[open] and if it gets too rough, just yell

[blitzcheer]

Who: Tidus & You!
Where: Sports gym, training gym, network, and a few other cars
When: Imagination 16 onwards, mostly 'nights'
What: open log thru the second IC-half of the month! barring any events. idk when to date these, let's go wild.
Warnings: Tidus being down/frustrated. crimes against pianos and blowing up the second floor of the games car's ICP console, oops

1; sports

Tidus, very much, likes to make his second home in the sports gym carriage. Trying out every ball game available, from testing his foot skills with a football, his dribbling with a basketball. Sometimes he just likes to take a racquet and start bouncing a tennis ball on it, seeing how high he can get it.

Bother him, critique his form, or even be there when he's at the ball cupboard, cocking his head to it with a wide grin and offering, "Wanna try a game with me?"

Feel free to catch him with any type of ball. Go on, come on. Ball is lyfe.

2; network(/action)

[ from: the training gym ]

Hey! Sooo uh, I've got a request for any magic users doing nothin'. I heard I can learn some spells if you shoot them at me, so- [ a small pause ] I wanna give it a go! I know water, lightning... my fire's okay I guess, and I know a few time- and healing spells. So anything that isn't them. Or, if you know esuna, that'd be great.

Anyway, I wanna see if it'll work, so come down if you're up for it! Or, we can do it later. Whatever, whenever you're free. I got nothing to do.

[ That's not a weird request to send out, is it. ]

3; late night

But for the good mood Tidus has been painting himself in, it's not been entirely true. He's been staying up the past couple of days, loitering around different cars, with different...events.

a;

First is the upper music car, where the playing of the piano may be heard. 'Playing', technically, but only just. Keys are pressed at random, individually and sporadic; before there's the hard ringing of multiple keys, ugly and deliberate, before quickly turning into a storm of key bashing without remorse for the chaotic sound produced, a manic ten to twenty torture session on the poor instrument before it comes to an end.

Well, for a pause -- and then one last fist on the keys are given, for effect. And Tidus sits on the small seat before it, a fist dragging off.

b;

The second night, the upper games car gets it. There's a light thumping that the downstairs may hear, then the sound of crashing, and even the sound of...squeaking and shrills? Until a far more noticeable sound of something electrical exploding, a the sound of glass smashing and else with it.

A climb up the stairs will reveal - on the side away from the VR gaming - an absolute mess. The oversized jenga pieces have been strewn about the car along with the Connect Four coins, water splattered about to drench the stuffed snake and floor carpet. And the source of the explosion? A pretty easy to find source, if one follows the smell of smoke and sight of it: it's where the upstairs ICP terminal sits, or did sit, in the wall, its screen and everything broken in now, with a large water mark spilling down the wall.

Tidus stands near it, holding 'back' a tiny blue creature in his arms squeaking maniacally, as if positively delighted at the results. ...or if you're not a person of good intentions (because this is a very ghibli creature, please), Tidus just looks like he's weirdly holding his arms around his stomach, if with a gap.

"Uhh-" Regardless, he looks around quick with the company, then throws out a (desperate) defensive: "What?"

W-what are you looking at??

c;

The third night is less disastrous, thankfully. Tidus sits cross-legged on the floor of the sports car, rolling around a ball with his the tips of his fingers, picking it up and lazily spinning it between both hands, or sometimes even just staring at it. Thinking, his face stormy and complicated. Not really paying attention to anything, nor in any apparent rush to do more than look dissatisfied.

He chucks the ball once after a while, a simple throw sending it over a nice distance. But it rolls, comes to a stop -- and Tidus doesn't look interested in following after it.

Comments

[longforgottenpromise]

[This is difficult. Because last time Taiki had pushed, pushed through Tidus' barriers and tried to help it had ended disastrously. It had hurt Tidus, it had hurt Inigo.

It had hurt Taiki's own heart. But he still can't... He can't just leave. Tidus is his friend and the idea of leaving him alone in this silent gym in the middle of the night. It is lonely and heartbreaking.]

Can I stay?

[His voice is quiet, careful, He doesn't move his hand away yet.] I won't disturb you... if you don't want to talk... I can be quiet...

[blitzcheer]

[ ... ] I won't make you go.

[ He sniffs after saying it, using the back of his hand to rub his nose. Eyes darting aside, but it wasn't as if he was already looking at Taiki, or anywhere in particular. But Tidus breathes, tries to ease how stiff, how uncomfortable his body feels. He doesn't want to start crying, not now. What good would it do? Getting upset, and in front of Taiki to boot.

It's so tiring. All he does is cry.

So instead he stands, up on his feet. Taking in another deep breath before he says: ] I'm just gonna walk, around the room. I won't run off.

[ A reassurance, because he sure has done that before. But he knows he needs to move, to try and clear his head some, to not get consumed by everything in it. See if it'll help him speak when he's devoid of words. And what a miracle that is. ]

[longforgottenpromise]

[He nods, glad that Tidus is not pushing him away. His heart almost breaks when he hears him trying to fight tears. He wishes he knew a way to help, but he doesn't. He can only try and comfort, he doesn't have words of wisdom, perhaps if he were a better kirin...

He shifts to let Tidus stand, sitting against the wall and drawing his knees up to his chest as he watches his friend pace. He is silent as promised, sometimes that works, if silence will draw the words out.

Because it is so hard to see Tidus quiet, but Taiki understands. Of course there is so much going on, so much pain in Tidus' heart and sometimes... That's not something that can be fixed or even eased.

But sometimes, in those situations where everything is too much, the presence of another person is helpful. Taiki can just hope so.]

[blitzcheer]

[ He says walk, but it's more of a meander, a mither. Stops and pauses, A feet with no destination, a person with nowhere to go. Stupid, even in his despair. What does he think he's going to get out of this?

But even in his self-deprecation, he searches: for an answer that none of them have found, some hope, some way. He wants it, though his mind is a haze where nothing useful can form. Except now he has an audience, and shouldn't he be better than this? Better than sulking, better than feeling sorry for himself, for everyone.

What if...? he thinks a couple of times. What if we —?, How about we —? But there's nowhere further for his thoughts to carry him, no ideas. He's too impatience. Not smart. Not about this stuff. What can a blitzball player do about a train of captives?

But he does slip out, while turned in Taiki's direction, his voice lifted to be carried, ]

You ever wish you were someone else?

[ —but then decides, with a single beat: ] You shouldn't. Forget it - I wasn't serious.

[ So maybe back to his aimless walking it is. ]

[longforgottenpromise]

[He sits silently, watching, tracking Tidus' movements even as they were erratic. He sits watching, but not judging, waiting for Tidus to find his words and prepared to be patient as long as that took.

He very much understands not being able to find the words to speak.

The question is surprising but he shakes his head when Tidus tries to take it back.]

Yes... . When I lived on earth, when I had forgotten... Then I used to wish...

[He looked at his knees, easier than looking at Tidus.] I wished I was someone better, someone who belonged. Someone who didn't make his dad furious, someone whose mum would look at... would want to be her son... But... [He shook his head.]

Even now... I wonder. Wouldn't Tai be better off if it had a different Taiki? A Taiki with shirei, a Taiki who wasn't so... [He shrugs, gesturing slightly at himself.] I've never done anything right or been much help so of course I can't help but wonder...

[blitzcheer]

[ He couldn't regret the question harder than with Taiki's reply. Remembering the talk they shared back in the cinema carriage, if in bits and pieces held together by high strung emotions. Now here he is, careless words trudging up that side of Taiki that Tidus knows exists, but- ]

No- [ Tidus close to marches over to where Taiki is, the pause before he does born from an erratic mind than indecision. His shadow casts over the other man and Tidus crouches, bringing them closer to level. His earlier emotions still linger in the hold of his face, but so does a stubborn refusal. ]

I don't want any other Taiki than you. You try - I know you do. It's not your fault your family or life's been like this. Thrown around, never knowing who you are and then coming to the game late with being a kirin? What's wrong with Taiki? What's wrong with the guy I know?

[ His voice grows impassioned, refusing. His eyes on Taiki hard, but only in their resolution close to a plea to be believed. Though his head drops before he goes on, the heat of his words dipping. ]

Your family were wrong. You can't... I don't... [ He breathes. ] I used to think all the time about mine. My mom... she died after my old man disappeared. It was like she gave up, you know? Soon as she figured he wasn't coming back, she changed.

[ ... ] Everyone loved my old man so much, even my mom would rather be with him than me.

[ It comes out bitter, sardonic - but barely. A lump back in his throat that Tidus works to ignore. To say what he wants to say, to get it out- ]

I refused. Why she died, what everyone thought of me - I wasn't worthless. I wasn't gonna give up. [ He puts a hand on Taiki's knee. ] I won't let you give up on you either.

[longforgottenpromise]

[Everything. Everything was wrong with this Taiki. He had not done even one thing right in his whole life and every time he tried to fix the messes he caused he seemed to create more. Even now, he had finally found Lord Gyousou, finally was with him again and yet they were both so far from Tai it was impossible to even plan away back home.

If he had been quicker, brighter, less a troublesome child, less stubborn, more confident, better at learning. Any of those things would have helped. Instead he was a failure as a kirin and he had brought only harm to those he knew on earth.

But Tidus was talking again and he listened, sadness showing in part of him as Tidus explained, about his dad disappearing. He had gone to Spira... He already knew that, he had been with Yuna's father and yet his mum had given up. Had not been able to keep going, not even for Tidus, not even for her son.]

I'm glad... You didn't give up. You aren't worthless at all, you are worth so much...

[He puts his hand on top of Tidus' hand on his knee.] I'm so lucky to have met you... And everyone who has met you here... They feel the same.

[He knows that, he knows how much everyone appreciates him but he also knows Tidus might not realise, how much he means...

Because even now, despite being so upset he couldn't sleep he was here trying to comfort Taiki.]

Your mum... She was wrong to not want to be with you, she... I am sure she felt a lot of pain when your dad disappeared... Sometimes... I guess pain is so great it makes people... They don't realise the people who are still there... That they need them, that they love them too...

[blitzcheer]

[ Taiki's words wash with his history, that childish notion of his own life's tragedy. Was it? Wasn't it? Even now, older - no longer the seven year old who lost his family, only seeing everything through the lens of his own hurt... Tidus has never been sure of any other truth. That anything else but heartache took his mother, but knowing now it was more than just the sea that took his old man.

It doesn't matter. They're waters, tales that he's never really shared with anyone but Yuna. And now- his heart stirs, and he isn't sure where it's leading him. But Tidus takes that hand on his, cupping it his other. Not moving it, but letting it keep there as he says, speaking on a whisper- ]

Well... I love you too, Taiki. Whatever you think, or anyone tells you... you're my pal. You always will be, no matter what. I'll never forget you. You made me happy being here.

[ He grips his hand a little tighter. ]

That's why, I'm... I'm really scared of losing people again. That way... losing you...

I don't want you to go.

[ His mouth lingers open, but nothing else would spill out but the same fear, the same worry. Gripping into him and holding him tight; Tidus knowing he should be stronger, that he needs to stand up, be willing to confront anything and be a wall. Unyielding, defiant, refusing.

But he can't brush off the anxiety, the apprehension. The fear of possibility becoming reality. He never thought about everyone else once before. He gave in. Who's he now to try and fight it? To say it won't happen?

He can't. He can never stop it. ]

[longforgottenpromise]

[Tears spill down Taiki's face at that, unable to stop them at Tidus' words. Having friends is still new to him, there are people in Tai who care for him deeply but that is fundamentally because he is their kirin, their hope.

To have someone tell him they loved him, they were happy because of him, when he wasn't even... He gave nothing to Tidus. Tidus wasn't from Tai, Taiki couldn't help him in any way, there were plenty of more useful people than Taiki, braver, more clever. People who could actually help.

There's so little he can do and yet... Tidus still cares for him, is afraid he would leave.

He grips his hand tightly.] I love you too Tidus, I'd never want you to go. I can't.... I can't say we will always be here together... We don't have any choice but if I could... I would make sure you could stay with us, me and Lord Gyousou. Come back to Tai with us.

[He doesn't even want to let go of his hands to wipe his tears away.] You should get to choose... To be where you want and with who you want.

[blitzcheer]

[ Tidus chuckles, small, short. More of a huff than anything else. ]

I wish I could go with you too. I could help you take care of the people who hurt Gyousou - I'll use magic. [ He looks up into wet eyes he already knows he'll see, his own not much better. ] A sleep spell, a stun. Whatever I have to. Whatever to help.

[ Whatever will make Taiki happier, as little violence as possible.

But--he can't hold back. Turning his hand that Taiki holds so he can hold it back, and lifting up the one over his so he can wipe at those tears, clear them away. Trying to, at the very least. ]

But I'll be happy if you both go back, with or without me. I don't want you to stay here, I just... I don't want you to fade. Like me. I don't want anyone to fade anymore.

[ And how can a guy like him go anywhere, if he's only destined to disappear?

But as long as it's no one else - as long as he's the only one. ]

As long as you get back home... then it'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'm okay.

[longforgottenpromise]

[He lets Tidus move his hand, lets him wipe away the tears. Tidus offering to help, offering to help Lord Gyousou, offering spells that would not kill, would not harm.

It's almost too much. How had Taiki, a broken, hornless kirin who caused so much trouble found himself such a friend as this. A friend who wished only for him to exist, to not fade, to be able to go back and save Tai.

Who didn't care what happened to him, who cared for his friends more than he did himself.]

Tidus... [He's been holding back, he knows Tidus isn't the greatest fan of hugging but now he can hold himself back no longer and he falls forward into him, wrapping his arms around him tightly.]

I want you to be happy, we can figure it out, so many things that once seemed impossible have happened. We can find a way... For you to be wherever you want to be, with whoever you want to be.

[blitzcheer]

[ It's so easy to unravel his convictions when it comes to this. This conversation, unthreading Tidus's excuses, his arguments, leaving him without anything to hold onto. Nothing but Taiki's body, already there and steadying. Or is this the effects of time? Of friends who know the truth, telling him otherwise: that no, there's a way; no, it doesn't need to be like this; no, no, no?

He doesn't know how to speak. He doesn't know how to keep his silence. He doesn't know what he wants, other than not to hurt - not himself, but especially not Taiki. And isn't this what he's realised? What it's like, knowing friends can disappear. Why he kept it silent for so long, why he never wanted to share it. Having to watch his friends hurt, knowing every step took them closer to more than just ridding Spira of Sin? ]

I....

[ But he was never good at answers, never good at choosing. Fingertips grazing at the back of Taiki's shirt, his head hung, yet his shame far from private. ]

I don't know who... who I can be. I... I'm not good at thinking about that, Taiki. [ His voice dips low, throat pressing into his words. This talk of a future, a possibility, when he's done everything to push it down, refusing to believe. Even now, even now- ]

I don't know...

[ He trails, the words a whisper. ]

[longforgottenpromise]

It's alright not to know. [He doesn't let go, holds Tidus steady as he listens to him speak, waits for him to speak with even breaths and a calmness that comes from his very nature.

He understands not knowing, about not being good at thinking about things. Or perhaps he doesn't. He's very good at thinking, perhaps too good. His thoughts overwhelm him sometimes, making him too anxious to even act.]

You don't have to know, or even think about it. We don't know what will happen... We don't know at all. Anything could... So it's alright to not know. It's alright for you to just be here, with us now.