Cause you ain't never met a man as sick as me

[gentle_jim]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU! OTA
Where: Coach D: Medical
When: Jelly 5, evening
What: Come laugh at Jack as karma bites him in the ass.
Warnings: Talk of stomach sick type stuff, drugs

"Oh my god…" Jack groans, draped over a medical bed sideways with his head and arms hanging off the edge. His normally bright blue hologram is a nasty shade of green and there are several bottles of random medications scattered around on the floor. Mistakes were made- or maybe its just karma, considering the source of his discomfort. Earlier around lunch that day he had unwrapped the rainbow fudge he'd liberated from Alfredo and ate it all in one sitting. He'd been careful the day before to test that his new robotic body did indeed tolerate organic food and liquids, so it shouldn't have been an issue.

It was definitely an issue. Maybe it had something to do with chocolate itself, but his body was reacting like he'd drank toxic sludge. Which...was certainly a unique experience in a synthetic form.

Comments

[firewalled]

Rich is expecting to walk in on a murder scene when he hears the groaning down the hall, plus when he accidentally kicks one of the pill bottles that had rolled out the door. But he hadn't expected it to look so hilarious.

His concern quickly turns into a bit of twisted satisfaction.

"Man, looks like karma really did a number on you. You got a tummyache, little man?" He coos mockingly, as Jack had to him. Revenge is certainly sweet.

[gentle_jim]

"I'll show you a stomachache, you little-" Jack growls, sitting up and reaching out to try and snag a bit of Rich's clothing and drag him closer. Unfortunately, the movement just brings up another swarm of nauseating error messages swimming before his digital eyes.

"Ergh... shit..." he wheezes, sagging backwards again and holding his middle. Dismissing the errors only has them popping right back up again and honestly he's started to become exhausted from trying.

[firewalled]

"Whoops!" Rich takes a step back out of Jack's reach, but the way Jack's so incapacitated means he's certainly not as concerned about what could be done to him.

"Geez, right to trying to intimidate me again, huh? And yeah, I know that's what you were trying to do, asshole. You can't claim I'm crazy now." Thank goodness Rich has The Power Of Friendship (TM) on his side.

"So since when do robots get electric influenza? What happened, malware moron?"

[gentle_jim]

"I was trying to teach you some life lessons, you ungrateful little turd," Jack hisses, glaring up at Rich. "No surprise they didn't sink through your thick ass skull."

His eyes close again in a grimace of pain as a moving part in his system tries to do something and sticks, causing it to sustain damage.

"Gh... haha, very cute... love the alliteration. Y'know, I think it all started when I hit this little button labeled 'self destruct' in my chest... Yeah, there's definitely a message popping up here that says 'massive explosion imminent.' Think that might be a problem?"

[firewalled]

"Maybe you're just a shitty teacher. I've got enough life lessons to last me without your toxic bullshit on top of it."

He rolls his eyes and folds his arms.

"For fuck's sake, dude, at least try to be truthful for once. How is anyone supposed to help you if you just make shit up?"

He smirks as an idea comes to him. "That said, if you were really going to blow up, I wouldn't mind tossing you out a window." Gen said not to open them, but those details certainly aren't ones Jack needs to hear now.

[gentle_jim]

Jack sighs - he had really been hoping Rich would fall for that and he'd get to laugh as the kid ran away screaming. No dice.

"Yeah, like I'm supposed to believe you're here to help," he snorts, waving a hand in dismissal.

"Good luck with that- how much have you bench pressed again?"

[firewalled]

"You don't know why I'm here or what i'm capable of doing. You're a teammate, so having you out of commission for a mission might suck."

Really, Rich is lying through his teeth. He's pretty sure that he'd much prefer having Jack out of his hair for a long, long while, but at the same time, maybe if he helps Jack out now... maybe he'll return the favour by not being such an ass another time.

"So am I going to have to get you to puke like a dog that ate chocolate, or can you flush this out of your system some other way?"

[inquisitor_lavellan]

Alley normally only passes though the medical cars at a brisk pace, lest she get stuck there. But the complaining from an open room makes her curious enough to come poke her head around the doorway.

The dangling... glowing person, but also the scattered bottles on the floor. That last bit tells Alley a lot more about the situation than one might expect.

"...The fuck did you do."

That's called 'tact', right there.

[gentle_jim]

"Nothing!" Jack snaps, lifting himself up enough to see who the hell has got such an absolutely awful voice. Apparently she isn't what he was expecting, his eyebrows raising for a moment before dropping back down again with a fresh wave of nausea. Well, probably not actual nausea as fully organic people experienced it-- but the only thing Jack can categorize a feeling of wrongness located inside around the area of his middle as. He is pretty sure he can't throw up either.

"Ugh... I need a- oh hell, I don't know- a mechanic? Meds aren't doing shit and these error messages are about as helpful as a bullet to the h...head."

[inquisitor_lavellan]

Inquisitor Alleyana Tabris of Clan Lavellan has always been the kind of person to read anything that isn't nailed down. And even some things that are.

"You're that guy from the document I read, aren't you."

[gentle_jim]

"Great..." Jack mutters, bracing for whatever tirade he was about to receive. "Yeah, yeah, - so the kid got spooked, so sue me."

[inquisitor_lavellan]

"So, again... the fuck did you do?" Why are you greenish. Alley nudges a pill bottle across the floor with one boot. "How much of this shit did you take?"

[gentle_jim]

He huffs out a long breath, gaze following the pill bottle as it rolls by. "Hell if I know... I took whatever it said on the bottle and when it wasn't working I just did a handful."

The absurdity of it occurs to him now, but back then he'd been willing to try anything- including things that obviously weren't going to work on an inorganic body. Call it instinct? Besides his brief time in a space station, he's never been in a robot body before.

[nutkrusher]

Someone happens to be passing through on her way to the training gym. Someone happens to overhear the loud, theatrical moaning coming from inside. Someone doesn't seem particularly bothered when she sees who it is.

"Sucks to SUCK, don't it?"

[gentle_jim]

Recognizing her as the chick he'd talked to outside the engine room, Jack gives her his very best set of puppy_eyes.exe.

"Hey, 'cmon- I'm really hurtin' here," he whines, rolling over onto his side. "How was I supposed to know chocolate makes robot bodies freak the hell out?"

[nutkrusher]

"Well, you should've thought of that before you decided to become a dumbass," Cassie says.

"Really not a good lifestyle choice."

[gentle_jim]

"Wow, okay- I'm literally dying here... and you're dunking on me like it was company roast night. The hell I do to you, cupcake?"

[nutkrusher]

"You're right, it's not you, it's me. I don't like you."

[gentle_jim]

"Mind telling me why? Wait, let me guess- you read the kid's call out post and now I'm the 'Bad Guy'."

[10billionpercent]

Senku too, was passing through but it was unusual to have someone in the medbay without someone minding it, so he stopped.

"What'd you do?" He asked with a bit of a sigh, going over to the bed.

[gentle_jim]

Jack remains dangling over the bed, head down. His sneakers make squeaking sounds as they scuff the floor behind him.

"Oh no... it's Mr. Twenty Questions," he wheezes. "Look, I'm havin' enough trouble with all these stupid error messages without you asking me- hrgh..."

He braces himself as another wave of error messages helpfully inform him that his fuel systems are not functioning correctly. "I know they're not functioning you useless crap-code!"

[10billionpercent]

"I can see that much." Senku huffed lightly, but got closer.

"What kind of error messages?"

[gentle_jim]

Jack groans again, finally sitting up and giving Senku an exasperated expression.

"How did I know you were just gonna ask me a question anyway? You are so lucky I can't hurl... at least- I think I can't."

He shifts around until he's perched on the side of the bed, bent over his midsection with an arm wrapped around it.

"It's all 'fuel system malfunction' 'fuel supply error' 'blockage identified' 'processing failure'. Yeah, no kidding- but what the hell am I supposed to do about it?"

[10billionpercent]

"Is that part of your body organic or inorganic?" Senku asked instead, not minding his complaining.

"If it's inorganic you might not have the systems to remove the blockage and you might need to do that manually."

[gentle_jim]

"Think its all inorganic..." [Then why did you try taking medicine, Jack?]

Jack frowns, raising his eyebrows. "Great. Not really excited to just...open up my insides and let someone dig around in there."

He inhales sharply as something tries to move inside and gets stuck.