I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Who: Nita and YOU. Preferably close CR, but anyone can stop by.
Where: Quiet Car, second floor, a room near the front of the carriage.
When: Middle half of Grasshopper; post-platform, pre-event.
What: A(n ex-) wizard retreats. Some may come to reprimand, some to console, some just to find out WTF happened.
Warnings: ... Discussion of what's basically psychic assault in this log, folks. Mind your headspace!


After the platform, Nita retreated into herself. That was the best way to describe it; she could not be 'booked' in one of these rooms the same way she could have been in the Medical Car, but she spent as much time as she could in just the one room, not speaking unless spoken to, not leaving except to go to the restroom or fetch another journal.

No matter when one arrived to check on her, she would be either resting - staring off into space more than actually sleeping - or writing.

Some of the words were crossed out, as if she had had a tough time finding the right ones, but the writing looked to be formal in nature. A report. And, most notably, it was in English, not the alien curves of the Speech.

If she had to live with her actions, Nita figured, the least she could do was explain them - and explain why they were wrong.

Mostly, though, what encompassed her mind was the emptiness of it all. She couldn't even be angry now.

Fitting.

Comments

[goingthroughaphase]

Kitty frowned as she crossed the distance to sit by Nita.

"What even happened? You tried attacking the train?" That was about as much as she had heard, but she didn't know all of the details.

[cannibalartist]

Oh, things were starting to come together a bit.

He wanted to question what would make a train scared, but that is a conversation for another day. This conversation was also confirming that it was the train that made decisions, not someone or thing else. Interesting~

"I would expect nothing less from something that perceives it's under attack." Animals were most dangerous when cornered. "Are you okay?" Clearly the answer was no, but he'd give her a chance to answer.

=D

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita blinked - she'd told Glorfindel about the peridexis and its nature, hadn't she? - but ultimately recovered enough to nod.

"Yeah. And - don't take me as speaking for him or anything, but, probably? If your magic can reach him..."

[unfavorableinstigation]

"... What do you know about mentally-invasive attacks?"

The question came out hesitantly, with careful wording.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita's hands weren't shaking or anything, but the look she shot Uta after that was negatory-confirmation enough.

"I'll live, if that's what you mean. Emotionally..."

She left that one unanswered.

[flatteries]

Honestly, he's so relieved that she says yes. Not that he wouldn't have respected Nita if she didn't want a hug right now.. but it just feels much better to know he's at least able to do something for her while she's here, even if it's just something as simple as giving her a hug.

So Inigo smiles - it's a small, somewhat muted smile though, more quietly fond than over the top - as he scoots towards her a bit more to wrap his arms around her. The hold isn't too tight, so she can leave it whenever she wants, but there does seem to be something warm and protective about it.

He lingers like that for a moment before he softly speaks up, still not letting go.

"If I'm entirely honest with you.. I have no clue what happened. I just heard people mentioning your name.." And just that is enough to awaken concern in Inigo. To want to check up on her. "But it doesn't matter what happened. I am here for you, no matter what it is."

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita comes just sort of collapsing into the hug - once she lets herself settle more into the notion that yes she needs this and it's okay, it's really going to be okay, the tears begin to fall anew and she tightens her grip somewhat.

"I'm glad. That you are, I mean."

She pulls back, then, making herself look Inigo in the eyes.

"If you do want to know, though, I'll tell you."

[goingthroughaphase]

"Mentally-invasive...?" Her frown deepened slightly. "Like, causing damage psychically?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

There was a longer pause this time.

"Some psychotropic spells are built to be implemented specifically without consent."

Which made the 'yikes' factor WAY higher here.

"It may not have been made to cause pain, but when there's so many ways it can go wrong, or can be used in the wrong ways..."

[goingthroughaphase]

"There's still a risk of causing some damage." She was at least a little familiar with that. Even if it wasn't with specific spells, Jean had to exert a lot of control over her psychic abilities just to prevent accidentally hurting someone.

"Did...you use one of those kinds of spells?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita merely nodded, not letting herself say it aloud.

That there was confirmation felt dark enough.

[goingthroughaphase]

Her expression tightened, but more from concern than anything as she scooted closer. "On who? What happened?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

This time, Nita gave Kitty a slightly-confused look; the teen had hit the idea right on to start with, after all.

"The train itself. I made contact, clamped on with the spell and started digging and..."

She sighed.

"All I could sense was confusion, and then anger. Then it kicked me out and-"

She cut herself off, slumping her shoulders.

[goingthroughaphase]

To be honest, she hadn't been sure. While people had talked about the train being sentient before, she hadn't thought anyone could actually use mental attacks on it. Hearing Nita confirm that the train was actually sentient now though didn't exactly surprise her.

What really surprised her was that Nita was the one doing it at all.

"But why were you attacking the train in the first place?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

"Given how many people are angry at the train, I guess I should be surprised something like this hasn't happened before..."

But that wasn't answering the question.

"Did you know Sven? I saw that he'd disappeared and was just - just sick of it all. I hit my limit."

And now all the good will she might have been fostering with the train is gone.

[goingthroughaphase]

She ran the name through mind for a moment, then shook her head.

"No, I don't think I did. I'm sorry to hear that though." She knew about people disappearing, but she could only guess how difficult that could be for some people. "Were you two very close?"

[unfavorableinstigation]

"We'd... shared some personal things, after the mission in Gyueran."

After what happened to A-Qing, she didn't add, even though it was also true. No need to send herself on another guilt trip right now.

Nita curled up into herself, sighing again.

"I don't know what to do now. Or, I know what I should do, but I don't know where my head's at to do it, or- or something!"

Re: =D

[laurefindil]

Glorfindel knew that the peridexis was actually the incarnation of wizardry, but that her sister had named him after Nita's childhood imaginary friend. Glorfindel still suspected they might be one and the same. He'd never actually tried to reach out to him though.

He extended a welcoming feeling toward the bundle of emotion in the corner, to open the avenue, if the other wanted it. Hugs were available.

To Nita, he smiled again and held out his arms for that hug.

[goingthroughaphase]

"Hey, Nita, it's okay," Kitty tried to soothe her, placing a gentle hand on Nita's arm. "Let's just take a breath, and if you want I can try to help you figure things out. Okay?"

Re: =D

[unfavorableinstigation]

There was a faint buzz of confusion from the peridexis in return; acknowledgement, but not - yet! - acceptance. If anything, it felt it didn't deserve affection.

Nita let herself fall into the embrace, trying to breathe slow and failing.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita exhaled, then, and just- breathed.

"... Okay. Maybe if I talk it out piece-by-piece?"

What would her mom say? Oh god, what would her mom say?

[laurefindil]

Everyone deserved affection. Glorfindel enfolded Nita into his arms, rocking her gently. His light, which also worked on a spiritual level to warm the heart and ease the mind, reached to every inch of the room.

[goingthroughaphase]

She nodded encouragingly. "Sounds good. Take your time."

[unfavorableinstigation]

Nita's mind quieted, her grip softening, her breath easing.

The peridexis' own progression was, while still confused, also in evidence.

If it were a physical being, it might have purred. Not that it would have ever admitted to it!

"Thanks," Nita said, faintly.

[unfavorableinstigation]

Maybe she should have complained about not knowing where to start telling the tale...

Eventually, Nita began to speak again. "I've been sleeping off-schedule, ever since the mission. I wouldn't blame it on void sickness, but sleeping and being tired all the time can't have been good either. And I've been losing people for- a long time. Well before I came here."

She looked up at Kitty, not sure how much the teen could relate but expecting there was at least some commonality there.