a man for flowers ✿ ( INIGO ) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flatteries) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
voidtreckerexpress2020-12-11 11:10 pm
flatteries) wrote in voidtreckerexpress2020-12-11 11:10 pm
(open) my heart is about to jump out of my chest
Who: Inigo and you!
Where: The upper level of the music carriage
When: Imagination 19/20
What: Inigo thinks he's having a private dance practice moment. Thinks.
Warnings: Probably nothing, will edit if necessary.
---
(open to all)
If you happen to pass through the music carriage today - as people usually do when moving through the train - you may notice something. Either you can hear music coming from the upper floor, drawing your attention, or if you have a good heart, you may instead see an odd little creature sitting on the stairs, swaying from side to side along with the music.
If you decide to go upstairs, the creature certainly won't do anything to stop you, if you can see it. In fact, it seems to happily bounce right after you, following you up.
And upstairs the carriage is mostly empty - except for Inigo standing on the stage, dancing. The music is even more audible now. Inigo is dancing along to the beat, eyes closed, yet he doesn't seem to even come close to falling off the stage, as if he knows exactly where to place his feet. Which he probably does, considering his movements seem to be very fluid, practiced. It's a pretty captivating dance, honestly, and it's easy to just keep watching it without realising the time is passing until the song stops.
It's then that Inigo stops moving too, finally opening his eyes..
.. and therefore finally noticing that he's not alone. He lets out an absolute shriek, staring you straight in the eyes, before his foot slips and he finally ends up falling on the stage.
Temporary elegance gone. There is only a miserable little pile of Inigo on the stage now.
(closed to taiki)
Okay, okay. Maybe he just needs to get used to dancing in front of people. He danced in front of Tidus before, and that was only.. only mildly mortifying, so maybe that's what he should do. Make sure to dance in front of people he feels a bit more comfortable with.
Hence why Inigo gently dragged (read: made puppy eyes at until he gave in) Taiki along here. He said it was fine if Taiki would just sit there and paint or something, do whatever he feels like doing! It's just that Inigo has to get used to having an audience, okay! And Taiki is just about the most gentle person Inigo can think of for this sort of thing.
But thinking of that is one thing. The actual execution of this plan is another thing.
Which is why they're both here now, but rather than dancing, Inigo just sitting there on the stage, slumped over, groaning. His face is buried in his hands.
"Why is it so hard to get started when someone else is looking.." Is he whining to Taiki? To himself? Who knows.
Where: The upper level of the music carriage
When: Imagination 19/20
What: Inigo thinks he's having a private dance practice moment. Thinks.
Warnings: Probably nothing, will edit if necessary.
(open to all)
If you happen to pass through the music carriage today - as people usually do when moving through the train - you may notice something. Either you can hear music coming from the upper floor, drawing your attention, or if you have a good heart, you may instead see an odd little creature sitting on the stairs, swaying from side to side along with the music.
If you decide to go upstairs, the creature certainly won't do anything to stop you, if you can see it. In fact, it seems to happily bounce right after you, following you up.
And upstairs the carriage is mostly empty - except for Inigo standing on the stage, dancing. The music is even more audible now. Inigo is dancing along to the beat, eyes closed, yet he doesn't seem to even come close to falling off the stage, as if he knows exactly where to place his feet. Which he probably does, considering his movements seem to be very fluid, practiced. It's a pretty captivating dance, honestly, and it's easy to just keep watching it without realising the time is passing until the song stops.
It's then that Inigo stops moving too, finally opening his eyes..
.. and therefore finally noticing that he's not alone. He lets out an absolute shriek, staring you straight in the eyes, before his foot slips and he finally ends up falling on the stage.
Temporary elegance gone. There is only a miserable little pile of Inigo on the stage now.
(closed to taiki)
Okay, okay. Maybe he just needs to get used to dancing in front of people. He danced in front of Tidus before, and that was only.. only mildly mortifying, so maybe that's what he should do. Make sure to dance in front of people he feels a bit more comfortable with.
Hence why Inigo gently dragged (read: made puppy eyes at until he gave in) Taiki along here. He said it was fine if Taiki would just sit there and paint or something, do whatever he feels like doing! It's just that Inigo has to get used to having an audience, okay! And Taiki is just about the most gentle person Inigo can think of for this sort of thing.
But thinking of that is one thing. The actual execution of this plan is another thing.
Which is why they're both here now, but rather than dancing, Inigo just sitting there on the stage, slumped over, groaning. His face is buried in his hands.
"Why is it so hard to get started when someone else is looking.." Is he whining to Taiki? To himself? Who knows.
no subject
But finding it suddenly right on top of his chest is a different story entirely. He lets out a brief, instinctive, 'w-what?' before moving his arms to support the higgledy. Knowing Gibbs probably doesn't need it, but unable to help himself with how used he is to babying and spoiling Jumblie as well by holding her in his arms.
".. Gibbs?"
It sure isn't like him to greet Inigo with a cling. It's weird. And considering these adorable creatures are connected to their hearts, Inigo can't help but frown in worry.
"Is everything okay?" Is this just Gibbs being a wild, wild higgledy, or is something up with Tidus that he'd cling to Inigo out of the blue?
Sensing Inigo's concern, Jumblie wanders closer towards them too, staring up at the two.
no subject
Was this the message he was asked to bring over? It must be, right?? Absolutely not embellished by Hibber-Gibber's way of speaking. Blinking up again from out of Inigo's arms, just so he can appear again in front of his face, his own squiggly face gleeful and with hope.
'Will you do so, young heart?'
no subject
Of course, indeed. There's no way Inigo would turn down an offer from Tidus like that, no matter the circumstances. Though the current circumstances coupled with the way the higgledy words it does make Inigo think.
After all, he vividly remembers his own dumb failed attempt at cheering Tidus up, or at least momentarily distracting him. It's been maybe a few days since then, but it still doesn't sit quite right with him, like guilt lining the walls of his stomach, catching him off guard with nausea at random times.
But Tidus thought of him. And now dared to make his message. Had the other been feeling as dumb and bad about it as Inigo himself? It's not like he asked Tidus, not after Inigo made sure to quickly go to bed and then just didn't bring it up again the next day.
He glances over towards the side, away from Hibber-Gibber's enthusiastic face, and over towards where Jumblie is blankly staring up at him. More quiet than the other higgledy, but seemingly encouraging this in her own way. A small smile appearing on her face, her light glowing just a bit brighter.
Inigo looks back at Gibbs.
"You can go ahead. Let him know I'll be right over, okay?"
no subject
Poof! goes the higgledy upon receiving the response. But he isn't rushing off to go anywhere -- oh no, not anywhere far. Gibbs re-emerges where Jumblie is, sharing delightfully, 'a yes! a yes!' and twirling in place. Doing one of those higgledy dances thereafter that their species love to do, as if to dance for joy is wired into their being.
'Let the pyjama party soon commence!'
With his mini-celebration with his fellow higgledy done, then does Hibber-Gibbers make his departure, blinking away as if teleporting offers him speed. Each frame that he can be seen for showing that he's spinning, even in the midst of teleporting.
Someone is Very Happy.
no subject
She doesn't even look disappointed when the celebration is suddenly over. Instead she just hops right over into Inigo's arms, looking up at him.
"Yeah, I know," Inigo says, as if replying to something unsaid. The benefits of having your higglebuddy linked up to your dragon god connection is that sometimes she doesn't need to say something out loud for Inigo to hear it completely in his head anyway. ".. I'm happy too. It's a good thing. It's just.."
He glances in the direction the other higgledy teleported off in.
"You think that was Tidus? Or was it all just Gibbs being himself?"
Surely Tidus wouldn't be this excited about the idea of a pyjama party after how disasterous the last one was, right?
.. Inigo stands there for a moment, thinking about it, but then just gives up on the thought. He promised he'd be right over, so he's not going to linger! Instead he just heads off in the direction of what's now his and Tidus's shared room, Jumblie still resting in his arms.
Opening the door with his ticket, he curiously peers inside.
"Tidus?"
no subject
That's Tidus's fear. Like he could be doing anything else - like talking! directly to Inigo! make things better that way! - than this, but here he is, treating the last few days like a... silly sleepover. Is he? With the few game boards stacked on the floor, spoons sitting on top, the snacks out on the bed and magazines prepared, Tidus can't help but feel apprehensive as he waits. This is just going to get all awkward again, isn't it. Or he's going to open his dumb stupid mouth and say something, or - or Inigo's going to be sad and sad at him!
Sure, Gibbs comes and brings him the good news with more cheer than Tidus knows what to do with. But now he's just like a rattling body of bones with a giddy life inside him. --actually, that's exactly what he is.
Maybe he could just disappear? Meet Inigo and take them both somewhere else? They could watch a movie! A movie would be better!
Except, it's too late. The door opens and a form show in its doorway, and Tidus's head springs up, hitting the bottom of the upper bunk, a small cry coming from the knock.
A knock he's absolutely ignoring despite the hand going up near his head as Tidus leans out from his cross-legged place, peering out from the small shade of his bunk to greet Inigo, at least him his spot on the bed. The snacks and magazines waiting beside him in view.
"Y-yo! Hey! Hi. I..." uhh, ummm- he grabs a small bag of mini pretzels, waves them up. "Pyjama party?"
no subject
He's just stunned.
Once he can get himself to move again, he slowly steps into the room, making sure to not step on anything lying on the floor. Just still looking at it all, taking it in.
Only stopping the walking once he's right next to Tidus.
"This.." Jumblie hops out of his arms, starting to dance on top of one of the board games, but Inigo doesn't seem to mind, maybe doesn't even seem to notice as he's staring at it all. "It's so.."
Inigo can't seem to find the right words. Instead he looks over at Tidus, and realising there's no spot directly next to him on the bed without snacks being crushed underneath Inigo's butt, he instead just moves to practically jump onto Tidus, sitting on his lap, a sudden weight against him-- (Please don't fall back and hit your head against the wall instead, Tidus, we don't need a double injury here!)
"You're so-- You're so dumb, Tidus! You're so dumb!" This definitely is a case of Inigo not being able to find the right words. He doesn't sound angry. Emotional, sure, but more just.. touched than anything else. So touched that he can't find the right words for what he wants to express right now. His eyes may even be the slightest bit watery, only visible since he's so up close to Tidus's own face. "I can't believe you did all of this, just because.."
.. Just because the last one was a mess. Because they can do better. Because Inigo screwed up like an idiot.
He wraps his arms around Tidus's shoulders, chests pressed together as Inigo buries his face into the other guy's shoulder. Is this going to look weird to anyone else if they happen to walk in now? Yes. Sorry, S'reee, just let them have a moment. "Sweet Naga, I don't deserve you."
no subject
But he doesn't. The look on Inigo's face, the glint in his eyes near missable even with the proximity, the light behind them shrouding them in some shade -- it hushes him, and the arms come around him to further confuse Tidus. His arms and hands somewhere on Inigo's back already, but in a feathering, uncertain way. He knows where to put his arms on a girl, or Yuna, but on a guy? -- this isn't important.
"Whuh-" What is important is the confusion spluttering out of his mouth, until finally- "What are you talking about? I made a mess of your night! You don't deserve me-" a scoff "-but not the way you're saying it. I'm trying to make it up to you 'cause I've been stupid. I said stupid things. You just wanted to help and I-- I was just feeling sorry for myself."
It's plainly true. That he's been stuck in his own head, pushing Inigo away. And why? Because he's scared, because he doesn't know what to do.
"I don't deserve you, Inigo. I don't deserve any of my friends here."
But his arms may be holding on tighter to Inigo as he says it, his head dipping close to the body in front of him.
no subject
And especially not when the hold the other has on him, in turn, starts growing tighter. That's even less incentive to go anywhere but right here. This is where he's needed right now, after all. That's what that hold tells him.
"No, I.. I was selfish too. Because I just wanted to have you by my side. Because I missed you, and because I.. I stupidly thought I could somehow fix it. Or at least help." But he couldn't, that much is clear. And he really shouldn't blame that on himself, since the problem is so big, so beyond any of them, but at the same time he can't help but think about what would have happened if he did even just one little thing different. If he had been a better person. Someone who could've helped Tidus in that moment.
But that's not what he wants to focus on too much now. Not with the last part that Tidus says, words that nestle immediately in Inigo's chest, feeling not right.
He stops holding Tidus for a moment, but only so he can instead carefully put his hands on the sides of Tidus's face, angling his head so Inigo can look at him. The tips of his fingers moving slightly back and forth against Tidus's temples, as if to massage them.
It's a tender gesture. Maybe a little too tender, but Inigo never knows how to express these things with words as well as he does with physical actions. Though he'll try.
"Because you deserve help, Tidus. And you deserve all of your friends here. But more than anything, you deserve to feel better."
There's not a shred of doubt about that in his mind, at least, and that's reflected in Inigo's eyes as he looks directly into Tidus's own.
"Because your heart.. It's so strong, and so pure. You always worry about everyone, wanting the best for them." If the issue Tidus has been so worked up for the past while has shown anything, it's that. "You want to fight for everyone, do whatever you can."
Inigo's fingers move a little further, into Tidus's hair now, hoping to be as soothing as possible.
"I.. I really admire that about you, Tidus. It's amazing. I just wish I could somehow stop the world from taking that chance away from you."
'That's not a choice to force you to make. To force anyone to make. Making you choose between two evils.'
'But I made it.'
How come Tidus always gets put into those positions? Back home, and now here. Not having a choice. Struggling with it, over and over, like a cursed fate.
"I wish I could somehow take away everything that hurts you."
.. Inigo releases a breath. "It's.. dumb and childish. I know."
no subject
And words that weigh heavy on his heart.
Tidus sits with his arms still around Inigo, hands near the small of his back. Listening, eyes falling aside eventually, but not with any sharp pull or attempt to mask his emotions. But it's a lot, too, to look into those eyes and that honesty. A shyness not quite flushed, not quite embarrassed. He gets it though, what Inigo is saying.
'It's.. dumb and childish. I know.'
"It's not," he protests, mild of one as it is. "I don't think so. We don't want our friends to hurt... I don't want you getting hurt thinking you can't help me," he admits, spoken softer than the rest. His words falling into a silence, just for a moment. Eyes on the fabric of Inigo's shirt, taking some comfort in an otherwise peculiar position.
"I've been thinking a lot about it; what I did back in Spira, and what's going on now. It's... - as hard as it's been telling myself, it isn't the same. It's not. Because no one here has to disappear. You don't have to, so long as we keep the train safe."
As long as nothing risks it. And so far, nothing has. None of their attacks, none of their attempts to get into the engine room. There's nothing to be afraid of, outside or in.
"And I'm not the only one now. I kept it a secret before - I didn't tell anyone what would happen. Yuna, Wakka, Lulu... Auron knew, but he's that kind of guy. He always knew something was gonna happen. I couldn't keep a thing from him."
Tidus's head dips, the slither of mirth barely breathed into his latter words. The memory of Auron, that grumpy, old guy. Everything that was so long ago. For a life of his long gone.
"But..." But- the words he's trying to say, the point he wants to make. "I'm not alone. It's not just my choice. I don't... I don't have to hide it, what'll happen."
And that means a lot, because it means-
"You don't have to disappear." He says it out loud, just to hear himself. Swallowing, voice cleared just to make it so. A hand coming around from Inigo's back to hold one of his arms. Tidus's gaze going back up; brow drawn, lips slightly trembling, but something on a smile trying to be.
"I want you to go back, that's all I want." Firmer, his hold tightening, but without digging in. "Anyone, everyone who wants to leave. I want you to make it home, wherever you want to be. If we can make that happen... if we still try for it..."
He looks back at the arm that he's holding. Silence for a moment by the lump in his throat, hoping that the words he's spoken already say everything he wants to say.
Then I'll keep fighting. Then I have a reason to keep going.
no subject
Even though it feels a bit fragile in the way Tidus trembles, in his gaze, in that smile that tries.
It's exactly how Inigo knows there are some things that are going around in his mind right now that he shouldn't say out loud. That he isn't afraid to disappear, for one. Not that he'd want to - it'd be useless, for one, and he has at least some things left to do, but.. in the long run, he isn't scared of it. But it's not the right thing to voice in front of Tidus, he knows it.
And then there's the fact that Inigo also wishes for Tidus to go home. Not necessarily back to his own home, but.. wherever he wants to go. To find a future he wants to have, the future he deserves. But he remembers how hard it was for Tidus to even think about that the last time they talked about it, that time in the tent under the rain.
Tidus is already so brave, talking about all of this now. It's not the time to push his emotions into any further difficult territory.
So Inigo? He just smiles as he stares at Tidus. Less shakey than the other, more steady. Looking more calm than a moment ago.
"We can make it happen." Somehow he manages to make it sound confident, despite everything, and his hands slip out of Tidus's hair, onto his friend's shoulders. "I know it doesn't seem that way, since we don't have anything concrete yet. Because we're fumbling, and because that's scary, frustrating."
He thinks back to the ICP Gibbs just completely blasted out of said frustration.
"But we will. We'll just keep our eyes out for any new information. We'll ask people who seem like they may have skills or knowledge that could help. We'll just keep trying. I want everyone to be able to go home too."
Inigo leans in, slowly, until their foreheads gently touch, then holding them here. He draws in a breath, closing his eyes.
"But I also.. want to do it together. I don't want us to push each other away. You give me so much courage, Tidus. And happiness. I just wish I could give even half of that back to you.."
no subject
"Why do all my friends talk like they never give me anything? Don't you know how much you mean to me? Why?"
'Why you mean so much to me?' They're not words spoken in frustration nor chiding, though there's some level of disbelief, of uncertainty tucked in them. He can never understand, if its the insecurities that his friends carry or if its that Tidus doesn't show well enough the happiness his friends bring him in return. That he doesn't need them to be like him - always loud, always impatient; frigid to accepting innocent, friendly male affection, to never just being accepting of so many things in first place?
"I'm not...as selfless as you make me out to be. You know? If I... if I could go home, I would."
And they're hard words to speak, a true honesty to admit. His mouth hurts, aches even, a ghost of a pain. Or perhaps more truthfully, it's all an anxiety close to turning physical. A truth he's never really wanted to admit, even to himself.
Home. To Spira. To Yuna, to everyone...
It's too close though, to a conversation repeated, to a conversation he doesn't want to have right now. Shaking his head, forcing himself to speak when he doesn't want to, an apprehensive rush carrying him along.
"But I can't think about that now. I need to think about-- everyone. I want to focus on what we can do. I can't think about the past."
no subject
But any words about Tidus's future die in his throat when he notices how the other continues. So rushed, in a hurry, like he's trying to run ahead of it, trying to leave it all behind him. Even without saying it out loud - although that 'I can't think about that now' comes real close - Inigo knows Tidus doesn't want to talk about it, not now.
And sure, it's something they're going to have to address again eventually. But maybe not right now, when their emotions are already so sore from everything else.
.. but that leaves very little to focus on other than the first thing Tidus says. Before he even dives into the rest. Another topic that sits heavy on Inigo's chest.
"B.. Because I don't give you anything," he answers. Slowly, his throat feeling almost too tight to talk. "I should be giving you more. I want to be able to help you more. With.. our whole situation here, with your situation back home. I don't feel like I do enough.. or that I do the right thing when I do try to do something."
Inigo tries to think, since Tidus isn't just talking about him. Who else talks like that? Any of his friends back home? Inigo wouldn't know, doesn't know them. And among the people on the train.. his thoughts immediately go to Taiki, recognizing the similarities between himself and their friend. If Tidus is talking about anyone else here, it's probably him, huh. But even Taiki gives Tidus more than he does, Inigo thinks. Taiki's affection with Tidus always looks so natural. Not as dumb as his own.
no subject
It comes, once Tidus takes a hold of both of Inigo's forearms. His gaze coming back up to meet his, his direction closer to a plea than a demand, but a chiding too. The hold he takes of Inigo steady, as well as his eyes. The first thing that's gotten him to be so steady since they became drawn into this conversation.
"You're my friend, Inigo. If I make you feel like you do nothing for me, and it's somethin' I'm saying, then- just punch me in the jaw and say it!"
Cue mimicking a light jab in the air between them. It may be a little dramatic, but look, maybe he's feeling like it's deserved for the offence, alright.
"I never want you to think that! I know I've been a pain lately, and I know it hasn't been the first time. But I appreciate you, Inigo. You put up with me, and you're there for me, and we're everything that friends should be! What am I gonna do if anything happened to you? Who'm I gonna spend everyday with then?"
He lets out a breath behind his mouth, shoulders sagging a little. His thumbs rubbing slow, massaging circles.
"I told Taiki too... that I don't want anyone else but my friends. You, the Inigo I know. You're the guys for me. I wouldn't have it any other way, you know?"
no subject
Inigo kind of wishes he could just shrink away into nothing, but he doesn't move - even if Tidus wasn't holding his arms like that. He remains on Tidus's lap, exactly where he's been the whole time. (Honestly, at this point he's probably not even thinking anymore about what exactly their current position is.)
"Y.. You're not doing anything wrong. I know you're happy to be friends with me." Otherwise there was no way Tidus would be accepting as much physical affection from Inigo as he does by this point. Inigo remembers the first time he asked for a hug, Tidus's reaction back then. Look how far they came in comparison to that.
But. There's an obvious but to that sentence, but that takes Inigo a moment more to put into the right words than the sentences just now that came much more easily.
His gaze drops.
"We're.. We're both there for each other. Because it's what friends do, just like you say. And you've cheered me up so many times." Even pushing himself for it at times, to limits of physical affection that were great for Inigo, but very new for Tidus. He'll never forget that moment back in Irivar, that single moment that did so much for him, even though it can't have been easy for Tidus, especially coming right off the pain of Yuna's departure.
Slowly he looks back up to meet Tidus's gaze. "But it feels like I've never cheered you up. I-- I really wanted to do it the other day, but instead I just made you angry all over again. And that has nothing to do with you being a pain. You're not a pain at all! It's just that it makes me hate myself for not being able to say or do the right things the way you can whenever I'm the one having a hard time."
no subject
"But that's not true. That's not true at all." He lets his shoulders ease, taking his eyes away from the past he was looking into, raising them to look at Inigo instead. "You've cheered me up plenty. Yeah, I got mad, but I wasn't really mad at you, you know? It was just-" ugh, what even did they speak about back then...? "I'm just never good at feeling like we don't have a choice. Or- I was just complaining. You asked me why I wasn't training, and it was 'cause... I hated the idea, feeling like I was just doing what the train wanted me to. Because we are. For all the good we're doing - we're doing exactly what this train wants. We even know that for sure now."
For sure, for certain. Tidus lets Inigo's arms go, not sure where to put his hands after. So he lets them sit awkwardly at his sides.
"I'm not mad that we're helping people, but... I... I don't really have anything. 'Cept sports. And I guess I was feeling, you know..."
He trails, trying to figure how to phrase it.
"I wanted to be more than a fighter. I wanted to- be useful, here. Something that distracted me and made me feel good."
no subject
Said hesitation comes a moment later, his head lowering slightly, his cheeks burning. Feeling shameless for how easily he said it, when really, does anyone else really ever understand a person's full pain?
"Sorry, I mean.. I.. I understand most of it. What bothers you." Tidus did make some of it pretty clear back then, after all. Some of what he's saying right now is in line with it too. "But I also know I can't resolve it. I can't snap my fingers and magically make our whole situation here change."
If only. It'd be so nice. Being able to call Naga here, asking her for help to get everyone back where they belong, where they should be. But if it were that easy, he would have done it a long time ago. And if he wouldn't have done it, someone else would have gotten them off the train already.
"That's what bothers me." That's why he got so upset after that attempt at cheering Tidus up. "I didn't think you were angry at me, I just made the anger that was already there at other things flare right back up."
Inigo goes quiet for a moment, and his hand moves to push aside the snacks and magazines lying next to Tidus, just enough so he can climb off the other's lap and instead sit next to him. As if realising only now that he hasn't earned the physical contact.
Folding his hands into his lap, he just stares down at them. "It just made me realise I can't help you. That I only make things worse." Just like he always does. "And that's not what a friend is supposed to do."
no subject
He runs both of his hands through his hair at the sides, sighing some. Trying to think of where to begin, what to even say. Especially when it feels like some of the stuff he says goes through one ear and out the other.
"You know... I was hoping you would argue with me, or get angry with me. 'Least, I remember getting really into it?" uhh- "But that's not a problem with you," Tidus goes on to say, shedding off the uncertainty, trying to bring it back to a reassurance.
"You need to be easy on yourself! Trust in our friendship--in us more!" He turns to Inigo, shifting up a knee some even, to better face him. Knocking him gently with a fist on the arm. "You think things getting awkward once throws out all the rest? Didn't I tell you before? What's a few stupid moments for everything else you get? That's friendship!"
no subject
"I told you before that this is new to me." There's a hint of a whine to it, though not dramatical or playful like usually when they talk. It's more just frustration - for not being able to express himself well enough here. "I've never had it like this before. So I worry about doing something dumb and losing our friendship, or not being a good enough friend. I can't just stop that. It just happens."
It feels a little self-pitying to say, but he doesn't know how else to put it, how to explain it, considering his brain seems to work in ways very different from Tidus's own - though that's not exactly a new discovery.
At least he is trying to glance sideways at Tidus when he speaks now, rather than continuing to look away from him.
"So I'm-- I'm just trying my best. Trying to figure out what I can do for you when you feel bad." But that uphill battle - it gets to Inigo. He's pretty sure his attempt this time was at least better than the time he gave Tidus a little too much space right before the mission on Irivar, when it felt like he almost let it all fall apart altogether. "But arguing back there didn't feel good to me."
Even though Tidus is suggesting it now - or rather, expressing a hope he had. But Inigo truly can't see it ending in anything but his own tears, knowing how easily it'd just make him worry more.
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"I know you didn't want to fight, so that's why - I didn't know how to turn it around and be any better right then. And that wasn't on you to do, we just needed some time." He pauses, then admits with his head nodding. "I should've said sorry the next morning. But I... I got the wrong idea too. I thought you didn't want to talk about it or it'd be better... I know you were doing your best, you know? It meant a lot to me. It did."
He lifts his head to look at Inigo, though he isn't sure what to offer in the look. It was a mess, and here they were, trying finally to clear up the pieces. A mess that one of them has no idea how to assess the damage done, and another who's never been good at explaining things in his life.
"Friendship is... people are a mess," he decides. "We make each other feel bad when we don't mean to, and we get all sorts of crazy ideas what the other means. You never know what argument you're going to get into with one person, or- you never argue with another 'cause she's always got a cool head and knows the right thing to say so all you can do is grumble 'til you forget the whole thing!"
He's waving his hands some as he speaks, since of course he does.
"What I'm trying to say is... it's okay if you don't have the answers. That doesn't make you a bad friend. I shouldn't have tried to start an argument in the first place." Or not try to make an argument where there wasn't one.
"But- don't think you make things worse for me, or you're not the right kind of friend. Even if you're struggling, or you're not used to this- that's never true. Alright?" Tidus looks at Inigo more sure now. "That's the one thing I'm asking. You wouldn't agree if I said that to you, would you? It's just not true, Inigo."
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It definitely does shine a light on everything back home though. It's not as his friends there aren't his friends, but.. they never had time for this, did they? Just having dumb fights over nothing. Having these sorts of talks. It's why all of this is so new to him. A friendship this tight, focused on just friendship, rather than the priority needing to be with foremost surviving each day.
"Sorry that I keep thinking these kinds of things. It's just.." His voice trails off to look for the right word to describe it, but ending up with nothing other than, ".. hard. But I'll try, Tidus. I know you wouldn't say all that unless you mean it."
Inigo shakes his head.
"But then you also have to stop saying you're being a pain, and stuff like that. It's not like you tried to hurt me on purpose last time. You have nothing to say you're sorry for, you're just hurting. And you're trying to deal with that. I'm not mad at you-- I've never been mad at you." Well, discounting all their dumb petty small dramatic arguments, but it's hard to have called himself mad over that as much as just.. momentarily whiny. "I don't think I ever fully could be, you know?"
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He means it as a joke, frames it in no other way as Tidus meets Inigo's eye, gives him an expressing meaning to appeal, his smile small but important for selling the effect.
You're totally sold on this compromise, right Inigo??? Inigo?
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But better, it feels even harder to remain miserable in the face of it. Isn't that exactly what Inigo said? Tidus has a way of cheering him up so easily, snapping him out of a dumb mood. It's happening right now, as they're sitting here, Inigo feeling better the longer he stares at that face.
And for a moment that's all he does. Just staring. But then he slowly starts to smile as well, and a moment later he leans in to press a quick kiss onto Tidus's cheek.
It's very quick - a moment later he's already pulled away, sitting right back onto his butt on the bunk. That same smile still on his face.
"Well, now I've been a tiny pain. So I guess that means we're even." H-HAHA, SEE. IT WAS JUST A JOKE, BRO. Just going along with what you said a moment ago, bro!! Continuing the joke!!
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And the smile that lifts itself onto Inigo's face is promising, brightening Tidus's with it. The guy waiting on any words, a laugh, a chide. Anything--
--but a kiss.
Or, a peck. Something like that. Still a kiss, right? Even if it takes Tidus a second to realise, blinking, registering the small touch. And Inigo's already moving back, cheerful and silly.
How is Tidus supposed to take it for anything other than the goof it is? The embarrassment he might've been about to feel dying easily down, a joking huff let out as Tidus leans back in his own seat.
"Weird way of being a pain!" His shoulders lift, something of a shrug. "If that's all it takes to get into your good books-"
But he doesn't finish it. Doesn't need to, right? Instead, Tidus gives Inigo a light punch to the arm.
"Cool. We're even! That means I can get you to read the books now, right? They weren't what I wanted, but there's a swimming magazine there that's alright. The blue one."
Inigo moved them, so Tidus nods over to where they've been placed now. See, see?
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So instead he turns his attention towards the magazines when his attention is directed to them.
Unfortunately for Tidus, though, the swimming one isn't the one that manages to grab Inigo's eye first. Not even with his friend pointing it out. Instead he's quick to grab The Art Of Calm, holding it up so he's close to nearly waving it straight up in Tidus's face.
"What's this one then? Did you ask for it?"
Were you trying to find some ways to calm down, bro?
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