Meng Yao (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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voidtreckerexpress2021-05-06 07:53 am
ayao) wrote in voidtreckerexpress2021-05-06 07:53 am
Entry tags:
[Open] Oh that I had a bird’s wings.
Who: Meng Yao & Open
Where: Garden carriage and then a various corridor.
When: Llama 3; mid-afternoon and then night.
What: There is only one way to become stronger.
Warnings: Mentions of sexual abuse (vague).
[I want to soar high among the clouds,]
The garden carriage is the only place that reminds him of home. At least when he thinks about the beautiful parts. Meng Yao loves things that are well-tended and the order and logic behind where the flowers have been planted appeals to him. He doesn't think, for a moment, about the ugly streets that led to the brothel where he was born. He doesn't think about the men who took advantage of his mother and himself.
Oh how he has been praised for his handsome face! Do they - those who praise him - honestly think a boy like him remained untouched in such a foul environment? There is anger and bitterness deep inside of him; both emotions shield him from the pain. He feels stronger when he is furious; like a dragon or a phoenix. Yet, thus far in his life, he has only managed to whine and growl like a fox.
Clenching his fists, his breathing irregular, Meng Yao tries to meditate, focusing on his Golden Core. He knows there are imperfections - he will never be the mightiest - but he can be stronger. His future self has proven that. But, unlike him, Meng Yao wants to use his strength for good. For the protection of those he loves.
He sits on the grass, therefore, legs crossed, eyes closed and hands slowly relaxing their hold on his robes. Should anyone approach him silently, he will draw his sword. He isn't in the best mental state - the past is too fresh - and he has grown paranoid that someone from his world will seek his death.
[Cast my gaze across the unmeasured void.]
It's late and the motion of the train remains an obstacle for him when it comes to sleep. So he wanders the corridors, humming a tune under his breath. He thinks about going to the library, but he is too tired to focus on the pages. Thus he continues his journey, yawning behind his hand. No, the kitchen might be better. At least there he can drink something soothing.
Wine would be nice.
Where: Garden carriage and then a various corridor.
When: Llama 3; mid-afternoon and then night.
What: There is only one way to become stronger.
Warnings: Mentions of sexual abuse (vague).
[I want to soar high among the clouds,]
The garden carriage is the only place that reminds him of home. At least when he thinks about the beautiful parts. Meng Yao loves things that are well-tended and the order and logic behind where the flowers have been planted appeals to him. He doesn't think, for a moment, about the ugly streets that led to the brothel where he was born. He doesn't think about the men who took advantage of his mother and himself.
Oh how he has been praised for his handsome face! Do they - those who praise him - honestly think a boy like him remained untouched in such a foul environment? There is anger and bitterness deep inside of him; both emotions shield him from the pain. He feels stronger when he is furious; like a dragon or a phoenix. Yet, thus far in his life, he has only managed to whine and growl like a fox.
Clenching his fists, his breathing irregular, Meng Yao tries to meditate, focusing on his Golden Core. He knows there are imperfections - he will never be the mightiest - but he can be stronger. His future self has proven that. But, unlike him, Meng Yao wants to use his strength for good. For the protection of those he loves.
He sits on the grass, therefore, legs crossed, eyes closed and hands slowly relaxing their hold on his robes. Should anyone approach him silently, he will draw his sword. He isn't in the best mental state - the past is too fresh - and he has grown paranoid that someone from his world will seek his death.
[Cast my gaze across the unmeasured void.]
It's late and the motion of the train remains an obstacle for him when it comes to sleep. So he wanders the corridors, humming a tune under his breath. He thinks about going to the library, but he is too tired to focus on the pages. Thus he continues his journey, yawning behind his hand. No, the kitchen might be better. At least there he can drink something soothing.
Wine would be nice.
soar high
After everything, and having had plenty of time to think things over - and he has been thinking everything over - he does wonder if the reason for this particular difficulty does not lie into what is in Mneg Yao's heart, having to face it in such a way hindering rather than assisting the flow of spiritual energy, the growth of the golden core.
But interrupting is... rude, and Xichen is not given to rudeness. Instead, he takes out Liebing, letting the soft notes let the other man he is nearby - and if Meng Yao persists, they will aid with a trickle of Xichen's own spiritual energy.
no subject
What he needs to move forward - to strengthen his spirit - is peace. However it has been denied him at almost every turn. Suppressing a shudder, he instinctively looks for Xichen.
Just as he would have searched for Mingjue.
"Liebing is lovely. I wish I could calm myself."
no subject
"This kind of attempting it never did work very well for you. The manners to meditate which do not involve sitting still might be more successful."
Now he looks at the younger man. "If you would join me, I can guide you through a set of very simple motions which, repeated enough times, seemed to work well for you?"
Not sword moves. Something much simpler and gentler.
no subject
"I will follow you faithfully."
Motion for motion. Meng Yao moves to stand before Xichen, entrusting him with all of the chaos that is in his spirit. He just hopes it doesn't hurt this dear man again.
"Thank you for your guidance, Zewu-Jun."
And for caring. Always caring.
no subject
Then he turns so his motions are easy to observe, giving a short inhale-exhale sequence that cycles to the original position.
"You can cycle through them as many times as you need. Together now?"
no subject
His everything. Love as intense as his cannot be hidden, though, to his credit, he does focus on what he is taught.
No, he won't forget the motions. He never forgets anything; that is his blessing and his curse.
"Together." he repeats softly, mirroring Xichen dutifully. Somewhere, in the midst of the motions, his eyes close and he falls into a trance-like state. Making contact with his core is the only way to soothe the chaos that haunts his every step, his every decision. So instead of remembering the past, this time, he remembers...
Mingjue. How the man smiles at him; how he relies on him and protects him.
Then Xichen. Meng Yao trembles at the force of emotion he feels for the eldest Lan. Each day it grows; each day he learns something new about what it means to love another.
He uses that love now to ease the scars deep within him.
no subject
He doesn't try to heal himself. He knows he doesn't deserve it.
Instead, after a while, he speaks out gently.
"Meng Yao. Careful to not exhaust yourself."
He does not stop him, yet, but he does try to gently call him to the present.