voidtreckerexpress | That's not my King!

He was still pretty lost in thought, lost in the contemplation of what this meant, if this would have any serious consequences. There are no answers and so it is just worrying.

But he tilted his head as Inigo spoke again and smiled softly. "Thank you Inigo. I don't really know anything about yours either." A reassurance more than anything, that Lord Gyousou hadn't told him. In case Inigo had imagined he had.

"I only know what the third thing Xion saw of mine was," Because he had seen it too, "I just hope the first two weren't too worrying for her."

It is a little surprising to hear. It's not even as if Inigo imagined Gyousou would just share what he saw of Inigo's memories with anyone, but.. Taiki and Gyousou are so close. They have a bond that goes beyond what anyone else has. He just kind of assumed Taiki would end up knowing, one way or another.

It makes him momentarily duck his head a little in shame while he listens to Taiki speak on, though there is something entirely else confusing about what the other says.

"Wait.. Do you mean that Xion didn't tell you about the other things she saw?"

Edited 2020-09-18 20:28 (UTC)

He shook his head, "No. I think she was very overwhelmed with everything."

Everything he said seemed to confuse her after all and though he had been able to find a little about her by asking questions of what he had seen even that had felt like he was prying unfairly.

"It was a strange experience so I don't blame her at all for being confused."

Inigo knows what Taiki is saying is true, but it still feels a little strange.. Sure, he was overwhelmed by the whole situation too, and talking about it with Gyousou was mortifying at first since he didn't want the other's perception of him to grow terrible.. but Inigo still did it somehow.

It makes him frown slightly, but then he shakes his head, trying to shake off the feeling at the same time.

"I think.. I may have an idea of the first memory she saw. Or at least something that would narrow it down.." Though he's not sure it's good news, hence why Inigo seems to speak with some hesitation before continuing. "Judging by my memory that lord Gyousou saw, and his memory that I saw," not to mention what he heard from Roland about the one he saw from Ichigo, "it seems that the first memories we saw were all ones that had happened fairly recently before we ended up on the train. Maybe a few days old at most, or a few minutes at the least."

Sure, he realises this implies A Lot about the Gyousou memory Inigo saw, but he's trying to not focus on that part here. Though he wonders if maybe Xion saw the same thing, but from a different perspective.. Even if Inigo hadn't seen Taiki in that memory, he knew Gyousou had been looking around, as if looking for someone. And that could only have been Taiki, Inigo is sure of it.

He had an idea? Taiki knew what he had seen, Xion at a school and he knew a small amount of what Lea had seen but there had been no knowledge of a pattern there.

But fairly recently. A few days or a few minutes... He pales slightly. "Oh."

She hadn't said anything about that first memory at all, the second he had seen her reaction to, as she had been in the cave with him. But that last day, the last couple of days... He thought back to every conversation, every moment...

None of it was something she should have had to see.

That paleness in Taiki's face is enough to make Inigo quiet for a moment. He awkwardly kicks at the ground a bit with his feet, staring down at them. He's not sure if it would be better or worse to bring it up. But after a few moments of thinking - he feels like it would be worse to lie.

"Taiki, you.. went through something really tough, didn't you? Before you showed up on the platform."

He thinks back to the state those two showed up then, even though it feels so long ago now.

"I.. saw. Not you, of course, but.. I saw through lord Gyousou's eyes. As he was about to be.." Executed. He can't use that word in front of Taiki. Not about Gyousou. Never. He lets his words awkwardly trail off instead. ".. I'm so sorry. You two have had such a rough time."

Inigo doesn't need to finish that sentance, Taiki knows exactly what he is saying, what he saw... Literally right before they had arrived on the platform. Gyousou being tied up, about to be executed...

"Before we arrived here I hadn't seen him in seven years..." An impossible amount of time. Even more so now he has had these months with him on the train, he cannot imagine life without him and yet he had been without him, almost all of his life.

His voice is quiet, "I forgot him, for a lot of that time. I wasted time on earth, forgetting what I was, I forgot our covenant... But I always knew something was missing. Then when I returned... I was... ill. I couldn't feel the ouki. But when he was... I was trying to get to his side."

Seven years.

That's such a long time. Even though Taiki says he didn't remember Gyousou during that time.. perhaps that's even worse than if he had remembered. He thinks of how devastated Taiki seemed every single time Gyousou disappeared in this place, and that had only been for a week or two at a time. Seven years.. And all that time feeling like some really important part of you is missing.

Inigo stares at him, quietly listening, keeping quiet even for a moment after the other is done speaking. But then he moves to slowly wrap Taiki up in a hug instead, holding him close to himself.

"Of course you were." Trying to get to his side, that is. Inigo can't imagine Taiki any other way. Even when he's stuck in tough situations, even when he feels so weak.. Taiki still tries his best for what's important to him. He's always been like that. "Do you know how much strength that takes? Being without him for so long, returning in that state, and yet still trying your best for his sake." Inigo smiles, though it can't be seen in the tight hug. But it shows a little in his voice, his tone. "That's so impressive."

The hug surprises him. It shouldn't. If Inigo was telling him such a thing Taiki would want to reach out so he shouldn't be shocked that Inigo wanted to do the same. He returns the hug, wrapping his arm around him.

"You think everything I do is impressive." He said into his shoulder, blushing slightly. He shook his head, "I couldn't not. Tai was... It is a land that even the gods seem to have abandoned. Normally in our world, if a king goes bad, if they begin to hurt the people, destroy the land and act in a way that is against the way of the gods, then the kingdom will fall."

He's perhaps talking too much, but it's hard to explain how wrong things were to someone who didn't know how things should be.

"But Gyousou had not lost the way, he was just lost. And the person who had taken the throne... He was no king. But because Gyousou was still the rightful king, I still lived, Gyousou still lived and there was no end to the suffering in the land."

There is, if Inigo listens carefully, a note of anger in Taiki's voice. "The people had suffered so much, a kirin is the hope of the people but until I travelled through Tai... I never knew how much that meant." He remembered people crowding out in the freezing air, just to try and see him, to then disappear after he invited them indoors, just wanting to know he... existed.

"So it was for Gyousou, but also for all of them, I... I couldn't help them any other way. Everything I did... Everything I tried... You think I am impressive, but really I am just a failure."

There's no such thing as talking too much. Especially when it comes to Taiki. The other is often so quiet that Inigo can't help but wonder what he chooses to hide, what he swallows down rather than saying. So for Taiki to say this much, to throw it all out there - it's a good thing, Inigo thinks.

And so he listens. Quietly. He lets his hand roam up and down Taiki's back, like a soothing and comforting motion, but he waits all the way until the other is done talking before he even attempts to speak up.

"You're not." A failure, that is. Inigo refuses to ever think of his friend that way, but he also just genuinely believes it isn't true. "Things may not have gone well, but that's not just your fault. How could you blame yourself for the hand fate has dealt you?"

If Taiki was really seperated from Gyousou for that long, if he forgot about him.. How could that be Taiki's fault?

"Not to mention that even though it was so tough, you still kept going. You haven't given up yet at all. That is important." He squeezes the other gently in his hold. "As long as you don't give up, you're never a failure. As long as you keep doing your best. And you are doing your best. You always are. I've seen it."

Inigo pulls back a little. He keeps holding Taiki, but it's mostly so he can actually look at the other's face - and to hopefully have Taiki looking back at him so he can see the smile on Inigo's.

"That's why I say you're impressive. And why I'm so fond of you. You're sweet, but unyielding. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. And the way I now know lord Gyousou sees you." He's felt it, after all, thanks to the memories. Every bit of Gyousou's fond feelings for Taiki, as if Inigo was feeling them on his own.

Edited 2020-09-27 10:26 (UTC)

Because it was his fault. Because he had always been a difficult person, a difficult child and now a difficult adult. Connections were difficult for him. He made people feel awkward and out of place. Even in his own world, he had been too stubborn, too stupid, not quick enough. Instead of being an adviser and minister he had had to be taught everything, he hadn't even known how to be a kirin. Things that were meant to be instinct were difficult.

So the words are hard to hear, Inigo was so fond of him. Harder still to hear how much Gyousou felt of him. Because would he still feel that way if he knew. Knew what Taiki had done?

He was keeping secrets from his king and even without everything else that was still a crime.

"What if it isn't enough?" It's a whisper, he's not looking at Inigo, looking down at their hands instead. "It... Saving Tai... sometimes it feels like the most impossible task."

And it breaks his heart. But even when he had thrown his last effort at it, when all he needed to do was bow before his king and then die at his side to allow a new kirin to be born... Even then he had failed by ending up here on the train.

".. I know." His tone is still a little bit more quiet than usually, but whereas a moment ago that was born out of fondness, there's a bit more sneaking into it now. Inigo isn't speaking with just sympathy. No, there's an understanding in his tone beyond that. He knows, because he's lived that too.

"It's really hard when you feel like you're the one who has to do something, yet you can't do it. And no matter what you try, it feels like you either always fail or only make things worse."

Like back in the future. How they tried fighting so hard, every single day of their lives, for years and years and years. Saving a village one day, only to see it having been turned into Risen the next. Feeding people who'd starve of hunger the next day. Sometimes it feels like the most impossible task.

They failed. No-- he failed. If only he had been a better prince, more capable like his sister, maybe things would have been different.

But it's not too late for Taiki yet.

"But if you don't do anything, then it will for sure never be enough. We always have the worst possible outcome already in front of us. It's just what happens when you do nothing. An inevitable end. But if you do try, then you create the chance at things ending well." Despite the sad edge to his tone, Inigo smiles at Taiki. Even if Taiki doesn't look at him.

".. Would you like it if I supported you? Once we all leave this train, I could try and see if I could come over to Tai. I know there isn't much I can do, but I could at least be beside you if you'd need me to."

Taiki can tell that Inigo is speaking from experience. That he has also tried and failed and tried again. He still knows so little about Inigo but he knows he holds much pain in his heart.

He already knew that so many of Inigo's smiles were lies, hiding the pain that hid below. His grip tightens, trying to give comfort as much as he is taking comfort himself.

He nodded though, doing nothing would be the worst betrayal. At least if he keeps trying, even if he fails, he is honestly doing all he can for Tai. If he stops then it will be as he told Risai, they could no longer call themselves citizens of Tai at all.

The offer though, that surprised him. He looked up at him with wide eyes.

"You'd come to Tai?"

Was there truly nothing left for Inigo to fight for of his own? "Inigo..." He did look up now, tears in his eyes.

It's hard to place the tears. For a moment Inigo worries that he said something to upset Taiki, looking down at those sad eyes. His heart races in panic at the very thought. But then he thinks that maybe Taiki is just that touched? It's not like Taiki's personality is far away from his own in this respect, after all - they're both soft, probably softer than their fates should allow them to be. Prone to worrying, prone to tears.

So Inigo tries to smile as wide as he can in an attempt to reassure Taiki, working out the worse mood at the thought of what he was talking about in regards to failing in his own world out of his head.

"Of course! I mean, I will first have to finish up some things back home." Because he has at least enough of a sense of responsibility to make sure Grima is well and truly defeated first. "But once that's over, I would not mind coming over to Tai in the slightest."

What else is he supposed to do? Fade away into some dark corner of his own world, never to normally interact with people again? Never being himself ever again, because his spot is now taken by someome else?

"If you need someone extra to be by your side when times are hard, I'd gladly do that for you. That's what friends do."

"Inigo..." He closed the small gap they had created between them to hug him again, tears wetting his cheeks.

"Thank you."

Tai was dangerous, but he knows Inigo is used to danger and if he had things to do at home first, that would give them time. If Gyousou regained the throne... Then Tai would not be a dangerous place but instead a place of justice.

"You would be welcome, any time. I know Lord Gyousou thinks highly of you too."

Of course they had no idea they could even go home, or to other worlds or even... anything. But the offer was enough.

"Ah.."

Of course Taiki just had to add those last few words, huh. They're momentarily distracting for Inigo, since he just really doesn't know how to deal with them. Sure, Gyousou had been so gracious in dealing with Inigo's dumb memories and dumb emotions back in that cave on the island, but to actually come to terms with Gyousou thinking highly of him is another thing entirely. Inigo doesn't feel like he'll ever be able to believe that, especially not since Gyousou is just about the most amazing person he's ever met.

But he won't protest again it now. Not when Taiki is crying. That's where his focus should be on right now - on the other guy here with him.

"Then you can be sure to look forward to a visit." Maybe it might make Taiki feel a bit more reassured too. Inigo knows it's one of those things that gives him strength in this place - knowing that even when they all leave the train, it's not like they'll be seperated forever afterwards.

"And.. hey. Taiki?" He says, softly, and then waits for the other to actually look up at him, even if Taiki is still clinging to him.

And once Taiki does, Inigo leans over to press a very light and gentle kiss to the other's forehead.

"I should be thanking you. For being my friend." He smiles.

Taiki does look up, blinking away the tears. It's silly crying like this but he knows Inigo won't mind, he won't judge him for his tears. He is too kind for that.

He looks up, meeting his eyes. Friends are such a precious thing, he has so few of them that he cherishes them all. But being someone's friend... Being thanked for being someone's friend. That is new.

He smiles, blinking away more tears. As Inigo leans towards him he turns his head. Just slightly, so Inigo's kiss lands on the side of his head rather than the centre. It's a little awkward but he tries to make up for it with another hug.

Uh oh.

The crying is fine, since Inigo knows they aren't bad tears. And the hug is fine too, of course, that's always more than welcome. Inigo can even hold Taiki's face as he looks at him, but then there's the way Taiki.. well, he almost dodges from the slight kiss, and that immediately has Inigo's stomach twisting up in all sorts of knots.

Sure, it's followed up by a hug, so it's not like Taiki is mad at him or full on hates it, but Inigo still knows he did something wrong. He went too far. Did something stupid. His chest feels tight, and suddenly it's getting harder to breathe. He can feel the heat on his cheeks as shame sets in. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

He doesn't want to show it too much to Taiki, in case it might just upset the other, so he does his best to awkwardly pat Taiki's back a bit before he lets go.

"Uh, I-- um, I should let you go look for lord Gyousou now. I've been holding you up enough."

And he's not sure how much longer he can keep a straight face in front of Taiki before the worries bubbling up start to kick into full overdrive. He can already feel them coming up so strongly.

"Inigo... I'm sorry..."

Taiki can tell that he has upset him. Inigo might be trying to hide it, but... It is obvious to someone who knows him. To someone who knows how he hides and tries to keep aware of it.

Taiki reaches out, to press his finger on the centre of Inigo's forehead as Inigo lets go of him.

"For a kirin this place is very sensative." He explains quietly. "It is where our horn is. Even when we look human, it is... uncomfortable to touch it."

He's not sure why his still feels so weird to touch, when he has no horn to speak of. But the closest he can figure is it is like a story of someone who has lost a limb and yet still feels it there.

"I didn't mean to offend you... By moving away..."

For what it's worth, Inigo does seem like he's trying to listen to Taiki's explanation. It's tempting to somehow get away, to avoid it, to hide away with the instant guilt that kicks in at the very thought of doing something that'd make Taiki uncomfortable. But he tries to fight it, knowing that he'd only make Taiki worse if he'd suddenly leave.

And the explanation makes sense. It really does. But it's not like Inigo was blaming Taiki in the first place - he was blaming himself, as usually. And the explanation does little to change that, judging by the look in his eyes. The guilt is so obviously visible in them, even as he sucks in a breath and tries to smile.

".. No, I'm sorry. I.. I shouldn't just have done that without asking permission in the first place."

He just got carried away. Like always. Too affectionate for his own good. Too quick to make others awkward or uncomfortable.

"I'll make sure to remember it."

He was stupid. He shouldn't have moved, shouldn't have let Inigo know that he was uncomfortable. Because now, despite the explanation Inigo is still upset. He still feels guilty and that look is not one that Taiki would ever want to cause.

"No. It's okay. I don't mind... You don't have to ask. I... I'm sorry..."

He should have just stayed still. Because now Inigo was guilty and Taiki always did this, let his selfishness and stubbornness ruin things. This was the reason he had been such a terrible son, the reason he had no friends, even the reason it had been so easy for Asen to manipulate him back then.

Ugh. No. This is going totally south and Inigo realises it, even in the middle of his own guilt and insecurity spiral. He can practically see himself mirrored in Taiki at this very moment. In the look in Taiki's eyes. In those words. They're just going to keep dragging each other down more and more if they do that, and someone has to be the one to break through that.

And apparently that person has to be Inigo this time. Even though he doesn't like it. Even though his guilt towards Taiki still feels very real, as heavy as a weight on his shoulders. Ugh.

"Taiki, it's okay." He steadies his voice, tries to straighten out his facial expression so it's not quite as guilty anymore. It's hard, but not impossible. Inigo has done it often enough in the past. Steeled himself. Tried to forget his emotions, or at the very least push them down.

His hands move to Taiki's shoulders, briefly squeezing those.

"I'm fine. Really. I just got worried when you moved away, because.." His voice trails off, and then he lets out a frustrated sound. It's frustrated at himself though - not at Taiki. Never at Taiki. "Because I'm an idiot who worries way too much about everything. But it's alright now. I get that it's not like you were avoiding me."

"I would never avoid you." That was important for him to know first of all. Taiki realises that this is going wrong. He had been so happy only a few moments ago and now it had all gone wrong, the guilt weighs on him heavily.

And he knows that Inigo holds similar guilt, even though Inigo has done nothing wrong. He is still beating himself up about it because that is what Inigo does.

"I promise, I would never do something like that."

"I know. Just.."

He shakes his head. How can he explain himself here? Especially in a way that wouldn't make Taiki feel only guiltier or worse. It feels impossible. Like every road laid out in front of them might just lead towards both of them feeling worse, no matter what's being said or being done.

So Inigo shakes his head.

".. It's nothing. Just remember that you're doing great." There's a slight hesitation in the gesture, but he raises his hand to pat Taiki on the hair. Carefully. Like he doesn't want to do something dumb again. "You've never done me wrong."

At least that much is the truth. Every single awkward or painful moment he's ever had around Taiki has always been solely his own fault rather than the other's.

"You've never done me wrong either, Inigo. Please remember that."

He smiled at him, it's still sad. Tinged with worry. Worry about Inigo. He smiled at the hair pat and then leaned forwards to kiss Inigo on the forhead. Just where he had pressed his finger against.

"You don't have to worry."

Inigo looks like he's about to say something else. And probably not something good. Maybe something along the lines of how there's plenty he should be worrying about.

But all of that is silenced the moment Taiki kissed him on the forehead like that. Inigo just stares at the other, first momentarily baffled.

But then his entire face slowly starts taking up a very deep shade of pink. Oh, Naga. He's been kirin-blessed now. Taiki-blessed. It feels like he could melt on the spot.

"A-.. Ah.." He momentarily looks lost for words, and he touches his forehead. Still can't believe! ".. Thank you, Taiki. For.. y-you know. Always being so sweet to me.."

"No." He shook his head, "Thank you for being a good friend."

He blushed slightly as well. But at least Inigo slightly flustered and a bit embarrassed was better than Inigo upset.

He leaned back and smiled nervously at him. "Come on, let's go and find Lord Gyousou. Um... Unless you are busy."

He probably shouldn't take Inigo away from whatever he was doing."

"No, I'm-- I'm not busy. Never too busy.. for you.."

It'd almost sound like flirting if it wasn't for the fact that Taiki - most likely - just knows at this point that Inigo is always so genuine and sappy. And for the fact that Inigo sounds so flustered, like he's still in a daze. Taiki has no idea how powerful his forehead kisses truly are.

"S-- So let's go!"

He does know that Inigo is always like this and he has the feeling he embarrassed him a little by kissing his forehead. So he just smiles and takes Inigo's hand.

"Yes. Let's go."

He is very lucky to have a friend like Inigo.

That's not my King!

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