voidtreckerexpress | One Foot in front of the Other Foot [ota with closed prompts]

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One Foot in front of the Other Foot [ota with closed prompts]

Who: Taiki. There is an open prompt and then closed prompts for Inigo, Gyousou and Tidus.
Where: Kitchens, Library, Cinema
When: Horseshoe days 2-5
What: Taiki tries out some recipes from his vegan cookbook. Taiki and Inigo make food to cheer Tidus up, Taiki and Gyousou have a talk in the library and Taiki finally succeeds in tracking down Tidus.
Warnings: Taiki and Tidus' thread will have themes of disappearing/dying- purposefully to try and solve things- with mention of a past suicide attempt. I will add more things as they come up.

Day Two: The Kitchen [OTA]

Tidus' suggestion of a cookbook had come at a good time because as the month changed they once again had meat as one of the main ingredients. It was a little better this time, the meat was processed, already cooked and so entering the kitchen and store room was not an exercise in steeling himself against the smell of blood and raw meat.

He has his new book, Vegan: The Cookbook and has found a recipe for pizza. Considering pizza is one of the recipe's on the ICP this month he is confident that he should find the things to make it.

He moves carefully around the kitchen, gathering ingredients. Soon he has everything but cheese, the book simply says to use vegan cheese, which is not something they have.

He flicks through the book, looking to see if there are any suggestions for alternatives. He has found himself a corner to prepare food in but still feels like he is in the way, mumbling a 'sorry' to anyone who comes near. He hadn't meant for this to take that long...

Day Three: The Kitchen [For Inigo]

Permeating the whole of the last few days has been the lack of Tidus. Taiki has been worried about him, more than worried, ever since Roland told him what had happened on the platform. But despite many attempts he hadn't been able to find him. He wasn't answering his door, Taiki hadn't ran into him in any of his usual places.

He had kept trying, though he feared annoying his friend, the line between being worried and just irritating him so much that he wouldn't want to ever talk to him again was very thin, and Taiki didn't want to cross it.

But he was worried... And he knew Inigo was too, he had seen him around, seen him near Tidus' cabin. He knew he was just as worried, with Yuna leaving... So soon after whatever Tidus had seen on the mountain... It was too much.

He finds Inigo quickly, he's trying not to think about how easy that is to do, and holds out the two books in his hands. One is his cookbook and one is a book on bread making. "I told him I would cook him a meal... Maybe it will chear him up. Do you want to help?"

He doesn't think he needs to clarify who.

Day Four: The Library [For Gyousou]

The situation with Tidus was not the only thing Taiki was worried about. The flashes of the ouki from Inigo, that was worrying too. He knows it has something to do with what happened on the mountain. Something now linked his king and Inigo.

Just as he was certain that these flashes of confusion, of anxiety weren't completely his feelings alone. He was used to feeling overwhelmed and anxious, but this is more so.

Both things put together meant that at times like right now he did not want to stray from Lord Gyousou's side. So here he was, Gyousou was resting on a beanbag reading a history book called Book Not Found Taiki approached silently and sat on the floor next to him, not quite leaning on him but sitting close, his own book Summoning Magic on his knees.

Day Five: Cinema [For Tidus]

He still hadn't seen Tidus, not at all and he was more than worried. But if the other man didn't want to be found, if he was avoiding him and Inigo... then should they leave it? Was it better to allow him his space or make sure he knew they were here for him.

He didn't know but for the last couple of days he had just tried Tidus' room a couple of times. So it was a surprise, when he entered the cinema. He glanced instinctively at the screen, it showed some children clambering through a cave, holding torches as they explored. His eyes went back to where he was walking, scanning the seats and there...

There in the corner, his purple hood was pulled up but Taiki still recognises him.

"Tidus?"

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It was restlessness that brought Tidus here. Not even quite that, but the repetition of the past few day -- moving between his room and mainly the dressing car -- had him sometimes searching for some other means of distraction from his thoughts. Webs's comics were quickly read, the few books he'd taken from the new library too. He got away sometimes when people were already watching films to shuffle on in, the lights dimmed, and really, nobody cared about others joining in on showings. It was one of those things you had to put up with, with the middle aisle of the car leading to the only ways in and out.

Getting 'caught', too, in a stuffed train of over a hundred people, was bound to happen.

He isn't that engrossed in the movie, but Tidus still isn't entirely aware of Taiki when he first appears, entering from the end behind him. Head lifting, but he doesn't turn it at first; that comes hesitantly, a small glance at Taiki taken that then lowers, and then he looks back in the direction of the movie.

Arms folding across his lap, Tidus says nothing.

Flashes of anxiety were contagious nowadays. Gyousou had been experiencing them like panic attacks, unanticipated beyond flares of nervousness in the lead-up. It was fine for now, and he was, at least, reasonably certain that he knew the source; he could separate the feelings from his own. But it wasn't pleasant, and less so to think that any number of passengers were experiencing something similar.

A problem shared, he thought, wryly, as Taiki appeared. He turned the page, then tucked a finger into the page so he could set it down and give the kirin a look over.

He looked... haunted? Almost like he had, those years ago, in the lead-up to the coronation. He studiously picked the book back up. Spoke to it, rather than at Taiki, for now, his voice light and conversational.

"Tell me, what's the matter?"

He sees that glance, knows that Tidus has seen him but then he looks away, crosses his arms. It's enough to make Taiki want to flee, he shouldn't be here. Tidus has made it clear that he doesn't want company, doesn't want Taiki to be around.

But...

He is hurting. Taiki can tell that. Even from over here, that look is one that holds pain, sadness. Tidus is his friend and he can't in good consciousness let him hurt like this, be alone like this.

He had just lost Yuna, someone so important to him. Taiki steps closer. When Gyousou had disappeared Tidus had not left him, he had helped him back to his feet, he had stayed near him. Taiki wanted to help him as much as he had been helped.

Even if he's not the right person for it.

"Tidus." He stepped closer and then closer again, crossing over to where Tidus was and crouching in the aisle next to his seat. "I can... I can leave if you really don't want me here..."

There's a guilt, the instant that he'd seen Taiki--atop the guilt he was already stewing in, a fresh amount plunged into his stomach. Tidus knows he's pushing him away--he knows he's pushing everyone away. But he doesn't know what else to do.

...He doesn't know what to do.

But-- he doesn't want to hurt Taiki. He's never wanted to hurt Taiki, though the shame of being near people was more than Tidus knew what to do with, if eased over the last day or so. Tidus fidgets his arms, not exactly wanting to speak.

Yet, under the noise of the dialogue, while at the same time speaking to not be completely drowned out, Tidus says simply, "You can stay if you want."

He wasn't quite expecting Gyousou to question him, though perhaps he should have been. He has been distracted for a few days, more than distracted. There's a lot to think about, a lot to unravel and it's been a very worrying time.

He hasn't wanted to burden Lord Gyousou, so hasn't been forthcoming about... Anything really. But the question, no the command to tell him, is not one he can ignore.

He looks down at his hands holding the book. "Something strange is going on, A few times I have felt something... like the ouki but when I go to the place I believe you are, Inigo is there."

Coming into the kitchen looking for practice a bit of cooking herself, Kitty couldn't help noticing Taiki in the corner.

"Hey," she says, coming over to where he is. "What're you making?"

"Oh hello Kitty." He smiled at her, a little nervously. "Pizza, it's not too difficult so I hope it turns out alright..."

He has never really cooked for himself before, nor had he ever learned how so he can only hope that following the instructions is enough.

Edited 2020-09-05 16:53 (UTC)

It's not a no. So Taiki stays, shifting so he is kneeling next to the chair rather than crouching. He's a little unsure, if this was Inigo then he would have reached out for his hand for now but Tidus has always been a little more hesitant when it comes to things like that.

Still... He reaches out, gently to touch his arm.

"I'm glad I found you here."

It's his arms being folded around one another that stops Tidus from the fiddling he'd surely be doing with his hands. Wondering if to speak, but the chance being lost to answer naturally.

Maybe he can say nothing and all, and that would be okay with Taiki. He's always been a quiet guy. Tidus tries for it, his gaze flickering from the movie to under the screen; waiting for something to happen, not wanting to appear distracted by a film he wasn't really watching in the first place.

He sits quietly, not moving his eyes from Tidus, not moving his hand and remaining quiet. It's so... Odd, Tidus being silent. When Inigo got upset he cried, he might try and avoid people but when found would cry and that was hard to see but... It was easier to know how to help.

Because Tidus is hurting. It screams from every movement. The folded arms, the silence, the ways his eyes stare at the screen, but don't seem to be watching at all.

For now he remained quiet, giving Tidus time, a moment to think and to talk if he wanted to. He doesn't want to put words in his mouth, or force him to speak.

The movie plays on: kids descending deeper underground, finding themselves before puzzles and setting off traps. Music setting the mood well with the cinematography, their searching finally bringing them into a wide and echoing cavern.

Usually, Tidus couldn't keep still or quiet during a movie--or for anything else, really. When he was younger, he defaulted to a mix of anger and silence, a fuse reaching its end. Back when his parents were gone, and he had Auron there to be a target, but also distrusted this new stranger in his life. When he wanted nothing to do with him, and wanted to show he didn't care he was there.

Tidus could do silence well. Here, they may very well reach the end of the movie without no exchange-- unless Taiki speaks first.

"Oh nice." Man, it felt like it had been a really long time since she had pizza. "How's it going?"

Ran cooks as a pastime. Even though she's no longer at home and she's not required to cook for her father and Conan, she comes to cook because she enjoys it . . . and because for at least a little while, she can focus in on the task in front of her rather than all the worries their environment provokes. There's something very soothing about working with her hands, blending ingredients into something that tastes good, and it absorbs her, allows her to lose herself in the moment.

She's a little less sure about this teddy bear luncheon meat. At least with the vegetables from previous months, there had been a number of different possible applications. But . . . processed meat? How much could she -- anyone -- really do with that?

She'd been resolved to find some options as she heads into the kitchen, about to steer towards digging her meaty adversary out of storage when she catches sight of Taiki in the corner, hunched over his book with a number of ingredients spread out in front of him on the counter. Something about his body posture, self-conscious and uncertain, makes her eyes soften.

"Ne." Her voice is gentle, aiming not to startle him. "Are you having trouble?"

Taiki wasn't really paying attention to the movie at all, not even as background noise. Instead he was paying full attention to Tidus, watching him. He too is someone that can sit still and quiet for hours. He was well practised in drawing no attention.

He knows how it is, to be able to sit silently even under scrutiny, to say nothing because there is nothing you can say, because pain is so tight inside you that words cannot find their way through.

Sometimes silence can draw out words but at other time, when the silence is so absolute that it seems to take on a presence of it's own, the silence can be suffocating.

"Roland told me." He said eventually, his voice soft, his hand gentle. "What happened on the platform, I mean."

Tidus doesn't turn or look at Taiki completely, but his eyes flicker in his direction, listening to what he says. Silent, close to a non-responsive at first, but after a few seconds he gives the tiniest nod; small enough to be mistaken for a twitch, but not quite.

Eyes now down on his lap. Knowing how much that could mean, if Roland told Taiki everything.

He hums, as if that information isn't deeply concerning. Turns the page, and then looks at Taiki sidelong.

"Have you stopped feeling the ouki from me, at those times?"

"Alright I think... It's almost ready to go in the oven."

Though it was without cheese it definitely had a whole bunch of other things on, mushrooms, peppers, onion, sweetcorn. "Would you like some, when it is cooked?"

His eyes flicker up, uncertain as he sees someone he doesn't know very well. Rather someone he has never spoken to, even if he has seen her around on the train before. Still he gives her a small smile and a smaller shrug.

"Sorry... I think I should have read more carefully before I began. Did you need this space?"

Red team isn't even on meal preparation this month though he has tried to time this for a less busy time.

"No." He shook his head, "When I concentrate, it is not from Inigo at all but back from you... I guess it is more of a confusion... rather than a change..."

Gyousou's calm is welcome, makes him feel less worried, as if this is not as dire as it sounds.

He is watching Tidus carefully, his eyes not leaving him for even a second so he sees that eye flickers, sees that nod. Tiny but affirmative.

He has to trust that he is doing the right thing, pushing like this, rather than letting Tidus be. He should be here for Tidus at least and he fears that if he withdraws in the slightest Tidus will bolt, hide again.

So he swallows, finds words even as he he raises his hand to touch the side of Tidus' head. "Did... Did you know that would happen... If you took it off."

Had this been something terrible that Tidus had just discovered or had this been something... known somehow.

His reaction to the touch is small, perhaps hard to read. The hand on his arm had been easy to deal with, but the one to his head--he tries to do nothing though his gaze flickers, unsure of what to think of it. Small though, barely noticeable.

A reaction bigger given to the question asked. A moment needed to formulate the words, know where to put what. But-

"...I'm..." Slowly. Indecisive. "...Yeah."

'I'm a dream', 'I'm not human', 'I knew', slipping away, going for the simplest response. But it's easier to answer than it may have ever been before. It doesn't really matter anymore, does it? There's no secret to keep.

"Since that time on the mountain," he starts, still calm as he watches his demeanour serve its purpose and relax Taiki, "I have see a strange mark appear and disappear on my wrist. Like a droplet of water, falling into a well, or dish. The same marking that appears in Inigo's eye, on occasion. His mark of royalty."

He knows that much, from Inigo's memories. From looking at Chrom's, and doubting 'himself'. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that he is reflecting some aspect of mine, these things seem to echo one another." More importantly... he shifts, half-turning to look more directly at the kirin. It's a little awkward when ensconced in a beanbag rather than a throne, but his manner is familiar, his eyes warm. "Is it unpleasant?"

Since the time on the mountain. That was indeed when it had all started. The strange feelings he had, fear that was not his own. But a mark of royalty... Inigo's mark. On Gyousou. And the ouki from Inigo.

Gyousou doesn't seem worried about it. Even though it is a very worrying thing indeed. He shook his head, bowing his head before the gaze of his king.

"It was strange... I worried the first time. But it is not... unpleasent."

There's a reaction there. A slight... almost a start and then a single word. Yes. He had known. He had known that if he took his SCA off he would... fade? Disappear? He had thought that following Yuna was so important... That he would... vanish.

It might be that this was some power of Tidus', normal, just like his other magic. But if it were Tidus would not be like this. If it were he would not have answered so simply. He had never hidden any of his powers... Not as far as Taiki knew.

So it was not... safe. It was no a way for him to vanish and return it was just to... go.

And it's not something Tidus wants to tell him. He pauses, wondering how to help Tidus. Because really the 'why' Tidus fades away is not the important part. Truly the importance lies in the why Tidus had thought that was his only choice. Why he had... done that.

For Yuna yes, but it was beyond risky. Not that Taiki can blame him. After all...

"I..." He pauses. He doesn't really want to... draw the subject away. But at the same time. He remembers an art room. Hirose. Taiki had not dared open up to anyone in so long and he wouldn't have then. If Hirose Sensei had questioned him like the first time... But instead Hirose had shared his own feelings, of feeling out of place, of almost dying as a child and feeling he went to another place.

That had been what had helped Taiki feel he was not so alone and if he hadn't opened up to Hirose then... Would he had ever have survived to return to his own world?

"A year or so ago... When I was still on earth. A lot of... things happened. People were hurt and killed and though we didn't know how... It was clear it was because of me. A curse they said... My ego not forgiving those that wronged me and striking them down." He shook his head, "To me it was... obvious what had to happen. I had to not be there anymore... As long as I lived people were in danger." He shook his head, "It seemed the best way at the time but I was stopped... Later... Back in my own world we were up against such odds. We couldn't find Lord Gyousou, the kingdom was in ruins, the people were dying. I was useless and it would have been easier if those with me had killed me, to allow the next taika to grow and find a new king. They refused."

This is maybe not a great example because he's still not sure the right decision was made, but... "Sometimes I guess we think of what we could achieve and think it more than worth the cost... I mean... I'm sure you had a reason... You wanted to go after Yuna, didn't want to lose her. But... you could have lost you. We could have lost you..."

His voice breaks at that, he's been trying not to cry. To keep his composure as to not make Tidus feel bad. But he's so... He remembers Roland's expression in the luggage carriage. Shaken, worried. They had almost lost Tidus. Would vanishing count as death? Would he have woken up as those who died did? Or would he have just been gone... an ache in their hearts forever.

Tidus can't predict what it is Taiki is going to say, where it is his words will lead. 'To me it was... obvious what had to happen. I had to not be there anymore... As long as I lived people were in danger.' It doesn't sink in even then, until he goes onward, and Tidus finally turns his head to him. Unsure, his face drawn now in some mix of dread and confusion. Refusing to believe what Taiki was saying, but-- he was telling him this because of what he did. Because he...

...because that's what he chose to do, too. Even if he said, it won't hurt, even though he assured, it's fine. And he knew on some level, but he refused to believe it all the same. And even now he couldn't, the way this story digs deep into Tidus's ribcage, shortening his breath. A breath held. Taiki nearly gave up.

His eyes lower onto Taiki's lap, his fingers digging into the sides of his thighs. He remembers how everyone had reacted that day. It wasn't worth the risk. You have to trust her. Not you too. It scares him, some kind of parasite that he can't get rid of. Staring at Taiki's lap and not knowing what to say or admit, when-- when he'd been ready to do that. He would have been fine with it. Dying and dying and dying...

If they found some kind of answer, wouldn't it be okay?

Dying and dying and dying... should he really care, when he did the same?

Fading, dying, fading, dying... if it's really the same thing, then he-- then he really let everyone in Zanarkand go.

"I figured... I would come back." A small tear falls from his eye, yet the rest of him is quiet, his voice as lost as it has been this whole exchange. "If we knew a little more... we would know... where they go."

But it weakens second by second, the memory of Yuna: leaving, going away. How sad she would be. How he didn't know where she was now. A red blinking into his eyes. Tidus squeezes his arms around himself tighter.

"I won't see her again," he admits, "unless she...comes back to the train. I... I helped get rid of... my home... myself... we couldn't live if we were gonna stop Sin from returning. So I... I never told anyone what would happen. But I knew..."

His voice cracks, grows quieter under the weight. The movie no longer playing, the lights still dimmed. Tidus continuing to stare a hole into Taiki's lap.

"I wanted to know," he whispers, shoulders trembling, "she was okay."

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One Foot in front of the Other Foot [ota with closed prompts]

wow my custom made prompt

that feel when your cat sits next to you #blessed

only the best 4u

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cw: mention of suicide attempt

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