what's left to guide me [open]

[blue_ice]

Who: Seto Kaiba and anyone/everyone he can't successfully avoid (that's you!)
Where: Various (library/kitchen/sauna) + some closed prompts in comments, more on request!
When: Imagination 22
What: Having finally resigned from the council, Kaiba's left to figure out just who he's supposed to be now. One problem: it's a little hard to have a private crisis when train is Small.
Warnings: Possible mentions of violent history/suicide. Those will be warned for/asked about before it comes up, after clearing it with the player.



a. library car

Hearing answers from the train had been a temporary respite from Dealing With This, but when there's no trainwide distraction going on, you have to make your own respite. That's why he'll be avoiding his usual trademark car of Games, sticking to an alcove in the upstairs library.

He perched awkwardly at a desk with his laptop at his fingerprints, dressed simply in his black turtleneck and black leather pants. He'd left all the flashy accessories behind today. He's absorbed in lines of code on one half of the screen, some kind of bizarre game taking form on the other. It's just a swirling ooze of picture for now, almost like a black hole. An apt metaphor for his life at the moment.

Eventually, he drops his head in his hands over the keyboard. The black hole eats all the other characters on the screen. It's a good effect, but...definitely needs improving.

b. kitchen scrubbing
One thing he can do, at a minimum, is his chores. He throws himself into them with gusto, vigorously scrubbing soap stains at sinks and sweeping crumbs. He's careful to wait until just after the cooking team has cleared out from each meal, hopefully before anyone comes wandering in for a snack.

He's aggressive on the counters and dishes, mopping and scrubbing the floors with all the strength he has. He's on a single mission: to make it all shine. At least until the next mealtime.

c. late night sauna

Sauna enthusiasts have long preached that a sweat session in these rooms can cure most ills. Sleeplessness is one of them, though whether feeling lost counts is up for debate. Seto decides it's worth a shot when the hour becomes quite late---his tossing and turning will wake his boyfriend if he's not more careful.

Yes, leaving it all behind sounds like an excellent idea. He enters with a towel slung over his hips and drops bonelessly onto a bench, determined to sweat whatever this is out of his system for good.

Comments

[blue_ice]

Seto seems to have a faraway expression, hands folded on his towel. He tenses as the door opens, but his shoulders drop almost immediately. There's no mistaking the taller man even through dim lighting or a little steam. At least this is someone he trusts.

He spares a small nod as he thinks about how he can possibly explain himself. Does he have to? Avoiding socializing isn't exactly unusual for him, and yet...things are different now. Seto is different now, and that's what has led him to this moment, as uncomfortable as that is to think about.

He starts with a hollow laugh and a simple observation. "True, but I used to hear that the sauna could cure all ills, insomnia included. And I didn't want to wake Yugi again."

[namethattune]

"I was more referring to the fact that it is so late it is nearly early." Not that Siebren has any room to throw stones in that regard - sleepless nights are not uncommon for him, and he will not hold someone else accountable for using the same coping mechanisms as he does.

"It does come highly recommended." Especially when one speaks with Ken. "And Yugi is...?" Seto's roommate, presumably, and quite possibly the young man Seto had been kissing so passionately the day before. Siebren believes he'd caught that name, but he had also been preoccupied by the train finally deigning to answer questions. Best not to make assumptions.

As to the reason either of them are here this evening...well, they can ease into that.

[blue_ice]

Seto stretches slowly, focusing on his breathing as he allows the heat to work through him. In and out...it's nice to let go like this.

But he's still aware of himself enough to look up at Siebren curiously. That he's turning pink from the heat doesn't really hide that he's a little flustered.

"He's my boyfriend," Seto confirms. And then, because he very clearly remembers pulling away from Siebren for a moment of passion with Yugi yesterday? He realizes the man might want an explanation.

"Yugi was the first person other than my brother to believe I could be better than the bitter, hateful person I was when we met," he confesses. "He reached out to me when no one with sense would, and when we found ourselves here he finally wore me down. He has a brilliant tactical mind, he's fun to be around...and he's the kindest person I've ever met. Back then, I detested him for it, but I see now he was right."

His expression is soft, his fondness for Yugi clear. "We found out some time ago that we were from slightly different alternate realities, so when we return home it won't be to the same place. The train telling us I have a chance of finding him and all of you again was such a relief---I have experience with pioneering methods of interdimensional travel, and I won't give up until I have my own voidcraft."

He lets himself laugh then, a small joke.

[namethattune]

He smiles at the confirmation and at the way Seto talks about Yugi. The situation aboard the train can be fluid and stressful and sometimes dangerous, but amidst it all, this is unequivocally a good thing for Seto. Hadn't he recently been worried that he didn't know how to socialize with people outside of a corporate power structure? And yet here he is, in a romantic relationship. It seems he is doing better than he thinks.

"I see the first duel in space is no longer your top priority." One joke deserves another, regardless of size.

He lets it settle for a few moments before continuing on. "Do you not think he would want to know what is preventing you from sleeping?"

[blue_ice]

"That's second, after I find him. Because he's the only one I want to face in that duel."

Things are a little more complex than that...there's the Yugi of his own dimension to deal with, and that might be a little awkward. But there are only so many things he wants to concern himself with at once. For now, in this moment, he lets that future promise warm his heart.

But there's more going on here, and no avoiding it for long. Seto continues.

"He knows, and he's helping me with it when he's awake. But my mind's so used to juggling dozens of tasks that calming it is...a little more difficult. Have you ever laid down and almost fallen asleep, only for the latest problem comes surging back and start demanding a solution?"

[namethattune]

...perhaps it is a more complicated relationship than Siebren had initially assessed, but still a good thing.

"Frequently. I have discovered that writing it down and assuring myself that I will handle it tomorrow tends to do the trick." A beat. "I assume that method has not worked for you in this case."

[blue_ice]

"No," Seto shakes his head, reaching up to push his hair back. "I'd become so used to the long lists that having a shorter one is what's bothering me."

As absurd as that sounds. He rolls a shoulder. "I know what I should be doing. Training and repairs. But that doesn't fill a day, and---I'm feeling empty-headed and restless at the same time. Which I'm aware is ridiculous."

[namethattune]

Siebren huffs. "If that is the case, then we are both being ridiculous this evening." This is not the first time Siebren has been awake late because his body and mind are not on the same page, and it will not be the last.

"But if what you should be doing does not fill the day, perhaps you could spare some focus on what you want to do. Did you not have projects of your own to work on?" Siebren has three crates of robotic parts in his arms band that say Seto does, but it may be best to let Seto come to his own conclusions first.

[blue_ice]

What he wants to do is still a strange concept. In his old life he was incredibly accomplished, but it was all about moving from one function, one goal to the next. Commanding top profits, selling bleeding edge tech, leading the field, fighting to win....

Here, he no longer has any of that. He's just another teammate. With a few talents, certainly, but can he wield them?

"I've been chasing goals and aiming for targets so long that for a while I forgot what it was like," he finally admits. "Even Duel Monsters was more about reclaiming my pride than fun. Though to be fair, half the time we were caught in absurdly high-stakes conflicts over the game."

He looks up at Siebren, questioning. "...I used to be heavily involved in video game design. I can still code, though whether I can modify the train's existing---and inferior---VR tech is still an open question."

[namethattune]

How one can end up in a high-stakes situation over a card game, let alone multiple times, is completely beyond Siebren. That said, it is also beside the point, and he lets that train of thought go.

He leans in a bit at the suggestion. "Ah, but is it a question you wish to pursue?" Now they are getting somewhere.

[blue_ice]

It only takes him a moment to commit.

"Yes. I have the beginnings of an outline. Aerial exploration and combat, dragon riding. I've always wanted to make an appealing version of flying---it's difficult to program in a way that feels natural for the player, so I've been running physics simulations in my 3D software."

It's small, but the old spark of innovation is there in his gaze. "But I think I have a better idea this time, if I can find a few willing assistants---if Xander will use the camera---"

But he pauses and rubs at his wrist, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "Ah, right. I'm getting ahead of myself again. Didn't even ask what brought you here. Everything in order?"

[namethattune]

There it is. It is passion in a different form than Siebren's, but passion nonetheless, and it is good to see. "I doubt you will have trouble finding help, and I would imagine Yugi would be at the front of that line."

He raises an eyebrow at the sudden hesitance and straightens up a bit. "Yes," he says, waving the concerns off. "I am being ridiculous, as you put it earlier - my mind is asleep, but my body refuses to join it. This is not an uncommon occurrence."

He lets it settle for a moment before turning the conversation back to its previous path. "You realize you are allowed to be enthusiastic about your passions, yes?"

[blue_ice]

"Of course. I'd never do it without Yugi---and now you've done it, my mind's wide awake."

There's a brief smile every time he mentions his boyfriend, and a fond shake of his head at his fate, but he soon shifts back to the topic at hand.

"I'm still adjusting my approach," he starts. "At home I was in the entertainment business, and when needed I could put on an incredible show to set the company apart. Negotiating's important, but so is a distinct style to attract support."

And there's a lot he's been thinking about business lately, but he sticks to the most relevant part. "Here, I focused so much on professionalism because I thought that was what the situation needed. I haven't let loose like that recently, and...I guess I missed the thrill of creating."

[namethattune]

"And thus you are no longer 'being ridiculous.'" Said with a knowing smile bordering on a smirk. That's going to become shorthand between them, isn't it.

"It is a good instinct, but I doubt professionalism is a concern for much of the train." Has he met Senku. "Regardless, for now, I think you would benefit from a break. Focus on your game design for a while, talk to Yugi, and worry about what you should be doing..." He waves a hand vaguely. "Later. Perhaps a few days." They can afford the time, and after everything that had happened during and since their last mission, Seto may well need it.

[blue_ice]

The phrase being thrown back at him gets a small smile in response, actually. Seto lets himself breathe, careful of the steam, and any remaining tension drains out. As ridiculous as it might seem, someone he trusts giving him permission to figure himself out means a lot.

After a few moments of peacefully enjoying the heat, he looks up at Siebren once more. Maybe...step one of this change is being more open with others. He can start now.

"Thank you, Siebren. I should've said it sooner, but I appreciate everything you've done for me. I'm still available if you ever need a mechanic."

[namethattune]

Evidently that sunk in. Good. Siebren takes the opportunity to relax himself, settling in a bit and taking a long, slow breath, in and out. Ken had been correct in his assessment - the sauna is nice.

He isn't expecting the gratitude, but he smiles anyway. "Of course. Is this not what friends do?" Listen, and support each other, and try to help as best they can. This is what builds a friendship and strengthens a team.