voidtreckerexpress | Cause you ain't never met a man as sick as me

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU! OTA
Where: Coach D: Medical
When: Jelly 5, evening
What: Come laugh at Jack as karma bites him in the ass.
Warnings: Talk of stomach sick type stuff, drugs

"Oh my god…" Jack groans, draped over a medical bed sideways with his head and arms hanging off the edge. His normally bright blue hologram is a nasty shade of green and there are several bottles of random medications scattered around on the floor. Mistakes were made- or maybe its just karma, considering the source of his discomfort. Earlier around lunch that day he had unwrapped the rainbow fudge he'd liberated from Alfredo and ate it all in one sitting. He'd been careful the day before to test that his new robotic body did indeed tolerate organic food and liquids, so it shouldn't have been an issue.

It was definitely an issue. Maybe it had something to do with chocolate itself, but his body was reacting like he'd drank toxic sludge. Which...was certainly a unique experience in a synthetic form.

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Alley normally only passes though the medical cars at a brisk pace, lest she get stuck there. But the complaining from an open room makes her curious enough to come poke her head around the doorway.

The dangling... glowing person, but also the scattered bottles on the floor. That last bit tells Alley a lot more about the situation than one might expect.

"...The fuck did you do."

That's called 'tact', right there.

"Nothing!" Jack snaps, lifting himself up enough to see who the hell has got such an absolutely awful voice. Apparently she isn't what he was expecting, his eyebrows raising for a moment before dropping back down again with a fresh wave of nausea. Well, probably not actual nausea as fully organic people experienced it-- but the only thing Jack can categorize a feeling of wrongness located inside around the area of his middle as. He is pretty sure he can't throw up either.

"Ugh... I need a- oh hell, I don't know- a mechanic? Meds aren't doing shit and these error messages are about as helpful as a bullet to the h...head."

Inquisitor Alleyana Tabris of Clan Lavellan has always been the kind of person to read anything that isn't nailed down. And even some things that are.

"You're that guy from the document I read, aren't you."

"Great..." Jack mutters, bracing for whatever tirade he was about to receive. "Yeah, yeah, - so the kid got spooked, so sue me."

"So, again... the fuck did you do?" Why are you greenish. Alley nudges a pill bottle across the floor with one boot. "How much of this shit did you take?"

He huffs out a long breath, gaze following the pill bottle as it rolls by. "Hell if I know... I took whatever it said on the bottle and when it wasn't working I just did a handful."

The absurdity of it occurs to him now, but back then he'd been willing to try anything- including things that obviously weren't going to work on an inorganic body. Call it instinct? Besides his brief time in a space station, he's never been in a robot body before.

"So you're a total idiot, is what I'm getting from this."

Deny it, go ahead. She's listening.

"Anyone ever told you your bedside manner is shit?" Jack mumbles, one eye pinching closed as the pain kicks up a notch.

"I'd like to see you do better on your first week in a frickin' robot body with no instructions. Considering you look like you've been head-butting a belt-sander for a couple of weeks, I'm thinkin' the odds aren't too good."

Alley barks out a sharp, unfriendly laugh. She folds her arms -- or, arm and bar, more like -- and leans against the doorway.

"Considering I'm still standing on my feet despite that belt-sander, and you're literally turning green on a bed? I like my odds just fine."

Yeah, no. Alley's pretty sure an upset stomach wouldn't slow her down for even a moment.

"Want me to find more pills for you to swallow? Maybe we can turn you purple next."

"Yeah well, your personality sucks ass too," Jack grumbles lamely. He'd expected her to lose her cool or storm out. No such luck.

"Is there a pill that makes you more helpful?" he sneers.

"I could always see if glowy blue... green people are as easy to knock unconscious as the rest of us," Alleyana offers, her tone ever-so reasonable. "That's helping."

Her. And anyone else who might hear his whining down the hall.

Cause you ain't never met a man as sick as me

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