Maybe under different circumstances. Even then it may have been hard to shut Roland out, but not impossible. But with the man curled around him, being so gentle, affectionate, cautious.. Inigo would feel like a total jerk for not telling Roland something.
Even when recalling said something hurts. So much. That's exactly why he said he'd rather forget, after all. Because every single happy moment he has with Yuki is now tainted by the ugliness of how it ended. Dyed in the self doubt that consumes Inigo daily.
But for Roland - for his father - he speaks.
"He.. He didn't hurt me. It was my fault." As he speaks those words, Inigo seems to bury himself even further against Roland, like he's trying to seem as small as possible. Like he's trying to disappear. "We.. We danced at a party. And we were just talking, about.. um, well, it doesn't matter. A lot of things.. The usual."
Their plans for the future. Details Inigo doesn't want to think about.
"He suddenly asked me if I could spend a month in his world first before going back to my own to end things with Grima. And I.. Well, it felt selfish of me to decide that, considering how hard everyone must be fighting back home. But I agreed-- I would have given him anything he wanted." He stops for a second, swallowing. His throat feels so dry while talking about this. "But suddenly.. When I asked him why, he said it was nothing. That it was okay, and he just-- he said he had to go. He left the party, even when I tried to reassure him."
Inigo's breath steadily starts getting shakier. It's been so long. It's been months, why does he still remember it so clearly? Why is it as if he's right back in that moment as he speaks of it?
"After that, he avoided me. Until he disappeared a few days later. The next time the train stopped at a platform, he left."
So Inigo never knew. What was up, what the problem was. All he knows, or thinks he knows, is just--
"I.. I must have said something wrong. Or he must have realised he really didn't want to spend the rest of his life together with someone like me after all.." Because Yuki was too good for him from the start.
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Maybe under different circumstances. Even then it may have been hard to shut Roland out, but not impossible. But with the man curled around him, being so gentle, affectionate, cautious.. Inigo would feel like a total jerk for not telling Roland something.
Even when recalling said something hurts. So much. That's exactly why he said he'd rather forget, after all. Because every single happy moment he has with Yuki is now tainted by the ugliness of how it ended. Dyed in the self doubt that consumes Inigo daily.
But for Roland - for his father - he speaks.
"He.. He didn't hurt me. It was my fault." As he speaks those words, Inigo seems to bury himself even further against Roland, like he's trying to seem as small as possible. Like he's trying to disappear. "We.. We danced at a party. And we were just talking, about.. um, well, it doesn't matter. A lot of things.. The usual."
Their plans for the future. Details Inigo doesn't want to think about.
"He suddenly asked me if I could spend a month in his world first before going back to my own to end things with Grima. And I.. Well, it felt selfish of me to decide that, considering how hard everyone must be fighting back home. But I agreed-- I would have given him anything he wanted." He stops for a second, swallowing. His throat feels so dry while talking about this. "But suddenly.. When I asked him why, he said it was nothing. That it was okay, and he just-- he said he had to go. He left the party, even when I tried to reassure him."
Inigo's breath steadily starts getting shakier. It's been so long. It's been months, why does he still remember it so clearly? Why is it as if he's right back in that moment as he speaks of it?
"After that, he avoided me. Until he disappeared a few days later. The next time the train stopped at a platform, he left."
So Inigo never knew. What was up, what the problem was. All he knows, or thinks he knows, is just--
"I.. I must have said something wrong. Or he must have realised he really didn't want to spend the rest of his life together with someone like me after all.." Because Yuki was too good for him from the start.