mention that bit.

"Sorry, I'm just really concerned. And you said you wanted to look after her too."

He was still angry at Buttercup even if Peter wasn't. That didn't mean he didn't suspect she'd been hurt or didn't need their understanding. "She just needs to be taught something different." He gives Peter an odd look when he apologizes. "Do you think I don't still care about her, kid? I do. And if you can help her, I'm supportive of that too. But.. maybe that shouldn't be what you're focused on. You might need to do some self-help for a while and get better."

While he probably should've been running this by Sarai first, he was going to go ahead and suggest it to Peter. Sarai would help if she could, he knew that was true. "I want you to try talking to someone and start dealing with these emotions. The fact you disconnected like you did because of this thing with Buttercup isn't good. What are you going to do when another crisis happens and the world is counting on you? You're my legacy, more so than all the other things I've done. I need you well."

"It's not that easy, Mr Stark." Peter says a little sadly. He can understand why Tony's mad at Buttercup but he still doesn't think he really should be. "Most kids that have been taught not to trust are always worrying about angles-what do you really want for them. How much longer before this new person strikes too?" He explains, more directing his words to the ground.

"Even I'm still... I mean it only happened once for me but there's still-Uh.. well, you know." He pushes that subject right off to the side and then frowns at Tony. If he didn't know any better he'd say Tony was suggesting-

"You mean like therapy?"

"I don't want to talk about her anymore. We're talking about you," Tony told Peter in his firmest tone. He knew what the kid was trying to tell him and he already got it. He understood that situation, but he wasn't letting Peter deflect this.

"Yes, like therapy. You need to get over what happened to you and you can't- can not- disassociate or whatever you were doing when life gets hard and be Spider-Man. You need to take ownership of this and deal with it like an adult who has an illness that needs treatment. You're not a little kid who resents your parents for making you go to therapy and so you won't do it correctly. This is your burden and it will destroy your chances of standing up for all those little people you once talked about."

As much as Peter wants to argue, he doesn't and just nods while biting gently at his lip. No more talking about Buttercup. Although, Peter makes a mental note to go and find her later-maybe not when she's 'empty.' as she had called it the other day.

He rubs at his chin a little and then his forehead because he doesn't want to deal with the major issue. The one that keeps him up at night. He also doesn't want to deal with the others either-it's easier to just ignore most of it.

"I didn't-I liked my therapist-uh.. back when I was ten. And I think she liked me okay but Ben's insurance wouldn't cover anymore sessions." He sighs heavily a moment. "But I hadn't done... I hadn't dissociated that badly in years. I thought that I was getting better, you know? Like I could talk to people? I want to talk to people-just in general, I mean."

"Okay, well maybe that one was just me," he concedes. "But I doubt not having insurance will keep Sarai from helping you now, kid."

He sighs and his tone gets a little softer. "I know you're doing your best here and you probably have made progress. But you're suffering, Pete. You sleep about as much as I do and you react whenever anything comes closer to your triggers. You shouldn't have to live like that. You especially shouldn't have to when everyone on this train wants nothing but the best for you." Excluding the brat. "Have Gwen go with you or me. We can help you through this."

"No, but it was a big factor back home." Peter states before leaning back in the chair he'd sat down in earlier.

"I haven't told Gwen." He admits, his hands folded together in his lap. "I probably should-and I mean I've told her a lot but not-uh not about that. I don't... It's been so long and I"m still not sure how to talk about it."

"What? No! I mean talk to her about therapy and getting your mental health better. You just met her, I wouldn't expect you to be ready to talk about that." He shakes his head, finding Peter cute and infuriating all at once. The kid deserved so much more than he'd gotten. If there was a way he could make things better for him, Tony would do it in a heartbeat. This, unfortunately, wasn't going to be something he could do without reaching out for some help.

He was relieved Peter hadn't pointed out he was being a hypocrite. "So when can I ask Sarai to steal you away for a bit?" He was being pushy and he knew it. He didn't want this to be something Peter just chose to ignore after claiming he'd think about it. Despite what happened to Gwen, they were in about the safest place they'd been in a long time.

Peter listens to Tony, though he doesn't look up at him and keeps his hands in his lap as his fingers fidget nervously. Honestly, he like the idea of actually being to sleep at night, and to not freak out when certain subjects came up but he really doesn't want to talk about it. With anyone. The closest he'd gotten to talking about it was that night about two weeks ago.

"I know, I just... I don't know that I want Gwen to go with me, at first. I mean, we just started dating and it's really a lot to process. All the shit that's happened, I mean." He lets out a sigh.

"Um.. I don't know. Whenever she's free, I guess."

Tony watches Peter for a moment, wishing he could take all of this away from him. The older man had his own demons to contend with, but he'd take on Peter's even if it broke his shoulders from the crushing weight.

"I agree. I think you shouldn't take her with you. It might help to simply have her know it's happening and encourage you to do it." Everyone needed a good woman or partner to support them. Peter would learn eventually how valuable that was- but he seemed to be already starting down that lesson path.

"One last question.. do you actually want to know about what happens in your future? Like I said, it's not a gaurantee it will even be in your universe's future and I'm not certain how it'll effect you to know this sort of thing. But.. I don't want you thinking I'm keeping stuff from you either and have you feeling insecure about my loyalty again."

Peter lets out a breath and rubs at his face, sounding just exhausted as he thinks about it. He's still not one hundred percent sure he wants to do therapy again but he does want to actually be able to sleep-as is the best motivation he can give himself for it.

"I don't really want-I mean, I know I'll have to talk about it eventually and I just. The idea literally makes me want to web someone to the wall and hide out in a cocoon of blankets." He states, knowing that that probably isn't the healthiest reaction to such things.

"I don't think I should know the future." He admits. "If I do, then I might want to change it and then make things worse-or me knowing what's supposed to happen might change what does happen just by me knowing it-I mean if you think about it-time would be like a really sensitive thing and I don't wanna get the doctor out here all pissed at me just because I accidentally like changed a fixed point in time. And I mean, since it's me that's probably exactly what would happen so it's probably better if I don't break time and space."

Tony was quiet a moment before reaching over and patting the kid lightly on the shoulder. "I know. I get it. I've been through stuff that makes me want to do that too. But it's not going to get any better without doing some work. It's.. it's like when I had to have heart surgery and get the shards out. Remember when I had that? I didn't want to face that either. It meant having to be in recovery for months afterward and I knew it'd put an extra burden on Pepper.. but it was the right thing to do. It made my life better and this will too. Just remember you're made of tougher stuff than those desires to hide are. You can do this."

The other part had him nodding in agreement. He didn't want to tell Peter that in this situation, there wasn't anything Peter could do to change it. If he was in Tony's timeline he only had a couple hours left before he'd be gone for five years. There wasn't a way to change that even with Peter's terrible luck. However, he appreciated the kid taking time to consider things from his perspective. Tony wasn't holding this from him to be a jerk, it was a very solid reason and had nothing to do with his loyalty to Peter.

"Okay. Then I won't tell you and we'll just be satisfied with the fact that we're here now and everything works out. And you'll keep in mind that if anyone says anything to you again about the future that I haven't told you- talk to me. They probably don't have the facts quite right."

Peter just takes another breath, leaning back in his chair again. He's not still not sure he really wants to do this. It helps a little to hear that Tony knows how he feels-that it wasn't just him that tried to ignore bad things. He swallows and leans forward again, fingers pressed against his chin as his legs start to bounce with his anxiety.

"Can-can you tell her? Mrs Sarai, I mean. About what happened. Because that way she'll know but I won't have to tell her so when I get that far, she'll already know and it might make it easier, you know? For her to know just how bad it is?"

He doesn't have much to say about knowing the future. He intends to mostly ignore any future mentions of.. well, his future. Maybe they're not right, after all. And maybe he's freaked out so bad for nothing.

"Of course. I'll do anything you need me to, kid," Tony says. It was said for the current situation, but it was no hiding that it was for any other time as well. "And don't worry. She'll keep this information safe even if you two never speak of it."

He glances at the ICP. "It's almost time for dinner. You should go make up for all the work you missed for breakfast."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(no subject)

no subject

no subject

1/3

2/4 I lied

3/4

4/4

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I didn't forget to have him sit down. I have not idea what you mean

I saw nothing

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject