a man for flowers ✿ ( INIGO ) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flatteries) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
voidtreckerexpress2020-06-22 08:37 pm
flatteries) wrote in voidtreckerexpress2020-06-22 08:37 pm
(open) i don't know how to word it
Who: Inigo and you!
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.
( scenario a - sleeper carriages )
Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.
But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.
"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"
That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.
It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.
( scenario b - luggage carriage )
Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.
As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.
But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.
Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.
When: Fiddlesticks 27
Where: Sleeper carriages, luggage carriage
What: Inigo loses a boyfriend.
Warnings: None, just a very sad Inigo.
( scenario a - sleeper carriages )
Maybe you've already noticed it, but something about Inigo today seems.. off. Or at least, extra off, considering Inigo has already seemed to be acting more strangely than usually the past few days, especially since the day of the party.
But today? Today things have seemed to reach a fever pitch. Maybe you're worried enough to go check up on him, in which case you might find the guy in one of the hallways of the sleeper carriages, near his room. If you bother to ask him what's up though, he'll just laugh.
"What? No, I'm fine! Of course I'm fine, what could po--"
That's the exact moment he turns to head into his room to try and hide from this conversation, only to forget to scan his ticket. Which means he's just walking head-first into the door, causing him to topple over to the ground.
It's fine. He's fine. This is fine.
( scenario b - luggage carriage )
Inigo is trying really hard to carry on as usually. Really, he is. Because that's just what he does. He's not someone who sits around and mopes. Sure, the circumstances here may be different than the ones back home, but old habits are hard to give up, and Inigo's oldest and most stubborn habit is definitely the thought running through his mind that he has to be okay. He has to be strong. So despite the moments where he slips up and seems off, he tries so hard to laugh. And joke. As if nothing is up.
As if he doesn't feel like his heart has been torn straight out of his body.
But it's so hard to keep it up all the time. At least the shower is a good place to cry, but when Inigo finds it occupied exactly at the moment he needs it, he quickly tries to look for another place. He knows nowhere on the train is safe to hide from everyone, but he figures the luggage carriage is at least the furthest out of the way. It's the only option right now. It's either that, or crying in the middle of the train.
Which is why if you happen to be in the luggage carriage - or went looking for him everywhere only to end up here - you may find Inigo sitting on top of some suitcases. His knees are drawn up to his chest, and although that makes it impossible to see his face from the current angle, the telltale sounds of sobs are probably all anyone needs to see what's going on here.
no subject
.. or maybe he just really wants to believe Taiki means it on a personal level. Maybe Inigo is just that desperate for approval from anyone, especially when he's feeling as vulnerable as he does right now.
He pulls back slightly - not fully out of the hug, but just enough so he can actually see Taiki as he speaks.
"People do though. And they.. they probably should. I'm a failure."
He smiles, but it's sad. It doesn't even come close to reaching his eyes.
no subject
"If I were to hate you for that then I would be a hypocrite." Failure wasn't always a choice, it was very rarely a choice. Taiki knows all too well what it is to throw everything at a problem, only to see everything fall to pieces around him.
He met Inigo's sad gaze with one of his own. "Even if you have failed, I don't think anyone who knows you at all wouldn't be able to say that they were certain you tried your best."
Sometimes it is not enough. But he fully believes that Ingio gave everything he had, he doesn't seem the type of person who wouldn't.
no subject
He manages to say it with a fairly even voice, but there's definitely more than just a hint in it of the fact that he has to make a lot of effort to make it sound that way. Something about it sounds like it could crack open at any moment. But just.. before saying anything else, he has to make sure to convey this sentiment. Because it's just true.
He doesn't think Taiki is a failure, but knowing the other, he feels like Taiki might not accept it so easily if he were to say that.. So it's easier to focus on something about the other that he does know is true, 100% for sure, and that's harder to refute. Taiki always works so hard to give support to others, no matter how quiet he can be. Even in this situation, he's telling Inigo that he does his best - and Inigo certainly wouldn't count hiding away in the luggage car and crying out his eyes as 'tryign his best'.
"But I.. I don't think that's entirely right. My father.. he told me he was disappointed in me."
His voice does crack a little there. It's just too much hurt at the very core of Inigo's being all summed up in that single statement for it to not show at all.
"And he's the Exalt. Surely he of all people would know who's a disappointment and who isn't."
no subject
"No one should have told you that." Especially not his father. But considering what his own earth parents have thought of him, he can believe it completely. Not that he thought Inigo would lie, but often people thought others thought one way about them when it was not true.
But being told... "I don't know why he would say that. I don't know him." And he won't speak ill of Inigo's father. "But sometimes... People have expectations and just because you don't meet them, doesn't mean that you will not exceed the expectations of others."
He's seen nothing in Inigo that he would be disappointed about. But he's also aware that his words cannot mean much, when compared to that of Inigo's father and king.
no subject
He lets out a shakey breath, leaning into the hold Taiki has on him. At least it's a bit of comfort in the middle of all of this - of his hurt about his father, his hurt about Yuki, his hurt about everything.
"I'm not sure how many people's expectations I am currently meeting though.."
It doesn't feel like it could be many people, honestly. What has he ever done right? Not too many things.
no subject
He knows he is not the only person who will feel such about Inigo. He is a hardworking, dedicated man. No one can dispute that he is trying his hardest in this strange place they have found themselves in.
"You more than meet them. I am very lucky to know you."
this tag is so long I'M SO SORRY
But then there are those last few words, and those just hit him straight in the weak spot. He recalls many people having told him before that anyone would be lucky to date him - although those are rather ironic now, considering how everything turned out - and now Taiki is saying he's lucky just to know him.
Inigo just straight up buries his face against Taiki's shoulder as he starts crying again. Audibly so. It's just too much, too overwhelming that anyone at all could consider themselves lucky to know him.
When he finally raises his face again a moment later, he fiercely shakes it, the tears still in his eyes and on his cheeks.
But it's not shaking it in total refusal of what Taiki is saying. He's trying to accept the compliment. No, instead it's just--
"I am lucky to know you, Taiki. I.. I genuinely don't know what I would have done if you weren't here right now." Probably just stayed here and cried by himself for the rest of the day before pretending to be okay to everyone while eating dinner, rather than letting it all out like this with someone to hold him. "My life has become brighter just with you in it, so.. I.. I know you will have to leave eventually, but.. at least say goodbye to me before then, okay..?"
He doesn't think he could take seeing Taiki walk away without any warning, just like Yuki. He won't hold Taiki back from anything important he might have to do back home, but at least if there's a goodbye, Inigo can keep the hope alive that one day he could just use the Outrealm Gate to come visit his friend again.
no subject
The words twist in his heart though. He is glad he has brought happiness to Inigo, but he doesn't think he deserves praise for it. He hasn't done anything. Even now with Inigo sobbing in his arms he can't do more than hold him, try and take some of that pain away.
He doesn't want to think about leaving, about anyone leaving. He doesn't want to be here. Or rather he can't be here. He needs to be in Tai. He and Gyousou need to return, to put things right. But leaving here... That is no guarantee they will return to Tai.
And even then... What Inigo is asking is impossible. For all Taiki knows people don't know when they will leave. He doesn't want to hurt Inigo, but nor will he lie to him.
"If it is within my power, I will never leave you without saying goodbye." He finally said, softly into Inigo's hair.
no subject
He's trying really hard to make it sound like a joke as he lifts up his face to look at Taiki, but it's hard to pull off jokes when he's been crying so hard. Even now his voice sounds choked, the tears still visible on his cheeks. At least it doesn't sound accusatory in the slightest - it's so much like Taiki to be realistic, even at a moment like this. Even when Inigo just really wants someone to pat his hair and tell him everything is going to be fine, even though nothing is ever fine. Nothing has been fine for years.
".. Thank you, though." He means that. "Even just that already means a lot to me. That you wouldn't willingly abandon me without a word."
Because even while logic dictates that it's not what Yuki did, or will do if Inigo watches him walk off the platform.. It still feels a little like it in the parts of his heart that have been weakened by constant rejection.
no subject
He nodded though, it was as much as he could promise and he was glad Inigo accepted that. Because it was true, he would never want to leave Inigo without saying goodbye. But the world rarely worked like that, there were many people he never got to say goodbye to.
He hugs him again, as if he could transfer some last bit of strength to him. "We can stay here for a bit..." Since he doubts Inigo wants to wander out with eyes red from crying.
"But then you should get something to eat." And rest somewhere that's not a pile of suitcases.
no subject
.. Or maybe he doesn't want to leave here at all, since the next part of Taiki's suggestion doesn't sound nearly as good.
He bends to lean his head against Taiki's shoulder again.
"I don't feel like eating," he mumbles.
no subject
"I'll stay with you." He promised, "As long as you want... Though you can tell me to go away, if you need to be alone."
His hand smoothed the back of Inigo's hair softly, soothing him.
no subject
He mumbles again, pressing himself even further against Taiki, to a point where Inigo almost seems like he's just boneless at this point.
"You don't need to go away. I'd never want you to go away."
There are moments where Inigo might prefer to be by himself to try and hide his pain.. But he knows that even at those moments, he secretly wishes that he had some company. Someone to lean on. Usually quite literally, considering how much he likes physical affection.
So he's more than fine with just staying like this for a while, as long as it won't trouble Taiki.
"Let's just.. stay like this for a while. Then I might start to feel better." Even if it may not exactly be the most comfortable spot to sit around.
wrap?
It's not much, but it is all he can do to try and soothe his pain.