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Who: SXT-2 and ota!
What: Idiot android doesn't really get that clothes need to be changed.
When: The first week of Grasshopper
Where: Various carriages.
Warnings: ...poor personal hygiene? What's the robot equivalent of hygiene?

A| around the train
[Someone hasn’t done laundry in way too long.

In her defense, uniform changes have never been a problem for androids! When she was fully inorganic and stuck in an air-conditioned office there was nothing to dirty her uniform on; maybe they’d get whacked by a vacuum cleaner once in a while but that was it. But then several events happened, and someone put her on a train, and at one point she fell into the ocean. So there went one outfit. Now she’s on her last orange hoodie and it’s looking a little... grubby. She doesn't smell bad, it's just obvious where the hailstones have melted into damp patches on the fabric. And a bunch of other miscellaneous stains from various someones, via various contacts. SXT-2 doesn't seem to have any idea that any of this has happened because she was not programmed to look down at herself. What would that even achieve.

(Also her face is entirely overtaken by feathery growths, but that’s old news. The hoodie is more important right now.)

Anyone who bumps into her going about her life on the train- she usually travels from Cabin 5:A all the way down to the Standard Coach- would not be faulted for telling her about fabric cleaner. Or that she should get some new clothes? She sure could do with some.]

B| closed to kumoko?
[Yes she is just going to show up to the Dressing Carriage and yell into the darkness. Someone presumably told her to come here so here she is!! This CR has zero braincells total and that is a feature.]

Hello, is 'Kumoko' in? I'm supposed to ask you for 'clothes help'. Can you help with clothes?

[clothes help plz c:]

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[ Honestly, rooming with SXT-2 is an.. experience. That's for sure. It's like there's a whole new adventure every other week or so.

And most none too pleasant. At least at this point Alice is sure that the being isn't intentionally malicious as much as SXT-2 is just special. Strange. Odd, really, and odd is exactly what Alice is used to dealing with, so it's manageable.

Until she has to start communicating about normal people things, that is. Like the importance of making sure you don't look like something that's been rotting in a corner. Sure, in some ways she's starting to get the hang of how to converse with SXT-2, but she still doesn't feel anywhere near the appropriate person to have this conversation.

Oh boy. ]

You don't care too much about clothes, do you. [ She decides to just dryly remark as she stares at SXT-2 from the bunk Alice is sitting on. ]

[And on the other hand, SXT-2 doesn't think Alice is odd at all. At the very least, Alice is as incomprehensible as most other humans in this place. So she doesn't mind bunking here. There’s the hum of an engine kicking into gear before SXT-2 appears over the railing of her top bunk, her head angled in the direction of Alice’s voice.]

Hello, Alice. No, I don’t- it’s a human thing, isn’t it?

[To be fair, SXT-2 doesn't see the problem with ~~rotting~~ being on standby in a corner. ...okay that's not fair at all, she's still terrible. She was made to recharge upright, and definitely tried to just stand in a corner until someone told her it was "creepy" and "like some horror movie". Humans are weird.]

Hmm-mm.

[ At first she just makes that noise of confirmation as her only answer. Figures, though - maybe SXT-2 wasn't made to wear clothes back home? Or maybe she just didn't get to as many places where she could get dirty as she does here? If it's the former, Alice is really going to have to thank the train to think of her Victorian sensibilities and cover her up.. ]

It's eventually going to start smelling really bad if you leave it like that. It'll be unpleasant. [ Yes, she does mean mostly for the people around SXT-2 (including her) than SXT-2 herself, because.. well, does she even smell things? Probably not. It's hard to tell. ]

Oh dear.

[At least she has the sense to sound dismayed about it. SXT-2 flaps in a vaguely chastised manner, then moves closer to the edge of her bunk.]

What should I do about it? This is my only orange coat... the second coat was ruined when I fell into the ocean.

[(no, she doesn't have a sense of smell.)]

You fell... [ 'into the ocean?', she almost asks, but then decides against it. That isn't going to be very productive towards her cause of making sure this habit doesn't get worse and starts stinking up their whole cabin. She'll just accept this fact and move on from it. ]

Does the train not even bother to give people replacements? You ought to put in a complaint about that.

[ There's a slight pause, but then Alice adds: ]

You do know what a complaint is, right? [ Just.. making sure! ]

Mhmm, I know what a complaint is! [Finally, familiar territory! She sounds supremely satisfied about knowing a word for once.]

I tend to handle complaints in my old position. I’m not sure what the system is here. The train keeps it hidden.

[She should be more annoyed about it than she is, probably. But these things are a sad fact of life. Like how apparently she has to figure out a “clothes situation”. SXT-2 is glad Alice understood “I fell into the ocean” so quickly, many people might ask a bunch of distracting follow-up questions.]

So what...k̶r҉́r̷r̡ what should I do about this?

[ Alice nods at the confirmation that SXT-2 does at least know what complaints are. Thankfully they're getting somewhere. Although the thought that she handled complaints back home is.. almost slightly laughable, considering her general oddness. Alice would have loved to see the faces of pompous people who tried to put in complaints with her, only to get very SXT-2-like answers...

But it's the question that gets Alice to rise to her feet. ]

You ought to wash it, of course. [ And before SXT-2 gets very different ideas about what that means-- ] Let's go to the laundry together. Although you probably should change into something else first.

[Oh, sweet, explicit instruction on what she's supposed to do on this mess. SXT-2 nods obligingly and starts to get down from her top bunk (she's getting better at figuring that out!), but something comes to mind as she does.]

[regretfully, ] I have nothing to change into. This is my only “coat”, because of the ocean incident t͏̸̴̯̭̘̱͈̰̺͙h̸̶̟͈é̠̺̮͞ ̰̝͈̞o̭̥̱̙̠͙͘c̡͏̵̤̬̬̝e͚̫̦̝̤̘̰͞a̴̦͍͔̙͈n̨̟̜̲̭̟̯̫̯ ͚͕̩̯͚̕i̛͍̯͓̮ń̹͇̘̠͝c̤̭͈̺ì̧̩̘̘̥̣̮̯̭͝d̷̟͈͔e҉̭̹̦̤͠n̮͙̙̘͡t̞̼̟̦̙ .

The ocean incident. [ She repeats, definitely deadpan - there's almost something grumpy about it. Who would dump something like SXT-2 into the ocean, that's just asking for trouble! She probably couldn't even swim! And even now it has annoying consequences!

But despite her grumpy reply, Alice turns back towards her bunk. She grabs her bag, rummaging through it until she pulls out her spare purple hoodie, throwing it over her shoulder at SXT-2. ]

Here, wear this until yours is clean again.

Edited 2020-07-14 14:15 (UTC)

...alright. Thank you.

[She, uh, dumped herself into the ocean. Because no one seems to get that she’s not supposed to be left unsupervised. But let’s not get into that! SXT-2 climbs down from her top bunk, obligingly takes the purple hoodie and starts trying to shimmy out of her orange one. Her clothes-changing skills have not been worked on as much as her bunk-climbing ones, it’s really not great, but it’s also apparent that the android’s limbs just do not have a human level of flexibility.]

A question- [this gets kind of muffled by the fabric over her head] is changing my colors going to be a problem? I thought humans rely on the visual cues of h̵͞h͏h̴͘hh̡͞k̶͝ķk̶x̀͠ķ̕͏x̀҉͘ḱ͘ -colors.

[She’s a little frustrated at the clothes wrangling. But she’ll figure it out eventually.]

[ At first Alice doesn't even notice the Struggle going on behind her, considering she's looking through her clothes supply for a moment now.. Hence why she's just calmly speaking as if there isn't a near-circus act going on behind her. ]

It shouldn't be a problem. Humans do rely on colours, but not these specifically. I don't think most people care a whole lot about who is on which team on this train. [ Especially since people seem to hop all over the place when it comes to the actual missions. ] Besides..

[ She turns.

And sees the travesty going on. ]

.. Are you sure you've got this?

-͞-҉͝ ̀̕[҉̷͘̕͡ DISTRESSED CRYPTID NOISES]̴̴̨́ ̴̸͏̴̀-̶̡͏-͏̛

[ This is her life now, huh.

At least the answer to that question is a very obvious and resounding 'no', so Alice sighs and takes a few steps closer towards SXT-2. It's almost starting to feel like she's raising a kid here.. But rather than a kid, it's a strange cryptid robot. Fun.

She reaches out to try and help tug the piece of clothing down. She's trying to be gentle, considering she's not too sure what it might do to SXT-2's.. let's call it a "head" and a "face".. But it's hard for Alice to be gentle, so it's probably being tugged on a little too hard anyway. ]

[The hoodie comes off after some resistance. Alice might think that she’s pulled too hard; bits of black matter come off SXT-2’s head, caught by the hoodie. The texture is like mycelium, dried glue, broken plaster turning into soot-stains on the cabin floor. The vastly different texture between this and the rest of SXT-2’s body makes it seem like whatever makes up her head has been attached on, however that happened.

But on the other hand the android doesn’t react with pain, though she pauses for a moment after the hoodie comes off and paws at the damaged areas with a disgruntled buzz. ]

K̀k̢̡zz̀҉́z͡s̕҉k [wait... braincells are buffering...] - Thank you.

[ ... Ah.

Gore doesn't disturb Alice in the slightest. If this were some monster she was attacking, she wouldn't bat as much of an eyelash and keep going.

But this is different. Sure, SXT-2 might not exactly be her bosom buddy or anything close to it, but it's not like she dislikes the other. If anything, she's grown oddly fond of the other's weird, weird presence. So when Alice stares at the bits that came off her, she feels a growing guilt in her stomach. It's like it gnaws away at her.

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she really only is good for hurting. Too violent for society. ]

I.. I'm sorry. [ She uncharacteristically says, her face paling a bit, even beyond how white it naturally already is. ] You aren't hurt, are you?

[ SXT-2 doesn't sound like she's hurt, but.. you know. Is she even capable of that in the first place? ]

No, I’m not...

[SXT-2 starts out pretty sure of herself, but three seconds later she’s tapering off into a series of confused chirps.]

There’s no- my systems don’t detect any problem.

[ They don't detect a problem? That's.. a ltitle odd. Alice is pretty sure she would classify it as a problem if chunks of her suddenly got loose. ]

That's.. good? [ Hence the hesitation and uncertainty in her tone as she says that.

Alice bends down to pick up one of the bits of black matter off the floor, holding it in her hand. Just in case SXT-2 didn't properly notice, she holds it out towards the other to show it off. ] This came off you.

My eyesight isn't very good.

[She’s squinting at the stuff in Alice’s hand as she says so. She can recognise it as debris, but her visual recognition systems isn't made to identify debris...

Until, with a pensively distorted warble, she picks it up- her fingers are weirdly textured, being silicone- and slaps the pieces over a bare spot. Somehow, it sticks.]

...

Well.

[ Alice still looks fairly flabberghasted by the situation. But.. you know what? She's willing roll with this. Yet another day of oddness in her life, sounds about right. If there's a problem with sticking it on her face like that, surely SXT-2 will find out soon enough. ]

That works.

[ WHAT ELSE COULD SHE EVEN SAY TO ALL OF THIS.. Let's just. Move on. ]

Now let's go get your shirt cleaned.

[Luckily? Romeo is on blue team and blue team are on laundry duty this month so Romeo is already hauling a suitcase full of different clothes down the corridor, stopping at different cabins to ask if anyone had any clothes to wash.

He sees SXT-2 and smiles at her, he hasn't forgotten her help with the dishwasher so he makes a special effort to be friendly whenever he sees her.

And today he notices that her hoodie is really dirty.]

Hello! Do you want me to wash your hoodie miss? I'm about to wash all these ones!

[Ah yes, it's one of the child humans. The kid is [smiling], which is nice.]

Sorry to let you down, but I'm cleaned on a separate schedule from “laundry”! So there's no need. I am not due for a wash until-

[............]

u̢͘͢ho̵̡h̷ ...some date.

[She uuuuhhhhhh... will get to figuring that out asap! Have some nervous chittering in the meantime.]

Oh no miss! [The chittering is a bit worrying, but also she's confused!] Bathtime and laundry time aren't the same time! Laundry is for washing clothes and bathime is for washing you! You don't get washed in the laundry!

[Confused chittering!! Confused chittering !́͡!̵̷!͟!̸!͢!̸͟!!̛!͏̸!͠҉ ]

I've never heard “bathtime” used for me. Androids are s̴̛͘͜͠q̧̨̛͠w̵̧̕͢k̸͞͡ -washed.

Oh. [No bathtimes for androids... But she still wears clothes, so she should still do laundry!]

Well laundry is when you wash your clothes miss. In big machines that go round and round and round! Like the dishwasher but for clothes not for dishes!

[She has no idea what all those words mean, but she’s nodding anyway.]

Ah... okay.

What would you like me to do again?

Do you got a spare hoodie? [He grinned at her.] Because your one is all dirty so I can clean it for you!

....No... I don't. [She sounds a little sour about this.]

This is my only hoodie.

What happened to your other one miss? Did you not get a spare one in your bag?

[He had gotten two!]

I discarded my other one after I fell into the ocean and it was ruined.

Oh no! We should see if we can buy you another!

[No wonder hers was all dirty!] Well if we wash it you could maybe borrow someone else's until it is dry! Mine will be too small I think... Or we could make you a blanket hoodie to wear until it is clean!

[She only stares at the human child. Boy, that sure is a bunch of words in weird orders, she hopes the kid knows what they mean! ]

...okay. Here is a hoodie, and a blanket is right- here.

[She grabs her blanket off the top bunk and holds it out. Here’s both “blanket” and “hoodie”, she can’t exactly “borrow” from her absent bunkmates right now so fulfilling the “blanket hoodie” part will have to do.]

Okay! [A blanket hoodie it is then! He grinned at her.] So if you take your dirty hoodie off then you can wear the blanket instead while we do laundry!

You cannot “wear” a “blanket”. [SXT-2 says, as if this were supremely obvious- but Romeo is a child, so she is patient about it.] People wear "clothes", isn't it?

Yes you can! Even if it isn't clothes you can wear it but you can't run around lots because it will fall off!

[He grins at her.] Do you want me to help? We can make a blanket dress!

[speaking of zero braincells, a spider head peeks out from her nest, then disappears back in like a whack-a-mole target.]

No!

[a few seconds, some soul-searching, and some typing and backspacing later:]

How can I help.

S̶̕͡CR̴E͏̕E͏̕C̷͜H̵͟͠

[Oh, Kumoko’s sentiment is shared. SXT-2 lets out a staticy warble, roughly equivalent to ‘OH NO IT'S YOU I DON’T LIKE THIS’, and steps back into a wall.]

-a̼̹̹̝̙̠̞̪̫͟͡w̸̠̲͜͡k҉̴͓̖̳̘̭̙͍!!

[A few moments of fluffing up like a cat later, she hears the tik-tik-tik sound effect from Kumoko’s tablet, and that… changes things somewhat. Changes everything, in fact. Kumoko will see notifications start popping up on her screen:]

UNKNOWN DEVICE “SXT SERIES 062” WOULD LIKE TO CONNECT. ALLOW THIS DEVICE?

Message from Unknown Device (“SXT SERIES 062” ): Clothes help. Do you know how to help with clothes?

[Oh that's. That's better! She can almost pretend the thing she's talking to isn't some horrifying bird-robot cross from some shitty 'thought-provoking' anime that only got one season!

She hits ALLOW.]

Yeah I make clothes.

I need clothes. I disposed of one orange hoodie after the Ocean Incident and now people are complaining about my other one.

The price is a three-point snack for a clothes, correct?

[Please make her pretty, Kumoko.]

[She'd inform SXT-2 of the existence of laundry but 1. she has never once done laundry outside of team chores and 2. who cares.]

Gross.

3pt snack Y. What clothes.

[Hey it's easier to type when you don't have to make your text speech-ready!]

Clothes? I don't understand your question. I was told "Kumoko would know what to do".

[Y'know what, Kumoko isn't the only cryptid on this train that understands social engineering.]

Do you want the 20pt "Meal for 4" snack instead? 20pts for 600% better clothes?

[ok this this is just "bribery" but listen,]

[sometimes... bribery works.

by sometimes, she means always.]

Deal. I'll make you clothes.

[not sure how she's gonna manage 600% improvements. Maybe enchant them, or give her a face. Might be time to break out that fake skin again...]

[Mission accomplished! SXT-2 lets out a vaguely pleased warble and turns around to walk out of the carriage, since she doesn’t need face-to-face to talk to this spider. Far from how it looks like on the physical plane, the e-messages continue.]

Thank you! On second thought I would like the 600% to be split into 2 sets of 300% better clothes, because my problems are both not having enough and having bad-looking ones. Is that okay?

In return you can choose whatever food you want and tell me. The “Meal for 4” option requires you to describe your meal. The power of choice is with you :)

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mild body horror? hope this is ok with you

totally okay! like half of alice's canon is mild body horror tbh

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sorry for the delayed response!

Re: sorry for the delayed response!

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B !!!

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