[open] Oops a bad feel

[pleple]

Who: Ple Two and anyone.
Where: The music carriage mainly, but more vaguely elsewhere.
When: Grasshopper 16/17
What: A new arrival accidentally put some bad thoughts into her head, so she's going to deal with that somehow. Sorry Enna.
Warnings: Trauma of the 'human created to be a weapon' sort.

There's no reason to really give it too much thought. That new girl, as odd and interesting as she was, didn't and couldn't know a thing about Ple Two when they were speaking; it was not only casual conversation, it was a practical and sensible thought.

A weapon that can't do anything but be a weapon is useless, she'd said. A girl who knew nothing about her. Ple Two, who had found a few tiny, valuable little niches beyond fighting. There wasn't any reason it should make her chest feel so tight, heart pounding in her ears. It was silly, that it wormed into her brain, and drowned out her objections with a sort of dull buzzing. She was born in a tube among other clones, meant, before she'd ever been a single cell of her own, to pilot mobile suits in war.

It already worried her. Keeping it crammed down in the depths of her thoughts wasn't difficult, but she feared what life might be like without the relative structure, and the lack of choice, in her life now. How could she survive as anything but a weapon, meant for nothing else, yet cursed with a mind and heart of her own?

Going through her day after, the composure on her surface seemed more like blankness, eating and doing her chores with no conversation; and, worse, not actively seeking out the people who could actually help her. Instead, she found her way to the music car, cycling through song after song, genre after genre to find what might be even louder than the curtain hanging over her thoughts, until she could just obliterate it long enough to get steady again.

...so if you try to pull away headphones while she's there, or later sitting in the quiet car or rock garden, she apparently eventually settled on an eclectic mix of very heavy metal and strange and very loud alien music that would, technically, be described as a cappella if electronic instruments were alive and screaming at you.

[ ooc: Feel free to make up an encounter anywhere that fits, mostly she'll be looking glum and staring at nothingness while trying to explode her feelings with loud music. ]

Comments

[laurefindil]

Even with headphones on, Glorfindel's ears were able to pick up the loud music Ple Two was listening to. That, combined with the general feeling he got from her, had him sit down, cross legged, opposite her, where she was sitting in the rock garden.

"Is this a short phase or the start of a longer one?" he asked, smiling kindly at her.

[Feel free to have her not hear him if you'd like! LOL]

[pleple]

Bless those sensitive elf ears.

Ple Two had noticed his presence, if not what he said out loud. Even with her head tied up in these awful knots it was hard to turn off her perception, and she glanced down at Glorfindel with a raised eyebrow before removing her headphones.

"Did you say something?" she asked quietly.

[laurefindil]

"Nothing of importance," he said with a smile. "I was just checking if you were willing to be disturbed."

"Would you like to talk about it?" It could be anything, honestly. Maybe she just didn't like carrots...or she could be having an existential crisis based on what she'd learned about herself on the Train. Glorfindel wanted her to know he was here for her, regardless.

[pleple]

Disturbed might describe her mental state, in fact, so she just shrugged.

It seemed as though she'd dealt with her existential crises - so being hit by the same one again seemed unfair. But Glorfindel was a comforting presence, thankfully. "It... might help?"

[laurefindil]

"I am listening," he assured her. "Where would you like to start?"

[pleple]

Ple Two fiddled with the headphone a bit instead of responding, at first. "It was... just a meaningless, offhand comment. I shouldn't be like this..." she muttered, shrinking in on herself a bit.

[laurefindil]

"Perhaps it was offhand to the one who made it, but it clearly wasn't to you," Glorfindel said, firmly, yet gently. "May I ask what they said? What it meant to you?"

Quiet Car

[iamnotgod]

Webmind simply happens to be walking through the Quiet Car (for unrelated reasons! Honest!) when he spots the interesting girl he'd talked to about 'what ifs' after the last mission.

Since she has earphones in, of course, he doesn't just say hello right away. Instead, he walks close by enough to mime tapping on his SCA, where she can see.

He also flashes a series of '???' emotes on his screen. That might prove a little more distracting.

[pleple]

Here's a what if: what if she has to survive in an actual normal society?

Webmind doesn't ping her senses quite the same way as a typical person, but she notices, and glances at Webmind until he signs that he wants her attention. Slowly, she turns off her music.

"...hello. Did you need me for anything?"

[iamnotgod]

"I merely wanted to ask what you were listening to; I have not had the chance to sample much of the fare in the Music Car yet myself."

Perhaps that would be a surprise?

[pleple]

Her eyebrows rise slightly. "The selection is... extensive. I've been listening to a lot of things I've never heard of." To be fair, her master made a point of listening to classical music to show how cultured and educated he was. Thank goodness no one introduce him to Dream Theater.

[iamnotgod]

"Well, how would you describe what you've found, then?"

Given he's had to learn how to hear before, the idea isn't too strange to him.

[pleple]

"Loud. Emotional." That's the point, here, for her.

To have him pull out a 'recommended' list or not... preference?

[iamnotgod]

"Some types of music are good for that."

Though Ple Two using earphones makes it even better for the rest of the train!

"Does it sound like there are lyrics, or would it be best considered 'instrumental'?"

Webmind may well be going somewhere with this.

[happyends]

For as friendly as Madoka can be, she's always struggled with these kinds of situations. She always wants to make sure to help others, yes, but it's so hard for her to know how much pushing is acceptable for that sake. When Ple Two had seemed so quiet earlier during breakfast, Madoka had just taken it as maybe the other girl having an off day. Maybe she shouldn't bother her too much.

But the more she spends the rest of the day, the more bothered Madoka starts feeling about it. Giving Ple Two space is nice, sure, but it doesn't feel right for someone so important for her to seem off and for Madoka to just do.. well, nothing.

So after letting it bother her for a while, Madoka ends up going off on a quest to find Ple Two somewhere on the train. The music carriage sure isn't where she expected to find the other girl, but she feels relief all the same once she spots her.

She stands there for a few moments, trying to catch her attention, but then realises there's no way Ple Two can hear her, and the other seems much too lost in thought to notice her.

So after feeling guilty for a moment or two, she gently pulls the headphones up, just enough so sound from the outside should be able to enter Ple Two's ears.

".. Ple Two..?"

[pleple]

Knowing when to go to someone else for help is difficult as well. Ple Two is self-sufficient, of course. She's dealt with all her bad feelings. Ple Two was absolutely certain that things were fine and she just needed to annihilate her bad feelings with loud music and she'd go back to normal.

But, ah, isn't this truly normal for her?

Ple Two's engrossed enough to not notice Madoka behind her - she's used to the soft, warm feeling of her presence, even if describing it would be difficult - so she jumps a little at having her headphones pulled off, spins around, before calming back down about, oh, half way.

"M-Madoka." Is this who she wants to see? Does she want to avoid her until she's fine?

[happyends]

The way the other girl looks so startled makes Madoka's cheeks colour pink in shame. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do after all? Especially since Ple Two doesn't seem to calm down all the way after realising it's her, which is.. odd..

Maybe Ple Two was avoiding her on purpose? Madoka may not know why, but it's possible - though not exactly a fun thought. Did she make it worse by speaking up to her?

Unsure as she may be, it's not like there's a way back now she's already sought out the other girl.

"Um.. I just.. I just wanted to say that if there's anything wrong, you know you can talk to me, right..?"

[pleple]

On purpose, in the sense that she doesn't want to feel like a downer, or a burden, when Madoka has her own problems. And it's foolish to feel that way, and she knows it, and she can't help it, and thus the cycle continues.

Ple Two calms down a little more, but takes a moment to work out what she should actually say.

"I... know, but..." She lowers her head. "...why don't problems stay solved?"

[happyends]

"Huh?" It's a soft, quiet noise of surprise, like that isn't anywhere near what Madoka expected the other girl to say. Her expression quickly melts into one of instant sympathy though.

"Um.. I guess that sometimes they're a little troublesome that way," she slowly says after seeming to think on it for a moment. "What problem are you dealing with right now..?"

[pleple]

More silence, trying to arrange her thoughts. A little bit of just breathing, too.

"Someone... accidentally reminded me of how I feel about... myself." It never went away. Apparently, it's just been hiding. "What I am. Why I exist."

[happyends]

Thankfully Madoka already knows what Ple Two means by those words. What she is, why she exists.. Madoka may not know all details as to the answers to those questions, but she knows the general gist of it. She knows enough to know why that would be painful to Ple Two.

".. I'm so sorry."

She doesn't blame the other person. It's happened before that someone brought something up that reminded Madoka of something awful - and she never blamed that person. They couldn't have known.

It's probably the same case here.

"Do you.. still feel bad about yourself?"

rock garden

[aluciner]

Ronan's not particularly close with his roommates, Madoka aside. It's partly that he tries not to sleep in their cabin too often with his lack of control over his powers, but also that he's just not quite sure how to deal with making friends. Gansey usually makes friends for the both of them and Ronan's not very good at it when it comes right down to it.

Still, seeing Ple Two by herself in the garden car listening to the kind of music he'd probably listen to if he was in a bad mood, he feels like maybe he should. Talk to her? Chainsaw's flying around overhead, and Ronan intended to come collect her before he caught sight of Ple Two. This is probably more important though, so he sits down next to her on the bench.

"Hey." He doesn't expect her to be able to hear him, but it'll let her know that he's interested in a conversation. "Listening to anything good?"

[pleple]

Ple Two is not the best at making friends, even after all this time - but she's also been putting effort into being amicable with anyone she can be. If nothing else, it smooths her life here over.

She's familiar enough with Ronan at least, she's accidentally found a point of common interest.

It's easy enough to notice him once he's next to her, and by the time he asks his question she has the volume low enough to hear him. "...it's serving a purpose."

[aluciner]

"It only works for so long, unfortunately." There's something far away in Ronan's voice when he says it, like he's momentarily somewhere else. The moment passes though. "I wouldn't sit in here contemplating too long either. Exposure to the void's just gonna make you feel worse."

He points up to the glass ceiling of the carriage. It's something he didn't notice at first, because his irregular sleep schedule means headaches are pretty common anyway, but he has noticed that spending a lot of time in the garden made him feel fairly awful by the end of the day. He assumes it's a lower-level form of voidsickness, not that it much matters.

[pleple]

That sounds like someone who's been there. "I suppose... that's probably true, but it doesn't need to last forever." Surely sitting here listening to loud music will just make the issue fix itself! "So I think I will be fine."